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GOOD MORNING. 



Social Etiquette 

OR 

Manners and Customs of 
Polite Society 

CONTAINING 

RULES OF ETIQUETTE FOR ALL OCCASIONS, INCLUDING CALLS; 
INVITATIONS; PARTIES; WEDDINGS; RECEPTIONS; DINNERS 
AND TEAS; ETIQUETTE OF THE STREET; 
PUBLIC PLACES, ETC., ETC. 

FORMING A 

COMPLETE GUIDE TO SELF-CULTURE 

THE ART OF DRESSING WELL; CONVERSATION; COURTSHIP; 

ETIQUETTE FOR CHILDREN; LETTER-WRITING; 

ARTISTIC HOME AND INTERIOR 

DECORATIONS, ETC. 



BY/* 

MAUD C. COOKE 

The Well-known and Popular Author 



EMBELLISHED WITH SUPERB PHOTOTYPE<JBN<ii* 




PHILADELPHIA: 

National Publishing Co. 
239, 241 and 243 levant st. 






Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1896, by 

J. R. JONES, 

In the Office of the librarian of Congress, at Washington, J). C. 

All Rights Reserved. 




PREFACE. 

HERE is much truth and force in the old saying, 
that "Manners make the man." All persons 
should know how to appear to the best advan- 
tage in polite society. This very attractive 
volume furnishes rules of etiquette for all occa- 
sions, and is a complete guide for daily use in 
all matters pertaining to social intercourse. 

The first department treats of Introductions 
and Salutations. The rules given under this 
head are those constantly observed in the best society. The same is 
equally true of all the instructions throughout the book, which is the 
most complete work on this subject ever issued. 

The next department treats of the very important Art of Conversa- 
tion. It has been said, with truth, that " a good talker is always a 
social success." The reader is here taught how to converse agreeably 
and with ease. To be a bright, witty, interesting talker, is a most 
charming accomplishment. This volume is a help in this respect, the 
value of which cannot be overestimated. 

Visiting Cards and Customs are next treated, and all the perplexing 
questions which they occasion are fully answered. With this very 
comprehensive volume at hand, no person will be guilty of blunders 
and humiliating mistakes. 

Invitations, Formal and Informal, Acceptances and Regrets, form 
another topic. The work furnishes full information and is authority 
upon all matters of social etiquette. 

All young persons, and some older ones, are deeply interested in 
the Etiquette of Courtship and Marriage, Weddings and Wedding 
Anniversaries. These subjects are treated in a manner at once practical 
and instructive. 

The usages of the best society in giving Parties, Dinners, Teas, 

Receptions, Breakfasts, Luncheons, etc., are minutely described. Also, 

Home Etiquette and Etiquette for Children. With this volume in the 

home, parents can easily teach the young polite and winning manners. 

Miscellaneous Entertainments form a department that is bright and 

iii 



iv PREFACE. 

sparkling. The dark side of life is not overlooked, Etiquette of 
Funerals forming a separate topic. How the young lady should 
"come out" is stated in full, with invaluable instructions to her 
'parents and herself. 

Then we come to Etiquette of Public Places, followed by that of 
Walking, Riding, Boating, Driving, etc. Etiquette for Bicycle Riders 
receives full attention. Here are Hints for Travelers, for Hostess and 
Guest, General Etiquette and Delsarte Discipline, Musicales, Soirees, 
Lawn Parties, etc. Washington Etiquette is described and all the 
proper titles for professional and public men are given. 

The Art of Dress receives exhaustive treatment, and the rules to 
be observed by those who would dress tastefully are very complete. 
They who are well dressed have already made a favorable impression 
upon others. Suggestions and rules upon this subject are important 
to all who would shine in social life. 

Letter-Writing makes constant demands upon nearly all persons, 
yet its difficulties are perplexing. Here are plain directions upon this 
subject, which should be studied and followed by all who would suc- 
ceed in the great art of elegant correspondence. It is essential often 
to have the best Forms for Letters, happily expressed, choice in the 
use of words and easy and correct in grammatical construction. 

Artistic Home Decorations are fully treated, showing how to have 
a pretty, tasteful and inviting home at least expense. This subject 
is receiving great attention everywhere, and this delightful volume 
should be in every household in tire land, as it furnishes just the 
information needed. Fireplaces and Windows, Stairways, Woodwork, 
Doors, Lighting, Decorating, Furniture and Paintings, are among the 
topics treated in this part of the volume. 

In short, this work is a treasury of rules and information on every 
subject of Social Etiquette, Self-Culture and Home Life. 

An entirely new and very important feature is the beautiful Photo- 
type Engravings in rich colors. The publishers consider themselves 
fortunate in being able to present these new and admirable embellish- 
ments, which have been pronounced gems of art. 



CONTENTS. 



PAGE 

Title-Page i 

Preface iii 

Contents ...... v 

The Essence of Etiquette 17 

Introductions and Salutations 23 

Art of Conversation 37 

Visiting Cards 51 

Visiting Customs 69 

Invitations, Formal and Informal 83 

Acceptances and Regrets 107 

Etiquette of Courtship and Marriage 1J6 

Weddings and Wedding Anniversaries 143 

Home Etiquette 165 

Etiquette for Children 180 

Dinner Giving 189 

Table Etiquette 211 

Evening Parties, Receptions and Suppers 227 

Balls, Dancing and Masquerades ** . . . 241 

Soirees, Musicales and Lawn Parties 261 

Breakfasts, Luncheons and Teas 274 

v 



vi CONTENTS. 

PAGB 

Miscellaneous Entertainments 290 

Christenings, Confirmations and Graduations 315 

Etiquette of Funerals and Mourning 323 

Etiquette of Public Places 328 

Walking, Riding, Boating, Driving 334 

Bicycle Etiquette 343 

Club Etiquette 352 

Society , 358 

General Etiquette 364 

Washington Etiquette 374 

Delsartean Discipline 378 

Art of Dress 388 

Colors and Complexions 398 

Dress for Special Occasions 408 

Letter Writing 429 

Forms for Letters 452 

Artistic Home Decorations 467 

How to be Beautiful 492 




l[\ I 




The Essence of Etiquette. 




A I AHE old chronicler says, " Manners 
1 maketh man." " Manners are not 
the character, but they are the 
dress of character," adds a modern 
writer. Manners are not the pure 
gold of the mind, but they set the 
mint stamp upon the crude ore 
and fit it for circulation, and few 
there be who may dare to set aside 
their valuation. To genius only is 
this privilege granted, and genius 
is exceeding rare. 
It should be remembered that more people can 
give the list of Dr. Samuel Johnson's sins against 
good manners than can quote from his " Rassalas " and " Rambler," 
while there will always be more who can descant upon the selfish, 
tyrannical ill-breeding of Thomas Carlyle than can estimate the value 
and immensity of his literary labors. 

The essence of all etiquette will be found in that Golden Rule from 
Holy Writ that enjoins upon us to "do unto others as we would that 
they should do unto us," and whereon Lord Chesterfield based his 
maxim for the cultivation of manners : 

" Observe carefully what pleases or displeases you in others, and be 
persuaded that, in general, the same things will please or displease 
them in you." 

The social code, even in its smallest particulars, is the outgrowth 
of a kindly regard for the feelings of others, even in the little things 
of life, and a kindly sympathy for all that interests your companions. 
2 17 



[8 THE ESSENCE OF ETIQUETTE. 

" Be hospitable toward the ideas of others," says Dr. George Ripley. 
" Some people," he asserts, " only half listen to you, because they are 
considering, even while you speak, with what wealth of wit they will 
reply." Such people may be brilliant, but they can never be agree- 
able. You feel that they are impatient to have their own turn come, 
and have none of the gentle receptiveness so pleasing to our own ego 
that rebels against their egotism. 

It is the kind and sympathetic soul that wins friends, and 

' ' He who has a thousand friends 
Has not a friend to spare, 
But he who has an enemy 
Will find him everywhere." 

Our first impressions of a man are impressions of his manners. We 
designate him from the first glimpse of his face, first sound of his 
voice, as an affable, agreeable and sincere individual ; or as crabbed, 
cross-grained and suspicious in his temperament, and are attracted by, 
or repelled from him, according to the characteristics with which his 
manners have clothed him. 

The Influence of Good Manners. 

So potent is this power exercised over the world by the gentle sway 
of manners that their possession is worthy the cultivation and care we 
put forth for the attainment of all gracious, pleasant things, and to 
their possessor is given the key to which all doors open. 

Emerson was one of the most acute observers of manners that 
culture has ever produced, and he wrote : " The longer I live the 
more I am impressed with the importance of manners. When we 
reflect upon their persuasive and cheering force, how they recommend, 
prepare and draw people together ; when we think what keys they are, 
aivd to what secrets ; what high and inspiring character they convey, 
and what divination is required of us for the reading of this fine tele- 
graphy, we see what range the subject has." 

Manners, with some, are the gracious legacy of inheritance, educa- 
tion, and environment ; with others they are the growth of the careful 



THE ESSENCE OF ETIQUETTE. 19 

cultivation of years, and carry with them the calm self-poise of the 
man who has conquered circumstances and established his own 
position. In such as these there inheres a certain power that impresses 
itself upon all who come in contact with its influence. 

The self-possession and certainty stamped upon the face of a man 
who inherited, or won for himself, the sure and perfect armor of good- 
breeding, is but the outer stamp of the man himself. 

Manners are profitable as well as pleasant. They carry with them 
a measureless weight of influence. A gentleman once brought into his 
library a costly subscription book. " My dear," said his wife, "you 
already had a copy of that work." " I knew I did," he replied, " but 
the manners of the lad who sold it were so elegant that it was a 
pleasure to purchase it." 

The charm of good manners is not a qualification belonging to any 
particular station in life, for, to the poor and unlettered oftimes may 
be traced deeds and actions that mark them as nature's noblemen. 
Education, wealth and social station do not always confer them, but 
the outer grace may be acquired by all. 

In this way it has come to be known that a refinement of laws in 
any country indicates that a gradual refinement of manners has led up 
towards, and finally crystallized into a refinement of the hearts and the 
laws of the people. 

The Marks of True Politeness. 

True politeness is always known by its lack of assumption. Presi- 
dent Tyler, in advising his daughter-in-law previous to her taking her 
position as lady of the White House, used these noteworthy words : 
" It is, I trust, scarcely necessary to say that, as upon you will devolve 
the duty of presiding at the White House, you should be equal and 
untiring in your affabilities to all. You should remember that nothing 
shows a little soul so much as the exhibition of airs or assumptions 
under any circumstances." 

The minor observances have much to do with the polishing and 
perfecting of the manners of men. These little things that mark one 



20 THE ESSENCE OF ETIQUETTE. 

as being " to the manor born" are not the growth of moments but 
the slow accretions of years ; neither can their use be dropped in the 
privacy of home to be assumed at pleasure for the outside world to 
admire, else they will fit but illy, as borrowed plumes are wont to do. 

The best-intentioned and best-hearted people that the world has 
ever known are too often careless in the slight observances that mean 
so much to the cultivated. Thoreau says, " I could better eat with 
one who did not respect the truth or the laws than with a sloven and 
unpresentable person. Moral qualities rule the world, but at short 
range the senses are despotic." 

"The code of society is just a little stronger with some individuals 
than the code of Sinai, and many a man who would not scruple to put 
his fingers in your pocket, would forego peas rather than use his knife 
as a shovel." 

The Great Value of Courtesy. 

"Be courteous," is an apostolic command that too many earthly 
followers of the Twelve would do well to consider. They are just, 
they are truthful, sometimes agressively so ; they are conscientious, 
they weary not in well-doing, but — they are not courteous. They are 
not good mannered, and by so much as they sin in this regard do 
they lose their power to win. 

" Good manners," says one, " are more serviceable than a passport, 
than a bank account, than a lineage. They make friends for us ; they 
are more potent than eloquence or genius without them." They add 
to beauty, they detract from personal ugliness, they cast a glamour 
over defects, in short, they work the miracle of mind over matter* 
exemplified in the case of the extremely plain Madame de Stael, who 
was reputed to "talk herself beautiful in five minutes." 

They teach us the beauty of self-sacrifice, they constrain us to listen, 
with an appearance of interest to a twice-told tale, they teach the wife 
to smile over the somewhat worn jest of the husband, as she smiled in 
like fashion in the days of auld lang syne, or, harder still, they enjoin 
upon us to follow the Due de Morny's definition of a polite man, as 



THE ESSENCE OF ETIQUETTE. 21 

• l one who listens with interest to things he knows all about, when they 
are told by a person who knows nothing about them." 

They impress upon us to guard the feelings of others, they warn us 
to avoid the familiarity that breeds contempt, and, above all, they are 
contagious ! 

There is much to be said as to the true definition of those beautiful but 
abused terms, lady and gentleman, each with its strong, sweet meaning. 

"A lady is one who, to inbred modesty and refinement, adds a 
scrupulous attention to the rights and feelings of others, and applies 
the Golden Rule of doing as she would be done by, to all who are 
connected with her, both at home and in society." 

While a gentleman has been described as : " Whoever is true, loyal 
and candid ; whoever possesses a pleasing, affable, demeanor ; who- 
ever is honorable in himself and in his judgment of others and requires 
no law but his word to make him fulfil all engagements." 

Such men and such women are " ladies " and " gentlemen" whether 
they are found in the peasant's hut or the prince's palace. 

Rules of Etiquette. 

The following rules, published some time ago as a receipt for that 
beauty of expression so much more lasting and attractive than mere 
beauty of feature, were written orignally for the guidance of woman, 
but they are equally applicable to the needs of man. 

" I. Learn to govern yourself and to be gentle and patient. 

" 2. Guard your temper, especially in seasons of ill-health, irrita- 
tion, and trouble, and soften it by a sense of your own shortcomings 
and errors. 

"3. Never speak or act in anger. 

" 4. Remember that, valuable as is the gift of speech, silence is 
often more valuable. 

" 5. Do not expect too much from others, but forbear and forgive, 
as you desire forbearance and forgiveness yourself. 

" 6. Never retort a sharp or angry word. It is the second word 
that makes the quarrel. 



22 THE ESSENCE OF ETIQUETTE. 

" 7. Beware of the first disagreement. 

" 8. Learn to speak in a gentle tone of voice. 

" 9. Learn to say kind and pleasant things when opportunity offers. 

" 10. Study the characters of those with whom you come in con- 
tact, and sympathize with them in all their troubles, however small. 

"11. Do not neglect little things if they can affect the comfort of 
others in the smallest degree. 

" 12. Avoid moods, and pets, and fits of sulkiness. 

" 13. Learn to deny yourself and prefer others. 

" 14. Beware of meddlers and tale-bearers. 

" 15. Never charge a bad motive, if a good one is conceivable." 

Courtesy, charity and love are one, and, when all good deeds are 
done the warning comes: "If ye have not charity" all is naught. 

Therefore : 

"A sweet, attractive kind of grace, 
A full assurance given by looks, 
Continual comfort in a face, 

The lineaments of gospel-books. ' ' 

Do ye all things courteously, founding precept and practice upon 
that old rule, the Golden Rule, which is the Alpha and the Omega of 
all good manners and the very Essence of all Etiquette. 







flJRpDl)CTI0tf5- 



19 







tt 



NDISCRIMINATE introduc- 
tions are always in bad taste, 
yet, since the sweetest of our 
friendships are wont to reach us 
through the medium of a formal 
presentation, it is well that we understand how, when and where these 
introductions should properly take place. 

As a rule, introductions, to be agreeable, should be desired before 
being given ; and since we are, or should be, in a measure, the 
endorsers of those whom we present to our friends, a due degree of 
care should be exercised in so doing, lest inadvertently we force upon 
another what may prove an undesirable acquaintance. 

Introductions are given in cases of necessity, such as business trans- 
actions, or emergencies that may arise in traveling, as when we wish 
to consign some friend to the care of another. They are given at 
balls, that partners may be found for all the dancers. Here, however, 
care must be taken beforehand to ascertain if the parties will dance, 
for such is the selfishness and, shall it be said, ill-breeding of our 
society young men that not unfrequently they will walk away without 
even offering the lady the courtesy of the next dance. In this way 
her hostess unwittingly exposes her to a marked slight, since the ball- 
room introduction is supposed to mean an intention on the part of the 
gentleman to show some attention to the lady, with whom he should 
either dance, promenade, or talk through one set. 

- - - 23 



24 INTRODUCTIONS AND SALUTATIONS. 

Neither are young ladies quite guiltless in this respect, since it 
often happens that they refuse partners from simple caprice, and no 
gentleman likes to be refused, even for a quadrille. It may be added 
that these introductions necessitate no after acknowledgments on 
either side unless mutually agreeable. 

Introductions are given at card parties when necessary to fill out 
tables for a game, and they occur also where one person especially 
wishes another to become acquainted with a friend. 

An English Custom. 

Strangers are always introduced to visitors, and at dinners, if pre- 
viously unacquainted, the gentleman is introduced, a few minutes 
beforehand, to the lady he is to take out to the table. In England, 
however, where they exercise great care in giving introductions, even 
this formality is not always complied with. Richard Grant White 
speaks of being informed at the last moment, in some house whose 
owner boasted many titles, that he was to take down " the lady in 
pink over there in the bay window," to whom, therefore, he duly 
went, and, bending an inviting elbow, said in his most persuasive 
tones: "May I have the pleasure?" The proffered honor was 
accepted, and he and the lady, each equally ignorant as to the other's 
identity, went out to spend a long two hours in entertaining one 
another. 

The one redeeming feature of this English custom is that everyone, 
at private entertainments, talks to everyone else without an introduc- 
tion, considering that the fact of their being guests under the same 
roof is a species of endorsement for all, and, better still, this sociability 
carries with it no after obligations, because, since they are not intro- 
duced, they are not acquainted. In this country, owing probably to 
the unfortunate frequency of introductions among us, a certain chill 
pervades the atmosphere when a portion of the guests are unacquainted 
with one another, for, as a rule, no one here attempts to converse with- 
out having been properly presented. 

In metropolitan circles, however, this is not so much the case, and 



INTRODUCTIONS AND SALUTATIONS. 25 

as our country grows older it is to be hoped that " a change will come 
o'er the spirit of our dream" in this respect, thus lessening the present 
responsibility of our hostesses, who, torn between two opposing fac- 
tions, feel that " If I introduce Mrs. So-and-so to Mrs. Blank she will 
never forgive me, and if I do not introduce Mrs. Blank to Mrs. So- 
and-so I shall have made a mortal enemy." 

At a party given in behalf of a debutante she is to be introduced to 
every lady present, and every gentleman is to be presented to her. 
In case there should be a distinguished guest present at any entertain- 
ment, all other guests must be made acquainted with the favored one. 

You May Introduce Yourself. 

There are also times when it is eminently proper to introduce one's 
self, such as when you find upon entering a drawing room that the 
hostess has forgotten your name ; or if it should have been wrongly 
announced ; or if you are an entire stranger to the hostess, it is not 
only proper, but imperative, to introduce yourself at once. Then, too, 
it occasionally happens that a gentleman, wishing to render some 
assistance to a lady who is traveling alone, prefers to introduce him- 
self beforehand. This, of course, leaves the lady perfectly free to 
recognize him or not at any future time. Occasions such as these are 
constantly arising, and tact and judgment must be used to decide the 
question for one's self. 

Watering-place introductions are frequently given for the conve- 
nience and pleasure of the time being. They are usually made by the 
eldest lady of either party and further recognition in the future is 
optional. 

Do not introduce people in public places. Do not, even if a friend 
should overtake you and walk by your side for some distance, or 
should meet and talk with you, introduce him to another friend with 
whom you are also walking. You may do it, however, in exceptional 
cases. Do not, as a rule, introduce two people who are inhabitants 
of the same town ; it is to be supposed that they could have known 
one another had they cared so to do. Still, it is well to exercise 



26 INTRODUCTIONS AND SALUTATIONS. 

judgment in this one particular, since what could be done unques- 
tioned in a city parlor cannot always be accomplished without exciting 
comment and ill-feeling in a country town. 

Do not introduce gentlemen to ladies without first being sure that 
the acquaintance will be agreeable to the lady, since it is much more 
difficult for a lady to shake off an undesirable acquaintance than it is 
for a gentleman. In the case of foreigners it is always well to be 
careful before introducing them to young ladies at their own request, 
since it often happens that foreign titles, found upon this side the 
water, are extremely dubious. Hence one is clearly justified in refer- 
ring them to her parents or guardians for the required favor. 

A Custom Out of Date. 

Introductions at evening parties are, fortunately, very much out of 
date, except it is for partners in dancing, or unless there should be so 
many strangers present as to threaten overwhelming the entire party 
in speechless gloom. Occasionally in the country some old-fashioned 
hosts persist in handing each newcomer around the room like refresh- 
ments for an introduction to each one present. This custom puts the 
later arrivals in the position, as some one says, "of making a semi- 
circular bow like a concert singer before an audience," and this, to 
non-professionals, is not a little embarrassing. 

Timid people, and people unaccustomed to the rules of social 
etiquette, always feel a certain dread in going through the slight 
formality of an introduction. Nothing, however, if one remembers a 
few timely hints, can be simpler than this little ceremony so necessary 
for each of us to perform many times in our intercourse with others. 
Recollect always to introduce the gentleman to the lady, never the 
lady to the gentleman, except in the case of very exalted rank, ex- 
treme age or the possession of great eminence in intellectual or artistic 
life ; otherwise, the rule is inflexible save in introducing a youthful 
" rosebud" formally to an elderly gentleman, in which case you would 
present her to him. The chivalry of etiquette assumes that a man is 
always honored by presentation to a lady. 



INTRODUCTIONS AND SALUTATIONS. 27 

In introducing ladies, present the younger to the elder, unless in 
case of some marked exception such as those given above. 

The simplest form in presenting one person to another is always the 
best. A wife presents her husband as " Mr. North," " Colonel North," 
or "Doctor North," always giving him his rightful titles. The wife 
of the President should introduce him as " The President," while we 
should address him as " Mr. President." 

In introducing a gentleman to a lady one should say, " Mrs. A. 
allow (or permit) me to introduce (or present) Mr. B. ; Mr. B., Mrs. 
A.," being sure that the names are distinctly pronounced. If this 
should not be the ease, let the parties themselves ask it at once, a 
simple "I beg pardon, I did not understand the name," saving much 
future annoyance. 

Forms of Introduction. 

In introducing two ladies the same formula may be used, as : " Mrs. 
Y. allow me to introduce Mrs. Z. ; Mrs. Z., Mrs. Y." Or one may 
say: "Mrs. Y., this is my friend Mrs. Z. ; Mrs. Z., Mrs. Y." A 
still further variation is to say: "Mrs. Y., I believe you have never 
met Mrs. Z. ; Mrs. Z., Mrs. Y." In introducing two gentlemen any 
of the above forms may be used. If the introduction is given simply 
for business purposes it should be short and concise, as: Mr. A., Mr. 
B.; Mr. B., Mr. A. 

In introducing a stranger it will always be well to make some little 
explanatory remark that may be used as a stepping-stone toward be- 
ginning a conversation, thus : "Miss S., allow me to present Mr. T., 
who is just back from Africa," or, "Miss E., this is my friend Mr. F., 
the composer of that little song you sang just now." Any remark 
like this always serves to make the opening of the conversation easier. 

An introduction received, or solicited, simply for your own conve- 
nience, as a business recommendation, or otherwise, entitles you to no 
after benefits, or social recognition. 

Where there are several waiting for an introduction to the same 
individual, name the latter first, then in succession name the others, 



28 INTRODUCTIONS AND SALUTATIONS. 

bowing slightly, as each name is pronounced, in the direction of the 
one named. Thus : " Colonel Parker, allow me to present to you 
Mrs. Roe, Miss Doe, and Doctor Brown," being sure always to give 
every one their full honorary title in making the introduction. 

In introducing relatives be very sure to give their full name. A 
sister, for instance, should be introduced as, "My sister, Miss Roe ;" 
or, "Miss Mary Roc," or, "My sister, Mrs. Doe," as the case may 
be, making sure always never to say " My sister Mary," or, "My 
brother Joe," thereby leaving the stranger ignorant as to name or 
estate. 

A mother is always at liberty to introduce her son or daughter ; a 
husband is supposed always to introduce his wife, and a wife her 
husband. 

What Should Follow the Introduction. 

Nowadays, the usual recognition of an introduction is by a formal 
bow. Handshaking rarely occurs and a gentleman introduced to a 
lady never offers his hand unless she should first extend her own. 
The inclination on the part of the lady is slight, that of the gentle- 
man deeper. The custom of a courtesy by the lady has scarcely 
taken root in this country. 

A hostess receiving in her own parlors is at liberty, if she should 
wish, to extend her hand to all comers. 

A gentleman upon being introduced to a lady usually suggests that 
he is "Happy to make her acquaintance," or, "Delighted to make 

the acquaintance of Miss B ," though, if he choose, he may simply 

bow, repeating her name. A lady, upon introduction to a gentleman, 
simply bows, possibly repeating his name, but never is "happy" or 
"delighted" to make his acquaintance. The pleasure is supposed to 
be upon his part, the condescension upon her side. She should, how- 
ever, upon his expression of pleasure, bow, with a slight smile, or a 
murmured "Thank you," in return, though, a married lady, especially 
if she be a little the elder, may cordially say she is " glad to meet 
him." 



INTRODUCTIONS AND SALUTATIONS. 29 

It is the place of a gentleman, after an introduction to a lady, to 
make some remark calculated to set the conversational ball rolling, 
and she should endeavor to supplement his efforts sufficiently to keep 
up the conversation. If, however, the gentleman be younger than the 
lady and somewhat embarrassed, she should show sufficient tact to 
open the conversation herself. If the introduction is between two 
ladies, the one who is introduced should make the first remark. 

Letters of Introduction are fully commented upon and explained in 
this volume in the Department on Correspondence, where the proper 
forms for such letters are given. 

All introductions, however annoying, should be received pleasantly 
and acknowledged fully while under the roof where they are given, 
though, an hour after, the two might pass one another in speechless 
silence. This is for the hostess' sake, and so great is this solicitude 
on the part of the well-bred that mortal enemies have met and smiled 
across the mahogany of a mutual friend, thus preventing the utter 
chagrin of a hostess who discovers, by frowning faces and averted 
gaze, that her carefully arranged dinner is a partial failure. 

A Lady's Wishes Should be Respected. 

Gentlemen rarely ask for introductions to one another, but, should 
a lady, for any cause, express a desire to present two men of her 
acquaintance to one another, they must, even if not anxious for the 
honor, acquiesce instantly in her request. 

An introduction given between two visitors calling at the same 
house need not carry with it any weight unless both parties so desire. 
At the time, a bow is the most that is demanded ; afterward, it is the 
individual having the most social prestige, or, if there is no difference 
in standing, the one having most confidence, to whom this privilege is 
given of acknowledging or ignoring the introduction. A bowing 
acquaintance with a person thus introduced cannot in the least injure 
the social position of an individual. 

An introduction given on the street needs no after recognition. At 
the time, a gentleman simply lifts his hat, a lady bows, and that is all. 



30 INTRODUCTIONS AND SALUTATIONS. 

After any introduction (except the one just mentioned) never give 
the cut direct save for very good cause. It is too often an uncalled- 
for insult. 

SALUTATIONS. 

The style of salutation differs among nations, but there have been 
none yet discovered so low in the social scale as to be entirely des- 
titute of some sign for expressions of respect or fear between man 
and man. Fear is, perhaps, the origin of respect, for every form of 
salutation among us to-day may be traced back to a source th.it 
plainly affirms it to be the survival of some attitude of deference from 
the conquered to the conqueror, or some habit of adoration of an 
unseen Power. 

In our own customs of salutation we bare the head in token of 
respect, never thinking that in the olden time it was an act of adora- 
tion practiced before gods and rulers. Our formal bow is simply the 
modification of a servile prostration, and the graceful bow of a lady of 
society is but the last remaining trace of a genuflection. When we 
rise and stand as our friends enter, or leave, our reception-room, it is 
an act of respect, it was once an act of homage. The throwing of a 
kiss is an imitation of an act of worship that devout Romans practiced 
before their gods, and the wave of the hand to a friend across the 
street is a modification of the same custom. 

The removal of a gentleman's glove in shaking hands with a lady 
is the relic of a habit based on necessity, and dating back to a day 
when the knight of old removed his iron gauntlet, lest he crush the 
maiden's hand within its grasp. The removal of the glove was prac- 
ticed between men also at a later date, when, too often, beneath the 
heavily embroidered gauntlet, lurked the assassin's dagger, so that to 
unglove before a hand-clasp grew to be considered an act of good 
faith. 

The bow, the hand-clasp, and the kiss are the principal methods of 
salutation employed by the most highly civilized nations of this era 
of the world. 



INTRODUCTIONS AND SALUTATIONS. 31 

The bow is the most proper salutation among friends and acquaint- 
ances meeting in public. It is also frequently resorted to en private 
occasions. 

The bow should never degenerate into a nod ; this is both ungracious 
and ungentlemanly. The hat should be lifted sufficiently to clear the 
head, and the bow, in the reception-room, should slightly incline the 
body also. Ladies should incline their heads gracefully and smile 
upon their friends pleasantly, but not broadly. 

Removing the Hat. 

A gentleman should remove his hat from his head with the hand 
farthest from the person saluted. This turns the hat from instead of 
towards them. If you see that the person saluted is going to stop 
to shake hands, use the left in order to leave the right free. 

A gentleman, in giving assistance to a lady in any difficulty (which 
should be offered immediately), should do so courteously, lifting his 
hat and requesting the pleasure of assisting her. This rule, unfortu- 
nately, is much more frequently observed on the Continent of Europe 
than in England or America. 

Gentlemen meeting and passing ladies on hotel stairs, or in the 
corridors, should lift their hats, whether acquainted or not. The 
same courtesy should be observed on entering an elevator where there 
are one or more ladies, or in opening a door for a lady and giving 
her precedence in entering. 

All these observances, slight as they are, mark the thorough gentle- 
man who respects all women, whether or not there has been a formal 
presentation between them. 

In giving up a seat to a lady in a street car, or a crowded room, a 
gentleman will do so with a slight bow. Such a kindness should 
always be acknowledged by the lady with a bow and a polite "Thank 
you." American women are too prone to take this altogether optional 
courtesy on the part of men as a matter of course, deserving no thanks 
at their hands, or to look upon its omission as an infringement of 
their rights. No true lady will ever fail to acknowledge such cour- 



32 INTRODUCTIONS AND SALUTATIONS. 

tesies. Any aid given, or information furnished, should also call forth 
her thanks. 

A gentleman walking with a lady will salute with a bow any person 
they may meet to whom she extends the same courtesy, even should 
the party be quite unknown to him. 

Where two gentlemen are walking together and they chance to 
meet a lady with whom one is acquainted and the other not, both 
should bow, the one because of his acquaintance and the other out 

of respect. 

The Privilege of Recognition. 

A gentleman should usually wait for a lady to recognize him first 
on the street. This privilege of recognition is her prerogative. 
Especially is this the case if he is simply the acquaintance of a 
single evening's entertainment. Acquaintances of long standing, 
however, do not wait for such formalities, usually speaking at about 
the same moment. 

When a gentleman and lady are walking together and another 
gentleman, also a friend of the lady, should meet or overtake the 
couple, a bow and smile and a word of greeting are all that can be 
permitted the newcomer, when he should at once pass on. By doing 
otherwise he affronts the lady's escort, and should she, by word or 
look, endeavor to retain him at her side, she also sins against that 
conventional code which argues that by her own consent she has 
granted her company, for the time being, to her first escort. 

As before said, introductions are not to be given in public places, 
but should it happen that a lady walking with a gentleman meet 
another lady, and either pause for a few words, or else walk on beside 
her for a few steps, the gentleman, at her departure, should lift his hat 
politely in farewell. 

If a gentleman should stop a lady on the street for conversation, 
and she should be desirous of discontinuing it, she should bow slight!}-, 
whereupon the gentleman must instantly take his leave. If she 
should walk on without breaking up the conversation, he is bound 
to accompany her. 



INTRODUCTIONS AND SALUTATIONS. 33 

Absolute good form, however, demands that a gentleman, wishing 
to converse with a lady on the street, should, instead of stopping her, 
turn and walk with her for a short distance in the direction in which 
she may be going. When the conversation is finished, he should lift 
his hat, bow, wish her " Good morning" or " Good afternoon," as the 
case may be, and retrace his footsteps in the direction in which he was 
previously going. 

Young ladies show the same deference in awaiting a bow from a 
woman much their senior that a gentleman does towards a lady. 

A gentleman, in bowing to a lady, if he should be smoking, removes 
his cigar from his lips ; and if, alas ! his hand or hands should be in 
his pockets, withdraws them immediately. 

Returning Salutations. 

A lady's bow should always be returned by a gentleman ; if he 
should be determined not to recognize her he should take the pains of 
crossing the street or in some other manner avoiding the meeting. 
Bows from persons not recognized at the moment should be returned, 
as it may be some one, not recalled at the moment, yet who has a 
claim upon your politeness. 

If the same friend is met several times in the course of a walk or 
drive, the first bow is all that is required, a smile, or a glance answer- 
ing all purposes of recognition at after meetings. 

A gentleman lifts his hat on passing a funeral procession or a group 
of mourners ; he removes it entirely on entering a church, and he 
should remove it on entering a private office ; he should remain un- 
covered while talking to a lady at a door, unless, after the kindly 
custom of French ladies, she should request him to replace his hat, on 
account of wind or weather ; in short, he should be with uncovered 
head much more than American men are apt to be. 

Gentlemen, who are acquainted, should lift their hats slightly upon 
meeting one another, but should never fail to do so should either one 
be walking with a lady. Under such circumstances a simple nod 
would be a slight towards her. 
8 



34 INTRODUCTIONS AND SALUTATIONS. 

A recognition, by bow or smile, is not required from opposite sides 
of the street, or across hotel dining rooms. Gentlemen riding or 
driving, and having both hands occupied, are not compelled to lift the 
hat on bowing. 

If saluted by an inferior, do not fail to return the courtesy in kind, 
remembering Henry Clay, who, when asked why he lifted his hat to 
an old colored man who had paid him the same deference, replied, "I 
never allow a negro to outdo me in politeness, sir." 

Shaking Hands. 

Gentlemen, as a rule, shake hands upon being introduced to one 
another. The lady of a house usually shakes hands with all guests 
whom she receives in her house for the first time. Gentlemen do not, 
however, offer to shake hands with the hostess, leaving it to her to 
put the stamp of cordiality upon the ceremony of introduction, or tc 
simp 1 }' pass it with courtesy. 

If a lady extends her hand to a gentleman, he does not, as of old, 
remove his glove, nor does he make use of the out-of-date formula, 
"Excuse my glove." At his departure the lack' bows her adieu, but 
does not again extend her hand. 

The hand-clasp is a cordial expression of good will, but there are 
degrees of cordiality to be observed in the performance of this cere- 
mony. Every one knows, and shudders at, the woman who gives 
two, or at most, three fingers of a cold and lifeless hand for a moment 
into your keeping, and every one recognizes and fears the man who 
swallows up and crushes the entire hand within his powerful grasp 
Each extreme is to be avoided. 

A lady should give her whole hand, not her fingers ; a gentleman 
should receive it cordially, holding it neither too tightly nor toe 
loosely, shaking it very slightly and not presuming to retain it. 
Should a gentleman sin against any of these particulars, a lady is 
justified in refusing to offer her hand next time. 

A young lady simply gives her hand to a gentleman, neither press- 
ing nor shaking his, unless it be in the case of especial friends. Two 



INTRODUCTIONS AND SALUTATIONS. 35 

ladies shake hands quietly. Both ladies and gentlemen always rise to 
shake hands. Elderly people, or invalids, are permitted to excuse 
themselves and keep their seats. 

Ball-room introductions for dancing do not necessitate hand- 
shaking, a bow being all that is required. A very particular intro- 
duction, wherever given, such as one prefaced by some remark like, 
" I want you to know my friend So-and-So," merits a hand-shake on 
your part, together with some cordial remark. 

Inferiors in social position should always wait until their superiors 
offer the hand, never taking the initiative in this respect. This precau- 
tion will sometimes save them the pain of a marked slight. 

Words of Salutation. 

Verbal greetings ought always to be quiet and respectful; they 
should never be shouted across streets, nor called when the parties 
are at any distance from each other. Nicknames should not be used 
publicly and promiscuously, in short, all possible respect should be 
paid to the feelings of other persons on public occasions. 

The phrases, ''Good morning," "Good evening," "Good after- 
noon," "How do you do?" " How are you?" are the usual forms 
employed. Sometimes the name of the person addressed is added, 
thus : "Good morning, Mrs. Smith." 

Replies to these salutations are sometimes simply a bow from a 
lady to a gentleman, or perhaps a bow and a repetition of his greet- 
ing, as: "Good morning, Mr. Jones." "How do you do," should 
be replied to by the same phrase, never, as is often the case with the 
novice in social arts, by: "I am very well, thank you." A special 
inquiry after one's health, however, as: "How do you do, Mrs. 
Jones?" followed, after her acknowledgment, by: "How are you?" 
or, "How is your health?" should receive the response, "I am very 
well, thank you." After an acquaintance has been ill, the first inquiry 
by a friend should be one concerning health. This is a rule that 
should never be neglected : to do so would be an oversight. 

Kissing is a custom which the code of English and American eti- 



36 INTRODUCTIONS AND SALUTATIONS. 

quette relegates as much as possible to the privacy of home. A kiss, 
the outward expression of our closest affection and our warmest love, 
should never be made a public show whereat the outside world may 
smile. Hence, the effusive kissing between girls and women at their 
meeting and their parting, is to be regretted as a specimen, to say the 
least, of very bad taste on their part. Indiscriminate kissing of 
children and infants is also objectionable on the score of health. 
Happily, kisses and embraces among men are never seen in this 
country, though, in some parts of Europe they are constantly to be 
observed, both in public and private. 





ALK often," 
says Lord 
Chesterfield, 
" but never long ; in that 
case if you do not please, 
at least you are sure not 
to tire your hearers. Pay 
your own reckoning, but do not treat the entire company : this being 
one of the very few cases in which people do not care to be treated, 
every one being fully convinced that he has the wherewithal to pay." 
All other arts pale before the art of conversation as a source of 
popularity, and no other accomplishment tends so much toward social 
success. The contact of many minds is a constant stimulus to mental 
activity and its outward expression in animated conversation. It lends 
new power to brilliancy of talent, and quickens, to a certain extent, 
even the lowest and dullest of intellects. 

Everyone has been surprised and delighted at times by some 
unexpectedly brilliant remark that has flashed from his lips during 
the course of some animated exchange of badinage and repartee, and 
there is no one but realizes how the mind acquires breadth and the 
opinions grow tolerant as one converses with persons of intelligence 
and culture. 

Since, however, according to Cicero, " Silence is one of the greatest 
arts of conversation," there may be added, with equal wisdom, to the 
above counsel, " Listen often and well." Be not an impatient listener, 
nor yet an impassive one, but pay the compliment of attention and 
interest to the subject in hand, and your company will be sought as 
an acquisition. 

37 



38 ART OF CONVERSATION. 

Any lady, by profound attention to, and a pleased interest in the 
subject under consideration, may promote the conversation most 
skillfully and delightfully. Knowledge of the subject is not always 
necessary. An English savant, deeply interested in Egyptology, once 
escorted a young lady out to dinner. His conversation, as a matter 
of course, turned entirely upon excavations, hieroglyphics, and kindred 
topics. Upon all these the young lady was profoundly ignorant, but, 
if unversed in Egyptian lore, she was most thoroughly versed in con- 
versational arts, and, by her speaking glances of intelligence and her 
pleased smile, so fascinated the man of science that he enthusiastically 
declared afterward that " Miss L was one of the best conversa- 
tionalists and the most intelligent young lady he had ever met, and 
that her knowledge of Egyptology was something wonderful." This, 
to one who had sat opposite them at table, and could have vouched 
that the lady in question had not spoken a single word through the 
entire dinner, was slightly amusing. So strong, however, was the 
impression left upon the mind of the savant by her interested attention, 
that it would have been difficult to convince him of the fact. 

The Good Listener. 

This, even if an exception, shows what attentive listening may 
accomplish toward social success. Let it be mentioned here, how- 
ever, that no one individual should be so carried away by a pet hobby 
as to force conversation into a monologue. A very well-bred man, 
no matter how great his interest in or eloquence upon any topic may 
be, always catches at the slightest hint to close the conversation. 

A man will always bear in mind that the greatest compliment he 
can pay a woman is a respectful, deferential attention to her words. 
There are men whose very manner of listening conveys, in itself, the 
most delicate flattery. 

A woman, in her turn, should always remember that, however 
interesting her conversation may be, there is always danger that a 
man may possibly weary of its protracted continuance, and so she 
should forebear leaving him no loophole for escape. Louise Chandler 



ART OF CONVERSATION. 39 

Moulton enjoins one thing on women which they would do well to 
recollect, and that is, "if they want a man to stay with them to make 
it evidently and entirely easy for him to get away. There is some- 
thing lawless and rebellious in even the best of men ; they hate doing 
things because they are obliged." 

Suitable Topics. 

To render conversation agreeable, suitable topics for the company 
present, if possible, must be chosen. Neither soar above the level of 
their conversation, nor sink so far beneath it, as to lead them to infer 
that you possess a very slight opinion of their merits. 

In conversing, too many educated men fall into the error of talking 
commonplaces to all women alike, as if "small talk," to the exclusion 
of all weightier matters, were the only species of conversation suited 
to a woman's ear. On the contrary, she is more often either hurt or 
angered at your evident condescension, or, on the other hand, she 
credits you with just the amount of knowledge that you have evinced 
in your conversation with her. 

In the search after suitable topics it is well to remember that all are 
pleased by a display of interest in their especial affairs. Thus, by 
leading the artist to talk of his pictures, the lady amateur of her music, 
the prima donna of her successes, the mother of her children, the 
author of his book, you may rest assured that they will always speak 
of you as a person of great discrimination and a very interesting con- 
versationalist. They in their turn, unless extremely devoid of tact and 
eminently selfish, will display sufficient regard for your feelings to give 
an opportunity for waxing eloquent on your part over your own pet 
topics. Be very careful then not to fall into that besetting fault of 
good talkers, a monologue, which is fatal to all conversation. 

Richard Steele gave a most desirable maxim for conversation when 
he said: "I would establish one great rule in conversation, which is 
this, that men should not talk to please themselves, but those that 
hear them — adapting their words to the place where, the time when, 
and the person to whom they are spoken." 



40 ART OF CONVERSATION. 

Misuse of Quotations. 

Do not use classical quotations before a woman unless you know 
that, by virtue of a classical education on her own part, she is capable 
of appreciating the point. Remember, too, that there are a great 
many men who, not having enjoyed your educational advantages, are 
annoyed, rather than edified by your display of learning. 

Do not make a point of exhibiting your learning aggressively any- 
where. " Classical quotation is the literary man's parole the world 
over," says Dr. Samuel Johnson, but he savored somewhat of the 
pedant, and his imitators, by too frequent an indulgence in this habit, 
may run the risk of aping his pedantry without possessing his genius. 
Neither is it well to interlard conversation with too frequent quotations 
from English authors, no matter how well they may fit the occasion. 
This is a habit that easily becomes tiresome. 

"Small Talk." 

The current change of society is the light coin of" small talk" that 
breaks with chink and shimmer the heavy bills of large denomination, 
that else would overwhelm social conversation with their size. 

Wiseacres may meet and learnedly discourse on all manner of sage 
subjects, but that is discussion, debate, argument, what you will, not 
conversation. Conversation is light, brilliant, and tossed back and 
forth from one to another with the grace and ease of the feathered 
shuttlecock. 

A lady of high literary attainments was seen in a gay gathering sit- 
ting quietly by herself in a corner, and, being questioned by a friend 
as to her silence, replied, half bitterly, " I have no 'small change,' and 
my bank bills are all of too large denomination for the occasion." 
This is a difficulty that one should strive to overcome, for, after all, 
it is small change, rather than bank bills, that society in genera] 
requires. 

Given the foundation of even a moderate education, the aspirant for 
social success will gain more ideas from modern fiction than from any 



ART OF CONVERSATION. 41 

other source whatever. No historian presents the social manners and 
customs of his time with half the accuracy displayed by our best 
fiction writers. A well-known society woman, familiar with its usages 
both at home and abroad, declares that "a course of Anthony Trol- 
lope is as good as a London season," and we all know that Howells 
and James and other authors of that ilk have lifted the portieres of our 
own drawing rooms and shown us what is transpiring therein. Gail 
Hamilton says that to be " well-smattered " is next best to being 
deeply learned, and nowhere can a smattering of almost everything be 
better gained than from the modern works of fiction. 

A Valuable Source of Knowledge. 

A friend of the writer, a talented elocutionist, and socially brilliant, 
once said with reference to her quiet country home and her sudden 
emergence therefrom to mingle in Washington society, that she found 
herself perfectly at ease in those circles so widely different from her 
previous experience of life, and that "she attributed it wholly to her 
knowledge of social customs and the social atmosphere, as gained 
from the best society stories." It was in this manner that she served 
her social novitiate and the result bore testimony to its efficacy. 

Where one is not quite sure of rising to the occasion it is well to be 
provided, before attending a social gathering, with several topics that 
will be suitable to bring forward in conversation. Many are in the 
habit of doing this constantly. Some new book, one that created a 
little sensation, some course of lectures, some late theatrical or operatic 
entertainment, anything, in short, that is generally popular. Be careful, 
however, in broaching such subjects not to egotistically give your own 
opinion at the outset by saying decidedly, " I think that book is a 
perfect failure, quite absurd in fact. What is your opinion?" This 
course of action, if your companion is younger or more timid than 
yourself, will probably reduce him to the point of having no opinion 
whatever, or at least to being afraid to express it, and the conversa- 
tion, as such, will fail completely. Whereas, if you had quietly asked 
him if he had read the book, how he enjoyed it, etc., you would have 



42 ART OF CONVERSATION. 

gradually entered upon a conversation wherein you would have drawn 
out his ideas and at the same time have been enabled to display your 
own. 

Cultivate Your Mind. 

One of the first requisites of social success is a cultivated mind. 
You cannot hope to hold your own in society without at least a 
general knowledge of the events of the last few years in historical, 
scientific, artistic and social fields. Such knowledge is easily gained 
by a little study and a great deal of observation, the pains taken 
being more than recompensed by the ease and assurance with which 
one enters society. 

If a musican or an artist, you should be sure to know something of 
your chosen art aside from the mere technicalities. Be well versed in 
the various schools of painting, the varied merits of the musical mas- 
ters of the past and present. Be filled with the spirit as well as the 
technique of your profession and you cannot fail to converse pleas- 
antly upon these subjects. Always remember, however, not to 
advance your opinions to the utter exclusion of every one else, or 
your companionship will become tiresome to the best of listeners. 

"Drawing Out Others." 

The very essence of the art of conversation is to draw others out 
and cause them to shine ; to be more anxious, apparently, to discover 
other people's opinions than to advance your own. 

Who does not remember gratefully and admiringly the sympathetic 
people who seem to draw out the very best there is in us — in whose 
company we appear almost brilliant, and actually surprise ourselves 
by the fluency and point of our remarks ? Such people are a boon 
to society. No one sits dull and silent in their presence, or says 
unpleasant, sarcastic things before them, and, while never seeming to 
advance any views of their own, and certainly never forcing them 
upon our attention, we involuntarily learn of them and love them, 
scarcely knowing why. 



ART OF CONVERSATION. 43 

Malebranche showed his knowledge of human nature when he 
wrote : " He who has imparted to others his knowledge without any 
one perceiving it and without drawing from it any advantage, neces- 
sarily gains all hearts by his virtuous liberality. Those who would 
be loved, and who have much wit, should thus impart it to others." 

The Passion for Argument. 

Never permit yourself to be drawn into an argument in general 
society. Nothing can be more provocative of anger on one side or 
another, or more destructive to conversation, than a lengthy and, too 
often, bitter argument. Good breeding would suggest that the sub- 
ject be changed at once before the controversy becomes heated. 
Especially should any debate upon politics or religion be avoided as 
subjects upon which two seldom agree, but which are so close to the 
hearts of the majority as to cause serious annoyance if their pet 
beliefs are touched upon or questioned. Be careful, also, not to take 
the opposite side of every question that is brought up in conversation. 

Wit and Humor. 

Sidney Smith once said : " Man could direct his ways by plain 
reason and support his life on tasteless food ; but God has given us 
wit and flavor, and laughter and perfumes, to enliven the days of 
man's pilgrimage, and to charm his pained footsteps over the burning 
marl." And Sidney Smith was so much the life and soul of every 
social gathering that, while the English language is spoken, his witty 
remarks will be quoted with delight. 

Wit, however, is too often but another name for sarcasm and 
ridicule, that, like a barbed arrow, rankles long in the soul of its 
victim. True humor, it should be remembered, is neither scathing 
nor insolent ; it is simply that bright repartee that someone aptly calls 
the " spice of conversation." Hence it would be well to smother the 
temptation to be witty at the expense of another, and crush back the 
brilliant but cutting retort meant only to wound, not to amuse. 



44 ART OF CONVERSATION. 

Evil Speaking. 

Beware of evil speaking. In the eyes of all right-minded persons 
.much that you have said recoils upon your own head, for no one has 
quite the same opinion of an individual after having listened to a series 
of scandalous stories from his lips. Hence, for your own sake, as well 
as for that of others, eschew the vice of evil speaking as a very 
pestilence. 

Let young ladies have a care how they speak lightly or contemp- 
tuously of one another at any time, but more especially when convers- 
ing with men. Nothing, as a rule, is more prejudicial to a woman, in 
the estimation of a man, than this all-too-prevalent habit. No matter 
what the faults of your sister-woman may be, condone them gently, 
or, if this be impossible, let a silence that is golden fall about the 
subject. 

Unhesitatingly acknowledge a woman's beauty or talent, and, 
instead of detracting from your own merits, it will enhance them 
in the eyes of all. A young man was once heard by the writer 
counselling his sister from the depths of his own experience as a 
social favorite. " Never," said he, " say one word against a girl to 
any young man. It only puts you down in their estimation. Say 
something pretty and complimentary about them if you can ; if not, 
keep still." And his advice was words fitly spoken, that are, indeed, 
" like apples of gold in pictures of silver." 

"Telling Stories." 

Stories should never be introduced into general conversation unless 
they meet several requirements. In the first place, they should be 
short and well told. Secondly, they should be new to the company 
where they are told. Nothing is more tiresome than listening to a 
twice-told tale, though the height of good breeding is to smile over its 
tediousness. 

One way to avoid inflicting this martyrdom is to ask beforehand if 
any one present has heard such and such a story. Then, in the third 




" SOCIETY IS QUICK TO TRACE 
THE MAGIC OF A PLEASING FACE 



ART OF CONVERSATION. 45 

place, it must be straight to the point, and directly called for as an 
illustration of the case in hand. 

Do not tell more than two or three stories or anecdotes in the same 
evening. Never be guilty of relating in company a narrative that is 
in the least questionable in its import. This is utterly inexcusable, 
and, to so sin, is to render one's self unfit for social companionship. 
Avoid repetition. If some portion of an anecdote has met with 
applause, do not repeat it. Its unexpectedness was its only charm. 

Absent-Mindedness. 

This is a sin against good manners which cannot be too greatly 
condemned, being, as it is, in some measure an insult to the company 
in which you find yourself. No one cares to be of so little importance 
as to find the person addressed totally oblivious of his presence or 
remarks, and no one can blame him if, as Chesterfield suggests, 
"finding you absent in mind, you should speedily find them absent 
in body." 

Profuse Compliments. 

To be endurable, compliments should be made use of in a very 
cautious and artful manner. If permitted to degenerate into gross 
flattery they are far from complimentary to the understanding of the 
individual addressed. The day, happily, is long since past when con- 
versation between men and women was confined to unmixed flattery 
on the one side and blushing acceptance on the other. That "the 
best flattery is that which comes at second hand," no one can deny, 
yet, judicious praise is not only acceptable but useful many times in 
giving the needed incentive, without which the flagging footsteps 
might have faltered on their way. 

Contradictions and Interjections. 

Never be guilty of abrupt contradictions. If you differ decidedly 
from some given opinion, soften the expression of your difference by 
such modifications as, " I hardly think so," or, " My idea is rather 



46 ART OF CONVERSATION. 

different," or, "I beg to differ." This is much more polite and less 
likely to arouse antagonistic feelings. 

In conversation never allow yourself to fall into the habit of using 
constantly such phrases as "You don't say! " " Do tell!" "Did you 
ever?" "Is that so?" and many others that will come to mind as you 
recall your own faults in this respect, and the faults of your friends, 
An equal avoidance should be cultivated of such interjections as 
" Say," "Well," etc., with which we often begin our sentences. These 
habits are all to be condemned and should be corrected as speedily as 
possible. 

Voice and Manner. 

Let your voice be low and pleasantly modulated and your enuncia- 
tion clear, distinct and musical. All these things are marks of good 
breeding, and, if not yours by birthright, may be acquired by patience 
and perseverance. Avoid high tones and nasal tones. Do not talk 
rapidly, or in a hesitating, stumbling fashion. A partial course in 
elocution and voice training will work wonders in this direction, and 
any one determined to succeed will never regret the time or money so 
spent. 

Cultivate also, if shy and timid by nature, self esteem sufficient to 
imagine that you are quite the equal of those with whom you are 
about to meet. This resolution will enable you to say what you wish 
without fear of mistake, and without showing too much respect of 
persons. The above-mentioned elocutionary lessons will also be an 
aid toward acquiring self-possession. 

Repose of manner should be assiduously cultivated. Do not fidget 
or loll about in your chair, or twist your fingers constantly, or play 
with something while you talk, or restlessly beat a tattoo with fingers 
or feet. All such faults render your companionship a burden to those 
about you. 

Indulge in no facial contortions, as they rapidly become habits diffi- 
cult to break and usually leave their traces on the face in lines 
impossible to efface. Lifting the eyebrows, rolling the eyes, opening 



ART OF CONVERSATION. 47 

them very widely, twisting the mouth and opening it so as to show 
the tongue in- talking, are all disagreeable habits, that, once acquired, 
can only be broken by ceaseless vigilance. Practice talking without 
moving the facial muscles but slightly. Do this before your mirror 
daily, if necessary, and before the same faithful mentor learn to open 
the eyes less widely, parting the lids only just so far as to show the 
colored iris without a glimpse of the white portion, or cornea, of the 
eye above or below it. The time thus spent will result in a change 
most gratifying to yourself and friends. 

Conversational Sins. 

Never interrupt a person who is talking. Never take the words 
out of anyone's mouth and finish the sentence for them. To do this 
is ill-bred and does not bespeak your superior discernment, but your 
ignorance of polite society. 

Puns, unless exceptionally witty, are to be carefully avoided. 
Young ladies, especially, should beware of establishing any reputation 
for punning. At all events, puns should never be far-fetched. 

Do not whisper in company ; nothing can be more vulgar. Neither 
should two in a gathering converse together in a foreign language, not 
understood by the others present, or talk blindly in a manner unintelli- 
gible only to themselves. Should, however, a distinguished foreigner to 
whom the language is almost unknown be among the guests, it is a mark 
of courtesy for as many as possible to converse in his native tongue. 

Do not immediately break off the conversation upon persons entering 
the room. It is too apt to leave the impression upon their minds 
that the discourse was of them. In carrying on a conversation after 
newcomers enter the room, briefly recapitulate what has gone before, 
that the thread of the story may be complete for them. Look at those 
with whom you are talking, but never stare. 

Profanity is the last and most inexcusable sin committed against 
good manners and propriety. The man who will deliberately us : 
profane language in the drawing-room, or before women and childn n, 
or aged men, should be considered without the pale of good society. 



48 ART OF CONVERSATION. 

Language coarse in its tendency is open to the same criticism, and 
remarks and stories that carry a double meaning cannot be too 
severely condemned. If it is at any time possible for a woman to 
receive such a story in its innocent sense, let her do it, showing by 
some remark the light in which it is taken ; otherwise, she should be 
apparently blind and ignorant as to its meaning. 

Avoid affectations. In conversation make use of lone: words as 
little as possible, and wherever a short and easily understood one is 
suitable to express your meaning, choose it in preference to one of 
polysyllabic proportions. 

Use of the Lips and Facial Expression. s 

Do not cover the lips with the hand, or a fan, while speaking. To 
do so shows nervousness and a lack of social training. Besides this, 
much of the expression of the face lies in the mouth. This is shown 
by all actors, readers and public speakers, who, as a rule, appear be- 
fore their audiences with closely-shaven faces, that no portion of the 
varying changes of the lips may be lost. 

Never, if you are a man, speak lightly of women. Nothing so 
surely lowers your own standard in the eyes of all sensible people. 
Never hurt the feelings of others. Never allude publicly to times 
when you have known them in less affluent circumstances than the 
present. 

Be very careful to guard against over much laughing. Nothing 
gives a sillier appearance than spasms of laughter upon the slightest 
provocation. It soon grows into a very disagreeable habit. Smile 
frequently, if need be, but be moderate in laughter. A very little 
reasoning will serve to do this ; and the reflection that (qw grown 
people laugh well will aid still farther in curbing the propensity. 

Let your greeting of acquaintances be free from boisterousness 
and familiarity. Do not bring your hand down heavily upon their 
shoulder, nor emphasize your sentences with pushes and punches of 
an active elbow, nor fling your arms about their necks or shoulders. 
To some fastidious persons these boorish acts are a positive insult. 



ART OF CONVERSATION. 49 

An affectation of boisterous familiarity more often betrays a feeling of 
social inferiority than absolute shyness or timidity does. 

Never permit yourself to correct other people in matter or manner, 
unless it should be absolutely necessary to protect some one else. 
Under all ordinary circumstances do not betray a confidential commu- 
nication made you by a friend. Set the seal of the confessional upon 
it. If it should be sorrowful in its nature, do not mention it even to 
the friend who has confided it to your keeping unless he or she 
should first refer to it. It may have been confessed in a moment of 
confidence and regretted almost as soon as spoken, hence, do not 
revive the memory yourself. 

Control Your Temper. 

Keep your temper under all circumstance while in company. Even 
if some remark has been made with plain intent to injure your feelings, 
an absolute ignoring of the intended sting will prevent others, and, 
most of all, the guilty party, from perceiving the depth of the wound. 
A true gentleman, or lady, is never quick to take offense. 

Never ask impertinent or personal questions, unless these latter are 
called for by the nature of the conversation. Be careful not to give 
advice unless it is sought, and remember then that it is a commodity of 
which a very little goes a long way. 

And last, but not least, utterly eschew all slang. There are some 
young ladies who apparently think that a little slang, to spice their 
remarks, is piquant and saucy, but, in the majority of cases they so 
soon overstep the mark and fall into the deplorable habit of constantly 
and copiously interlarding their speech with all manner of slang 
phrases, that one is forced to advocate total abstinence as the only 
safeguard. 

The too common habit of exaggeration, on the part of so many 
schoolgirls and young ladies is also to be deplored, a quiet unobtru- 
siveness of speech always marking the true lady. 

Do not, in speaking, too frequently mention your hearer by name. 
To do so implies either great familiarity on your part, or social in- 
4 



50 ART OF CONVERSATION. 

feriority on theirs. In this latter case it savors strongly of patronage. 

In speaking to people always give them their proper titles, as : 
" Colonel," " Doctor Jones," " Professor Gray." Never make a prac- 
tice of saying: "That is so, Colonel," but, "That is so, Colonel 
Sharp." 

In mentioning a married daughter, unless to a very intimate friend, 
give her married title, as: "Mrs. Miller," or, "My daughter, Mrs. 
Miller." In speaking of unmarried daughters, or of sons (unless to 
servants), give them their Christian name, as Hattie or George, or else 
mention them, and this is better before strangers, as: " My daughter," 
or, " My son." 

Misuse of Initials. 

Never address persons by their initials, as : " Mrs. \\\," " Miss C," 
"Mr. D.;" give them instead their full name. Neither should you 
call young ladies, "Miss Mollie," or " Miss Jennie;" "Miss Smith," 
or, " Miss Brown," being in much better taste. Their Christian names 
should only be used to distinguish them from other sisters. Never 
address people by their Christian names unless' very familiarly ac- 
quainted. This practice savors of ill-breeding and is often very 
annoying to the person so addressed. 

In speaking of persons who are absent, mention them by their last 
name, as: "Mrs. Roe," "Mr. Doe," unless the intimacy is very great; 
even then care should be taken not to use their Christian names too 
freely among persons to whom they may be strangers. 

A wife in speaking of her husband should rather say " Mr. Smith," 
than "My husband ;" but, above all, let her refrain from referring to 
her liege lord as "he," as if the whole wide world possessed no other 
mortal to whom that pronoun was applicable. Husbands should 
follow the same rules in referring to their wives. 

Be careful not to interlard conversation with "sir," or "ma'am." 
In Europe these terms are relegated to the use of the lower classes. 




Visiting Cards. 



ARDS are the sign manual of society. Their 
use and development belongs only to a high 
order of civilization. They accompany us, 
as one writer has justly remarked, all the 
way from the cradle to the grave. They 
begin with engraved announcements of the 
birth of a child, then cards for its christening, 
and, later on, dainty little cards of invitation 
for children's parties, until, in due time, the 
girl crosses that line 

' ' Where the brook and river meet 
Womanhood and childhood sweet," 

sets up a card of her own, and blossoms forth into a young lady. 

They announce the gaieties, the pleasures, the anniversaries of life : 
they inquire for us during our illness and sorrow, they return thanks 
for our gifts and attentions, and, finally, they commemorate to our 
friends the last, sad earthly scene and ring the curtain down. 

The stress laid by society upon the correct usage of these magic 
bits of pasteboard will not seem unnecessary when it is remembered 
that the visiting card, socially defined, means, and is frequently made 
to take the place of, one's self. It will be seen, therefore, that one of 
the first requisites for social success is to understand the language, so 
to speak, of the visiting card. With this end in view the following 
suggestions on the subject have been carefully arranged with due 
regard to brevity, accuracy and ease of reference. 



Style of the Card. 

The card should be perfectly plain, fine in texture, thin, white, un- 
glazed and engraved in simple script without flourishes. Gilt edges, 

51 



52 



VISITING CARDS. 



rounded or clipped corners, tinted surfaces or any oddity of lettering, 
such as German or Old English text, are to be avoided. A photo- 
graph or any ornamentation whatever upon a card savors of ill-breed- 
ing or rusticity. Have the script engraved always, never printed. 
The engraved autograph is no longer considered in good taste, neither 
are written cards as elegant as those that are engraved. 



Size of the Card. 

The regulation size, both in this country and England, for a lady's 
visiting card is three and one-half inches in length and two and one- 
half inches in width. This oblong form is most generally used, but 




there is an almost square shape, two and a half inches by three, also 
in favor, and especially used by unmarried ladies where the shortness 
of their name would be too much emphasized in the longer card. For 
instance : " Miss Ray" would be quite justified in choosing the square 
style, while " Miss Ethelinda Crane" or " Mrs. Algernon Spencer" 
would find the length of their names displayed to better advantage on 
the oblong card. 

Cards for gentlemen are much smaller than those for ladies, This 



VISITING CARDS. 53 

holds good in both England and America, where the required size is 
three inches one way by one inch and a half the other. 



-m^^-t^^ izC < ^w^^i5fer 



The largest card in use is the one sometimes adopted by the newly- 
married and engraved with their joint names. Thus : 

Mr. and Mrs. Grant Trowbridge 

may make use of a card four inches long by three and one-half a 
width, but a lady and her daughter, where their names appear to- 
gether, should use the first-mentioned oblong size for ladies. 

Engraving the Name. 

Married ladies make a point of using their husband's name or 
initials upon their cards instead of their own, as : 

Mrs. George B. Cleveland, 
Or: 

Mrs. G. B. Cleveland, 
Instead of: 

Mrs. Grace E. Cleveland. 

It occasionally, however, happens that some lady, unwilling to so 
lose the identity of her own name, prefers this latter form. Or, if her 
family name be an old and honored one, she frequently retains it, thus : 

Mrs. Grace Ethridge Cleveland. 

But, though the married woman make use of her husband's name, 
she has no claim to his titles ; so that while others may address her 



54 VISITING CARDS. 

as " Mrs. Judge So and So," " Mrs. Dr. So and So," she must care- 
fully avoid all such display. Let her be comforted, however, as her 
just pride in her husband's honors is easily gratified, since she is 
expected, on all formal occasions, to leave one of his cards, wherein 
his titles are set forth, with her own. 

Occasionally a lady contents herself with having engraved upon her 
cards a simple : 

Mrs. Courthope. 

This, however, is unwise unless the name is a very uncommon one, 
and even then, should there be more than one branch of the family in 
the vicinity, the wife of the oldest member of the family only would 
have a right to make use of it. 

Newly married couples frequently send out for their first cards the 
largest size mentioned engraved thus : 

Mr. and Mrs. Holman B. Hunt. 

Occasionally they preserve this custom throughout the entire first 
season. But this is all ; from thenceforth husband and wife have their 
own separate cards. They may, however, be used at times through- 
out the married life to convey messages of sympathy, congratulation, 
or to accompany gifts. 

Widows have always hesitated about exchanging the beloved and 
accustomed name upon their cards for their own signature. This, 
however, in many cases, is a necessity, especially where there is a son 
bearing the father's name. This is sometimes thought to be avoided 
by the use of the distinctive "Senior" or "Junior," a custom obviously 
wrong, since after the death of Francis Brown, Senior, Francis Brown, 
Junior, becomes at once Francis Brown, and his wife, Airs. Francis 
Brown. Hence, while we have no such convenient title as " Dow- 
ager," the widowed Mrs. Francis Brown will be obliged to drop her 
husband's name in favor of her son's w T ife and thenceforth appear 
before the world as Mrs. Mary E. Brown. Where there are no 
children, or immediate relatives, change of title on the part of the 
widow is a mere matter of sentiment. 






VISITING CARDS. 55 

The black border upon a widow's cards should never be over a 
quarter of an inch in depth : more than this savors of ostentation 
rather than affliction. 

Young ladies, especially if it is their first season in society, will find 
it the best form to have their names engraved upon the visiting card 
of their mother. Thus, if it is the eldest daughter : 

Mrs. Wilfrid Ferguson. 

Miss Ferguson. 

If a younger daughter : 

Mrs. Wilfrid Furguson. 

Miss Ethel Furguson. 

And if it should chance that two daughters "come out" in consecu- 
tive seasons both of their names are frequently engraved upon their 
mother's card, thus : 

Mrs. Wilfrid Furguson. 

Miss Furguson. 

Miss Ethel Furguson. 

Though it often happens that, for convenience sake, by the time the 
second rosebud is "out," the first has established a cardcase of her 
own. Yet as neither custom nor etiquette sanctions young girls in 
having cards of their own, a mother often continues to have the name 
of her young daughters engraved upon her own card. 

Young ladies should always prefix "Miss" to their names, as : 

Miss Alice Creighton Wright, 

there being a certain forwardness about announcing one's self as : 

Alice Creighton Wright. 

Especially is this so among strangers, the prefix "Miss " carrying with 
it a certain quiet reserve and dignity. 



56 VISITING CARDS. 

The eldest daughter of a family announces herself upon her cards 
as " Miss Wright," unless there are several of the same name in town, 
while the others are respectively "Miss Alice Creighton Wright" and 
"Miss Ethel May Wright." Occasionally a card is used for sisters 
engraved as follows : 

Misses Wright. 

All pet names are to be avoided upon visiting cards and " Nettie 
Cranston" very properly becomes "Miss Annette Cranston" upon 
her cards. 

Neither are initials good form for young ladies, though after an 
unmarried lady has reached a certain, or rather an "uncertain," age, 
she may, if she choose, be permitted to place upon her visiting cards : 

Miss A. C. Wright. 

Ii the young lady be motherless she often has her name engraved 
beneath that of her father, using not the smaller card of a gentleman 
but the first given oblong card for ladies. In England unmarried 
ladies, unless they have reached a very " uncertain " age indeed, follow 
the above fashion, and quite young ladies leave their chaperon's card 
as well. This fashion is often followed here, and when so done 
signifies that they will be inseparable for the season. 

Address on Cards. 

There is much question as to whether the address should be 
engraved on a lady's card, some very exclusive circles prohibiting it 
entirely on a young lady's card and questioning its use for a married 
lady, suggesting that in case a young lady desires to give her address 
to any particular individual it may be easily pencilled on one of her 
cards for the occasion, and that married ladies have the privilege of 
leaving one of their husband's, with engraved address, in connection 
with their own. This custom, while it may seem an over-nicety to 
those outside the great centers of metropolitan life, will be appreciated 
by all those to whom the "ins and outs" of city life are familiar. It 
should be said that while engraving the address is still a mooted ques- 



VISITING CARDS. 57 

tion, except for young ladies, each individual is at liberty to use her 
own judgment on the question. 

Cards for Gentlemen. 

The size and style of a gentleman's card has been already given, 
but a few words as to name and titles will be necessary here. Custom, 
with reference to the cards that a man must carry, is considerably less 
arbitrary than towards women in the same respect. He may use his 
initials or his full name, as it pleases him. He may inscribe himself 
" Mr. John Smith," or simply " John Smith," and be quite correct in 
so doing, though just now there is a little inclination in favor of the 
more formal " Mr," an English custom we do well in copying. 

Mititary, not militia, naval and judicial titles, may always be used. 
Physicians and clergymen have the same privilege ; honorary titles, 
however, should be avoided. 

A private gentleman would have his card as : Mr. Howard Mason, 
24 Union Square. If he were a club man, the club name, providing 
it were a very fashionable one, would take the place of the address, 
as : Mr, Howard Mason, Union League Club. For a military card : 
Captain Arthur Coleman, U. S. A. For a naval card : Admiral 
Porter, U. S. N. A medical man might use the following : George 
H. Harrison, M.D. 

Some eminent men go to extreme simplicity, as, for instance, 
" Mr. Webster " being all that graced the cards of that celebrity. 

It is hardly necessary to say that a business card should never be 
used as a visiting card. A gentleman carries his cards either in his 
pocket or in a small leather case sold for that purpose. 

Cards for Receptions. 

Cards used for receptions, lawn-tennis parties, afternoon teas, etc., 
in place of more formal invitations, have been fully described under 
" Invitations." One example will suffice here: Mrs. Lawrence 
Barrett, July 1st, at 4. p. m. The object of the entertainment being 
written in the corner of the engraved card. 



58 VISITING CARDS. 

Cards for receptions are a necessary convenience in this era of 
lengthy visiting lists. Without them there would be no possibility of 
leisure or of seeing one's friends at their own homes. The fol 'ow- 
ing is an example : Mrs. Emmons B. Churchill, Thursdays. Or : 
Thursdays, Three o'clock to five, may be substituted; the latter form, 
however, usually meaning that a simple afternoon tea will be served 
on the day mentioned. 

A young lady never sends out a reception card in her own name 
alone, but her name is engraved upon her mother's card or that of 
her chaperon, thus : Mrs. Harold Gray ; Miss Gray, Wednesdays, 
Four o'clock to seven. Or, in case of a chaperone: Mrs. George M. 
Jansen; Miss Alice LeVictoikl, Wednesdays, Three o'clock to five. 

Foreign Phrases. 

There are a certain number of French phrases that custom has 
declared shall take the place of that "pure English undefiled " 
whereof Spenser wrote. In a few cases these chance to be shorter, 
more euphonious, and more directly to the point than the correspond- 
ing English phrase. For instance, the word " chaperon," so impor- 
tant in its signification at the present, has no adequate English 
translation. Below is given an alphabetical list of those phrases in 
most frequent use, together with the abbreviations that ofttimes serve 
in place of the full phrase : 

French Phrases. Abbreviations. Translations. 

Bal masque A masquerade ball. 

Chaperon An older woman attending 

a girl in society. 

Costume de rigueur Costume to be full dress. 

Debut First appearance. 

Debutante A young girl making her 

first social appearance. 

En ville . . ... E. V. ... In town or city. 

.Fete Champetre A rural or outdoor enter- 
tainment. - 



VISITING CARDS. 59 

Matinee A morning or daylight en- 
tertainment. 

Matinee musicale A daylight musical enter- 
tainment. 

Musicale Musical entertainment. 

Pour dire adieu P. D. A. . . To say farewell. 

Pour pendre conge P. P. C. . . . To take leave. 

Protege One under protection. 

Repondez s } il vous plait . . . R. S. V. P. . . Reply if you please. 

Soiree An evening party. 

Soiree dansante A dancing party. 

Soiree musicale A musical entertainment. 

The term en ville, when used in the place of " city," in addressing a 
note that is to pass through the postman's hands, is a needless and 
annoying affectation, since it is hardly to be expected that a knowledge 
of the French language forms one of the qualifications for a letter- 
carrier's position, and if delay ensues in delivery, the writer, not the 
carrier, is to blame. 

P. P. C. Cards. 

In the event of leaving town for a long absence, P. P. C. cards are 
frequently sent out. This is especially convenient where the length 
of one's visiting list renders the personal making of farewell calls an 
impossibility. The cards are sent out upon the eve of departure, and 
all persons receiving them are expected, upon the arrival of the 
absentee, to return the courtesy by cards (which may also be sent by 
mail) and by invitations. The ordinary engraved visiting card is used, 
and the initials P. P. C. (an abbreviation of the French phrase " to 
take leave ") are written in capitals in the lower left hand corner of 
the card. P. D. A. (to say farewell) is occasionally used, but is not 
in general favor. If the address should happen to be engraved in the 
lower left hand corner, P. P. C. may be written in the lower right 
hand corner, either way being permissible at any time. The large 
card inscribed jointly with the name of husband and wife is frequently 
used in this connection. P. P. C. cards are especially appropriate 



60 VISITING CARDS. 

where there are no calls due. If possible, unpaid personal calls 
should be answered in person on the eve of departure. 

Turning Down the Corners. 

This custom is almost out of date, and in consequence of the 
various interpretations liable to be given to the act, its disuse is a 
satisfaction to all parties concerned. To briefly explain the custom, a 
card turned down at the corner, or across one end, signifies that the 
call was made in person, and is sometimes very convenient when one 
wishes it distinctly understood that the card was brought in person, not 
sent; while one folded through the center denotes that the call in- 
cludes all members of the family. A man should not turn down the 
corners of his cards. 

Minor interpretations, such as which end or which corner is to be 
turned down on different occasions, even the surviving adherents of the 
custom do not pretend to agree upon. 

How to Leave Cards. 

In leaving cards follow the fashion of those who have paid you the 
same courtesy. If a call has been made upon you, return it by a call, 
as to return a personal visit by the sending of a bit of pasteboard 
would partake of the nature of a slight. If cards only have been sent 
you by a servant, return cards in the same manner by messenger or 
servant ; if they were sent by mail, return by mail. If the cards of 
any of the gentlemen of a house are left, always leave the cards of any 
gentleman of your family in return. 

Of course first calls should be made and returned in person, the 
card-leaving formalities coming later on. This rule is departed from 
only by a few ladies whom age, health, social or literary duties will 
excuse from making personal calls. These frequently permit them- 
selves to send out cards in place of a first call, either accompanying 
them with, or immediately following them by an invitation to some 
entertaiment. This attention should receive the same notice as a first 
call; cards should be sent in return, together with an answer to the 



VISITING CARDS. 61 

invitation, if it is of a nature to require it, and a personal call must be 
made thereafter, unless it was simply an afternoon tea, and an invita- 
tion sent in return speedily as possible. 

A lady leaves a card for a lady only, a gentleman leaves cards for 
the host and hostess of a house. Some authorities assert that a man 
making the first call of ceremony should, in addition to the first- 
mentioned cards, if none of the family are at home, leave another 
folded down through the center for the other members of the family. 
The folding, however, is questionable taste and the requisite number 
of cards would be better left in their original state. Cards should be 
left for the daughters of a house ; if there are sons, a lady may leave 
one of her husband's for them also. 

Number of Cards to be Left. 

After this first visit of ceremony it is only necessary to leave one 
card at any following call throughout the season. As a rule in 
country towns but one card is left at any call, unless it is at the first 
calls of a bride, when, if her husband's name is not engraved upon her 
card, she leaves one of his with her own. 

A gentleman and lady calling together and finding the mistress of 
the house, only, at home, would leave but one card, that of the gen- 
tleman for the master of the house. Finding no one at home, they 
would leave three cards, one of her's and two of his. A lady calling 
under the same circumstances would leave one of her own cards and 
two of her husband's. 

When one lady calls upon another, if the hostess be r.t home she 
does not send in her card (unless she is an entire stranger), nor does 
etiquette strictly enjoin her to leave it in the hall, unless it is upon her 
hostess' reception day, when, on account of the large number of 
visitors, it would be difficult to remember all. It then becomes a very 
desirable custom for a lady to leave a card, together with two of her 
husband's. Also when the servant is somewhat dull of comprehen- 
sion as to the name it will be well to send in a card to prevent mis- 
takes. On reception days in very fcshionr.blc houses it is the custom 



62 VISITING CARD* 

to announce the guests by name as they enter the room, so that cards 
need not be sent in. 

Never hand your own card to your hostess. If it be necessary, in- 
troduce yourself verbally, doing so quickly and clearly, and being sure 
to mention yourself, if a young lady, as "Miss." 

Busy, elderly, and even young men are very prone to leaving their 
cards in the hands of mother, sister, wife, or any other lady of the 
house for distribution, though after an elaborate entertainment it is 
much more indicative of good breeding that a young man should pay 
his respects in person to his hostess. 

Calls upon Young Ladies. 

Young men in this country leave cards for the young ladies of a 
house, but they should always leave one at the same time for her 
mother or chaperon. In Europe they are never permitted to leave a 
card for a young lady at all. They call upon the mother or chaperon, 
and while they may offer to send for the young lady, she is never 
asked after. 

If a gentleman, in calling where there are several young ladies, 
especially wishes to see one of the number, he may ask for her, but, 
before the call is over, should say he would be pleased to see f he 
other ladies ; more especially is there no excuse for ignoring the 
existence of the mother or chaperon of the young girl. 

If a gentleman knows the ladies of the house well, it is not neces- 
sary for him to send in a card if they are at home, unless it be the first 
call of the season, when it is well to leave one in the hall. In a 
household consisting of two or more ladies not closely related a card 
should be left for each one. 

When ladies are visiting in a house where the caller, whether man 
or woman, is unacquainted, he or she always leaves a card for the 
lady of the house and requests to see her: a request which she may 
-not grant, but one which it would be a marked slight to omit. 

In leaving a card for a friend visiting at a private house, never write 
her name upon it ; depend upon the servant, or whoever opens the 



VISITING CARDS. 63 

door, to remember for whom it is intended. This is only permissible 
when vour friend is at a hotel. In doing this write the name above 
yours. 

When a newly-married man sends cards immediately after his mar- 
riage to his bachelor friends it may be expected that he wishes to 
retain them as such in his new life. Upon the reception of these 
cards they are expected to call upon the bride at once. 

How to Send Cards. 

Cards sent by messenger are enclosed in a single unsealed envelope ; 
sent by mail this envelope is enclosed within another and larger one 
which is sealed. Cards handed in at the door are received by the 
servant on a salver to prevent being soiled by handling. 

'When to Leave Cards. 

First Calls of the season necessitate the leaving of cards. Let them 
be left quietly in the hall. This custom assists the lady of the house 
in revising her visiting list. 

Letters of Introduction necessitate that those who have received 
courtesies in response to such, should, upon their departure, send P. 
P. C. cards to those that have thus remembered them. 

A Change of Residence renders it desirable to send cards by mail to 
one's friends with the new address engraved thereon. However, 
should there be unpaid calls, the cards to these should be left in 
person. 

The Return from an Absence, including any length of time, should 
be announced by sending out cards having the address and re- 
ception day engraved upon them. Where P. P. C. cards have been 
issued previous to departure these should always follow the return. 

Preceding a Debut. Previous to the date decided upon for the 
presentation of a debutante to the social world, the young girl's 
mother calls upon those of her friends whom she desires to be 
present upon the occasion and leaves them her own and her husband's 
cards, and, if she have grown sons, their cards also, 



64 VISITING CARDS. 

Reception Invitations to a full dress reception are preceded by a 
call by card upon all the acquaintances to whom the hostess may be 
indebted. 

After Cards is the name applied to those that are sent to friends 
after a marriage and are engraved thus : 

Mr. and Mrs. Charles E. Smith. 

Later on, however, when the bride returns visits, she usually leaves 
her own card with her married name engraved upon it, thus : 

Mrs. Charles E. Smith. 

at the same time leaving her husband's separate card with her own, 

Before Marriage, the bride expectant in paying her farewell calls, 
leaves her own separate card, together with that of her mother or 
chaperon, with all acquaintances she may wish to retain in her new 
life. 

Entertainments and Calls. 

After Entertainments, a card, in large cities, is sufficient, unless it 
be after a dinner or a wedding reception, when a personal call is made. 
If the wedding invitations have been to the church only, not including 
the gathering at the house, some most exclusive people send cards to 
the bride's parents, afterwards inviting the young people to their enter- 
tainments. But a dinner absolutely requires a personal call. 

Even gentlemen, usually so remiss in such matters, are rather ex- 
pected to leave a card in person after a dinner. Any invitation, 
however, coming from a new acquaintance, necessitates a personal 
call, unless the intercourse is not to be kept up. In towns and smaller 
cities, a personal call is made after entertainments of any size. 

After a Tea a visit is paid and thus the visiting etiquette for a year 
is established. Before the season is over, however, the lady, if she 
expects to retain her position in society for the next season, must give 
a tea, or a series of teas, inviting all who have similarly honored her. 
This must be done before the season closes. Where the tea is not 
attended, cards should be sent to the house the game day. 



VISITING CARDS. 65 

Special Receptions, such as those dress affairs given once or twice 
in a season, require a personal card. 

General Receptions, or "at homes," given in a series, the dates of 
which are all mentioned on one card, need neither cards nor calls in 
return. Your presence there is a call in itself. A card may be left 
in the hall upon the day of reception to assist the memory of the 
hostess. 

Other Hints. 

Ladies in a strange city, staying either with friends or at a hotel, 
are privileged to send cards, giving their address, to any acquaint- 
ances, either lady or gentleman, from whom they may wish to receive 
a call. If desirable, they may send a note in preference, giving date 
or hour when they will be at home. 

Special Pursuits. Ladies having special pursuits, literary, or pro- 
fessional, often permit this fact to cover remission in social demands, 
in fact do not "visit" at all. 

For a Son, upon his introduction to society here in America, there 
is very little display made. His entree is usually very gradual, but if 
he has been closely kept at school his freedom from this is often an- 
nounced by his mother leaving his card with her own when she makes 
her visits at the beginning of the season. This is taken as a sugges- 
tion that, in future, his name is to be included among the invited 
members of the family. 

Cards for an unmarried gentleman should never be left by a lady, 
except in the case of his having given an entertainment at which 
ladies were present. In this case the lady of the house should drive 
to his door with her own cards and those of her family. Names of 
the young ladies should be engraved for the occasion upon the card 
of their mother or chaperon. The cards should be sent in by a 
servant. If a call is made upon a lady's regular reception day, it is 
rude to leave a card only, without entering and inquiring for the 
hostess. The time spent inside the house may be very brief, but even 
a few moments will satisfy the demands of etiquette, which without 
these would be rudely violated. 
5 



66 VISITING CARDS. 

Cards may be made to accomplish so much of the multifarious 
duties of society that one can scarcely imagine the social world 
revolving safely upon its axis without their intervention. Far be it 
from any to look upon the custom as a hollow mockery, for, without 
the system of formal visiting, or calling, society as it now stands could 
not exist. Such, too, are the complexities of modern existence that life 
would be all too short for the fulfillment of its demands were it not for 
these useful bits of pasteboard that do so much of our work by proxy 
and dispose of our undesirable acquaintances so speedily by the simple 
cessation, on our part, of leaving cards at their door. 

Various Cards. 

Among the cards as yet not referred to in this department may be 
mentioned the following : 

Cards of Congratulation, such as those sent the parents of a newly- 
betrothed couple upon the announcement of the betrothal ; those sent 
the happy parents of a lately arrived son or daughter, etc. Cards of 
this description should be left in person, though it is not expected that 
you should enter and make a formal visit. The leaving in person, 
however, is a compliment. 

Cards of Betrothal are distributed by the parents of the newly- 
engaged pair, leaving their cards with their own on all friends of the 
family. Individuals receiving these cards should call as soon as 
possible. 

Cards of Courtesy are sent on many occasions. For instance, to a 
house where the children or youth of their family have been invited 
without including the elders. This is done in acknowledgment of the 
courtesy extended to their children. Again, a gift however simple, 
even flowers, should always be accompanied by a card of courtesy. 
The simple visiting card is usually sufficient, though a " Merry 
Christmas," " Happy New Year," or " Many happy returns of the 
day," may be penciled beneath the name. If there are many words 
to be written, however, a little note of courtesy is far better. (See 
Notes.) The recipient of the gift should answer by a note of thanks, 



VISITING CARDS. 67 

never by a card simply. Cards should also accompany, or be attached 
to, flowers sent to a funeral, that the family may know friends remem- 
bered them in their sorrow. 

Cards of Inquiry are frequently sent, or better still, left in person, 
at the homes of friends prostrated by severe illness, or by recent 
bereavement. These usually have the words, "To inquire," or "With 
kind inquiries," pencilled above the name. These are many times a 
source of relief during the weary days of convalescence, or the heavy 
hours of seclusion after affliction, when the voices of friends would be 
too hard to bear, but the thought of their loving remembrance yields 
a healing balm. In cases of bereavement the cards should be sent 
about one week after the sad occasion that called them forth. 

Acknowledgment of Inquiry Cards. 

Cards of Thanks are usually sent out in reply to these cards of 
inquiry, since the answering in any other fashion would prove too 
great a task. The regular visiting card may be used in this case, 
pencilling the words "With thanks for kind inquiries," or, "With 

thanks for the kind inquiries of Mrs. ," beneath the engraved 

name ; or cards especially engraved for the occasion may be substi- 
tuted, thus : " Mrs. presents her sincerest thanks for recent kind 

inquiries." These may be sent by mail, but really should be carried 
by special messenger. Enclose in two envelopes. There is another 
method of acknowledging attentions during a period of bereavement, 
viz., the notice in the daily papers. This, however, does not usually 
meet with favor in large cities, but the example set by Mr. and Mrs. 
Secretary Blaine upon the death of their son, is, from its heartfelt 
pathos, worthy of imitation. The card appeared in all the Washing- 
ton papers as follows : 

"The sympathy of friends has been so generously extended to Mr. and Mrs. 
Blaine in the great grief which has befallen their household that they are unable to 
make personal response to each. They beg, therefore, that this public recognition 
be accepted as the grateful acknowledgment of a kindness that has been most 
helpful through the days of an irreparable loss." 



6$ 



VISITING CARDS. 



Birth cards are frequently sent to all friends, at home and abroad, 
as soon as the child is named. One very pretty style now in mine 
read as follows : Ethel May Toucey, Half-past twelve o'clock, 
January 12, 1895. This was enclosed in two small envelopes and 
sent by mail. These are more especially useful for sending to friends 
at a distance. 

Christening and Funeral Cards are considered in their respective 
departments. Families in deep mourning are not expected to send 
out return cards under the first year. Some prefer, however, to send 
cards of thanks very soon to thosj who have inquired, leaving ordinary 
visiting cards unanswered the usual length of time. 





THE customs of society in 
regard to visiting or "call- 
ing," and the rules that 
govern these customs, are well 
worth}' of our attention and care, 
since they in a great measure 
underlie and uphold the structure of our social life. No one, there- 
fore, need consider these details trivial or of little account, since, 
according to Lord Chesterfield, "Great talents are above the appre- 
ciation of the generality of the world, but all people are judges of 
civility, grace of manner, and an agreeable address, because they feel 
the good effects of them as making society easy and pleasing." 

Length of Visits. 

Ceremonious visits should always be short, fifteen to twenty minutes 
being the outside limit, and a shorter time often sufficing. Even 
should the conversation become very animated, do not prolong your 
stiy beyond this period. It is far better that your friends should 
regret your withdrawal than long for your absence. A lull in the 
conversation, a rising from her seat, or some pretext on the part of 
the hostess, or the arrival of a guest, all give an opportunity for leave- 
taking which should be made use of at once. 

The Art of Leaving. 

Cultivate the art of leaving ; nothing will contribute more to your 
social suecess. It is said of so brilliant a woman as Madame de Stael 

69 



70 VISITING CUSTOMS. 

that she failed lamentably in this particular, and, on the occasion of 
her visit to Weimar, made with the avowed intention of intellectually 
captivating the literary lions of the age, Goethe and Schiller, she 
made one fatal mistake, she stayed too long ! Goethe wrote to 
Schiller: "Madame de Stael is a bright, entertaining person, but she 
ought to know when it is time to go!" It is also evident from her 
own statement that she did not know how to go. She lingered after 
she had started, and if this were an unpardonable sin on the part of so 
marvelous a woman, it is surely a capital crime on the part of ordinary 
mortals. 

The art of leaving is more thoroughly understood by men than by 
women. The necessities of business life teach the value of time, and 
the press and hurry of city circles teach them the art of leaving 
quickly, so that a social call on the part of a business man is a model 
of good manners. When he has "had his say" and politely listened 
to yours, he takes his hat, says "good day," and is gone from your 
presence without giving opportunity for those tedious commonplaces 
of mutual invitations and promises to come again which seem a social 
formula with so many women. 

When Ready to Leave, Go at Once. 

Never say, "I must go," but, when you have finished your visit 
and rise to depart, go ! Never permit yourself to be drawn into touch- 
ing upon any subject at this critical moment that will necessitate 
lengthy discourse for yourself and hostess, or force upon you the 
awkward alternative of reseating yourself to finish the conversation. 
There is always a certain awkwardness in thus repeating the ceremony 
of leave-taking which may be avoided by a quick and graceful depar- 
ture that leaves both host and guest with feelings of the utmost 
amiability toward one another. 

On the other side it is necessary that the host -and hostess supple- 
ment this laudable endeavor on the part of their guests in order that 
the departure may be gracefully accomplished. Never detain the 
visitor, who is attempting to leave, by protests, by inquiries, or by the 



VISITING CUSTOMS. 71 

introduction of new subjects. One writer very pertinently says : " The 
art of leaving on the part of the guest needs to be supplemented by 
the art of letting go on the part of the host." 

First Calls. 

There is, possibly, more difference of opinion on the subject of who 
shall make the first visit or call and when it shall be made, than almost 
any other point of etiquette. At the same time more importance is 
attached to it than to almost any other social question, and it touches 
more uniformly every phase of city or country life than any other 
canon of courtesy. 

Neither neighborliness, nor good-Samaritan feeling, can exist with- 
out the civility of a call, and, when there is too great a hesitancy on 
the part of a resident to call upon the newcomer, one is reminded 
either of the priest or the Levite as they " passed by upon the other 
side," or is forced to recall the parvenue's dread of losing a footing in 
social circles. 

Common sense and kindliness of heart are always to be relied upon 
in matters of this nature, and the initiative may safely be taken by 
those who have social position, age, or length of residence on their 
side. Of course in large cities the immense demands of social life 
give a certain immunity from anything like promiscuous calling to 
those whose circle of acquaintance has already grown beyond the 
limits of their time. In towns and villages, however, no such immu- 
nity exists, and a call may be easily made, or a card left, while, on the 
other hand, should the new acquaintance prove "pushing," or in any 
way obnoxious, one simply ceases to leave one's cards and the evil is 
done away with. 

Many elderly ladies, and others whose time is very much occupied 
by social or other duties, excuse themselves from calling customs. 
Under such circumstances, they frequently send their cards, accom- 
panied by an invitation, to newcomers younger in years, thus entirely 
omitting the personal visit. Such invitations, whether accepted or 
not, should be honored in the same manner as if preceded by a call. 



72 VISITING CUSTOMS. 

If two people meet pleasantly at a friend's house and wish to con- 
tinue the acquaintance so begun, let them not hesitate, should none of 
the before-mentioned distinctions exist, as to which should make the 
first visit. Still, it is ofttimes wise not to call too hastily upon the 
newcomer, especially in cities, where it is well first to be properly 
introduced, and further still to have some assurance that your ac- 
quaintance is desired by them as well. As before stated, priority of 
residence, age, or pre-eminence in social position, should properly be 
upon the side of the one making the first advances. If none of these 
exist, let the braver of the two break the social ice. 

The etiquette of summer resorts demands that the owners of cot- 
tages call first upon renters, and afterward that both unite in calling 
upon later comers and arrivals at hotels or boarding houses. Of 
course, such intercourse is simply for the pleasure of the time being, 
and carries with it no responsibility of recognition in the future, unless 
such recognition should be satisfactory to both parties. It would be 
well for the "summer girl" and the "summer young man" to remem- 
ber this canon whereby "society" guards the doors of its exclusive- 
ness, enjoy the "good that the gods give" and expect no more. 

Substitute for First Call. 

In continental countries, and in cosmopolitan Washington, new- 
comers make the first advances themselves, leaving cards with those 
whom they wish to number among their acquaintances. Every one 
returns these cards, and invitations flow in upon the aspirant for 
social honors. This custom, unfortunately, does not hold good any- 
where else in this country, though a polite expedient is sometimes 
adopted by persons entering upon life in a new city. This consists in 
the newcomer sending out her cards for several reception days in a 
month. These may be accompanied, or not, by the card of some 
friend well known in social circles, if such she have, to serve as 
voucher. If not, she relies upon her own merits and sends out her 
cards unaccompanied. According to the varied authorities recom- 
mending this course of action, those rudely ignoring this suggestion 






VISITING CUSTOMS. 7$ 

are few in number, and the lady is permitted at once to feel that she 
has commenced her social career. 

Morning and Evening Visits. 

Any visit made between the hours of twelve and six is to be looked 
upon as a morning visit, though there is a little difference in various 
cities with regard to the exact time. Where ,one expects to touch 
upon reception hours, from three to five is usually a safe limit. In 
country towns or the small cities, from two to five are the usual hours 
for paying visits. Evening visits should be made between the hours 
of eight and nine, and ordinarily should never extend in length 
beyond the hour of ten. 

Sunday Visits. 

Gentlemen are permitted to call upon lady friends, Sundays after 
church and Sunday evenings, business cares being their excuse for 
not availing themselves of the other days of the week. Of course, if 
there exists any known objection in the family to Sunday visiting all 
their friends are bound to respect it. 

Reception Days. 

If a lady have a known reception day, callers are bound, in common 
politeness, to make their visits, as far as possible, upon that day. If 
this is not done, either a card only should be left, or, if a personal 
visit is intended, particular instructions should be given to the servant 
to the effect that if " Mrs. Brown is otherwise engaged she is not to 
trouble herself to come down." For which thoughtfulness, "Mrs, 
Brown," if she be a busy woman, and troubled with many social 
cares, will cordially thank you. 

Unfortunately, it often happens that many of our friends have the 
same reception day, and one's own " day " may conflict with that of 
one's nearest friend, so that, where the circle of acquaintance is large, 
much good nature, a few apologies and a great many cards are needed 
to safely balance the social accounts. 



74 VISITING CUSTOMS. 

It is considered a rudeness to simply leave a card, when one hap- 
pens to arrive upon a lady's reception day, without entering the room 
for a few moments' visit. 

"Not at Home," "Engaged." 

The simple and necessary formulae of, "Not at home," or " En- 
gaged," are more frequently questioned than any other social custom. 
Nevertheless their use is often a necessity, while, on the contrary, their 
abuse is to be regretted. No suspicion of an untruth need apply to 
either, for the phrase, " Not at home," is used with the accepted 
signification of, "Not at home, for the time being, to any visitors." 
If, however, conscience rebels against this so transparent fraud, there 
is always the alternative of " Engaged," which carries not the least 
suspicion of deception with it, but is somewhat less gracious to the 
ear. 

Indeed, were it not for these safeguards, the woman of society must 
bid good-by to all opportunities for solitude, self-improvement, or the 
fulfillment of her own social duties. 

The servant should be very carefully instructed each morning as to 
the formulae to be employed through the day, or such portion of the 
day as the lady of the house shall require to herself. No lady, after 
a servant has informed her that the mistress of the house is "not at 
home," will question as to her whereabouts, or the probable length of 
her absence. If she should so far forget her dignity, the well-trained 
servant will answer all inquiries with a respectful, "I do not know, 
Madame," adding, if such be the case, " Mrs- Brown receives on 
Thursdays." 

Should a servant show evident hesitation upon receiving your card, 
and say, "I will see if Mrs. Brown is in," enter the parlor, at the 
same time saying, " If Mrs. Brown is otherwise engaged, or going out, 
beg her not to trouble herself." 

Never, except upon urgent necessity, insist upon pencilling a word 
or two upon a visiting card and sending it up, where a lady is 
"engaged," as a demand upon her attention. If a servant has said 



VISITING CUSTOMS. 75 

the lady is "not at home," she has a perfect right to refuse the 
message. 

In suburban towns and small cities, where reception days are not 
common, the lady of the house must be very careful how and when 
she denies herself to visitors. Indeed, in all cases much discrimination 
must be shown in this respect, as great inconvenience may result, and 
some injustice be done, by an indiscriminate denial. But, as before 
said, in towns, it is better, if possible, to receive guests. Even if no 
servant is kept, the mistress can usually, by the exercise of a little 
care, keep herself neat and presentable. If at any time some slight 
alterations are necessary to the toilet, let the interval thus employed 
be very short. 

Some one has said that it would be well for a lady having a recep- 
tion day to devote a part of the morning of the same day to business 
calls, and to instruct her servants to inform all comers of this custom. 

Visiting List. 

It is well for all ladies having a large list of acquaintances to keep 
a carefully revised visiting list to assist their memories as to addresses, 
names of persons to invite, reception days of acquaintances, and, if 
possible, a list of their own ceremonious visits for the season, noting 
those that have been returned. The time thus expended is amply 
repaid by the convenience of reference and the avoidance of the pos- 
sibility of making a second visit when the first is unreturned. Also 
this list serves as a basis for the visiting list of the next season ; those 
having failed to return calls or cards being dropped from the new list. 

Visits Between Ladies and Gentlemen. 

A gentleman, as a rule, should not ask a lady for permission to call 
upon her. It is very easy for her, if she desires his company, to say : 
" I receive Thursdays," or, "I shall be at home Monday." It is a 
^reat discourtesy for a gentleman not to call at the time mentioned, or 
in a very few days, after being thus invited by a lady. Some gentle- 
men, if simply asked to "call sometime," will ask, "when may I have 



7fi VISITING CUSTOMS. 

the pleasure of seeing you?" To this question a definite answer 
should be returned, if possible. Very young ladies do not thus invite 
gentlemen; the invitation coming from either father, mother, or 
chaperon. 

A gentleman does not call upon a lady without some intimation of 
her wishes in the matter, unless he is the bearer of a letter of intro- 
duction, or is taken to her home by some friend sufficiently well 
acquainted to warrant the liberty. He may, however, seek an intro- 
duction through some mutual acquaintance. 

Ladies may express regret at being out when a gentleman called ; 
he also should regret the absence. If it should happen that a gentle- 
man should call several times in succession and be so unfortunate as 
to miss the lady each time, it would be quite proper for her to write 
him a note, regretting her absence and appointing an evening when 
she would be at home for his next call. This would remove any 
feeling of annoyance on his part that perhaps her absence had been 
premeditated. 

Gentlemen frequently call upon their married lady friends, doing so 
without the slightest appearance of secrecy and with full knowledge 
of all parties concerned. Indeed, the right of entrance to some of 
these pleasant home parlors is a great boon to the unmarried men of 
our cities. Ladies do not call upon gentlemen except professionally 
or officially, or, it may be, in some cases of protracted invalidism. 

"Out of Society." 

It sometimes happens that a newly-married lady, or a newcomer in 
some city, through severe illness, a season of mourning, or devotion 
to home duties, finds herself, in a year or so, completely "out" of a 
society with which she had scarcely become acquainted. If she be 
timid and non-assertive, she will sink back dismayed at the prospect, 
but if energetic and aspiring, she will at once win her way back by 
giving a series of receptions, either formal or informal, to all her old- 
time friends ; or, by entering into charities, or joining literary or musical 
clubs, she will quickly reinstate herself in the memory of society. 



VISITING CUSTOMS. 77 

Conduct of the Hostess. 

A hostess does not necessarily advance to receive her guests, simply 
rising and moving forward a step in order to shake hands (if she 
should so wish), remaining standing till they are seated, and, if pos- 
sible, keeping the latest comer near her side. Gentlemen should 
always permit the lady to make the first advance in the matter of 
hand-shaking. It is her prerogative. 

As the guests depart, the hostess docs not accompany each one to 
the door, but rising, remains standing until the guests have quite left 
the room, when it is to be supposed they will be met by a servant. In 
country towns the hostess usually accompanies the guest to the door, 
if there are others present, excusing herself to them and remaining out 
of the room but a moment. 

Entertaining Callers. 

Where there are several guests in the room at once the hostess 
should try to make the conversation general and pay equal attention 
to all, save that for a few moments, the latest arrival engages her 
more intimately, or some guest of great intellectual or artistic genius 
may be honored among the rest, as a lion of the hour. 

If you should chance to find, at once, in your reception room, two 
friends with whom you are upon equal terms of intimacy, treat them 
with the most absolute impartiality, being demonstrative toward 
neither, for there is too much truth in the saying that " there is always 
a feeling of jealousy on the part of each, that another should share 
your thoughts and feelings to the same extent as themselves." There 
are other occasions where the same care against wounding their feel- 
ings should be observed. 

If there should be any preference with regard to seats, one sug- 
gestion is that a lady should be seated on a couch or sofa, unless 
advanced in years, when she should be asked to accept an easy chair ; 
rn elderly gcntlermn should be treated in the same manner. If a 
young lady should be occupying a particularly comfortable seat, she 
must at once arise and offer it to an older lady entering the room. 



78 VISITING CUSTOMS. 

Should the hostess, upon the arrival of occasional visitors, be 
engaged upon work requiring any attention, she must at once relin- 
quish it ; but should it be light, ornamental, and not at all confining, 
she may continue it, if so requested. It would be well, however, to 
drop it at intervals, lest it appear as if there were more interest in the 
work than the visitor. 

Refreshments are not offered to visitors unless it is a regular recep- 
tion day with afternoon tea. 

Conduct of the Guests. 

If a visitor on entering the room finds that name or face has not 
been remembered by the hostess, let the difficulty be rectified by the 
guest pronouncing the name instantly and distinctly, the hostess, on her 
part, to remember names and faces. A bad memory is inconsistent 
with good manners. In very fashionable houses a servant announces 
the name of each guest as they enter, thus saving any confusion. 

Should you find yourself ushered into a room where there are 
several inmates, all strangers, ask for the individual you wish to see 
and introduce yourself distinctly. 

If your friend is at a hotel, wait in the parlor until the servant who 
carries up your card has returned to tell you whether you can be 
admitted. Never follow him as he goes to make the announcement. 
A little formality is the best preservative of friendship. 

If, while you are paying a visit, other guests arrive, you should, 
providing your stay has been sufficiently long, arise so soon as they 
are quietly seated, make your adieus to your hostess, bow politely to 
the other inmates of the room and take your departure. If you 
should be calling upon a lady and meet a lady visitor in her drawing 
room, you should rise when that lady takes her leave. 

The style of conversation should always be in keeping with the cir- 
cumstances under which the visit is made. Common sense alone 
should teach us that where a short morning call is in question, light, 
witty and quickly-changed subjects only should be entered upon, the 
nature of the case plainly prohibiting discussions on many topics. 



VISITING CUSTOMS. 79 

Gentlemen are expected not to use classical quotations before ladies 
without a slight apology and a translation, unless they are aware that 
the lady's educational training has made it possible for her to appre- 
ciate them. It would be well if they would use the same courtesy 
toward other men not gifted like themselves. For a general maxim, 
it may be here recommended not to air one's classical learning un- 
necessarily, lest it savor of pedantry. 

Guests should greet their hostess cordially, but a bow is usually 
sufficient to include the others present. 

Young ladies visiting a strange city should not receive calls from a 
gentleman without requesting the privilege from their hostess, and 
hostess and daughters should be introduced to him. Always avoid 
the slightest appearance of seeming to use your friend's house for a 
rendezvous. 

Deference to ]Ladies. 

A gentleman rises when ladies leave the room. Ladies bow if it is 
a gentleman, rising if it is a lady acquaintance, or a lady much older 
than themselves. A gentleman rises when ladies enter a room, but 
never offers them his chair unless there should be no other in -the 
room. 

A gentleman carries his hat and cane into the drawing room with 
him in making a visit. His hostess should no more offer to relieve 
him of them that she would take fan and handkerchief from the hands 
of her lady guests. If he wears an outer coat he leaves that in the 
hall ; if there should be no hall the hostess may ask him to put it on 
a chair or in another room. His hat and cane he either holds if he 
chooses, or places beside him on the floor, never on a chair or other 
article of furniture. If he intends spending the evening, he can, if he 
choose, leave hat and cane in the hall. Gentlemen should never bring 
friends with them to call upon ladies unless they have first received 
permission from them so to do. 

After escorting a lady on the previous evening the gentleman should 
make a call upon her the following day, if possible. Gentlemen 
should not consult their watches during a ceremonious visit. If some 



30 VISITING CUSTOMS. 

pressing engagement should render this necessary, they should offer 
Loth an apology and an explanation. 

A gentleman, unless invited, should never seat himself beside his 
hostess, but should take the chair pointed out to him. 

Gentlemen, in receiving other gentlemen, go to the door to meet 
them and furnish them with seats. 

The man of the house should escort ladies to their carriage, should 
they call while he is at home. If it be raining or otherwise disagree- 
able, and they have their own coachman, they should, however, beg 
him not to trouble himself. 

Gentlemen should decline an invitation to spend the evening when 
making a first visit; indeed, such an invitation should never be given. 

A man is usually asked to repeat his visit by the mistress of the 
house, not by the daughters, or else it is given by their chaperon. 

What Not to Do. 

Do not, according to the author of " Don't," be in haste to seat 
yourself; one appears fully as well and talks better, standing for a few- 
moments. A man should always remain standing as long as there 
are any women standing in the room. A man should never take any 
article from a woman's hands — book, cup, flower, etc. — and remain 
seated, she standing. This rule is an imperative one ; he must always 
rise to receive it. 

Do not take young children when making formal calls ; the 
hostess will be in terror as to the fate of her bric-a-brac, and the 
mother in dread as to what her young hopefuls may say or do. 

Do not take pet dogs with you into the drawing room. Their feet 
may be dusty, they may be boisterous in expressing their feelings, 
and besides, some people have a perfect aversion to dogs, so that your 
visit, thus accompanied, is likely to be far from pleasant. 

Do not meddle with, nor stare at the articles in the room. Do not 
toss over the cards in the card receiver, if there be one, and, while 
your name is being announced, do not wander impatiently around the 
room handling everything within reach. 



VISITING CUSTOMS. 81 

Do not loll about in your chair, if a gentleman (a lady scarcely 
needs this caution), keep your feet squarely in front of you, not cross- 
ing them ; ladies would do well to heed this also. Do not torment 
pet dogs or cats, or tease the children. Do not call the length of the 
room if you wish to address any one, but cross the room and speak to 
him quietly. Neither should you whisper to some one of the com- 
pany, twist or curl your thumbs or hands, or play with the tassels on 
the furniture or window curtains, or commit any of the thousand and 
one blunders that mark the underbred and nervous visitor and render 
his presence an unwelcome trial. 

There are a few other rules that would seem unnecessary to men- 
tion here were it not that they are so constantly sinned against. 
Among others it may be suggested not to do anything disagreeble in 
company. Do not scratch the head or use a toothpick, earspoon or 
comb ; these are for the privacy of your own apartment. Use a 
handkerchief whenever necessary, but without glancing at it after- 
wards, and be quiet and unobtrusive in the action as possible. Do 
not slam the door, do not tilt your chair back to the loosening of its 
joints, do not lean your head against the wall, as it will soil the paper- 
ing ; in short, do unto others as you would be done by. 

Do not tell long stories, more especially if they are about yourself; 
do not argue; do not talk scandal, and be sure not to attack the 
religious beliefs of any one present. Do study the chapter on the 
"Art of Conversation," and cultivate, as much as possible, that self- 
repose of manner that is, above all things, a sign of the lady or 
gentleman. 

The Reception-Room. 

The arrangement of the reception-room itself has much to do with 
the pleasure of the visitor. Who does not remember those delightful 
parlors where the guests dropped into pleasant convesational groups 
as by magic, and contrast them mentally with those other chilly 
apartments where a sort of mental frost seems to settle over one's 
faculties and incapacitate them for use. Much of this may be 
avoided by a judicious arrangement of chairs and couches, just where 



82 VISITING CUSTOMS. 

people drop naturally into easy groups, or, for the time being, sur- 
round their hostess. 

Propinquity is a great incentive to pleasant conversation, for there 
are few people that can talk the pretty nothings and sparkling witti- 
cisms, whereof parlor conversation properly consists, across space to 
people stranded against the opposite wall. Therefore let the hostess, 
who would have her symposiums renumbered with delight, see to it 
that she has an abundance of chairs, both easy and light, easy ones 
for the refreshment of the weary in body and light ones that may be 
quickly moved when the spirit moves toward some other group. 

A clever woman, to whom all social arts were long-solved problems, 
once said that she always observed how the chairs were left in a 
drawing room where several people had been sitting and put them in 
the same position next time. A group near the door where the 
casual caller will naturally drop into one and the hostess into another, 
without the least effort, will be placed in the best possible position for 
a little chat. Fulfill these conditions and your drawing room will be 
often filled and the fame of it will go abroad. 

- Formal calls, as a rule, are at best but a duty performed that brings 
a satisfaction in itself, but it sometimes happens that, as a reward for 
our well-doing, some word may be said, some friend may be met by 
a happy chance that is like a gleam of sunshine on a cloudy day. 









govern our best society 



THERE are certain rules to be. observed 
in the writing of invitations that can- 
not be transgressed without incurring 
a just suspicion as to the degree of one's 
acquaintance with the laws and canons that 
For instance, Mrs. John Doe issues invita- 
tions for a ball or evening party ; these, if issued in her own name 
or in the name of herself and daughter, or lady friend, would, very 
properly, find them "at home" on a certain evening. Should, how- 
ever, the invitations be sent out in the name of herself and husband, 
then it is that " Mr. and Mrs. John Doc request the pleasure of Mr. 
and Mrs. Richard Roe's company" at a certain date. We will also 
find that Mr. Dick Roe is never "at home," but "requests the pleasure 
of your company." 

To widely depart from any of these received canons of etiquette is 
to commit a decided solecism and to discover an utter unfitness for 
the desired social rank. Fortunately, there is no need, even for those 
not to the manor born, of displaying any ignorance in this matter when 
the simple consultation of a standard work on social etiquette will give 
the needed information and save the credit of the individual. 

At first sight, it would seem a very easy thing to invite a friend to 
come to you at a given day and hour, and to accept or decline said 
invitation would appear a matter scarcely worth considering. This 
rash conclusion, however, disappears from view when it is recollected 
that the proper phrasing, the suitable signature, and the appropriate 

83 



84 INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL. 

paper, arc all matters of the nicest choice, and indicate with the most 
unerring accuracy the good or ill breeding of the parties interested. 

From two to three persons only are invited from one family to the 
•same entertainment, and, in the event of a small dinner party, two 
would be the limit. The invitations would be addressed, not to 
Mr. Coates and family, but one to " Mr. and Mrs. Coates," another 
to "The Misses Coates," or to "Miss Coates." If there arc brothers, 
and they arc to be invited, a separate invitation is required for each 
one of them; a single one addressed to the "Messrs. Coates" being 
considered in bad taste. To one son and one daughter a joint invita- 
tion may be extended in the name of "Miss Coates and Brother." 
On rather informal occasions where the family, and perhaps their 
guests also, are desired to be present, the invitation may be sent in the 
name of " Mr. and Mrs. James B. Coates and Party." 

Note Paper for Invitations. 

Note paper for invitations should be plain, unruled, heavy in texture, 
creamy-white in tint, and of a size to fold once to fit the large, square 
envelope of the same size and tint. Monogram, if used, or crests, if 
they may be rightfully claimed, should be stamped or embossed in 
white directly in the center of the upper portion of the sheet and on 
the upper flap of the inner envelope only. This envelope should bear 
the name simply of the invited guest, and is to be enclosed in a per- 
fectly plain, somewhat larger envelope, which bears the entire address 
and protects the enclosure from the soil of frequent handling by post- 
man or messenger. 

Invitation Cards. 

Invitation cards, if they are used, should be heavy, creamy-white, 
and of a size to fit the large, square envelope. Such a card is suffi- 
ciently large to contain any ordinary invitation, and should be enclosed, 
as above, in two envelopes. 

Writing the invitation should receive the greatest care, especial 
attention being given to securing each phrase a line to itself. For 
instance, the names of host and hostess should never be separated, 



INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL. 85 

but given an entire line, the same rule applying to the n?mes of the 
invited guests. 

Invitations written in the third person should always be replied to 
in the third person, care being taken to permit no change of person 
from beginning to end of the note. This rule holds good in whatever 
person the invitation may have been written ; regrets or acceptances 
must be sent in the same manner. 

No one, nowadays, "presents his (or her) compliments" in giving 

or accepting an invitation; neither is "your polite invitation" any 

longer the best form. " Your kind," or "your very kind invitation," 

being the most graceful manner of acknowledging the courtesy 

extended. 

Written Regrets. 

Always, if possible, accept a first invitation if the new acquaintance 
is to be kept up. In case inexorable circumstances prevent this 
acceptance, the regret sent should explain these circumstances fully 
and be very cordially written ; while the earliest opportunity must be 
taken of extending some courtesy in return. 

Even should you not desire the acquaintance, your regrets should 
be courteous and cards should be left at the house in response to their 
civility. It is then at your own option whether or not to acknowledge 
the acquaintance farther. 

Invitations can be written or engraved on the large cards, or small 
sheets of note paper, that are used for this purpose, though, on all 
formal occasions, engraved forms in clear, fine script are preferable, 
and for weddings absolutely necessary. If written, black ink should 
be invariably used. 

A young lady never sends out invitations in her own name ; instead, 
"Mrs. and Miss Hoyt " are "at home," or the name of the young 
lady's chaperon appears with her own, as : " Mrs. Haviland and Miss 
Hoyt, at home, etc." 

Uninvited Guests. 

Should it so happan that an uninvited guest finds, accidentally, his 
way into the festivities, let the strictest politeness mark his reception, 



86 INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL. 

neither word nor glance betraying the slightest surprise at the unex- 
pected arrival. 

Inviting Married People. 

A married man should never be invited to an entertainment without 
his wife, nor a married woman without including her husband also in 
the invitation. An invitation erring in this particular should be looked 
upon as an insult, and should never be honored by an accept: nee. 
This category, however, docs not include gatherings, such as ladies' 
luncheons or gentlemen's game suppers, that are wholly confined to 
the members of one sex. 

Dinners. 

Ladies who give many dinner parties usually keep on hand the 
engraved invitation cards, with blanks left for the insertion of name 
and date. The invitation for a dinner party is always sent out in the 
name of both host and hostess, and the usual form is as follows : 



$g". 


ft-T^z/ ( 


%*S 


j^^r^y 


Q}%& 






A'AetrrJu i 


e &f-yrrf/ rr/j/y/rrj//^ r// r/rj? 


-neA, 




c& 


&t't7,n</ t? s/e-cA^) 










jV ^d/}^e^di 


i?d '^rv/v'/o 


R. S. V. P. 










i 



The letters R. S. V. P. are simply the initials of the French words, 
fypondez sHl vons plait, meaning, " Reply, if you please." 



INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL. 87 

Some very stylish people now use, in place of these letters, the 
English phrase : " The favor of answer is requested." 

Written invitations, or those engraved for a single occasion, would 
read as follows : 



1 


?,>) €Z444& (y^r^ o^ii&i \c/i&n&e 






-/( fr7rred : z/y%e-/i'£ea<Ur}e &jf 




$9*. ***/ '%7<u. ©fa Js&d&H**** 






'^rz/yy^^y- t&z ^/^j^yj^^l, 




€«■ 


C^uedc/ex-if, \//7i^l^U (OfTi, tz-v <$ & &/&&/%■. 






3^ CsfjA/rtnr/ ^^zzdewtfl 


^O 


The favor of an answer is requested. 





R. S. V. P. can be substituted for the last phrase, if desired. If the 
host be a widower with a young lady daughter, the invitation can be 
issued in the name of father and daughter, as : " Mr. and Miss Van 
Vleit, etc.," or, a lady and her daughter, under similar circumstances, 
would issue invitations in the name of " Mrs. Holt and Miss Holt." 

Persons who make a point of strictly observing the usages of 
polite society are extremely careful, having received any invitation, 
to take immediate notice of it, according to proper form. This is 
only a courtesy due to the one who has sent the invitation, which 
should be accepted or declined promptly, in order that the hostess 
may know what to depend upon. 

If the dinner party is given to introduce either a friend or some 



SS INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL. 

person of distinction, an extra card, inscribed as follows, is enclosed in 
the same envelope: To meet Mr. — — . Another form would be : 



Crtpt. &*n*t Gv%)<u t MacstUtw 


^Qetjfrttedf we /t'teet<Uf)se <ff 


Gt%>4. rmc/ Gt%)4<J. cMt&ww'j 


^P#<WlJl-4ZW>?4- &/ €/tW41<e4,, 


c£a& swisee-l c ¥fo-£e'l£ <: ^-i^^t€^^-t^yi^ J 


Gaw^^W/ ((jfsfa^e^ affiT, <w dewen- &u>c-&zz} 


6$% C^lcA -ef&ee/^ 


R. S. V. P. 



It is well, if the party is given in honor of some celebrated person, 
to give them the choice of several dates before issuing the general 
invitation, thus assuring yourself that no conflicting engagement will 
rob the entertainment of its bright, particular star. An invitation to a 
dinner is the highest social compliment that can be offered. It should 
be sent out about ten days in advance, and requires an immediate and 
positive answer, for it is to be supposed that the hostess wishes to 
make up her table at once. Both invitation and answer should be 
sent by messenger ; all other invitations, and replies to the same, may 
be sent by mail. In London, however, where distances are so great, 
all invitations, without exception, are sent by post. 

In case of an informal dinner, a verbal invitation is sometimes sent, 
one or two days beforehand, by a servant, and a verbal answer is given 
at the time. The principal objection against this method is that the 



INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL. 89 

date, having no written reminder, may be confounded with some other 
engagement. Where the affair is not too stately, an informal invita- 
tion, written in the first person, may be pleasantly exchanged between 
friend and friend. For instance : 

My Dear Mrs. Roe : 

My aunt, Mrs. LeFevre, of New York City, is here with me for a short 

stay, and Mr. Doe and I hope that you and Mr. Roe can give us the pleasure 

of your company at dinner, on Tuesday, October ninth, at seven o'clock, 

when, with a few other friends, we hope to pass a pleasant hour in your 

society. Cordially yours, 

Marian Doe. 
Mrs. Marian Doe, St. Caroline'- 's Court. 

Asking for Invitations. 

Asking for invitations for one's visiting friends, while permissible on 
some occasions, such as requesting the favor of bringing a gentleman 
to a ball where dancing men are always at a premium, or an unex- 
pected guest of your family to a reception or evening party, should 
never be resorted to when a dinner party is in question, for, to gratify 
the request would, in all probability, throw the whole of a carefully^ 
arranged table into disorder. This rule is only to be broken when 
the guest to be included is some really celebrated character whose 
addition to the compinv would compensate for the extra covers to be 
laid and the rc-arrangements to be made before the unexpected guest 
can be accommodated. No one, however, should feel offense when a 
request of this nature is refused. The hostess, in all probability, had 
good and sufficient reasons for her course of action. Invitations for 
a married couple should never be requested. 

Evening Parties, Balls and "At Homes." 

Invitations to these entertainments are issued in the name of the 
hostess only, and are sent out from ten days to two weeks in advance. 
Informal occasions, however, give very short notice, and it is well to 
use the word "informal" in the invitation, that guests may not put 



90 



INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL. 



themselves to inconvenience as regards dress. It must be remem- 
bered that this term is too often misleading in its nature, and many a 
sensitive guest has been seriously annoyed by finding herself, after a 
too literal interpretation of the " informal" character of the entertain- 
ment, in a crowd of gay butterflies, a misuse of the word that should 
be seriously protested against. 

Invitations to evening parties and private balls are less elaborate 
than formerly; the word "party" or "ball" is never used unless on 
the occasion of some public affair, such as a charity ball, but any 
especial feature of the evening may be mentioned in the invitation. 

To an evening party where dancing may, or may not, be a feature 
of the entertainment, the following, either engraved or written on a 
small sheet of note paper, is a very good form : 



C///)^ -4&/e&4f4*ed.grs?i-Z (Jj e'it-M*€&4<J& 


^YQef7f/eJ/J f//e // /er7.irr ie </ /Ae ccu/Aa?;//- <f 


(%- «W (%& 


( /77ti^/z ( -xz?&t&t&e'74 / 


&~ 


\A tr/ j/rje/a-vf. &v&w<w/ /7 , ^-u-/?/- J/.$T, 




Csff n-cwe 


0- C^CJZZZ^) 




Informal. 









All invitations are to be considered as "formal" unless the word 
"informal" appears on the card. If the card states that the enter- 
tainment is to be "informal," the invited guest is fully justified in con- 
sidering it so, and dressing accordingly. Neither host, hostess, nor 
other guests can take any exception if the invitation is treated just as 
it reads. 



INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL. 91 

If dancing is the feature of the evening, the same form may be used 
with the word " Dancing" added in the lower left hand corner. Or : 





Gfp^f. J^A-y-2- 


/Jt €■ '}■ V frWS; 








C#'/ 'J2fa**^-, 








SMu± 


CZwf June 




<-el /2-U 


! 




/&aC ^Lf^ia-rtsce- 


(Zs?'Ve-wMe.^> 




Quadrilles at ten. 











If the ball is at a public place, as at Delmonico's, in New York, the 
following form is appropriate, always making use, in case of so public 
an entertainment, of the host's name in connection with that of the 
hostess : 



(%. ., 


,.,/ hu. J 




(JjcttyA'd^) 


/Qea,Lf,e.j/ /Ae J? /eaJ/f }e c-f //r,'// cc /j^'/rr^ // , 


K±?^///r }Jr/a // t ■ /Ti/t J/r/ , 


(/ rrejj? 






Cyf/ j/s j/( 


( C-/i r// _ 


■z 


Delmonicd 1 s. 









92 INVITATIONS, FORMAL AM) INFORMAL. 

Another form that would be equally appropriate is as follows : 



c#*. 


rr y/r/ (^/f%)^S. 


^yfrry/^j 


U^til 


-J&tZsfrfcuJ', 






( &twi-(7-e'i' £2*f rr/A , 






\JVrr/j/('Jt'/(f // 


t / ^v////y 


Jrr j/ srrf / // 


/w&wfaewiZZ) 


German at 


nine. 








R. S. V. P. 



If any of these occasions are intended to introduce a debutante, hci 
card may be enclosed. If they are given in honor of a friend, 01 
some celebrated individual, the following form is appropriate : 



(fs??4d. X^r-e^ly 3^;^^0 




^YQetylteJ YJ /// r- /'/ / '< I r/ //f/// rr/j/,farj/// m-t 


Ct/fre.ir/rr// e^eiii'j?<7 , ('rfaAel /en/7/, 




Cl/^4o-jj/- ff/y/// fa e/ewe'tt- <?■ c^c^, 




C^0- meet /-/ie 




<%**. @tyf2@*. JSrffwfi, 




((jf /fae <c^-lc-jwe fa? i CIA/ieV'tfriZ'i-ctz-t (^evMst^tez/l^/^ 


684 West 49th Street. P. 


S. V. P. 



INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL. 93 

Or, if very formal, the name of the guest may be given first, as: 
To meet the Chief Justice of the United States and Mrs. Fuller. 
Mrs. Harold Courtright, At Home, from eight to eleven o'clock, 
Thursday, February seventh. R. 5. V. P. 

This s:mc precedence may be given to the name of an honored 
guest in a dinner or other invitation. Still mother form is where the 
n :me of the guest is written on a separate card, thus : To meet 
Mrs. Summerville. Enclose this in the same envelope. 

For a club party the following may be used : The La Salle Club 
requests the pleasure of your attendance Wednesday evening, June 
dghf, at nine o'clock. 555 West 51st Street. R. S. V. P. 

A still more simple form for a party invitation is an "At Home" 
card filled out thus : Mrs. Don Carlos Porter, At Home, Tuesday 
evening, Mr.rch fourth. 1021 Broadway. Cotillion at ten. R. S. V. P. 

Masquerades. 

The entire invitation for a masquerade may be engraved, or it may 
be written, with the exception of the word " Masquerade," which 
should be engraved on the card. For example : 



(fy. 


». & J. 


^C^W^^d 


'^e^es/j 


■tAe /lyteaj^td-t 


&lf MV-frt/l 


tM-wY/tzsn-M, 


(&i%4t44,da^ ewe-n^-rio- , ( 


^//o-v-ei-MsV-el- 


/we&fit, 




<Csv/ e('t7// f 


#- C^O/^i^> 






iTyasqucracic. 




R. S. V. P. 




55 Eas 


i Thirtieth Street. 



94 INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL. 

Musicales, Soirees and Matinees. 

Invitations to z Musicale arc simply written on "At Home" cards, 
thus : 

I 

Cs// .j/ '<„,<. 

Musi: at half-past three. 



Or: Mrs. P. Y. VanVechton, At Horn-, Tuesday afternoon, April 
second, from half-past three to five o'clock. Matinee Musicale. 

If the Musicale is to be an evening affair, and dancing is to follow 
the music, the following form of invitation may be used : Mrs. 
Herbert Hughes, At Home, Friday evening, January tenth, at eight 
o'clock. 200 Winchester Avenue. Music. Dancing at ten. 

Precisely the same form is to be used in giving out invitations for 
a soiree, save that the word "soiree" is substituted for that of "Musi- 
cale" or "matinee musicale" It may be farther added that the term 
"matinee" applies exclusively to entertainments given in the morning, 
or at any time before dinner, a distinction to which our custom of late 
dinners gives a wade latitude, so that any entertainment up to eight 
o'rloek in the evening may receive the name of matinee, notwithstand- 
ing the fact that drawn curtains and gas-lighted rooms may give all 
the semblance of night-time. "Soiree" however, is used only where 
an evening party of a semi -informal character is denot^ '!. 



INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL. 95 

Garden Parties. 

Precisely the same form of "At Home" cards can be used for these 
entertainments, substituting- the words "Garden Party" in the left 
h .nd corner and sending them out some two or three days in advance. 
Or, if a more formal affair is intended, use the following : Mrs. Waite 
Talcott requests the pleasure of the company of Mr. and Mrs 
John Clay, on Monliy, August fifth, at four o'clo:k. Garden Party. 
"The Oaks." 

If it should be desirable to in dude the entire family in the invita- 
tion, the wording woul 1 be as follows : 



y cd. ( /', tzt/z ci/^^i/c^fi. 

VL ' 



\* (L/c 

Garden Party. P. S. V. P. 

Carriages will meet the 3.40 train from Union Depot. 

This clause to be added only when the party is to be given at some 
distance from the station. If preferred, these directions may be 
written on a separate small card and enclosed in the s .me envelope. 

In this country we are not so accustomed to giving garden parties 
as people are in Engl n 1, but a garden party m \y easily be made one 
of the most inviting an I enjoyable of any, 



96 



INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL. 



Breakfasts, Luncheons and Supper::. 

Breakfast invitations may be engraved or written upon a lady's 
visiting card, thus : 



, ®\ 


yA4- 


J&em&e S2&04&*i£^ 


'fc^w^ ( 


/, Vediveddtz // , rrf A // t 


r/r r/f^ 


1 
! 


H 


( rrr//'/ Cx^W^^^^O 





A written invitation is usually in the first person, and should read 
somewhat as follows : 

Dear Mrs. Gracie : 

I should be pleased to have the company of you and your husband at 
breakfast with us, Wednesday morning at ten o'clock. 

Cordially yours, 
Mrs. George Horton. Gertrude Horton. 

The invitations should be sent out a week or five days in advance, 
and should be answered at once. 

Luncheons, in this country, are very apt to possess much of the 
formality of a dinner, and are written or engraved, according to the 
degree of stateliness that is to mark the occasion. Very formal invi- 
tations are sent out ten days or two weeks in advance, and are couched 
in precisely the same terms as a dinner invitation, save that the word 
" JLuncheon " is substituted for " Dinner,' ' Written invitations, also, 



INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL. 97 

follow the same plan as those written for dinners, and are not usually- 
issued more than a week or five days in advance. Some ladies use 
their visiting card, thus : Mrs. Frank E. Wentworth. Luncheon, 
Wednesday, at one o'clock. 

A later hour, say two o'clock, is usually adopted for a more formal 
affair. Replies should be sent at once that the hostess may be enabled 
to make up her table. 

Teas and "Kettledrums." 

Teas and " Kettledrums," High Tea and Afternoon Receptions, 
have come to bear a strong resemblance one to another, in fact to 
infringe so much upon the same territory that it is very difficult at 
times to distinguish between them sufficiently to apply the appropriate 
name. A simple affair is announced thus by those ladies who have a 
regular reception day : Mrs. John St. John. Thursdays. Tea at 
five o'clock. 40 West 49th Street. 

Or : Mrs. John St. John. Five o'clock tea. Thursday, February 
fifth. 40 West 49th Street. 

The words "kettledrum" or "afternoon tea" are not to be used, 
and these cards may be sent by mail, enclosed in a single envelope. 
They require no answer. Where the lady has not a regular reception 
day and wishes to give an afternoon tea, an engraved card, like the 
following, is usually sent out : Mrs. Arthur Merrill. Miss Mer- 
rill. Monday, February third, from four to seven o'clock. 274 
Chestnut Street. 

In case of the hostess having no one to receive with her, her name 
would appear alone upon the card. The name of any friend may take 
the place of a daughter's. Such an entertainment partakes more of 
the nature of an afternoon reception, or high tea. It may be adapted 
also to other occasions, such as the introduction to one's friends of a 
guest who is to make a prolonged stay, as for instance : Mrs. Arthur 
Merrill, At Home, Monday, December seventh, from one until 
seven o'clock. To meet Mrs. Frances Elmer. 55 Vine Street. 

Invitations like this and the one just above arc to be enclosed in 
7 



98 INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL. 

two envelopes, same lis for dinners and sent out ten days or two 
weeks in advance. 

Kaffee Klatsch. 

This furnishes very much the same class of entertainment that is to 
be found at an afternoon tea, save that coffee is the predominating 
beverage. The invitation is precisely the same as for teas, simply sub- 
stituting the words "Kaffee Klatsch." 

Suppers. 

For the evening supper, invitations are issued in some one of the 
forms presented for dinner parties, substituting the word " Supper." 
Answers should be returned at once. 

Coming-out Parties. 

These special festivities may take almost any form, so that the 
presentation of the blushing debutante may be at a dinner, ball, recep- 
tion, evening party or afternoon tea ; which latter custom has become 
very frequent of late. So much is this the case that it is somewhat to 
be reprehended as rendering afternoon teas too ceremonious in char- 
acter. There is this in its favor, however ; it relieves young girls 
from the strain incident upon a large party or ball. In some cases, 
the invitations preserve their usual form (whatever that may be) and 
the card of the debutante is enclosed in the same envelope. Even 
this distinction is sometimes wanting. Again, in the case of 'At 
Homes " and " Teas," the name of the young lady is engraved 
beneath that of her mother ; if it is the eldest daughter, the form 
would be : Mrs. Arthur Holt. Miss Holt. 

A younger daughter, under the same circumstances, would pose as : 
Miss Edith May Holt. 

Such cards do not need a reply, but the guest will remember to 
leave cards in the hall for the debutante as well as her mother or 
chaperon. It may be said here that, should it for any reason occur 
that the young lady is " brought out " under the wing of some friend 
instead of under her mother's care, the relative position their names 



INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL. 99 

will occupy on the cards is precisely the same, as : Mrs. D. G. Havi- 
land. Miss Holt. 

A more formal presentation would be in the style of an engraved 
note sheet : 



a 


y+t. C^4^Cu j3^ 


'4> 




^t^etjfrwedld- y l/ie /i^eziPi^le tff ■e^t^l^-e^i^oi^z^ A& 


i- de&tet&nt&l, 




&&a'(fy 


l~?' 








SC 








@tf «*» / @tf£> 


y^&6d 


<@£*i, 


(Q/m ct£ri>tt<td€&6i4f e-v^n^snea*, 


c/QyeceivZ'fr&l- 


//^' 




Cyvf <^c<n^ #■ 


c^c^z^ 






28 St. Caroline' s 


Court. 






R. S. V. P. 



This invitation, of course, implies a large evening party, reception 

or ball, and should be sent out ten days or two weeks in advance of 

the event. 

Receptions. 

Informal receptions and full-dress occasions of the same kind are 
announced somewhat differently. In the first case the affair partakes 
so closely of the nature of an afternoon tea that the same form of 
invitation is used : Mrs. Howard Post, At Home, Tuesday, October 
second, from four to seven. 

If a series of receptions are planned the form would be : Mrs. 
Howard Post, At Home, Tuesdays in November, from four to si:: 
o'clock. 



100 



INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL. 



Full-dress receptions are frequently given both afternoon and 
evening, sometimes in the evening only. Invitations to these should 
be engraved on square cards or note sheets, and sent out two weeks 
previous to the reception day. A very good form is : 



Ofcu 


. ^Me^/we S2s/ "■> // /t </J 


XQt '.'■'■■>. i/.i //// / /s 'r.>rr > r r /' '/ft// 


C4 /J///<r J/ '/ . 


( // y /srs ,.,,/rr ,■/ , 


y r,,,/// f , 


/ /ff////7 . 


y 


/l<ve tfj/AY A s' t t 


/' r//^ 


7 1 1 D it Page Street. 






R. S. V. -P. 



If a daughter or a friend is to assist in receiving, the invitation 
should include her name also : Mrs. Jerome Hastings, Miss Hast 
ings, At Home, Thursday, November twelfth, from five until ten 
o'clock. 711 DuPage Street. 

When the reception is given by a gentleman, and its object is to 
enable his friends to meet some distinguished guest, the following 
form is used: Mr. Howard Post requests the pleasure of the com- 
pany of Mr. Alonzo Metcalf to meet General E. L. Bates. 
Union League Club. 100 Cedar Street. R. S. V. P. 

Though some prefer placing the name of the honored guest first, 
according to the form given under dinner invitations. The answer 
should be : 

Mr. Alonzo Metcalf accepts with pleasure Mr. Howard Post's kind invi- 
tation to meet General E. L. Bates. 



INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL. 



101 



Weddings. 

Weeding invitations are issued two weeks in advance, sometimes 
-arlier to friends at a distance, in order that they may lay their plans 
accordingly. They are engraved in fine script on small sheets of 
cream note, and the form most used for church weddings is as 
follows : 



■ec^ 






ue^fifpl-eii 



O-tf/iJ-el'f 



tt'Vp ^-*Z>4-€Z44d>6044' . 



v i<z- cSAue.J, 






f i-CZ--c/-=/i ' O-.j !■/. 



U/2Aldt 



4&fo, 



^tw,&'Aa>i'K''fo'ri,zZ5 



Still another form would give the daughter's name as " Miss Guen- 
dolen Earle." 

There may or may not be a monogram on the sheet of paper, but, 
if used there, one to correspond must be placed on the inner envelope 
also. The envelope, however, may be stamped with a monogram and 



102 INVITATIONS, PORMAL AND INFORMAL. 

the paper left plain, this latter style being much in favor. Where the 
wedding is in church, it is usually followed by an after- reception, cards 
for which are engraved in some similar form to the following : Recep- 
tion from one until three o'clock, 107 Washington Street. Or: At 
Home after the ceremony. 107 Washington Street. 

A still more ceremonious invitation to the reception may be issued 
in the parents' name, and in the usual form of similar invitations, as : 
Mr. and Mrs. Richard Earle request the pleasure of your com- 
pany at the wedding reception of their daughter, GuENDOLEN, and 
Mr. Egbert Ray Cranston, Tuesday evening, June eighteenth, 1895, 
from nine to eleven o'clock. 107 Washington Street. 

If there is reason to believe that the church will be crowded with 
uninvited guests, admission cards are engraved as follows : Christ 
Church. Please present this card to the usher. Tuesday, June 
eighteenth. 

How Invitations are Sent. 

Several of these cards arc usually enclosed for distribution to friends 
of the invited and for the use of servants that have accompanied 
guests to the church. This custom is hardly necessary in country 
towns. All of the cards and the invitation are enclosed in one 
envelope superscribed with the name only of the person invited, and 
re-inclosed in another envelope bearing the full address. All formal 
invitations are to be enclosed in the two envelopes as above ; less 
stately affairs requiring but one envelope ; send by mail. 

In England, wedding invitations are issued in the name of the 
mother of the bride only ; here custom sanctions the use of the 
father's name as well. If the invitation is issued in the name of some 
other relative, then the word "granddaughter," "niece," etc., should 
be substituted for that of " daughter." If the future home of the 
young couple is decided upon, "At Home" cards also should be 
enclosed for all the invited guests that the bride desires to retain upon 
her visiting list. The following form is appropriate : Mr. and Mrs. 
Egbert Ray Cranston, At Home, Thursdays in September, from 
four until six o'clock. 48 Washington Street. 



INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL. 103 

Or. in place of designating especial days, it may read : Mr. and 
Mrs. Egbert Ray Cranston, At Home, after September first 
48 Washington Street. 

Where the list of acquaintances is very large it sometimes happens 

that a portion of the guests are invited to the church only. When 

this is the case the reception card is omitted from the envelope ; but 

if a visiting acquaintance is to be maintained, "At Home" ca~ds must 

be enclosed. 

Wedding Invitations. 

The home wedding is, perhaps, less stately in appearance, but, 
involving as it does, less care on the part of friends and less nervous 
strain on that of the bride, is frequently adopted. The invitations are 
precisely the same as for a church wedding, merely inserting street 
and number in place of designating the church, omitting, of course, 
the card of admittance and that for reception. The "At Home " 
card of the newly-married couple should always be enclosed lest 
doubt as to their new address prove perplexing to their friends. 

Sometimes, where life is to be commenced in their own home, the 
wedded pair, soon after their establishment therein, send out ''At 
Home " cards for a few evenings after this style : Mr. and Mrs. 
Egbert Ray Cranston, At Home, Tuesday evenings in September, 
from eight to eleven o'clock. 48 Washington Street. 

Gatherings such as these partake of the nature of semi-formal 
receptions and present a delightful opportunity for welcoming friends 
to the new home, and at same time arranging a visiting list for the 
season, no one receiving a card to these entertainments that is not to 
be honored with a place thereon. These invitations are to be sent out 
after the return from the bridal tour, and, when thus used, the first-given 
"At Home " card is omitted in sending out the wedding invitation. 

If the wedding is to be a morning affair from the church, followed 
by a breakfast, the first given invitation is issued and the following 
engraved card enclosed in the same envelope : Mr. and Mrs. Richard 
Earle request the pleasure of your company at breakfast, Tuesday, 
June twentieth, at half past twelve o'clock. 107 Washington Street. 



104 INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL. 

"At Home" cards and cards to the church should be enclosed as 
before. The time should be carefully arranged so that not more than 
half an hour is allowed to elapse between the ceremony at the church 
and the reception or breakfast at the house. 

A home wedding with a breakfast simply sends out the ordinary 
wedding invitation, indicating the hour and giving the street and 
number. 

Sometimes, at a home wedding, it is desired that no one but rela- 
tives or very particular friends should be present at the ceremony. 
Under these circumstances the usual invitations are issued. Then, for 
the favored few, ceremony cards are enclosed, on which the words are 
engraved : Ceremony at half past eight. 

"At Home " cards may be enclosed as before. 

Where the wedding has been entirely private, the mother, or some 
other relative of the bride, frequently gives a reception upon the 
return home of the young couple, invitations to which are issued as 
follows : Mrs. Richard Earle, Mrs. Egbert Ray Cranston. At 
Home, Wednesday, September first, from four to ten o'clock. 
107 Washington Street. 

For an evening reception the form is a little different : Mr. and Mrs. 
Richard Earle request the pleasure of your company, Thursday, 
September second, from nine to eleven o'clock. 107 Washington 
Street. Enclosing the card of Mr. and Mrs. Egbert Ray Cranston. 

Announcement Cards. 

Announcement cards, where the wedding has been strictly private, 
are sent out after the following style : Mr. and Mrs. Richard Earle 
announce the marriage of their daughter, Guendolen, to Mr. Egbert 
Ray Cranston, Tuesday, November nineteenth, 1895. 107 Wash- 
ington Street. 

The before-given "At Home" cards maybe enclosed, or the neces- 
sary information conveyed by having engraved in the lower left hand 
corner of the sheet of note paper : At Home, after December first, at 
48 Washington Street. 



INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL. 105 

Another form of announcement is also used : Egbert Ray Cran- 
ston. Guendolen Earle. Married, Tuesday, November nineteenth, 
1895. Binghamton. With this form use "At Home" cards, or 
engrave the street and number in the lower left hand corner of the 
announcement card. This form is permissible in any case, but is more 
frequently employed where there are neither parents nor relatives to 
send out the announcement. 

If the wedding should have taken place during a season of family 
mourning or misfortune, the bridegroom himself issues the following; 
announcement : Mr. and Mrs. Egbert Ray Cranston, 48 Washing- 
ton Street. 

These cards are large and square, and in the same envelope with 
them is enclosed a smaller card engraved with the maiden name of 
the bride : Miss Guendolen Earle, 

Wedding Anniversaries. 






263 East Thirteenth Street. 



In sending out invitations for the various anniversaries that pleas- 
antly diversify the years of a long wedded life, the simplest form will 



106 INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL. 



always be found in the best taste. There are varied devices for 
rendering these invitations striking in effect, such as silvered and 
gilded cards for silver and golden weddings, thin wooden cards for 
the wooden wedding, etc., but good taste would indicate that none of 
these, not even gold and silver lettering (though this last is least objec- 
tionable of all), should be used. The large engraved "At Home" 
card, or the small sheet of heavy note paper, also engraved, are the 
most elegant. 

" No Presents Received." 

The words, "No presents received," are sometimes engraved in the 
lower left hand corner of the note sheet, or card. A much-to-be- 
admired custom, since the multiplicity of invitations requiring gifts, 
is, in more cases than one, burdensome to the recipient. 

Revise the Visiting List. 

Now, that it has become the custom to engage the services of an 
amanuensis to direct the invitations for a crush affair by the hundred, 
it would be well for every hostess to frequently revise her visiting 
list, in order that the relatives of lately deceased friends may not be 
pained by seeing the dear lost name included among the invitations of 
the family ; also, this care is necessary to remove the names of those 
who have recently departed from the city, and those whose acquaint- 
ance is no longer desired. 



^^- 



E^CEPTANCES 




EGRETS 



m 



" ThaiW IIIIII 

I 
ft. 

THE essence of all etiquette is to be found 
the observance of the spirit of the Golden 
Rule. Perhaps in no one point is the "do 
unto others as ye would that they should do unto 
you," more applicable than in the prompt acknowledgment of either 
a formal or a friendly invitation. This acknowledgment may be either 
denial or assent, but whatever the form, it is requisite that the prof- 
fered courtesy should be answered by a prompt and decisive accept- 
ance or refusal. This is a duty owed by an invited guest to his 
prospective host or hostess and one that should never be neglected. 

Answering an Invitation. 

In accepting or declining an invitation close attention should be paid 
to the form in which it is written and the same style followed in the 
answer. For instance : should the invitation be formal, the answer 
should preserve the same degree of formality ; while a friendly 
invitation in note form should meet with an acceptance or regret 
couched in the same terms. Another rule to be rigidly observed 
is, that the acceptance or refusal must be written in the same person 
that characterized the invitation. For instance : if " Mr. and Mrs. 
Algernon Smith request the pleasure of the company of Mr. and 
Mrs. Joseph Bronson at dinner, etc.," with equal stateliness " Mr. and 
Mrs. Joseph Bronson accept with pleasure the kind invitation of Mr. 
and Mrs. Algernon Smith." To do otherwise would imply ignorance 
of the very rudiments of social or grammatical rules. 

107 



108 ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS. 

A friendly note of invitation, beginning somewhat after this fashion : 
" Mr. Smith and I would be pleased to have you and Mr. Brown, 
etc.," would be accepted or declined in the same fashion and person, 
as : " Mr. Brown and I accept with pleasure your kind invitation, 
etc." To answer such an invitation with a formal acceptance, or 
regret, written in the third person, as given above, would display 
profound ignorance of social customs. 

An acceptance or regret, written in the first person, receives the 
signature of the writer, but one written in the third person remains 
unsigned. To sign it would produce a confusion of persons and be 
ungrammatical to the last degree. Another error to be avoided is 
that of beginning in this fashion : " I accept with pleasure the kind 
invitation of Mr. and Mrs. John Jones," this also producing a change 
of person altogether inadmissible. Neither must one be betrayed 
into the mistake of using the words, "will accept," thus throwing the 
acceptance into the future tense, when, in reality, you do accept, in 
the present tense, at the moment of writing. 

Accepting a Dinner Invitation. 

Incumbent upon us as it is to answer the majority of our invitations 
in either the affirmative or negative, there are degrees of necessity 
even here, for, sin as we may in all other particulars, there is an 
unwritten code like unto the laws of the Medes and Persians which 
declareth that the invitations to a dinner are not to be lightly set 
aside. First, an invitation to a dinner is the highest social compliment 
that a host and hostess can pay to those invited, and, second, the 
guests are limited in number and painstakingly arranged in congenial 
couples by the careful hostess. Judge, then, of her disappointment, 
when, at the last moment, some delinquent sends in a hasty regret 
leaving little or no time to fill that terror of all dinner- givers, that 
skeleton at the feast, an empty chair. One such failure is sufficient to 
ruin the most carefully-arranged table and is an injury to host and 
hostess that only the occurrence of some unforeseen calamity can 
justify. 




UXG AN INVITATION. 



109 



110 ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS. 

In answering an invitation it is well to repeat the date, as: "Your 
kind invitation for Tuesday, May fifth." This will give an oppor- 
tunity, if any mistakes have been made in dates, to rectify them at 
once. This caution it would be well to observe in answering any 
invitation. 

Answer decisively as well as promptly. Do not, if there is a doubt 
as to your being able to attend, selfishly keep the lists open in your 
favor by suggesting that "You hope to have the pleasure," etc., or, if 
married, that "one of us will come." This is an injustice to those 
inviting you, who, to make a success of their entertainment, must 
know at once the number to be depended upon. Say "yes" or "no" 
promptly and abide by your decision. To do this will, in case of 
refusal, give time to fill your place at table. 

Accepting a Dinner Invitation. 

In accepting a dinner invitation the following form is very suitable. 
This, of course, pre-supposes that the invitation has also been written 
in the third person. (See Invitations.) 

Mr. and Mrs. Harvey Pratt accept with pleasure the kind invitation of 
Mr. and Mrs. Paul Potter for dinner on Tuesday, December fifteenth, at 
eight o'clock. 24 Abercrombie Street. Wednesday. 

A gentleman might respond thus : 

Mr. Fremont Miller has much pleasure in accepting the very kind invi- 
tation of Mr. and Mrs. Paul Potter for dinner on Tuesday, December 
fifteenth, at eight o'clock. Union League Club. Wednesday. 

To answer a formal invitation carelessly and familiarly is to show a 
degree of disrespect to the sender, but, if the invitation be in note 
form, first person, answer in same fashion, it being usually safe to 
follow the style of invitation in either accepting or refusing the 
proffered pleasure. 

Never "present one's compliments" in response to an invitation. It 
is entirely out of date; neither should one say "the polite invitation 
of Mr. John Jones." All invitations are presupposed to be "polite." 



ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS. Ill 

"Your kind" or "very kind invitation" is a gracefully-turned and 
amply sufficient phrase for all occasions. 

Declining a Dinner Invitation. 

An unexplained regret is often (as before mentioned) wounding to 
die feelings of a sensitive person, leaving at times the impression that 
one did not care to come. This can always be avoided by particular- 
izing the cause of refusal. A plea of expected absence, a previous 
engagement to dine elsewhere, a recent bereavement, or sudden illness 
in the family, are each of them good and sufficient reasons for non- 
acceptance and should always be mentioned. Thus, in reply to a 
formal dinner invitation, a "regret" might be sent in the following 
terms : 

Mr. and Mrs. Harvey Patten sincerely regret that, owing to the sudden 
illness of their daughter Eleanor they will be deprived of the pleasure of 
accepting the very kind invitation of Mr. and Mrs. Paul Potter for dinner 
on Tuesday, December fifteenth. 24 Abercrombie street. Wednesday. 

This form of refusal will be found suitable for all formal occasions, 
varying the name of the entertainment and the cause for non-accept- 
ance to suit the circumstances. 

Persons in Mourning. 

Invitations to those in mourning should be sent as a matter of 
course, except during the first few weeks of deep bereavement, when 
their sorrows are not to be intruded upon by the gayeties of the outer 
world. After this first season of sorrow, invitations, which neither 
custom nor their own feelings permit them to accept, should be sent, 
that they may know that they are not forgotten in their solitude. 

To these there is always given the privilege of declining all invita- 
tions without any specified cause therefor, their black-bordered sta- 
tionery showing all too plainly the sad reason that prompted their 
refusal. They should then send their cards (black-bordered) by mail 
enclosed in two envelopes. These will take the place of a personal 
call and should be the same in number. It may be mentioned here 




A LETTER OF CONDOLENCE. 



112 



ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS. 113 

that while people in deep mourning are not usually invited to dinners 
or luncheons, it is customary for them to receive invitations to all 
weddings and other social gatherings, and though they may not 
accept, still it is gratifying for them to know that they are remem- 
bered in their seclusion. 

Addressing the Answer. 

The answer to an invitation should always be addressed to the 
person in whose name it is sent. If " Mr. and Mrs. Richard Roe 
request the pleasure," etc., address the answer to " Mr. and Mrs. 
Richard Roe." If "Mrs. Richard Roe is At Home" on a certain 
date, address the reply to her alone. In case of wedding invitations, 
address all answers to the parents of the bride, in whose name they 
are sent out, never to the bride, although she may be your only 
personal acquaintance in the family, the civility being due to the 
issuers of the invitation. This is customary in the case of all 
invitations. 

Wedding Invitations. 

Wedding invitations are usually thought to require no answer unless 
it be to a sit-down wedding breakfast. In this case the same exact- 
ness in reply and the same form is demanded as for a dinner invitation. 
If the invitation is extended to friends at a distance and pre-supposes 
an intention to entertain the recipients for any length of time, the obli- 
gation for speedy reply is equally necessary. 

If the invitation is given by an informal note, as is the case with 
some very quiet weddings, an answer must always be returned and in 
the same note form. This attention is demanded by courtesy. 

To a large crush wedding a regret, accompanied or not by a gift, 
may be sent if desired ; an acceptance is not necessary. Where the 
invitations are to the church only, they are amply answered by sending 
or leaving cards at the house. To receive a card stating that the 
wedded pair will be "At Home" on certain dates, means that they 
desire to continue their acquaintance with the parties thus invited, who 
should either call in person or send cards promptly. 
8 



114 ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS. 



Wedding Anniversaries. 

Anniversary invitations require an answer, thus giving a very 
pleasant opportunity for congratulating the happy couple. The fol- 
lowing forms are suitable : 

Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Cummings accept with pleasure the kind invitation 
of Mr. and Mrs. Kennet Wade for Thursday evening, October tenth, and 
present their warmest congratulations on their Silver Wedding Anniversary. 
45 Church Street. Thursday. 

For a refusal : 

Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Cummings sincerely regret that, owing to an unex- 
pected absence from town, they are unable to accept the very kind invita- 
tion of Mr. and Mrs. Kennet Wade for Thursday evening, October tenth, 
but beg to present to them their warmest congratulations on this occasion cf 
their Silver Wedding Anniversary. 24 Church Street. Wednesday. 

The same formula: in answering will apply to any of the anniver- 
sary festivities. 

Theater and Opera Parties. 

These parties are frequently' made up on rather short notice and 
the invitations are then sent to the house by special messenger who 
awaits the reply, which must be written at once, that the lady or 
gentleman giving the entertainment may be sure of a certain number 
to fill the box or stalls, engaged for the evening. Occasionally, when 
the party is given by a gentleman, he takes a carriage and gives out 
the invitations in person when a verbal answer is returned. 

Luncheons and Suppers. 

Invitations for these are written in the same form as for a dinner, 
merely substituting the word " luncheon " or " supper" for "dinner," 
and should be accepted or refused in precisely the same style. 
Answers also should be sent with the same promptness that the 
hostess may be certain of arranging her table satisfactorily. 



ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS. 115 

Other Invitations. 

Other invitations, aside from those already specified in this depart- 
ment, scarcely demand an answer, except they bear the words: "The 
favor of an answer is requested," or the initials, " R. S. V. P." Simple 
" at home " affairs never need an answer, though cards must always 
be sent, or left in person, immediately afterward. Garden parties, 
where they are held at any distance from the city and carriages are 
to be sent to convey the guests thither, always require an answer ; 
this, however, is usually indicated upon the card. 

Refusing After Acceptance. 

Should it unfortunately occur, after accepting an invitation, that, by 
one of the sorrowful happenings so often marring our best laid plans, 
we are prevented from fulfilling our promise, let the regret sent be 
prompt, that your hostess, especially if the entertainment be a dinner 
or luncheon may possibly, even at the eleventh hour, be able to supply 
the vacancy. Make it explanatory as well, that she may feel positive 
that no mere whim has caused the disarrangement of her plans. 

What Not to Do. 

Never write the word "accepts," "regrets" or "declines" upon 
your visiting card and send in lieu of a written note. To do so is not 
only an insult to your hostess but a mark as well of your own ill- 
breeding. An invitation, which is always an honor and implies the 
best that your host is able to offer, should always receive the courtesy 
of a civil reply. 







i i 



c 



OURTSHIIV 
according to 
Sterne, " con- 
sists in a number of 
quiet attentions, not so 
pointed as to alarm, nor 
so vague as not to be 
undjrstood." 

In this little quotation lies the spirit an J the letter of all etiquette 
regarding courtship. The passion of love generally appearing to 
everyone save the man who feels it, so entirely disproportionate to 
the value of the object, so impossible to be entered into by any out- 
side individual, that any strong expressions of it appear ridiculous to a 
third person. For this reason it is that all extravagance of feeling 
should be carefully repressed as an offcnse against good breeding. 

Man was made for woman, and woman equally for man. How 
shall they treat each other ? How shall they come to understand 
their mutual relations and duties? It is lofty work to write upon this 
subject what ought to be written. Mistakes, fatal blunders, hearts 
and lives wrecked, homes turned into bear-gardens tears, miseries, 
blasted hopes, awful tragedies — can you name the one most prolific 
cause of all these ? 

If our young people were taught what they ought to know — if it 
were told them from infancy up — if it were drilled into them and they 
were made to understand what now is all a mystery to them — a dark, 
vague, unriddled mystery — hearts would be happier, homes would be 
brighter, lives would be worth living and the world would be better. 
116 




Good Night! Good Night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, 
That I shale say good night tiee it be morrow."' 




A POLITE ESCORT, 






ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 117 

This is now the matter — matter grave and serious enough — which 
we have in hand. There are gems of wisdom founded on health, 
morality, happiness, which should be put within reach of every house- 
hold in our whole broad land. It is a most important, yet neglected 
subject. People are squeamish, cursed with mock modesty, ashamed 
to speak with their lips what their Creator spoke through their own 
minds and bodies when he formed them. It is time such nonsense — 
nonsense shall we say? — rather say it is time such fatal folly were 
withered and cursed by the sober common sense and moral duty of 
universal society. 

Courtship! Its theme, how delightful! Its memories and associa- 
tions, how charming! Its luxuries the most luxurious proffered to 
mortals! Its results how far reaching, and momentous! No mere 
lover's fleeting bauble, but life's very greatest work! None are 
equally portentous, for good and evil. 

Errors oi Love-Making, 

God's provisions for man's happiness are boundless and enaiess. 
How great are the pleasures of sight, motion, breathing ! How much 
greater those of mind ! Yet a right love surpasses them all ; and can 
render us all happier than our utmost imaginations can depict ; and 
a wrong more miserable. 

Right love-making is more important than right selection ; because 
it affects conjugal life for the most. Men and women need knowledge 
concerning it more than touching anything else. Their fatal errors 
show their almost universal ignorance concerning it. That most 
married discords originate in wrong love-making instead of selection, 
is proved by love usually declining ; while adaptation remains the 
same. 

Right courtship will harmonize natural discordants, much more 
concordants, still more those already in love ; which only some serious 
causes can rupture. The whole power of this love element is enlisted 
in its perpetuity, as are all the self-interests of both. As nature's 
health provisions are so perfect that only its great and long-continued 



118 ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 

outrage can break it ; so her conjugal are so numerous and perfect 
that but for outrageous violation of her love laws all who once begin 
can and will grow more and more affectionate and happy every day. 

Any man who can begin to elicit any woman's love, can perfectly 
infatuate her more and more, solely by courting her right ; and all 
women who once start a man's love — no very difficult achievement — 
can get out of him, and do with him, anything possible she pleases. 
The charming and fascinating power of serpents over birds is as 
nothing compared with that a woman can wield over a man, and he 
over her. Ladies, recall your love hey-day. You had your lover 
perfectly spell-bound. He literally knew not what he did or would 
do. With what alacrity he sprang to indulge your every wish, at 
whatever cost, and do exactly as you desired ! If you had only 
courted him just right, he would have continned to grow still more 
so till now. This is equally true of a man's power over every 
woman who once begins to love him. What would you give to again 
wield that same bewitching wand ? 

How to Carry on Courtship. 

Intuition, our own selfhood, is nature's highest teacher, and infallible ; 
and tells all, by her "still, small voice within," whether and just 
wherein they are making love right or wrong. Every false step fore- 
warns all against itself; and great is their fall who stumble. Court- 
ship has its own inherent consciousness, which must be kept inviolate. 

Then throw yourself, O courting youth, upon your own interior 
sense of propriety and right, as to both the beginning and conducting 
of courtship, after learning all you can from these pages, and have no 
fears as to results, but quietly bide them, in the most perfect assur- 
ance of their happy eventuality ! 

"What can I do or omit to advance my suit? prevent dismissal? 
make my very best impression ? guarantee acceptance ? touch my 
idol's heart ? court just right ?" This is what all true courters say. 

Cultivate and manifest whatever qualities you would awaken. You 
inspire in the one you court the precise feeling and traits you yourself 



ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 119 

experience. This law effects this result. Every faculty in either 
awakens itself in the other. This is just as sure as gravity itself. 
Hence your success must come from within, depends upon yourself, 
not the one courted. 

Study the specialties, likes and dislikes in particular, of the one 
courted, and humor and adapt yourself to them. 

Be extra careful not to prejudice him or her against you by awak- 
ening any faculty in reverse. Thus whatever rouses the other's resist- 
ance against you, antagonizes all the other faculties, and proportionally 
turns love for you into hatred. Whatever wounds ambition reverses 
all the other feelings, to your injury ; what delights it, turns them in 
your favor. All the faculties create, and their action constitutes 
human nature ; which lovers will do right well to study. To give an 
illustration : 

A Case to the Point. 

An elderly man with points in his favor, having selected a woman 
eighteen years younger, but most intelligent and feminine, had two 
young rivals, each having more points in their favor, and came to his 
final test. She thought much of having plenty of money. They saw 
they could " cut him out" by showing her that he was poor ; she till 
then thinking his means ample. All four met around her table, and 
proved his poverty. His rivals retired, sure that they had made " his 
cake dough," leaving him with her. It was his turning-point. He 
addressed himself right to her affections, saying little about money 
matters, but protesting an amount of devotion for her to which she 
knew they were strangers ; and left his suit right on this one point ; 
adding : 

" You know I can make money ; know how intensely I esteem, 
admire, idolize, and love you. Will not my admitted greater affec- 
tion, with my earnings, do more for you than they with more money, 
but less love ?" 

Her clear head saw the point. Her heart melted into his. She 
said "yes." He triumphed by this arTectional spirit alone over their 
much greater availability. 



120 ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 

Manifesting the domestic affections and virtues, a warm, gushing 
friendly nature, fondness for children and home, inspires a man's love 
most of all, while evincing talents by a man peculiarly enamors 
woman. 

Relations, you shall not interfere, where even parents may not. 
Make your own matches, and let others make theirs ; especially if 
you have bungled your own. One such bungle is one too many. 

The parties are betrothed. Their marriage is "fore-ordained" by 
themselves, its only rightful umpires, which all right-minded outsiders 
will try to promote, not prevent. How despicable to separate hus- 
bands and wives ! Yet is not parting those married by a \ov<z-spirit, 
equally so? Its mere legal form can but increase its validity, not 
create it. Marriage is a divine institution, and consists in their own 
personal betrothal. Hence breaking up a true love-union before its 
legal consummation, is just as bad as parting loving husband and 
wife ; which is monstrous. All lovers who allow it are its wicked 
partakers. 

Choice of Associates. 

The first point to be considered on this subject is a careful choice 
of associates, which will often, in the end, save future unhappiness and 
discomfort, since, as Goldsmith so truthfully puts it, " Love is often 
an involuntary passion placed upon our companions without our con- 
sent, and frequently conferred without even our previous esteem." 

This last most unhappy state of affairs may, to a great extent, be 
avoided by this careful choosing of companions. Especially is this 
true on the part of the lady, since, from the nature and constitution of 
society, an unsuitable acquaintance, friendship, or alliance, is more 
embarrassing and more painful for the woman than the man. As in 
single life an undesirable acquaintance is more derogatory to a woman 
than to a man, so in married life, the woman it is who ventures most, 
"for," as Jeremy Taylor writes, "she hath no sanctuary in which to 
retire from an evil husband ; she may complain to God as do the 
subjects of tyrants and princes, but otherwise she hath no appeal in 
the causes of unkindness." 



ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 121 

First Steps. 

To a man who has become fascinated with some womanly ideal, we 
would say, if the acquaintanceship be very recent, and he, as yet, a 
stranger to her relatives, that he should first consider in detail his 
position and prospects in life, and judge whether or not they are such 
as would justify him in striving to win the lady's affections, and later 
on her hand in marriage. Assured upon this point, and let no young 
man think that a fortune is necessary for the wooing of any woman 
worth the winning, let him then gain the needful introductions 
through some mutual friend to her parents or guardians. 

If, on the other hand, it is a long acquaintance that has ripened 
into admiration, this latter formality will be unnecessary. 

As to the lady, her position is negative to a great extent. Yet it is 
to be presumed that her preferences, though unexpressed, are decided, 
and, if the attentions of a gentleman are agreeable, her manners will 
be apt to indicate, in some degree, the state of her mind. 

Prudence, however, does, or should, warn her not to accept too 
marked attentions from a man of whose past life she knows nothing, 
and of whose present circumstances she is equally ignorant. 

Character. 

There is one paramount consideration too often overlooked and too 
late bewailed in many a ruined home, and that is the character of the 
man who seeks to win a woman's hand. Parents and guardians can- 
not be too careful in this regard, and young women themselves should, 
by refusing such associates, avoid all danger of contracting such ties. 
Wealth, nor family rank, nor genius, availeth aught if the character of 
the man be flawed. 

Let parents teach their daughters and let girls understand for them- 
selves that happiness, or peace, in married life is impossible where a 
man is, in any wise, dissipated, or liable to be overcome by any of the 
fashionable vices of the day. Better go down to your grave a " for- 
lorn spinster" than marry such a man. 



122 ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 

Disposition. 

As to temper or disposition, the man or woman can easily gain 
some insight into the respective peculiarities of another's temperament 
by a little quiet observation. If the gentleman be courteous and care- 
ful in his attentions to his mother and sisters, and behave with ease 
and consideration toward all women, irrespective of age, rank, or 
present condition, she may feel that her first estimate was a correct 
one. On the other hand, should he show disrespect toward women 
as a class, sneer at sacred things, evince an inclination for expensive 
pleasures in advance of his means, or for low amusements or compan- 
ionship ; be cruel to the horse he drives, or diplay an absence of all 
energy in his business pursuits, then is it time to gently, but firmly, 
repel all nearer advances on his part. 

As to the gentleman, it will be well for him also to watch carefully 
as to the disposition of the lady and her conduct in her own family. 
If she be attentive and respectful to her parents, kind and affectionate 
toward her brothers and sisters, not easily ruffled in temper and with 
inclination to enjoy the pleasures of home ; cheerful, hopeful and 
charitable in disposition, then may he feel, indeed, that he has a prize 
before him well worth the winning. 

If, however, she should display a strong inclination towards affecta- 
tion and flirtation ; be extremely showy or else careless in her attire, 
frivolous in her tastes and eager for admiration, he may rightly con- 
clude that very little home happiness is to be expected from her com- 
panionship. 

Trifling. 

A true gentleman will never confine his attentions exclusively to 
one lady unless he has an intention of marriage. To do so exposes 
her to all manner of conjecture, lays an embargo on the formation of 
other acquaintances, may very seriously compromise her happiness, 
and by after withdrawal frequently causes her the severest mortifica- 
tion. Hence a gentleman with no thought of marriage is in honor 
bound to make his attentions to ladies as general as possible. 



ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 123 

Still more reprehensible is the conduct of the man who insinuates 
himself into the affections of a young girl by every protestation and 
avowal possible, save that which would be binding upon himself, and 
then withdraws his attentions with the boastful consciousness that he 
has not committed himself. 

Again, the young lady who willfully, knowingly, deliberately, 
draws on a man to place hand and heart at her disposal simply for 
the pleasure of refusing him and thus adding one more name to her 
list of rejected proposals, is utterly unworthy the name of woman. 

Etiquette of Making and Receiving Gifts. 

On the question of gifts there is a point of etiquette to be observed. 
Gentlemen, as a rule, do not offer ladies presents, save of fruits, 
flowers, or confections ; which gifts, notwithstanding that a small 
fortune may be lavished upon their purchase, are supposed, in all 
probability from their perishable character, to leave no obligation rest- 
ing upon the lady. 

Should the conversation, however, turn upon some new book or 
musical composition, which the lady has not seen, the gentleman may, 
with perfect propriety, say, " I wish that you could see such or such 
a work and, if you will permit, I should be pleased to send you a 
copy." It is then optional with the lady to accept or refuse. 

Should a gentleman persist in off:ring other gifts there must be no 
secrecy about it. She shoulJ tike early opportunity of saying, in the 
presence of her father an J mother, "I am very much obliged to you 
for that ring, pin (or other gift) which you were so kind as to offer me 
the other day, and I shall be happy to accept it if Pepa or Mamma 
does not object." If the lady is positive in her objections to receiving 
gifts, it is easy to say, " I thank you for the kindness but I never take 
expensive presents ;" or, " Mamma never permits me to accept expen- 
sive presents." These refusals are always to be taken by the gen- 
tleman in good part. Where a present has been unadvisedly accepted, 
it is perfectly proper for the mother to return it with thanks, saying, 
" I think my daughter rather young to accept such expensive gifts." 



\U ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 

After an engagement is formally made the etiquette of gifts is some- 
what altered, though even then expensive presents, unless it be the 
engagement ring, are not in the best taste. These should be reserved 
for the marriage gifts. 

Proposals of Marriage. 

The proposal itself is a subject so closely personal in its nature that 
each man must be a law unto himself in the matter, and time and 
opportunity will be his only guides to success, unless, mayhap, his 
lady-love be the braver of the two and help him gently over the 
hardest part, for there be men and men; some who brook not "no" 
for an answer, and some that a moment's hesitation on the part of the 
one sought would seal their lips forever. 

A woman must always remember that a proposal of marriage is 
the highest honor that a man can pay her, and, if she must refuse it, 
to do so in such fashion as to spare his feelings as much as possible. 
If she be a true and well-bred woman, both proposal and refusal will 
be kept a profound secret from every one save her parents. It is the 
least balm she can offer to the woun led pride of the man who has 
chosen her from out all women to bear his name and to reign in his 
home. A wise woman can almost always prevent matters fro:: 
coming to the point of a declaration, and, by her actions and her 
prompt acceptance of the attentions of others, should strive to show 
the true state of her feelings. 

A gentleman should usually take "no" for an answer unless he be 
of so persevering a disposition as to be determined to take the fort by 
siege; or unless the "no" was so undecided in its tone as to give 
some hope of finding true the poets words : 

f ' He gave them but one tongue to say us, ' Nay, ' 
And two fond eyes to grant." 

On the gentleman's part, a decided refusal should be received as 
calmly as possible, and his resolve should be in no way to annoy the 
cause of all his pain. If mere indifference be or seem to be the origin 
of the refusal, he may, after a suitable length of time, press his suit 




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DECLINED WITH REGRETS. 



ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 125 

once more ; but if an avowed or evident preference for another be the 
reason, it becomes imperative that he should at once withdraw from 
the field. Any reason that the lady may, in her compassion, see fit 
to o-ive him as cause for her refusal, should ever remain his inviolable 
secret. 

As whatever grows has its natural period for maturing-, so has love. 
At engagement you have merely selected, so that your familiarity 
should be only intellectual, not affectional. You are yet more 
acquaintances than companions. As sun changes from midnight- 
darkness into noonday brilliancy, and heats, lights up, and warms 
gradually, and as summer " lingers in the lap of spring ; " so marriage 
should dally in the lap of courtship. Nature's adolescence of love 
should never be crowded into a premature marriage. The more 
personal, the more impatient it is ; yet to establish its Platonic aspect 
takes more time than is usually given it ; so that undue haste puts it 
upon the carnal plane, which 50011 cloys, then disgusts. 

Unbecoming Haste. 

Coyness and modesty always accompany female love, which invol- 
untarily shrink from close masculine contact until its mental phase is 
urticiently developed to overrule the antagonistic intimacies of mar- 
riage. 

Besides, why curtail the luxuries of courtship ? Should haste to 
enjoy the lusciousness of summer engulf the delights of spring ? The 
pleasures of courtship are unsurpassed throughout life, and quite too 
great to be curtailed by hurrying marriage. And enhancing or 
diminishing them redoubles or curtails those of marriage a hundred- 
fold more. A happy courtship promotes conjugal felicity more than 
anything else whatever. A lady, asked why she didn't marry, since 
she had so many making love to her, replied: "Because being courted 
is too great a luxury to be spoilt by marrying." 

No man should wait to make his pile. Two must acquire a compe- 
tence conjointly, in order fully to really enjoy it together. This alone 
can give full zest to whatever pleasures it produces. 



126 ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 

A formal proffer of marriage naturally follows a man's selection and 
decision as to whom he will marry. Consent to canvass their mutual 
adaptations implies consent to marry, if all is found satisfactory ; yet 
a final test and consummation now become necessary, both to bring 
this whole matter to a focus, and allow both to state, and obviate or 
waive, those objections which must needs exist on both sides ; includ- 
ing any improvements possible in either. 

How to Deal with Objections. 

The best time to state and waive or remove all objections, seeming 
and real, not already adjusted, is at his proposal, and her acceptance. 
A verbal will do, but a written is much better, by facilitating future 
reference. A long future awaits their marriage ; hence committing this 
its initial point to writing, so that both can look back to it, is most 
desirable. And he can propose, and she accept, much better when 
alone, and they have all their faculties under full control, than ver- 
bally, perhaps, when excited. Those same primal reasons for reducing 
all other contracts to writing obtain doubly in reference to marriage. 

You who fear awkwardness on paper, remember that true human 
nature always appears well, even when poorly dressed. A diamond 
is no less brilliant because set in clay. Mode is nothing, reality every- 
thing. All needed to appear well is to feel right, and express natu- 
rally what is felt. Saying plainly what you have to say, is all required. 

The acceptance or rejection should also be unequivocal, or any 
contingencies stated, and waived if minor, but if they can neither be 
obviated nor compromised, should terminate their relations, that both 
may look elsewhere. If any bones of contention exist, now is the 
time to inter them finally, and to take the initiatory steps for perfecting 
both in each other's eyes. Bear in mind that as yet your relations 
are still those of business merely, because neither has acquired or con- 
ceded any right to love or be loved. Without pretending to give 
model letters of proposal, acceptance, or rejection, because varying 
circumstances will vary each ad infinitum, the following may serve as 
samples from which to work ; 



ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 127 

"Much Esteemed Friend : As we have agreed to canvass our mutual 
adaptations for marriage, and my own mind is fully made up, a final decision 
now becomes necessary. 

"What I have learned of and from you confirms that high opinion of you 
which prompted my selection of you, and inspires a desire to consummate it. 
Your pleasing manner and mode of saying and doing things ; your intelli- 
gence, taste, prudence, kindness, and many other excellencies, inspire my 
highest admiration. 

"Will you let me love what I so much admire? 

"But my affections are sacred. I can bestow them only on one who 
reciprocates them • will bestow them upon you, if you will bestow yours on 
me ; not otherwise ; for only mutual love can render either happy. I can 
and will love you alone, with all my heart, provided you can and will love 
only me, with all of yours. Do you accord me this privilege, on this con- 
dition, for life, forever ? I crave to make you my wife ; to live with and 
for you, and proffer you my whole being, with honest, assiduous toil, fidelity 
to business, what talents I possess, and all I can do to contribute to your 
creature comforts. Do you accord me this privilege, on this condition? 
May I enshrine you as queen of my life ? 

' ' Say wherein you find me faulty, or capable of improvement in your 
eyes, and I will do my utmost, consistently with my conscience, to render 
myself worthy and acceptable to you. 

* ' I wish some things were different in you — that you had better health, 
arose earlier, were less impulsive, knew more about keeping house, etc. ; yet 
these minor matters sink into insignificance in comparison with your many ex- 
cellences, and especially that whole-souled affection obviously inherent in you. 

"Deliberate fully, for this is a life affair, and if, in order to decide 

judiciously, you require to know more of me, ask me, or and . 

Please reply as soon as you can well decide. 

' ' Decline unless you accept cordially, and can love me truly and wholly ; 
but if you can and will reciprocate my proffered affection, say yes, and 
indicate your own time and mode of our marriage. Meanwhile, with the 
highest regards, I am, and hope ever to remain, Yours truly, 

A. B." 

A true woman could give a better answer than the following, which 
does not claim to be a model, It is hardly time yet for a gushing 



128 ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 

love-letter, or we would not profane this sacred subject by making the 
attempt ; yet should like to receive one in spirit somewhat as follows : 

" Dear Sir : Your proffer of your hand and heart in marriage has been 
duly received, and its important contents fully considered. 

"I accept your offer: and on its only condition, that I reciftrocafe your 
love, which I do completely; and hereby both offer my own hand and 
heart in return, and consecrate my entire being, soul and body, all I am and 
can become, to you alone ; both according you the 'privilege' you crave of 
loving me, and 'craving ' a like one in return. 

"Thank Heaven that this matter is settled ; that you are in very deed 
mine, while I am yours, to love and be loved by, live and be lived with and 
for; and that my gushing affections have a final resting-place on one every 
way so worthy of the fullest reciprocal sympathy and trust. 

"The preliminaries of our marriage we will arrange whenever we meet, 
which I hope may be soon. But whether sooner or later, or you are present 
or absent, I now consider myself as wholly yours, and you all mine ; and 
both give and take the fullest privilege of cherishing and expressing for you 
that whole-souled love I find even now gushing up and calling for expres- 
sion. Fondly hoping to hear from and see you soon and often, I remain 
wholly yours forever, C. D." 

Sealing the Vow. 

The vow and its tangible witnesses come next. All agreements 
require to be attested ; and this as much more than others as it is the 
most obligatory. Both need its unequivocal and mutual mementos, 
to be cherished for all time to come as its perpetual witnesses. This 
vow of each to the other can neither be made too strong, nor held too 
sacred. If calling God to witness will strengthen your mutual adjura- 
tion, swear by Him and His throne, or by whatever else will render it 
inviolable, and commit it to writing, each transcribing a copy for the 
other as your most sacred relics, to be enshrined in your " holy of 
holies." 

Two witnesses are required, one for each. A ring for her and 
locket for him, containing the likeness of both, as always showing 
how they now look, or any keepsake both may select, more or less 
valuable, to be handed down to their posterity, will answer. 



ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 129 

Your mode of conducting your future affairs should now be arranged. 
Though implied in selection, yet it must be specified in detail. Both 
should arrange your marriage relations ; say what each desires to do, 
and have done ; and draw out a definite outline plan of the various 
positions you desire to maintain towards each other. Your future 
home must be discussed : whether you will board, or live in your own 
house, rented, or owned, or built, and after what pattern ; or with 
either or which of your parents. And it is vastly important that wives 
determine most as to their domiciles ; their internal arrangements, 
rooms, furniture, management ; respecting which they are consulted 
quite too little, yet cannot well be too much. 

Family rules, as well as national, state, corporate, financial, must be 

established. They are most needed, yet least practiced in marriage. 

Without them, all must be chaotic. Ignoring them is a great but 

common marital error. The Friends wisely make family method 

cardinal. 

A Full Understanding. 

Your general treatment of each other now especially requires to be 
mutually agreed upon. Each should say, " I should like to treat and 
be treated by you thus, but not so; and let you do this but not that;" 
and both mutually agree on a thousand like minor points, better 
definitely arranged at first than left for future contention ; each making 
requisitions, conceding privileges, and stipulating for any fancies, 
idols, or " reserved rights." 

Differences must needs arise, which cannot be adjusted too soon. 
Those constitutionally inherent in each should be adjusted in love's 
early stages ; it matters less how, than whether to your mutual satis- 
faction. Or if this is impossible, "agree to disagree ; " but settle on 
something. 

A concessionary spirit is indispensable, and inheres in love. Neither 
should insist, but both concede, in all things ; each making, not 
demanding sacrifices. The one who loves most will yield to oblige 
most. What course will make both happiest should overrule all your 
mutual relations. 
9 



130 ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 

Write down and file all. Your present decisions, subject to mutual 
changes and amendments, will become more and more important for 
future reference, as time rolls on, by enabling each to correct both ; 
for our own changes make us think others have changed. A 
mutual diary is desirable ; for incidents now seemingly trivial, 
may yet become important. 

Important Trifles. 

See or correspond with each other often. Love will not bear 
neglect. Nothing kills it equally. In this it is most exacting. It 
will not, should not, be second in anything. "First or nothing," is 
its motto. Meet as often as possible. After its fires have once been 
lit, they must be perpetually resupplied with their natural fuel ; else 
they die down, go out, or go elsewhere ; and are harder to rekindle 
than to light at first. 

A splendid young man, son of one of New England's most talented 
and pious divines, endowed with one of the very best of organisms, 
physical and phrenological, having selected his mate, and plighted 
their mutual vows, being the business manager of a large manufactory, 
and obliged to defend several consecutive lawsuits for patent-right 
infringements, neglected for weeks to write to his betrothed, presup- 
posing, of course, that all was right. This offended her ladyship, and 
allowed evil-minded meddlers to sow seeds of alienation in her mind ; 
persuade her to send him his dismissal, and accept a marriage proposal 
from another. 

As he told his mournful story, he seemed like a sturdy oak riven 
by lightning and torn by whirlwinds ; its foliage scorched, bark 
stripped, limbs tattered, even its very rootlets scathed ; yet standing, a 
stern, proud, defiant, resolute wreck. A gushing tear he manfully 
tried but failed to suppress. Flis lips quivered and voice faltered. 
Perceiving his impending fate, he seemed to dread his future more 
than present ; and hesitated between self-abandonment, and a merely 
mechanical, objectless, business life. In attempting his salvation, by 
proffering advice to the "broken-hearted," he respectfully but firmly 



ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 131 

declined ; deliberately preferring old-bachelorship, with all its dearths, 
of which he seemed fully conscious. He felt as if he had been deeply 
wronged. 

Yet was not he the first practically to repudiate ? He suffered ter- 
ribly, because he had sinned grievously, not by commission, but omis- 
sion. He felt the deepest, fullest, manliest love, and revelled in anti- 
cipations of their future union, but did not express it ; which was to 
her as if he had not felt it ; whereas, had he saved but one minute 
per week to write lovingly, " I long to be with you, and love you 
still," or, " Business does not, cannot diminish my fondness," he 
would have saved her broken vows, and his broken heart. 

Mingling other enjoyments with love, by going together to picnics 
and parties, sleigh-rides and Mayings, concerts, and lectures, marvel- 
lously cements the affections. 

Love Feeds on Love. 

Meet in your most attractive habiliments of mind and person. 
French ladies will see their affianced only when arrayed in their best 
toilet. Yet mental charms vastly surpass millinery. Neither can 
render yourselves too lovely. 

Express affectionate fondness in your visits and letters ; the more 
the better, so that you keep it a sentiment, not debase it by animal 
passion. It is still establishing its rootlets, like young corn, instead 
of growing. Allow no amatory excitement, no frenzied, delirious 
intoxication with it ; for its violence, like every other, must react only 
to exhaust and paralyze itself by its own excesses. 

Affianced young man, life has its epochs, which revolutionize it for 
good or bad. You are now in one. You have heretofore affiliated 
much with men ; formed habits of smoking or chewing tobacco ; 
indulged in late suppers ; abused yourself in various ways ; perhaps 
been on sprees. Now is your time to take a new departure from 
whatever is evil to all that is good and pure. Break up most of your 
masculine associations ; and affiliate chiefly with your affianced. Be 
out no more nights. Let your new responsibilities and relations brace 



132 ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 

you up against their temptations; and, if these are not sufficient, your 
prospective spouse will help. No other aid in resisting temptation 
and inspiring to good equals that of a loving, loved woman. 

Break off from your cronyisms, clubs, societies, all engagements 
except such as mean imperative, cold-blooded business. Your new 
ties furnish an excellent excuse. All your spare time and small 
change are wanted for her. To give to bad habits the time and 
money due to her and setting up in life, is outrageous. Bend every- 
thing to your new relations, them to nothing. Now's your time to 
turn over a new leaf, and turn all the angles, corners and right-about 
faces needed. 

Affianced maiden, you have some departures to take and corners 
to turn. Your life has till now been frivolous, but has now become 
serious. You have no more need of toilet fineries; for "your market 
is made," and you have work on hand far more important, namely, 
fitting yourself for your new duties. Find out what they demand of 
you, and set right about making a premium wife and mother. Both 
begin life anew. Forgetting the past, plant and sow now what you 
would gather and become always. 

The Best of all Possessions. 

Woman is man's choicest treasure. That is the most precious which 
confers the most happiness. She is adapted to render him incom- 
parably happier than any other terrestrial possession. He can enjoy 
luscious peaches, melting pears, crack horses, dollars and other things 
innumerable ; but a well-sexed man can enjoy woman most of all. 
He is poor indeed, and takes little pleasure in this life, be his posses- 
sions and social position what they may, who takes no pleasure with 
her. All description utterly fails to express the varied and exultant 
enjoyments God has engrafted into a right sexual state. Only few 
experiences can attest how many and great, from infancy to death, 
and throughout eternity itself. All God could do He has done to 
render each sex superlatively happy in the other. Of all his beautiful 
and perfect work, this is the most beautiful and perfect. Of all his 



ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 133 

benignant devices, this is his most benign. All the divine attributes, 
all human happiness, converge in male and female adaptations to 
mutual enjoyments. 

Each is correspondingly precious to the other. Man should prize 
many things, yet woman is his pearl of greatest price. He should 
preserve, cherish, husband many life possessions, but woman the 
most. He has many jewels in his crown of glory, but she is his gem- 
jewel, his diadem. What masculine luxury equals making women in 
general, and the loved one in particular, happy ? 

The Source of Miseries. 

Beginning and conducting courtship as this chapter directs, avoiding 
the errors and following the directions it specifies, will just as surely 
render all superlatively happy as sun will rise to-morrow. Scan their 
sense. Do they not expound nature's love-initiating and consum- 
mating ordinances ? Are they not worthy of being put into practice ? 
Discordants, can you not trace man}- of your antagonisms and miseries 
to their ignorant violation ? Parents, what are they worth to put into 
your children's hands, to forewarn them against carelessly, ignorantly, 
spoiling their marriage? Young ladies, what are they worth to you, 
as showing you how to so treat your admirers as to gain and redouble 
their heart's devotion ? Youn^- men, what are these warnings and 
teachings worth to you ? God in his natural laws will bless all who 
practice, curse all who violate them. 

The conduct during engagement on the part of the gentleman 
should be marked by the utmost courtesy toward and confidence in 
the woman of his choice ; a state of feeling which she should fully 
reciprocate. 

In public their behavior toward one another should not be markedly 
different from that displayed by them toward other men and women 
of their acquaintance ; save that the bridegroom-elect should be on 
the watch that not the slightest wish of the lady be unfulfilled. 

As for the lady, while she is not expected to debar herself from 
accepting the customary courtesies extended by the gentlemen of her 



134 ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 

acquaintance, a slight reserve should mark her conduct in accepting 
them. At all places of amusement or entertainment she should appear 
either in the company of her fiance, or that of some relative. 

She should never captiously take offense at her fiance 's showing the 
same attention to other ladies that she, in her turn, is willing to accept 
from other gentlemen, and she should take the same pains to please 
his taste in trifles that he does to gratify her slightest wish. 

This does not mean, though, that in the selfishness and blindness of 
love — and love is very blind and selfish sometimes — she is to shut 
herself up to his companionship at all times, excluding him from the 
family circle of which he is so soon to become a member, and "pairing 
off" on all occasions, thus rendering both the mark for silly jestings. 

How to Cherish Love. 

But, in sober matter-of-fact, that little ring of gold does not mean 
utter blindness. It does not mean that she is to devote her evenings 
exclusively to the chosen one, ignoring her family entirely. It does 
not mean that she is to accept valuable presents of all kinds at his 
hands, to expect him to give up all his friends for her sake, nor to 
confide all the secrets of the household to his keeping, but, as one 
wise woman says, to " guard herself in word and deed ; hold his love 
in the best way possible ; tie it firmly with the blue ribbon of hope, 
and never let it be eaten away by the little fox who destroys so many 
loving ties, and who is called familiarity." 

Neither is this counsel to be deemed over-cautious, since, alas ! even 
"engagements" are sometimes broken in this uncertain world, and 
surely there is no womanly woman that would not in such an event 
reflect gladly, as she took up her life once more at the old point, that 
she had remembered these things. 

A domineering, jealous disposition on either side before marriage is 
not the best possible guarantee for after happiness, and if these traits 
are clearly shown during an engagement, the individual who escapes 
from such thraldom before it is too late has shown conclusively that 
discretion which is, at times, the better part of valor. 



ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 135 

Conduct Toward Parents. 

The gentleman should exercise some tact in regard to his conduct 
toward the family of his betrothed. Marked attention should be shown 
toward the lady's mother. He should accommodate himself as much 
as possible to the wishes, habits and ways of the household, and not 
being, as yet, a member of the family, he should not presume to show 
an intrusive familiarity of conversation. 

The lady, on her part, should strive to show consideration, friend- 
liness, and a desire to please the parents of her husband-that-is-to-be. 
Thus both will unite in the endeavor to overcome that loving jealousy 
so natural on the part of those who see the claims of another grown 
paramount in the heart of one of their number, and feel that these 
new links are fast becoming stronger than ties of blood and relation- 
ship. 

The respective families should meet these advances with all kind- 
ness, and should also endeavor, in view of the new union pending 
between them, to make, if this be necessary, one another's acquaint- 
ance as soon as convenient. 

Length of Engagements. 

Engagements should not be entered upon prematurely, a certain 
degree of acquaintanceship proving no mean preparation for an 
arrangement of this nature. But when an engagement is once formed 
it should not, in the majority of cases, be of an undue length. This 
is a matter to be settled by the wishes or the circumstances of the 
contracting parties. 

It is oftimes the measure of wisdom, where the obstacle is lack of 
fortune, to risk some degree of deprivation, rather than submit to a 
long-protracted engagement ; the man, as head of the new home, 
finding a fresh motive for ambitious striving, and both parties being- 
preserved from that coolness of feeling too often attendant upon years 
of waiting. No homes are happier than those constructed on the 
principle of economy and patient effort. 



136 ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 

Broken Engagements. 

Not unfrequently does it occur that circumstances arise that render 
the dissolution of an engagement inevitable, and, as such a course, 
unless mutual, of necessity involves an injury to the feelings of one 
party, great care and delicacy should be employed in approaching the 
subject. 

If the occasion should arise on the lady's side, it must be remem- 
bered that she is not bound to declare any other reason than her own 
sweet will. It is better, however, for reasons to be frankly given, 
that the step may not be attributed to mere caprice on her part. On 
the side of the man the reasons must be strong, indeed, that can 
justify him in breaking a solemn engagement sought of his own free 
will, and urged by him upon the object of his choice. By thus 
releasing himself he not unfrequently leaves the lady in an embarass- 
ing position before the public, not to mention the possible injury that 
may be inflicted upon the deepest feelings of her heart. 

If the cause should arise from any fault on the part of the lady, a 
man of honor will ever preserve the strictest silence on the subject. 
If from sudden failure in his own fortunes he should feel himself in 
duty bound to relinquish his hope of present happiness lest he selfishly 
drag another down to penury, let the reason be carefully and clearly 
explained. 

At the conclusion of an engagement let every gift, including the 
engagement ring, and all photographs and letters that have been 
exchanged between the two, be promptly returned by each that as 
little as possible may remain to remind of the days that are done. It 
is especially a point of honor on the gentleman's part to retain nothing 
that the lady may have given, or written, him. 

Etiquette of Married Life. 

Marriage, to the elect, may be fitly termed a state of grace, but 
without a close observance of all the courtesies that tend to uplift 
everyday life in some degree above the narrowness of mere existence 



ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 137 

it may but too easily become what the old cynic declared it to be 
when he wrote, " Marriage is a feast in which the grace is sometimes 
better than the dinner." 

Mutual confidence and mutual respect are the two principal factors 
in the case. Without these there can be none of that harmony so 
necessary to happiness in the state matrimonial. And not only this, 
but they should strive to be mutually entertaining. 

The pains they took during their engagement to be agreeable to 
one another at a time when they were by no means entirely dependent 
upon themselves for companionship, would surely not be amiss in 
rendering pleasant the years, and it may be decades of years, during 
which they must be to a great extent dependent upon each other for 
entertainment. The young man who spent so much time at the home 
of a certain lady that he was finally asked why, if he was in love with 
her, he did not marry her, uttered a sad truth when he answered, 
"Ah, but where then should I pass my evenings?" A reflection 
upon the agreeableness of married life that might easily be avoided by 
the exercise of care and tact on both sides. 

The Art of Agreeableness. 

Philip Gilbert Hammerton, in his Intellectual Life, wisely suggests : 
"A married couple are clearly aware that, in the course of a few years, 
their society is sure to become mutually uninteresting unless some- 
thing is done. What is that something ? Every author who succeeds, 
takes the trouble to renew his mind by fresh knowledge, new thoughts. 
So, is it not at least worth while to do as much to preserve the interest 
of marriage? " 

The wife who dresses for her husband's sake, who reads that she 
may qualify herself for conversation with him, who makes him the 
chief end of her cares, and the husband who brings home from the 
outside world some of its life and animation to share with her, who 
has a loving interest in all that she has done for his pleasure, and, if 
wealth be a stranger at their door, stands ready to lift the heaviest 
burdens from her shoulders, have solved for themselves the problem 



138 ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 

of married happiness, and found it to be a condition wherein every joy 
is doubled and every sorrow halved. 

Duty Toward One Another. 

Let the wife have no confidant as to the little shortcomings of her 
husband, over which love, as well as pride, should draw a sheltering 
veil. Never listen to an unkind tale of his past or present mistakes, 
and count all those who would seek thus to destroy your peace of 
mind as your bitterest enemies. Let the husband in his turn remem- 
ber that an unkind or slighting word spoken of his wife, touches his 
own honor to the quick, and be instant in resenting the words that 
should never have been spoken in his presence. 

Another point to be remembered in view of the duty of husband 
and wife toward one another, is with reference to attending church or 
entertainments. The wife has, in all probability, left a home where 
the different members of the household were ready to accompany each 
other whenever occasion served, and young friends were planning many 
a pleasant outing, and now she is wholly dependent upon her husband 
for all of these things. Let her beware, under these circumstances, of 
allowing herself to attend church, lecture, or any other evening enter- 
tainment, in the company of well-meaning friends. For the husband, 
once seeing that his wife can attend these places without his assist- 
ance, will soon, if such be his disposition, remain selfishly home at 
all times, or, if otherwise inclined, still more selfishly find his amuse- 
ment in places widely foreign to his wife's happiness or peace of mind. 
The carelessness of many well-meaning men in this respect is the 
cause of very much unhappiness that might be wholly avoided by a 
little consideration as to the utter dependence of the wife upon her 
husband for all these recreations. 

Home Attire. 

This is a subject that it should be unnecessary to touch upon, but, 
unfortunately, too many bright, pretty, carefully-dressed girls degen- 
erate into careless, fretful, untidy and illy-clad young wives, whose 



ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 189 

presence is anything but a joy forever to the individuals who must 
face them across the family board for three hundred and sixty-five 
days in every year. And it is this careless young woman who is first 
to complain that " John does not care for me in the least, now we are 
married," while John is very apt to think, " If Carrie would only take 
just a little of the pains to please me now that she did six months 
ago, how much happier we would be." And John is quite right 
about it. This very carelessness on the part of wives has marred the 
happiness of more than one new home. The ribbon, the flower, the 
color that " John likes " and the smile that crowns all are magical in 
their effects. 

Then let John always remember to bring to this home a pleasant 
face, from which business cares are driven away, and a readiness to 
please and be pleased, that meets the wife's attempts halfway, and the 
evening meal will be made delightful by pleasant chat, which should 
never consist of a resume of the day's tribulations, but should turn on 
subjects calculated to remove from the mind all trace of their existence, 
and thus will they arise at its close better and happier for the hour 
that has passed. 

Household and Personal Expenses. 

One of the chief sources of unhappiness in married life is the strife 
arising from the vexed question of home and personal expenses. In 
the first place, the husband frequently fails in regard to openness with 
regard to his business concerns and profits ; thus the wife, entirely 
ignorant as to what amount she may safely spend, errs too often on 
the side of extravagance, finding too late, when a storm of reproach 
descends upon her innocent head, where and how she has sinned. 

Then, too, it is often a sore trial to the wife's pride to ask for the 
money necessary to keep her own wardrobe in repair. Especially is 
this the case when, before marriage, she was in receipt of her own 
money, earned by her own hands. It seems to her that her husband 
ought to see that she has need of certain articles, and the very fact 
that he does not, leads her to the false supposition that he has ceased 



140 ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 

to care for her, while he, if there was any thought about it in his mind, 
would say, "Why doesn't she ask for money if she wants it? She 
knows I will give it to her if I have it." 

All these troubles would be avoided if married couples early came 
to a definite understanding on this subject, and a certain sum were 
set aside which the wife was to receive weekly for household expenses, 
her personal wants to be supplied from such surplus as she may be 
able to save from out this sum, or in some other way provided for by 
a stated amount, both of which sums should be under her exclusive, 
unquestioned control. 

Some simple system of accounts should then be kept and regularly 
gone over together on every quarter. A mutual agreement thus 
established on the money question, much annoyance and much 
extravagance may be prevented. It is not too much to suggest that, 
perhaps, it might not be amiss to present an account of the husband's 
expenses also, at these quarterly reckonings. 

Above all things, never let the wife, from a weak desire to gratify 
her own personal vanity, enter upon some extravagant purchase, the 
amount of which she must conceal from her husband, and (vainly 
often) strive to pay in small amounts saved or borrowed. The result 
is usually exposure, sometimes disgrace, pecuniary loss and loss of 
esteem in the husband's eyes. Perfect confidence is the only basis 
upon which happiness can be safely founded. 

A Pleasant Disposition. 

Cultivate, on both sides, a disposition to restrain all unseemly exhi- 
bitions of temper. Hysterics and prolonged and repeated fits of tears 
soon lose their effect, and, at the last, a half-pitying contempt is their 
only result. Let all conversation be refined in its tone. The force of 
example in this respect carries with it a silent, impressive power that 
is not easily resisted and lapses therefrom involve a loss of this influ- 
ence that cannot be easily estimated. 

Profanity, too, is a deadly foe in the household and any wife that 
permits her husband to swear in her presence, either to herself, or 



ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 141 

concerning others, lessens her own self-respect each time it occurs. 
That profanity can be repressed, has been shown her by the fact that, 
no matter how long the previous engagement may have lasted, no 
word of such import escaped the man's lips in her presence, and 
surely the woman chosen to be head of his home is no less worthy of 
his respect than was the girl he wooed. 

The habit of indulging in cutting or harsh remarks is one to be 
guarded against. Mutual politeness should be exercised by both 
husband and wife, and in all cases watch should be set over the 
mouth, and the door of the lips well kept. 

Boarding Versus Home Life. 

The tendency in all large cities, at this present time, points toward 
fashionable boarding-houses, or expensive lodging-houses, as the 
nuclei round which the newly-married most do congregate. 

It may be that the wife is utterly unused to the care of a house (in 
which case the sooner she learn the art, the happier for both parties) 
or, perhaps, the financial resources of the husband are unable to 
support the drain consequent upon furnishing a home that shall gratify 
the foolish pride of the wife. But, whatever the cause, the effects are 
the same, and are to be found in the utter unfitness of women adopt- 
ing this manner of existence for any of the serious duties of life that, 
sooner or later, come upon all who wear this mortal garb. 

Then, too, in the idle, censorious, gossiping, novel-reading life that 
flourishes in this hothouse existence, the seeds of life-long misery are 
not unfrequently sown. 

Let a home, then, however small, be one of the first considerations 
in beginning the married life, and let the adding to, and the beautify- 
ing of, this precious possession be the duty and the privilege of the 
years to come. 

To the wife, in her housewifely role, belongs the care of overseeing 
or accomplishing with her own hands, the varied duties that go to 
secure the daily well-being of the home. She must see that the rooms 
are bright, neat, and cosily arranged ; that the meals are appetizingly 



142 ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 

and punctually served, and be herself neatly and tastefully attired to 
preside at the table. 

Due allowances are to be made for the amount of manual labor she 
has been obliged to perform with her own hands, still, by care and 
tact a woman can always maintain a certain degree of neatness. 

Let the husband, on his part, bring into the home cheerfulness, 
with a quick remembrance of all those little attentions that go so far 
toward making up the sum of earthly happiness. Let him see that, 
to the best of his ability, the home wants are provided for, and be not 
forgetful to lend the help of his stronger hand wherever needed. 
(Read carefully other hints in department of Home Etiquette.) 

Never demand of your wife more than you are willing to give. If 
you desire to be received with smiles, enter the house with a cheerful 
mem, and you will find there are few women who are not willing to 
give measure for measure, and even a little more than they receive of 
kindly attention. For a wife will usually shine, like the moon, by 
reflection, and her happiness will always reflect your own. 






„, ..JMErWPiMiii 








DING- DIF< , 



N disscussing the important subject 
of etiquette as connected with 
weddings and wedding anniver- 
saries, it may be mentioned here that the forms 
for invitations to all occasions of this sort, and 
acceptances and regrets of the same, card-sending, etc., have been 
fully treated in their respective departments. The observances imme- 
diately preceding, during, and following the ceremony, are now to 
receive consideration. 

Paying for the Cards. 
The form, size and use of these important bits of pasteboard having 
been before stated, it only remains for us to say here that all the 
expenses relative to their purchase and distribution are to be borne 
solely by the parents or other guardians of the bride. To have it 
otherwise implies a lack of delicacy on the part of the bride, and lays 
upon her a certain amount of obligation which every right-minded 
girl would desire, above all things, to avoid. Hence when the parents 
are financially unable to incur the expense, good taste demands that 
all display be abandoned and the couple be quietly married in the 
presence of the family only. 

The bride should always remember that until the fateful words are 
spoken that make the twain one flesh, she has no claim whatever on 
the purse of her future husband, and conduct herself accordingly. 

Hence it is that a very plain trousseau is more commendable to 
the self-respect of the wearer, than the elaborate outfittings, toward 

143 



144 WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 

the purchase of which the groom-expectant has largely contributed, 
and which, in case of the oft-recurring "slip twixt the cup and the 
lip," must weigh heavily upon the maiden's pride. 

Even the " after cards" are usually ordered by the parents with the 
others, and paid for at the same time. If, however, they are ordered 
after marriage, they are paid for by the groom. 

There is only one exception to the rule of the bride's parents pay- 
ing for the wedding cards, and this occurs when the wedding cere- 
mony is performed quietly in church and the reception, for some 
reason, is held at the home of the groom's parents, in which case 
they, as the entertainers, properly pay for, and issue, the cards of 
invitation. 

The groom, in England, always pays for the carriage that conveys 
himself and bride to the station after the ceremony and reception are 
past, but in this country the fashionable father usually claims the 
privilege of sending them on this first stage of their married life in his 
own carriage. However, the groom buys the ring and a bouquet for 
the bride, furnishes dainty presents for the bridemaids, remembers the 
best man and the ushers, pays the clergyman's fee, the size of which 
is to be regulated only by his inclination, or the length of his purse- 
strings, and furnishes the marriage license. 

Naming the Day. 

This privilege belongs by right to the lady herself, but, in reality, 
the business engagements of the groom, and the time when he can 
best leave for the bridal tour have much to do in settling the exact 
date for which the invitations shall be issued. In very fashionable 
circles it is the mother that names the day of her daughter's marriage. 

Time was when during the two weeks, or longer, elapsing between 
the issuing of the invitations and the occurrence of the wedding, the 
bride-expectant was not to be seen in public, nor by chance callers at 
the house, a custom which still prevails to some extent, but is super- 
seded in the most fashionable circles by a series of especial entertain- 
jrnents given during this interval. 



WEDDTNGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 145 

It frequently happens that one, or each, of the bridemaids entertains 
the bride and other bridemaids at a lunch or dinner, either informally 
or on a large scale. Some married friend of the family may give a 

large farewell dinner to Miss and her bridemaids ; and the bride 

herself, or her mother, may give a rehearsal' dinner. Ordinary invi- 
tations, however, are not to be accepted. 

If the presents are not to be exhibited at the wedding reception, the 
bride frequently gives an informal tea the day before to her lady 
friends for the purpose of displaying them. She should also, for her 
health's sake, take a daily drive. 

Announcing the Engagement. 

An engagement is now frequently announced in rather a formal 
manner. This, however, is not usually done until a short time pre- 
vious to the marriage itself. Sometimes it comes out in the society 
papers immediately after it has been made known to the kinfolk and 
intimate friends. Felicitations follow as a matter of course. 

Sometimes a dinner-party is given by the parents of the bride- 
elect and the announcement is made by the host just before leaving 
the table. Congratulations follow. Sometimes notes are written by 
the young lady or her mother in announcement. 

If the families of the contracting parties have been strangers hereto- 
fore it is expected that the gentleman's family will make the first call. 
Any friends that choose may give entertainments in honor of the couple. 

The lady does not make any ceremonious calls after this announce- 
ment has been made, it being supposed that before this occurs she 
shall have left cards upon all her friends. If no formal announcement 
is made the bride-to-be must, before invitations are issued, leave cards 
with her friends and acquaintances. In the city she need not enter to 
make a personal call, in the country she will probably find it neces- 
sary so to do. 

Wedding Gifts. 

There is much to be said for and against the custom of wedding 
presents. And while the fact remains that they too often become the 
10 



14G WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 

vehicle for an expenditure so uncalled-for as to encroach upon vul- 
garity in its excess, another fact still exists, that the simple remem- 
brances of friends are very grateful to the bride, who, perhaps, is bound 
for a distant home where every loving token will recall a well-known 
face. 

Then remember your friends on their wedding day, wisely, and 
according to their tastes and your own resources, for : 

" Policy counselleth a gift, 
Given wisely and in season, 
And policy afterward approveth it, 
For great is the power of gifts." 

By those so desiring, the words, " No presents," or " No presents 
received," may be engraved in the left hand corner of the card. This 
is often a relief to many of the guests, and, at the same time does not 
prevent the very intimate friends, as well as members of the family, 
from sending quietly such gifts as they may choose, which, of course, 
are not exhibited. 

Where presents are to be given they are frequently sent some time 
in advance, and the bride often takes much pleasure in arranging 
them for exhibition in some upstairs room. Each article is accom- 
panied by the card of the giver ; these are removed or not, as may be 
desired before exhibition. 

The bride acknowledges the reception of each gift by a graceful 
little note of thanks. Some of them doubless will come from persons 
unknown to her, friends of the groom, and to these she must be 
especially prompt in returning her acknowledgments. 

List of Invitations. 

Making up the list of invitations should be attended to carefully. 
The engaged couple should carefully prepare their respective lists and 
the mother of the bride should attentively scan names, for from this is 
to be made up the future visiting list of her daughter, and she cannot 
but hesitate at burdening her at the outset of her new life with a host 



WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 147 

of calling acquaintances, hence is forced to exclude every ineligible 
name ; a cutting painful but oftimes necessary. 

Ushers. 

The duties of the ushers in a church wedding are very important. 
At large weddings as many as half a dozen, or more, ushers are 
sometimes needed to manage the great number of guests. They 
usually appoint one of their number as head usher, and to him falls 
the duty of deciding on the space to be reserved for near relatives, 
which is to be divided from the remainder of the church by white 
ribbons. He makes sure that the organist is in place, indicates the 
approach of the bridal party that the Wedding March may greet them, 
and instructs the other ushers as to their respective duties. 

Ushers must escort guests to their seats, and as relatives of the 
groom are seated on the right of the main aisle, or center of the 
church, and those of the bride on the left, it is proper for an usher to 
ask any one with whom he may be unacquainted whether their 
relationship is to the bride or groom. 

In escorting guests to their seats an usher gives his right arm to a 
lady. A gentleman who may be in her company should follow after. 

The guests assembled, part of the ushers should leave the church 
at once and drive to the bride's residence in order to be there to 
receive the bridal party upon their return. 

"The Best Man." 

The "best man" is usually an intimate friend or relative of the 
groom. He drives to the church with him, stands by his side at the 
altar-rails while he awaits the approach of the bride, and, stepping 
back, it is he that holds the groom's hat during the ceremony and 
hands it to him at its close. To him is confided the payment of the 
wedding fee, and if there is a marriage register he signs as a witness. 
He then drives by himself to the bride's home, reaching there in time 
to receive the bridal party and to assist the ushers in the presentation 
of guests to the newly-married couple. He also makes the necessary 



148 WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 

arrangements about their departure, secures the tickets, and, if their 
destination is to be kept a secret, to him alone is it confided. 

It occasionally happens that there are as many groomsmen as there 
are bridemaids, but this is the exception and the "best man" takes 
their place. 

The ushers frequently form, two and two, and precede the bridal 
party up the aisle. 

Bridemaids. 

The number of these is optional, from one to twelve being allow- 
able. Four, six or eight are usually chosen. Unmarried sisters of 
the bride and groom are frequently selected. Custom emphatically 
declares that they must be younger than the bride. For an elder 
sister thus to officiate would be extremely inappropriate. 

Indeed, the favored fashion of the present time is for little tots, all 
the way from three or four to eight, clad in bewitchingly quaint and 
picturesque costumes and crowned by the largest of Gainsboro' hats, 
to precede the bridal couple to the chancel. In addition to these, the 
bride is followed by a chosen number of bridemaids as well, but often 
the children are all. Frequently they carry baskets of flowers, and, 
preceding the newly-made wife in her progress down the church aisle, 
they scatter the blossoms in her pathway. 

Sometimes this order is changed, and children rise in groups from 
seats near the front, and, preceding the bridal cortege to the door, 
scatter flowers before them. Children selected for this purpose should 
be under ten. Young boys, selected from among relatives, are some- 
times dressed as pages and accompany the bride as train-bearers. 

Bridemaids usually consult the bride as to their toilets, and each 
other as well, that there may be no unfortunate combinations of color 
to mar the effect of the whole. They usually dress in colors, unless 
the bride choose some faint tint for her costume ; then it is customary 
for them to wear pure white, and sometimes the w r hole group are 
clad in spotless purity. 

The bridemaids' gowns are walking length, as a rule, and they 
wear large, picturesque hats, overshadowed with plumes or adorned 



WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 149 

with flowers, and carry huge bunches, or baskets, of fragrant blossoms. 
Wealthy brides, who have some special fancy to carry out, often 
provide the gowns for their maids. Historic styles are frequently 
chosen, making every gown after the exact mode of the epoch selected, 
but adoping a different color for each. 

Where there is but one bndemaid, if she be escorted at all, which 
is not always done, it should be by some friend, not the "best man," 
whose duties in attendance on the groom are all-sufficient. 

Bridemaids should not refuse the proffered honor, if possible for 
them to accept. If, after acceptance, unforseen circumstances should 
occur to prevent participation in the festivities, no time should be lost 
in sending a regret and full explanation, so that her place may be 
supplied in time to prevent disarrangement of the entire plan. 

A Church Wedding. 

A church wedding is more picturesque and solemn than any other 
form of celebrating the marriage rite and the etiquette of all full-dress 
affairs of this nature is essentially the same, 

The groom drives first to the church, accompanied by his " best 
man " and enters either vestry or church parlor. The relatives, the 
mother of the bride and the bridemaids now drive to the church in 
carriages, closely followed by the carriage of the bride and her father. 

By this time it is supposed that the carpet and awning, if it is a city 
church, are in place, the invited guests assembled, and the bridal pro- 
cession immediately forms, entering the church and passing up the 
aisle to the strains of the wedding march. In England a lovely inno- 
vation is made on this threadbare custom by having a chorus of boy- 
voices sing an epithalamium, or wedding ode, during their progress. 
This custom has found its way here in some ritulistic churches where 
the vested choir march, two and two, at the head of the bridal pro- 
cession, singing as they march. Sometimes as high as forty, and even 
seventy, in number swell the cortege. 

The order of progression is as follows : first the ushers, (unless 
there are choristers to take the lead) who march up the aisle by twos, 



150 



WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 



keeping step with the music, then, if there are child-bridemaids, they 
follow in the same order. Some brides have two, some four or six of 
these dainty dots of maids. The children are followed by the grown 
bridemaids, also two by two. Sometimes children alone fill the 
place, there being no grown maids. The maids, both children and 
grown folk, are arranged according to their height and the harmony 
of color in their gowns. 

After them comes the bride leaning on the right arm of her father. 
It sometimes happens that she walks up the aisle alone, and again that 




THE MARRIACtE CEREMONY. 

she is accompanied by some male relative who is to take a father's 
place in giving her away. Occasionally young brothers, mere boys in 
age, are permitted to assume this touching duty. 

At the altar steps the ushers separate and pass to the right and 
left, the bridemaids also separate in a similar manner, leaving space 
for the bridal couple. The groom, having come from the vestry, 
accompanied by the "best man," should be standing in readiness to 
advance, take the bride by her right hand and turn to the clergyman^ 
who proceeds with the marriage formula sanctioned by his faith. 



WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 151 

At that point in the service where the question is asked, "Who 
giveth this woman to be married to this man?" the father, or whoever 
takes his place, should bow, and then in a moment leave the group 
and seat himself beside the bride's mother in the front pew at the left. 

In a ritualistic church the bride and groom at once kneel before 
the officiating clergyman, who will signify to them at what point of 
the service to rise. Hassocks should be provided for the occasion. 

The first bridemaid, or maid of honor, takes her stand close to, aud 
slightly back of, the bride, that she may be ready to take her bouquet, 
if she has one, remove her glove, or, as is the better custom in this 
day of many-buttoned gloves, to turn back the neatly-ripped glove- 
finger that the ring may be adjusted, and to hold her bouquet or 
prayer-book when necessary. In the meantime, it is the "best man" 
who hands the ring to the clergymen in readiness for use. 

After the Ceremony. 

The service over, which may or may not have been accompanied 
by low, slow music, the clergyman shakes hands with and congratu- 
lates the newly-wedded couple (kissing being no longer permissible), 
the groom draws the bride's right hand within his left arm and con- 
ducts her to the carriage, taking the center aisle if the church have 
one ; if not, taking the opposite from that by which they entered, the 
bride, her veil over her face, neither recognizing nor paying the 
slightest apparent heed to any one in the church. The organ peals 
forth, the procession re-forms and follows to the door, first the bride- 
maids, next the ushers. If there have been choristers, they lead the 
line, chanting as before, until their voices die out of hearing in the 
vestibule/ Often, too, the child-bridemaids precede the couple as 
they leave the church, scattering flowers before them, the whole 
forming a very pretty pageant to the eye. The church may have 
been richly decorated with flowers and potted plants. 

Where there is but one bridemaid or maid of honor, as she is then 
called, she attends to all the duties necessary, but the bridal proces- 
sion is shorn somewhat of its fair proportions. 



152 WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 

The vestibule reached, certificate or church register signed, the 
bride is cloaked, and, entering a carriage with her husband, is quickly 
driven home, the guests remaining in their seats until the cessation of 
the wedding march, when they, too, enter their carriages. Meanwhile 
the " best man " takes the shortest route possible to the same destina- 
tion in order to assist the head usher, who with, perhaps, some of the 
other ushers, is supposed to be already there, in receiving the bridal 
party and guests as they reach the house. The remaining ushers 
busy themselves in assisting the bridemaids to their carriages and 
speeding them onward that they, if possible, may reach the house in 
time to receive the bride and groom. 

If the church wedding be in the evening the same order will be 
observed, save that the gentlemen wear evening dress. 

The Reception. 

At the house the ushers introduce the guests to the newly-married 
couple who, together with the bridemaids, form a group to receive 
the good wishes of the company. The parents of the bride stand 
a little apart from this party and receive the felicitations of their 
guests in behalf of their daughter's welfare. The parents of the 
groom, if present, form part of this group. 

If the company is very large it is well to divide the centers of 
attractions by placing the young couple in one room and the parents 
in another, thus compelling a freer circulation of the guests, who else 
would crowd the bridal party to suffocation. 

The house may be profusely decorated with flowers, and the rooms 
though daylight reign without, may have been carefully darkened only 
to be re-illuminated by the softer radiance of waxen candles or shaded 
gas jets. 

Refreshments. 

The banquet may be as elaborate as desired, but is usually served 
in the refreshment room from the buffet, guests repairing thither at 
anytime where they are served by attendants, ushers seeing that ladies 
unattended by gentlemen are invited to partake and properly served. 



WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 153 

Tea or coffee is not considered a necessity, though, in compliance 
with tastes that do not yield easily to fashion's decree, it is usually to 
be had, but in winter bouillon, in cups, is usually offered. Wine, 
of course, depends upon the scruples of the entertainers. Salads, 
lobster, salmon, etc., birds and dainty rolled sandwiches, do duty for 
meats. Fancy cakes, such as maccaroons, kisses, etc., are always 
offered, together with ices. The variety of other cakes is always at the 
option of the hostess, save the regulation rich black fruit, or groom's 
cake, and the bride's snowy loaf. These are necessities, and if the 
bride so far conform to the old custom of " cutting the cake" as to 
make one incision therein with a wonderful silver knife, " ye ancient 
superstition " is satisfied, and the work of cutting it and packing in 
dainty boxes to be carried home, if this be wished, is deputed to 
attendants. These boxes are deposited in some convenient place 
within reach of the departing guests. 

When there are a number of elderly guests it is generally thought 

best to set two or more small tables in the refreshment-room, or an 

ante-room, where they may be comfortably accommodated with seats, 

and one of the ushers should see that they are so seated and promptly 

served. 

Rehearsals. 

In view of the complicated arrangements made necessary for the 
proper carrying out of a fashionable church wedding, and in considera- 
tion of the large number of people involved in the ceremony and the 
necessity of each one being in the right place at the right moment, in 
order to prevent confusion, it will be seen that some preparation is 
necessary before all can act in concert. 

The needed drill is usually given by an exact rehearsal of the entire 
affair, to give which, the whole party meet at the church and rehearse, 
so to speak, their respective parts ; the forming into procession, the 
parting right and left at the chancel and the re-forming to return to 
the vestibule, being all gone through with to the sound of music, until 
every part of the long procession moves like clockwork. 

The grouping of the bridemaids, the appointed duties of maid of 



!54 WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 

honor and "best man," even to the smallest details, are all made per- 
fect, until even the principal actors in the scene can retire without fear 
of any disaster to come. 

This rehearsal is frequently made the occasion of a rehearsal dinner, 
given by the mother of the bride, at which the intimate participants 
of the wedding-to-come entertain and refresh themselves. 

The Wedding Breakfast. 

Wedding breakfasts are an exclusively English fashion, but are 
gradually creeping into favor here. The breakfast does not differ 
from the ordinary reception, save that it is usually at an earlier hour 
and is more frequently a "sit-down affair." 

The guests all go into the refreshment room at the same time, even 
though it sometimes happens that the assembly is so large that no one 
but the bridal party and immediate relatives are provided with seats 
at small tables. In this case, the gentlemen help the ladies and 
themselves from a long table in the center of the room, the whole 
affair, under these circumstances, being simply a cold collation. 
Gentlemen leave their hats in the hall ; ladies retain bonnet and gloves. 

After the usual greetings to the bridal pair and a few minutes gen- 
eral conversation, the repast is announced and the guests proceed to 
the appointed room in the usual fashion — bride and groom, bride's 
father and groom's mother, groom's father and bride's mother, "best 
man" and maid of honor, other bridemaids and gentlemen appointed, 
usually ushers, etc. 

A "stand-up" breakfast has many things in its favor. It is more 
easily served than one where all the guests are seated at a table that, 
in everything but name, is a dinner table ; it is less formal and there- 
fore pleasanter, and far more guests can be accommodated. The 
refreshments are the same as for a reception. 

Departure. 

After mingling with the guests for a short time the bride quietly 
withdraws to don her traveling garb, and soon descends the stairway. 



WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 155 

She is met at the foot by her bridemaids, who part and form in line 
on either hand, through which dainty pathway she passes to join the 
groom. 

Quick good-bys are said, the carriage is entered and whirls rapidly 
away, followed by showers of rice and cast-off slippers, and the pretty 
scene is ended. 

Home Weddings. 

Home weddings are attended with much less trouble, fatigue and 
expense than fashionable church weddings. The clergyman enters 
the room and stands facing the people ; the bridal couple follow and 
stand facing him. Hassocks are provided for kneeling, if desired. 
The father, or some near male relative, stands ready, in sight of the 
clergyman, to give away the bride. He should simply bow his affirm- 
ation when the question is asked. 

There are many additions that may be made to this simple cere- 
mony, such as a troop of pretty children holding white ribbons each 
side to mark the path the bridal pair must walk to reach the minister, 
while the sweet strains of a hidden band of musicians may accompany 
their footsteps. 

Floral decorations, within limits, are beautiful and appropriate, but 
where they are so lavishly displayed as to remind more of the florist's 
bill than the beauty of the blossoms, their effect is lost in a certain 
vulgarity that attends all too-visible evidences of outlay. 

One pretty idea is to carry out the fancy of having one kind of 
flower, massed according to the chosen design, serve for the decora- 
tions, at flower weddings ; for example, rose weddings, lily weddings, 
daffodil weddings, etc. The design itself is according to the taste of 
the florist or the family, and is a subject changing so easily with the 
season or the fashion as to merit no mention here. 

The supper may be as elegant an affair as one chooses to make it. 
If served by caterers, all care is removed from the hostess as to pos- 
sible accidents, and she is left free to entertain her guests. 

At evening weddings the company remains late or not, according 
to the hour of the bride's departure. Sometimes dancing is arranged 



156 WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 

as one of the evening's amusements. If so, the bride may, if she 
choose, open the first quadrille with the " best man." Should she do 
this, the groom is expected to dance with the first bridemaid. 

The bride can slip away at any time, to reappear in traveling cos- 
tume, and bidding a quick farewell, disappear from the company, who, 
after this, begin to disperse. 

One most pleasant custom, English in its origin, should not be 
forgotten ; it is that of remembering all the servants with some little 
gift as a souvenir of the occasion. 

Invitations to Church "Weddings. 

There is a good deal of dispute in regard to the etiquette of 
acknowledgment of a card for a church wedding. Some high 
authorities assert that the invitation is so general and means so 
little particular attention that no notice need be taken of it except 
in the regular line of future visits to the bride and to the bride's 
mother. But one of our American social oracles declares that a card 
is obligatory at the hour of the wedding, if one cannot attend, and 
that if the house address is unknown, this card should be sent to the 
church. If this is necessary, most people err woefully, for few non- 
attendants send the card. 

For church weddings everything pertains to formality, and the 
invitation as well as the ceremony is impressive in all details. The 
names of the parents heading the invitation are now more often 
written in full, thus insuring a good-looking line at the top of the 
note. The line, " request the honor of your presence," almost invari- 
ably appears on a church invitation w T ith "honor" spelled with a "u." 

The names of bride and groom are separated by the little word 
"to," although some consider "and" quite as proper. 

The omission of the prefix "Miss" from the daughter's name is 
customary on an invitation but should never occur when the bride is 
a sister, cousin or niece of the people issuing the invitations. If a 
widow is re-marrying, she uses the prefix "Mrs." w r ith her Christian 
names and the surname of her deceased husband. If the bride is an 



WEDDINGS AND WEDDING_ANNIVERSARIES. 157 

orphan, with no one to issue the invitations for her, the heading reads, 
"The honor of your presence is requested," etc. When the bride 
has more names than one it is customary to use all. 

The address of a well-known church is generally omitted, although 
it is frequently a convenience for out-of-town friends to know it. 
Names of churches ending with "s," as Saint Thomas, are written 
with an apostrophe "s" — thus, Saint Thomas's. 

Dress for the Occasion. 

The Bride's Dress may be as elegant as desired, or as simple, but 
it is to be hoped that the custom of using pure white in the composi- 
tion of the toilet will not be superseded by any passing freak of Dame 
Fashion's for softly tinted bridal robes. This innovation should be 
stoutly resisted by all brides-to-be. If the white robe is simple in 
material, a simple style should be chosen for the making ; richer 
goods allow of more elaboration. The bride wears no jewels, and the 
typical orange-blossoms and myrtle are supposed to crown her brow. 
As a fact, however, other white flowers, such as roses, lilacs, lilies-of- 
the-valley, are more frequently chosen. 

Where the wedding decorations are of one flower exclusively, that 
blossom alone figures in the bridal wreath and bouquet. Some High 
Church brides carry an ivory or silver-bound prayer-book in prefer- 
ence to flowers ; thus associating it with the most sacred vows of their 
life and hoping to preserve it as an heirloom in the family. 

White shoes and gloves are to be worn with this toilet. The best 
taste prescribes a high corsage for the bridal costume, and sleeves 
either to the elbow or longer, in either case to be met by the long kid 
gloves. This gives a certain modesty to the toilet that is in keeping 
with the occasion. By many brides who expect to wear their bridal 
costume to after evening entertainments, the wedding gown is fre- 
quently supplied with two corsages ; the high for the wedding day and 
the low for evening wear. 

The Veil is usually of thin, sheer tulle, as this is most becoming 
to the face, but those brides who can display fine old point on this 



158 WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 

occasion will be very apt so to do. If the bridal costume is to be 
worn on any other occasion, it must be divested of orange-blossoms 
and worn without the veil. 

The above-described costume is appropriate for either a morning or 
evening wedding. Brides, who are married in traveling costume, 
should wear a bonnet rather than a hat. 

The Groom's Dress is decided by the hour at which the wedding 
takes place. If it is in the evening, the conventional evening dress is 
imperative. Black suit, dress coat, low-cut waistcoat, white tie, white 
or pale pearl-colored gloves, thin patent leather shoes and possibly a 
white flower in the button-hole, constitute proper costume. 

Morning Costume. 

At a morning wedding, that is, one taking place at any hour between 
ten and seven (before which time a dress suit can by no possibility 
appear) full morning costume is worn by the groom. This consists 
of a dark frock coat, dark waistcoat and lighter trousers ; a stiff hat, 
a light scarf and gloves if desired. The gloves should be light but 
not evening tints ; pale tan or gray being suitable. The Groomsmen's 
Dress is decided by the hour and by the dress of the groom, of which 
it is a faithful copy. 

The Usher's Dress follows the same law as that of the groomsmen, 
save that if wedding favors are worn it is by the ushers only. The 
other gentlemen present will find it well to copy the same styles, save 
that those only who are immediately connected with the ceremony are 
expected to wear white gloves. 

The Bridemaid's Dress has been already described. 

Friends in Mourning are expected to lay aside their somber robings 
for this hour. Even the widowed mother is bound to don either a 
pale gray, or a deep purple, costume for the occasion, the presence of 
black at so joyous a moment always casting a certain shadow over 
the party. 

The Traveling Dress. This is occasionally worn by brides who do 
not wish to incur the haste and annoyance of changing their costume 



WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 159 

before leaving for the bridal tour. This is done at times even when 
the ceremony is performed in church, but is almost always resorted 
to where the wedding is quiet. Sometimes this dress is as elaborate 
as is at all consistent with good taste for traveling, and when this is 
the case it is usually exchanged for the regulation traveling gown at 
the first stopping place in their journey. More frequently, and more 
appropriately, the plain tailor-made suit, with gloves and hat in har- 
mony, is made to do duty. In any case where the bride chooses to 
wear a traveling costume, even should the ceremony be performed in 
the evening, the groom will wear a morning costume. 

A Quiet Wedding. 

To many people the idea of so much splendor and ceremony on the 
occasion of their marriage has in it something distasteful, and to others 
the physical weariness thereby incurred is almost an impossibility. In 
this case the quietest of ceremonies may be chosen. It may take 
place in church if the bride desire this further seal of solemnity set 
upon the service, with parents and one or two friends for witnesses ; or 
at home with the family and clergyman only present, the bridal couple 
being driven from thence directly to the depot if the stereotyped wed- 
ding tour is to follow. 

Re-marriage. 

A widow, re-marrying, no matter how youthful she may be, is pro- 
hibited from wearing the white gown, veil and orange-blossoms of the 
bride. Neither may she surround herself with a bevy of bridemaids. 
Her wedding, to be absolutely correct, should be quietly solemnized 
and her garb a traveling dress. 

Still, if she should wish, she may wear the most elegant of tinted 
silks, the most elaborate in make-up, and have a large and elegant 
assembly to witness her marriage and participate in its festivities, but 
no bridemaids are allowable. 

At a church wedding she should be attended by her father, brother, 
other male relative, or some friend. She should always remove the 
first wedding ring from her finger before the service and not again 



160 WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 

assume it. Invitations to the marriage of a widow are engraved with 
her whole name, maiden and married, thus : Elizabeth Stuart 
Fielding. 

If she have sons or unmarried daughters at the time of her second 
marriage she should prefix their last name to her new one on all cere- 
monious occasions in which they also are interested, thus : Mrs. 
Stuart Fielding Grant and Miss Fielding, At Home. 20 Gros- 

venor Square. 

The Ring. 

The fourth finger of the left hand, counting from the thumb, is the 
finger upon which the engagement and wedding rings are worn. The 
engagement ring varies in extravagance according to the means of the 
groom, and has almost always a set of some description ; the wedding 
ring is always the same, a plain, round-edged band of gold. Initials 
and dates may be engraved in both. 

The engagement ring is usually worn afterward as a guard for the 
wedding ring. As to its setting there is a wide latitude given wherein 
all the pretty conceits and superstitions attached to precious stones 
may be exercised at will. The German consider pearls unlucky for 
brides, as significant of tears. Birth-month stones may be used, even 
the fateful opal losing its power for harm when worn by an October 
maiden. The turquoise is perhaps the favored of precious stones for 
this purpose. The old Persian proverb says that " He that hath 
a turquoise hath a friend." Its known power of turning pale under 
certain climatic influences has invested it in story with the power of 
not only warding off evil influences, rendering its wearer constant and 
assuring success in love, but still more of revealing by a certain pallor 
of coloring, coming danger or the existence of inconstancy in its wearer. 
It is also said that in case of a fail the turquoise takes all injury upon 
itself; the stone being fractured and the owner being uninjured. Add 
to this the item that the stone must be a gift, not apurchase, to posssess 
these marvelous powers, and it will be seen that it is admirably suited 
to adorn an engagement ring. The diamond is another very appro- 
priate stone for this purpose, either solitaire or incluster. 




THE WEDDING GIFT. 



H 



161 



J 62 WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 

Reception Days. 

It is necessary for the bride to include her new address with her 
wedding invitations, unless, as is still more "chic," cards for several 
reception days are issued after her return. These dates being fixed, 
it is then that first calls may be made upon her at her new residence 
with the happy certainty of finding her at home. 

At these quiet, informal receptions, she receives simply as a member 
of society, wearing usually a rich, dark silk without any reminders of 
her recent bridehood. 

WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 

The wedding anniversaries are numerous, but only a few of these 
are habitually observed. Paper, wooden, tin, crystal, silver and golden 
are the favorite ones, the others being so rare as to hardly merit being 
included in the list. 

The following complete list of the anniversaries, with the respective 
dates of their occurrence, may be useful for reference : 

First Anniversary Paper Wedding 

Second Anniversary Cotton Wedding 

Third Anniversary Leather Wedding 

Fifth Anniversary Wooden Wedding 

Seventh Anniversary Woolen Wedding 

Tenth Anniversary Tin Wedding 

Twelfth Anniversary Silk and Linen Wedding 

Fifteenth Anniversary Crystal Wedding 

Twentieth Anniversary . . . China (sometimes Floral) Wedding 

Twenty-Fifth Anniversary Silver Wedding 

Thirtieth Anniversary Pearl Wedding 

Thirty-fifth Anniversary Coral Wedding 

Fortieth Anniversary Ruby Wedding 

Forty-fifth Anniversary . Bronze Wedding 

Fiftieth Anniversary Golden Wedding 

Sixty-Fifth Anniversary Crown-Diamond Wedding 

Seventy-fifth Anniversary ........ Diamond Wedding 



WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 163 

It may be well to mention here that the twentieth anniversary is 
considered unlucky to celebrate, or even to mention. 

The manner of sending out invitations and accepting and refusing 
the same has been fully described in the proper department, and a few 
words only will be necessary as to the gifts and entertainment suitable 
on such occasions. 

Tin and Paper Weddings and some other of the earlier anniversaries 
are usually occasions for happy frolics, and merry jests as to the form 
the gifts will take, though the paper wedding gives place for the 
presentation of elegant books, and a supply of fashionable stationery 
that is sufficient to fill the family needs for a long space of time. 

Suitable Presents. 

The Wooden Wedding is a little more expensive in its demands, 
and the gifts range from elegant suites of carved furniture down to 
dainty bits of hand-carving in the shape of panels and placques ; and 
from rolling-pin and potato-masher all the way up to oaken mantles, 
rich with all manner of ingenious fret-work of design. 

The Crystal Wedding may also show forth a glittering array of 
gifts both ornamental and useful. 

The Silver Wedding is, perhaps, the most important of all the wed- 
ding anniversaries. This arises partly from the fact that it is most 
generally observed, partly because of the value of its gifts, and, more 
than aught else, because the date of its observance finds the happy 
pair still m the enjoyment of comparative youth and with length of 
days still before them. In the matter of presents it is almost impos- 
sible to go amiss, since there is scarcely an article of use or ornament 
from dining-room to reception-room and from the library desk to my 
lady's toilet table, that has not been made a thing of beauty and a joy 
forever by the silversmith's art. 

The Golden Wedding, from the advanced age at which it occurs, 
has an element of sadness in its celebration. The aged couple who 
stand so near the brink of separation can have little of bridal joy as 
they look back to the day when they stood before the altar in the first 



164 WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 

flush of youth, with life before them, or as they look forward to the 
shortened span of years that links them to their loved ones here. 
The gifts that are laid before them should be fitly wrought of gold, 
since their love has been as gold tried in the furnace of life. 

If the family means are insufficient for numerous valuable gifts, let 
all the friends "club" together and purchase some fitting souvenir for 
the occasion. Golden-rod forms an appropriate florid decoration. 

But, after all, the chief idea and the pleasure of this anniversary is 

the gathering together of as many as possible of the relatives that ye' 

remain to greet the pair at this, Hie golden milestone of their life's 

journey. 

Speeches and Congratulations. 

The Diamond Wedding occurs so seldom, and is so much like the 
others L\ the manner, if not the matter of its gifts, as to scarce ly 
require mention here. 

The entertainment at these anniversary celebrations is very much 
the same as at weddings or other gatherings. The refreshments may 
be served at tables, or a "stand up" collation given. In this latter 
case, there should be one or two tables set for the elders of the party. 

At Silver and Golden Weddings presentation speeches are frequently 
made by some friend, and at golden anniversaries a regular program 
is oftentimes carried out. Anniversary poems are read, "The Hang- 
ing of the Crane " recited, congratulatory telegrams from absent 
friends are announced, and any old acquaintances present that can be 
persuaded to say a few words of "ye olden times" are pressed into 
service. Good taste, however, would seem to prevent any repetition 
of the marriage service on such an occasion. 

Care's in acknowledgment of bridal presents arc worded in the 
following f shio ; : Mr. and Mrs. George H. Brandon express sincere 

thanks to • for the beautiful wedding gift. June 18th. 62 West 

126th street. 

An ultra-fashionable bride, supplying herself with several packages 
of these stereotyped acknowledgments, has nothing to do but fill in 
the name of the sender and thus avoid infinite labor. 





THE PRINCESS OF WALES. 






[ 




A SOCIETY BELLE — " CALL AGAIN." 



QME 






ETTE- 



GOOD manners are a plant of slow 
growth, and one that should be 
cultivated in the home circle. 
"Give a boy address, and it opens 
palaces to him," says Emerson, and 
nowhere is this address, "this habit of 
encounter," so easily gained as within the 
walls of home. There his character is formed for life. 

Good breeding, in reality, is but the outcome of "much good 
sense, some good nature, and a little self-denial exercised for the sake 
of others, with a view to obtain the same indulgence from them." 

These words of the scholar, Chesterfield, learned as he was in 
worldly lore, and satisfied of the expediency of such observances from 
a selfish standpoint, are but another, and more selfish, rendering of 
the Golden Rule, whose value as a rule of action in life is apparent. 

Courtesy, it must be conceded, is not only pleasant, but profitable 
in all places, and at all times, but more especially in the home circle 
are its virtues most brilliantly set forth. 

Courtesies of Married Life. 

"Marriage very rarely mends a man's manners," is a sadly true 
statement of the playwright Congreve, and one whose truth touches 
women also as concerning the marriage state. 

If the slight formalities that are the bulwarks of love as well as 
friendship, many forbearances, and more of the small, sweet courtesies 
of life, were but permitted to blossom forth like unexpected flowers 
beneath the family roof-tree, fcwer unhappy marriages would catalogue 
their miseries in the divorce court. 



166 HOME ETIQUETTE. 

The man who takes off his hat as politely to his wife when he parts 
from her on the street as he would to his lady acquaintance of yester- 
day ; who opens the door for her to enter; who would no more speak 
harshly to her than to any other lady, is very likely to retain her first 
affection and to add to it that sweeter, closer love that comes of 
knowledge and companionship. 

What Women Admire. 

Women admire fine manners and graceful attentions. The man 
who never forgets their tastes ; who remembers wedding anniversaries 
and birthdays ; is interested in their pursuits, and ready with an appre- 
ciative word of praise, is the man that claims their admiration by virtue 
of thoughtfulness and consideration. 

This man, too, would be far more apt to hold a woman's affection 
than the best and most upright of his sex, who is thoughtless and 
indifferent, not of her physical comfort, but of all her pet fancies and 
sjntiments, who never saw her new gowns, and is profoundly neglect- 
ful of all those trifles, light as air, which go far toward making up the 
sum of woman's happiness or misery. 

What Men Desire. 

Hepworth Dixon, on being asked what men most desire in a wife, 
and what quality held them longest, unhesitatingly replied, " That she 
should be a pillow." Then, noting the inquiry thus suggested, he 
went on to say: " What a man most needs is that he should find in 
his wife a pillow whereon to rest his heart. He longs to find a 
moment's rest from the outer whirl of life, to win a ready listener that 
sympathizes where others wound." And she whose eyes are flatter- 
ing mirrors, whose lips console and soothe, will find that she has 
secured a hold upon the heart of her husband, that the embodiment of 
all the virtues of her sex could not secure, were she wanting in 
this sympathetic tact. 

Sweet-tempered people are the joy of the world. Their civilities, 
their self-sacrifice, their thoughtfulness for others it is that oils the 



HOME ETIQUETTE. 167 

wheels of domestic life. People who, according to the old phrase, 
have " tempers of their own," are not, at the best, agreeable com- 
panions. We may respect their good qualities, but we are apt to give 
them a wide berth where possible. But when they are inmates of our 
own households, the evil spirit must be confronted and exorcised if 
possible. 

Many a wife has, by exercising her own self-control, subdued and 
shamed a tyrannical, evil-tempered husband into a better disposition, 
but never by argument, dispute, or anger on her part. 

Many a husband, too, has by the firmness and sweetness of his own 
temper, won his young, impatient wife, tried by the half-understood 
cares of her new existence, to evenness of spirit and control of temper. 
"It is impossible to be cross where Charlie is," said one young wife, 
taken from a home where self-control had never been taught. "I 
am always ashamed of it afterward." 

Fault-Finding. 

"Take us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil our vines," and of 
the insidious foxes that spoil the tender fruitage of the household vine, 
a fault-finding disposition is most dangerous. 

A quick, ungovernable temper is not as destructive to household 
peace and comfort as the nagging, carping, fault-finding spirit that sees 
good in nothing. A temper that is like a tornado in its violence at 
least clears the air as it passes, and is usually followed by quick 
repentance and ready reparation. But the fault-finding, nagging, 
suspicious temperament is a veritable foe in a man's own household. 

Where no word of praise is heard, no commendation follows the 
best-intentioned efforts, but the ceaseless nagging, the ever recurring 
criticism meets one at every turn, it is not strange if the ties of 
affection are too often strained even to breaking. 

Temper proceeds from, and is an indication of the character. It is 
inherited, even as features are ; but, like features, it may be modified 
by culture and training, and a temper thus conquered becomes a 
very desirable possession. 



168 



HOME ETIQUETTE. 



Home Conversation. 

Educate yourself, as a wife, to keep up with the times sufficiently 
to be at least a companionable conversationalist. Read the papers, 
read late books ; endeavor to be as entertaining to your husband as 
you were to your husband-elect. 

As a husband, share your knowledge of the activities of life with 
your wife, who, from the very nature of her occupation is excluded 
from much of its exciting whirl. Read together, talk together of art, 



MiSM 




WM.ifJ a 1 w^ 




ETIQUETTE OF THE DRAWING-ROOM. 

of music, of literature, of the stirring events of the outer world, and 
put afar the evil day when topics of mutual interest shall have been 
worn so threadbare that the average man and women must feel a 
strange desire to fall asleep directly dinner is over. 

Then, too, the children hunger for new ideas, and one of the 
greatest educational advantages they can enjoy is to listen daily to the 
conversation of intelligent people. Too many parents who are bright 
and entertaining abroad are dull and uninteresting in their own house- 
holds, to the great detriment of their children and to their own loss of 
intelligent companionship in one another. 



HOME ETIQUETTE. 



169 



"What little Jack learneth not, the same neither learneth great 
John." There is a truth in this old saying that the parents and 
guardians of children would do well to ponder in their hearts, for it is 
a well substantiated statement that the first ten years of a child's life 
stamp upon his character the imprint for good or ill-breeding. Thus 
is spared the after struggle on their part to attain the grace and self- 
possession that should have been theirs by birthright. 

Children are naturally imitative, hence the value of example over 




SUNSHINE AT HOME. 

precept. The children of courteous parents will imbibe courtesy as 
naturally and unconsciously as the growing plant absorbs oxygen 
from the air and sunlight that bathes its leaves and petals. 

Softly modulated tones should mark the words spoken to a child, 
and reproof carries an added weight when lowered tones convey the 
rebuke. Even a baby before it can speak recognizes shades of mean- 
ing in the tones the mother utters, and is soothed by the one and 
startled by the other. 



170 HOME ETIQUETTE. 

Kindliness, politeness of the parents one towards another, are the 
first steps toward training children in the acquirement of good 
manners. Gentleness and sweetness of manner can be taught at the 
cradle far more surely than from the schoolroom desk, and when 
baby has learned to preface its little wants with "please," and Master 
Four Years -old to run and open the door for mamma, or mamma's 
visitors, or to give up the easiest chair without being asked, the firm 
foundation has been laid for courteous behavior in after life. 

And so on, all through the school years, boys and girls may be so 
taught to respect one another's possessions, letters, feelings, and to 
discriminate closely between meum and tuum after such wise that they 
will be made better husbands, better wives, better citizens, for all 
their days. 

Slang and Exaggerations. 

By our own speech it is that we are sure to be judged, for, — 

"'Tis only man can words create, 

And cut the air to sounds articulate 

By nature's special charter. Nay, speech can 

Make a shrewd discrepance 'twixt man and man. 

It doth the gentleman from the clown discover; 

And from a fool the great philosopher. 

As Solon said to one in judgment weak : — 

' I thought thee wise until I heard thee speak. ' ' ' 

And if we talk with flippancy and exaggeration, load our sen- 
tences with slang phrases, and preface and punctuate them with oft- 
repeated expressions of "Say!" "Well!" "You know," "Do tell," 
and so on, ad infinitum, all wisdom, or propriety of speech will be 
lost. 

It is difficult to believe in the refinement of a girl who permits her 
fresh young lips to utter the slang of the bar-room hanger-on, the 
gambler and the street gamin. 

Equally difficult is it to believe in the absolute truthfulness of one 
who declares to you that the heat of a lovely June day is " simply 
awful" or "perfectly terrible," from sheer wonder as to what terms 




THE INDUSTRIOUS HOUSEWIFE. 



171 



172 HOME ETIQUETTE. 

she would use to characterize the intense heat of some sweeping fire. 

Again, it is hard to understand the taste of one who informs you 
gravely that " the chicken salad was too lovely for anything ! " or the 
last evening's sunset was "perfectly elegant! " The Websterian defini- 
tion of " elegant " being " polished, stylish, refined, etc.," it is to be 
wished that all perpetrators of like sins could meet the punishment 
a young lady once dealt to a gentleman who remarked with great 
effusion: " This moonlight is perfectly elegant! " To this observation 
she answered with gravity, " Yes, it really is very stylish ! " 

Let, therefore, all who strive for the grace of good breeding, men 
and women, boys and girls alike, " set a watch over their lips and 
keep the door of their mouth," for " words have wings, and so soon 
as their cage, the mouth, is opened, out they fly and mount beyond 
our reach, and past recovery." 

Some Do's for Girls. 

The following hints for girls, each prefaced by the auxiliary " Do," 
will prove a safe guide, not only for the girls but for any of their 
eiders who may choose to follow them. 

Do answer your letters soon after they are received,, and do try to 
reply to them with some relation to their contents ; a rambling, ill- 
considered letter is a satire upon your education. 

Do, wdien you talk, keep your hands still. 

Do observe; the faculty of observation, well cultivated, makes prac- 
tical men and women. 

Do attach as much importance to your mind as to your body. 

Do be natural; a poor diamond is better than a good imitation. 

Do try to remember where you put your gloves and cardcase ; keep 
the former mended and the latter filled. 

Do recollect that your health is more important than your amuse- 
ments ; you can live without one, but you'll die early without the 
other. 

Do try to be sensible; it is not a particular sign of superiority to 
talk like a fool. 




AX UNSEASONABLE CALL. 




A FIVE O'CLOCK TEA, 




¥ I 



mm 



U'l 




A CALL FROM BABY S ADMIRERS. 



173 



174 , HOME ETIQUETTE. 

Do be ready in time for church ; if you do not respect yourself 
sufficiently to be punctual, respect the feelings of other people. 

Do get up in time for breakfast. 

Do avoid causes of irritation in your family circle ; do reflect that 
home is the place in which to be agreeable. 

Do be reticent; the world at large has no interest in your privatj 
affairs. 

Do cultivate the habit of listening to others; it will make you an 
invaluable member of society, to say nothing of the advantage it will 
be to you. 

Do be truthful; do avoid exaggeration ; if you mean a mile say a 
mile, not a mile and a half; if you mean one say one, and not a 
dozen. 

Young Ladies, Take Heed. 

Do, sometimes, at least, allow your mother to know better than 
you do; she was educated before you were born. 

Do sign your full name to your letters. 

Do learn to say "No." 

Do, if you have brothers, try to gain their confidence, to be inter- 
ested in their sports, to cultivate their manners, not by censure, but 
by the force of your own example. 

Do laugh, girls, not boisterously, not constantly, but clearly ana 
pleasantly, but dont giggle. If girls from fourteen to eighteen could 
only understand the vulgarity of continually putting their heads 
together and giggling, as if the whole world was a supremely ridicu- 
lous affair, about which they must chuckle, and whisper, when in truth 
their own actions are the one thing ridiculous, they would refrain 
from such unmitigated nonsense. 

Do be exqisitely neat in your attire. Beware of the lawn dress, the 
light kids, the collar, the laces that are worn once too often. 

Do be careful about giving away your photographs, especially to 
men. You would hardly like to hear the comments that are some- 
times passed upon them. If you cannot learn to say " No," refrain 
from displaying them to your gentleman friends. 



I 



HOME ETIQUETTE. 175 

Some Do's for Boys. 

As for boys, there are a few " Dc's " for them to consider if they 
would become that noblest work of God, a true man, a gentleman. 

Do respect your father and mother and give them their proper titles 
at all times. To call them " the Governor " and "the old lady," does 
not in the least add to your supposed manliness, but rather displays a 
very unmanly fear on your part that people might suppose you were 
in some degree under their authority ; not only an unmanly, but a 
foolish fear, since no one is fit for authority until he has first learned 
obedience. 

Do learn to respect women. Never speak slightingly of their 
worth, nor trifle with their name. Learn the lesson now, and you 
will find its value in your manhood. 

Do treat your sisters and your girl schoolmates in a gentlemanly 
manner. You have no idea how much it will add to your own 
appearance. 

Do guard against a profusion of slang that would do credit to i 
pickpocket. 

Do be determined not to use profane expressions in the presence of 
ladies, children, or ministers, or anywhere else. 

Do keep your lips from uttering coarse and unclean things that you 
would blush to have overheard by mother or sister. More than this, 
do not listen to them from the lips of others. A pure-minded boy 
will be a pure-minded man. 

Do take care of your various belongings ; do not expect mother or 
sisters to pick up your necktie, your gloves, your schoolbooks, your 
hat, from as many different places as there are articles, and put them 
properly away. It is quite as necessary for boys or men to have 
some neatness in their habits as for girls or women. Do learn to help 
yourself occasionally. It is quite possible that you should be able to 
arrange a necktie, comb your hair, or get the articles together for 
a fresh toilet without calling some one to your assistance. Quite 
possible and vastly convenient for other members of the household. 



176 HOME ETIQUETTE. 

Do close the doors without slamming ; don't tear the house down. 

Do lower your voice sometimes ; everyone is not deaf. 

Do be neat in personal appearance ; collars, handkerchiefs and 
cuffs, should be spotlessly clean, and hands and finger nails receive 
careful attention. 

Do not fail to use three brushes every day — the tooth-brush, the 
clothes-brush and the blacking-brush. 

Do break yourself of disagreeable personal habits. Do not yawn 
in people's faces, lounge in your chair, scratch head or person, or clean 
finger-nails when others are present. 

Do not forget to use your handkerchief, and that quietly as possible. 

Do decide that temperate habits are more manly than intemperate 
ones, and don't think that it is one of your " rights " to smoke 
cigarettes. 

Do learn to say " No," to lead sometimes instead of always following. 

Do be careful of your manners. Remember that as the twig is bent, 
so the tree is inclined, and that the polished boy will be the polished 
man. Polish, it is to be understood, is not inconsistent with strength, 
but rather adds to it. The strongest machinery is of the finest polish, 
and the Damascus blade is of the surest mettle. 

Do be sure to give up your seat in omnibus or car to a lady. Even 
if she be not sufficiently grateful, you have shown your good breeding. 

Do remember to remove your hat when you enter a house, private 
office, hotel elevator (if ladies are present), when you bow to a lady 
or when you offer to assist a lady. 

Do lay these "do's" up in your memory and practice them in your 
lives. 

Guard the Voice. 

A harsh voice, or shrill, high-pitched tones, are a source of discom- 
fort to all who hear them. Nothing gives a more favorable impres- 
sion of good breeding than a voice, musical, clear, low in its key, and 
careful in its articulation. 

George Eliot, who had a face of extreme plainness, possessed a 
low musical voice that had a perfect fascination for the listener. At 



HOME ETIQUETTE. 177 

times such a voice is the gift of nature, but usually it requires careful 
cultivation, and the earlier the age at which this cultivation begins, 
the surer and the simpler is the price of success. 

Children can be early taught not to raise their voices shrilly to 
demand attention, but to speak softly and gently at home, and then 
their " company voice" will possess a natural quality. Train the tones 
softly and sweetly now, and they will keep in tune through life. 

Those whose early education in this respect has been neglected 
will win success only at the price of eternal vigilance. A few lessons 
in voice culture will work wonders in training the ear to appreciate 
the different keys, the voice to acquire lower and richer tones, and 
the articulation to become clear and distinct. 

Even where there are serious vocal defects, such as stammering, 
lisping, etc., they can be relieved by some good teacher of voice- 
culture. Indeed, some attention to the culture of voices ought to 
become a necessary part of education. A low, sweet voice is like a 
lark's song in heart and home, and the self-control necessary to 
always keep it at this harmonious level, exercises a most salutary 
influence over mind and temper. 

How to Treat Servants. 

A large proportion of the domestic economy in many households is 
left entirely in the hands of servants, and on the good or ill behavior 
of these servants depends the comfort of the home, and the behavior 
of the servants depends very greatly upon the behavior of their em- 
ployers toward them. The manner even of addressing servants in 
this country is rather important, offense being so readily taken at what 
is deemed disrespect. 

Men servants may be addressed by their last name without any 
prefix. If they have been in the family a long time the first name 
may be used, if desired. In addressing servants that are perfect 
strangers it can be generally managed without the use of any name. 
In writing to them addrese without prefix, as, Robert Johnson. 

Do not be insolent towards, or demand too much of, servants. 
12 



178 HOME ETIQUETTE. 

They have very much the same feelings of pride that the house- 
mistress has, and the less those feelings are wounded the better help 
they will render. 

Do not reprimand them before guests. Nothing so injures their 
self-respect or so tends to make them careless. Whatever the blunder, 
be apparently unmoved in the presence of your guests. Save all 
reproof until their departure. Have a perfect understanding of the 
work you would have them perform, if you would have them accom- 
plish it satisfactorily. Ignorance never yet made a good master or 
mistress, and always puts a premium on incompetency on the part of 
employes. 

Have Rules and Enforce Them. 

Require all house servants to be quiet in their movements, not to 
slam doors or rattle china. Impress upon them the importance of 
dressing neatly. Teach them to treat all comers with politeness ; to 
answer the door-bell promptly and to thoroughly understand whatever 
rules you may have about being "engaged" or "not at home." 

If reproof is to be administered or orders given, it is much better 
that the servant be called up-stairs to receive them, than for the house 
mistress to descend to the kitchen. This will insure an opportunity 
should dispute arise of dismissing the employe to the kitchen with but 
loss of dignity on her part ; while, if it is in the kitchen that the differ- 
ence of opinion may arise, the house-mistress must herself leave the 
field. 

Insist upon systematic arrangement of the week's work, and punc- 
tuality in carrying out its details. Explain carefully to all newly- 
engaged servants the routine of the house and expect them to con- 
form to it. Be mild but firm in exercising authority, and servants 
will respect you and your rules. 

If there is a housekeeper, all these details will be committed to her 
hands, and she has need to be competent, compelling respect, to be 
fitted for the position. Teach servants not to expect fees from your 
visitors. 

Jlespect all their privileges. See that their evenings out, and their 



HOME ETIQUETTE. 179 

precious Sunday afternoons are not encroached upon. Give them all 
the needed opportunity to attend their own place of worship. See 
that children of the family are respectful toward them, not disturbing 
them at their work; prefacing their requests with ''please," and 
thanking them for any favor. 

Rights of Others. 

Respect the rights of all members of the household. Remember 
that each one has a perfect right to open his or her own correspond- 
ence. No difference if one is ready to confide the contents of the 
letter the moment it is read, there is still a pleasure in opening one's 
own correspondence. 

Respect the belongings of another, no matter how close the 
relationship. The careful member of the family suffers at seeing his 
belongings misused and destroyed by the careless one. Discourage 
borrowing among the members of a family. Teach each one to have 
all necessary articles of their own and to care for them properly. 

Guests in a family should also be very careful in this respect. 
Boxes, drawers, or any repositories of any "kind, should be scrupu- 
lously respected. Private papers, even if not protected by lock and 
key, should not be glanced at. A due observance of these rules, 
while making home life pleasanter, might in after years lead to a little 
less tampering with the larger rights of law and property, for " man- 
ners are but the shadows of great virtues." 





TEAN PAUL RICHTER, in his great work on education {Levdna), 
intimates that we scarcely realize the momentous possibilities that 
J lie all about us folded up in the heart of childhood, as the blush- 
ing petals of the beauteous blossom yet to be lie folded close 
within the sheltering calyx. 

" Do you know," he queries, " whether the little boy who plucks 
flowers at your side may not one day, from his island of Corsica, 
descend as a war-god into a stormy universe to play with hurricanes 
for destruction, or to purify and plant the world with harvests?" 
And just because we do not know the extent of these possibilities, 
children must be carefully trained to fill whatever post or province 
may be theirs in the time to come. 

Now, they are in our hands to mold as we will ; then, they will be the 
masters, and much of the character of their sway will depend upon the 
guidance of the present. Viewed in this light, the manners and the 
morals of children, closely associated as they are, become of the greatest 
importance to the world. 

Power of Example. 

Teach the embryo man or woman, in the nursery, the traits, the 
habits, the customs of the best etiquette, and you have stamped upon 
them, at an age when the .character is impressible as wax, not only 
the outer semblance, but, in a great degree, the inner reality, of a true 
manor woman. 

Let the children grow up in a home wdiere rude gestures, or 
ill-tempered words are unknown, where truthfulness, kindliness, for- 



ETIQUETTE FOR CHILDREN. 181 

getfulness of self and careful consideration of others, permeates the very 
atmosphere, and they will go forth into the world armed with the integ- 
rity in which all men may trust, the polish that will win them admiration, 
and the true refinement that will render their friendship elevating. 

See, also, that there is perfect unanimity between the parents as to 
the government and instruction of the children in the household, and, 
if any difference should arise, it should be settled in private. Children, 
being strongly imitative, are best taught by example. Never reprove 
unless absolutely necessary, and never let the voice rise excitedly to 
ensure obedience. By keeping your own voice low and calm, you do 
much toward lowering the key of their high-pitched, childish treble, 
and soothing the troubled waters of their souls. 

Keeping Promises. 

Never permit yourself to threaten where you do not perform ; 
children are quick to learn the value of your promises, and place very 
accurate estimates, in their own minds, as to what their parents will, 
or will not do under given circumstances. Absolute truthfulness can 
never be taught a child by precept, when by constant example he is 
taught that the word of his parents has little or no value in his own 
case, so far as threats and punishments, or even rewards, extend. If 
a punishment is the penalty for a broken law, see that it is inflicted ; 
if a reward is promised, be sure that it is given. 

Enjoin upon children strict justice in their dealings one with another, 
even in their games, never allowing the stronger to impose upon the 
weak, but teaching forbearance and tenderness in all their actions. 

Talebearing. 

Discourage, as far as possible, all talebearing in the home, and, as 
a rule, do not listen to complaints, and long recitals of injuries received 
from little playfellows. Care in this respect will nip in the bud the 
tendency toward exaggeration and talebearing that so early develops 
in a child, and so soon matures into the "gossip" of riper years. 
This demand for exactitude in childish statements will pave the way 



182 ETIQUETTE FOR CHILDREN. 

for strictly truthful declarations in the more important affairs of later 

life, redounding thus to the lasting benefit of the individual and the 

community. 

Truthfulness. 

The least approach toward prevarication, or concealment of their 
childish misdemeanors, should be treated as a grave fault. To prevent, 
as far as possible, all attempts at disguising the truth, penalties for 
faults should rarely be of so severe a nature that the little transgressor 
resorts to evasion through fear of the consequences. 

Respectfulness. 

Children should be taught to be respectful toward their parents and 
others older than themselves, to be polite towards those of their own 
age, and very thoughtful for the comfort of the sick and weak. 
Respect must also be shown toward servants and dependants, and no 
unnecessary demands made upon their time or services. 

Obedience. 

• Prompt obedience should always be demanded of a child, and the 
spirit of murmuring and questioning firmly repressed. None can 
command except they have first learned to obey. 

Do not allow children to tease, nor, having once refused on good 
and sufficient ground, suffer your consent to be gained by seige. 
Make your refusal final, but do not refuse thoughtlessly, or for mere 
caprice. The wishes of a child are as real to him as those of grown 
people are to them. 

Manner of Address. 

Rudeness and abruptness must never be tolerated in the manners 
of a child. "Yes," and " no," in reply, and "what?" in interrogatory, 
are uncouth and disagreeable in sound. "Yes, sir," "Yes, ma'am," 
and "What, ma'am," are much better substituted, but even these are 
open to criticism. English etiquette relegates "Sir" and "Ma'am" 
to the use of servants, save in case of addressing the higher nobility 
when "Sir" is sometimes used. 




THE NURSERY. 



184 ETIQUETTE FOR CHILDREN. 

The better and more graceful etiquette of the day would teach a 
child to say, ''Yes, mamma," "No, papa;" or a student at school to 
address the teachers as, "Yes, Prof. Stanley," " No, Miss Living- 
stone." If they fail to understand a remark, a quick, " Beg pardon," 
or, "I beg your pardon," or even, "I did not understand," can soon 
be taught to even childish lips and never be forgotten as they advance 
to maturity. The use of "Please," and "Thank you," or, "I thank 
you," (never the thankless "Thanks,") should be early impressed upon 
their minds. 

Teach them never to speak of grown people without prefixing 
"Mr.", "Mrs.", or "Miss," to their name. It is very objectionable 
for a child to fall into the habit of saying "Brown did so and so," 
instead of, "Mr. Brown, etc." Insist, too, that at school they shall 
never say "Teacher," but address their preceptor by his proper name. 

Impress upon children that they must answer politely when spoken 
to, but strictly repress any tendency on their part toward questioning 
visitors at the house. Here let it be added, for the benefit of their 
elders, that nothing can be a surer evidence of ill-breeding than for a 
grown person to question a child in regard to his family affairs. 

Interrupting Conversation. 

Never permit children to interrupt the conversation of their elders, 
and see, as a preparation for this, that among the little ones them- 
selves, one who has a story to tell is permitted to finish without an 
impatient brother or sister breaking in with his, or her, version of the 
s.ime tale. See that each has his turn and many of the noisy dis- 
agreements of the playroom will thus be done away with. 

Insist, too, upon the lowering of each eager little voice, and a long 
step will have been taken toward doing away with the high-keyed 
voices and the all-talking-together habits that afflict so many of their 
elders. 

See, too, that the children, while not allowed to interrupt the con- 
versation of grown persons, receive in some degree the same considera- 
tion from them. In other words, let the children talk sometimes, and 



ETIQUETTE FOR CHILDREN. 185 

listen to them sincerely and respectfully. There is no better way to 
train a child in courtesy than to observe toward it the most scrupulous 
politeness, and a child whose own conversation is respected can be 
easily taught to respect the conversation of others, and to know when 
to talk and when to be silent. 

This habit of listening, inculcated in childhood, will do much 
toward forming agreeable members of society in after years. If a 
guest should converse with a child for a moment, watch that it does 
not make itself tiresome by engaging his or her entire attention. 

"Showing Off." 

Never "show off" children to visitors. It fosters in them a feeling 
of vanity, and is often very tedious to the persons upon whom it is 
inflicted, it being barely possible that your own estimate of their bril- 
liancy is not shared by outsiders. 

Neither should strangers be allowed, under any circumstances, at 
home or abroad, to tease a child "just for fun." Its angry answers 
may be amusing, but the practice is one that works irreparable injury 
to the child. As soon as this tendency is discovered in a visitor, send 
the child quietly, but firmly, from the room, remarking casually, when 
it is gone, "that children are apt to be troublesome when they talk 
too much." 

Reproof Before Others. 

Never, unless it is absolutely unavoidable, reprove a child in the 
presence of strangers. To do this injures their feeling of self-respect. 
It is an annoyance to the visitor also. While it frequently happens 
that a word of timely admonition is necessary, all extended reproof 
should be left until alone with the child. 

Cleanliness and Order. 

Insist upon cleanliness in dress, and teach the children early that 
their hair should be combed, their teeth and finger-nails clean, and 
their clothing fresh and neat upon all occasions. 

Teach the boys that their shoes should be polished and free from 



186 ETIQUETTE FOR CHILDREN. 

dust, and their clothes thoroughly brushed. Slippers should be fur- 
nished boys for house wear, and the importance of using a door-mat 
before entering should be early impressed upon both girls and boys. 
Teach them also order and care as to their personal belongings, and 
the lessons of neatness thus early inculcated will be of untold value in 
their after life. 

Home Hints. 

Cultivate in children the habit of assuming pleasing attitudes. Do 
not let them constantly lounge about over chairs, couches and tables, 
and their company manners will not then be a terror in the house. 
Teach them the proper use of a handkerchief, and insist that they 
observe it. 

Instruct them what to do with their hands and feet, never twisting 
the former, or swinging the latter. Never permit them to scratch the 
head or person, to clean cars or finger nails, or to use a toothpick in 
public. Teach them to suppress a yawn or to conceal the mouth with 
the hand. 

Do not let them pass in front of people in a room, or, if from the 
arrangement of the furnitnre it is impossible to avoid so doing, let them 
ask to be excused. 

If they should accidently tread upon the toes, or otherwise disturb 
a guest, teach them at once to apologize with an "Excuse me," or, 
" I beg your pardon." Do not permit them to slam doors, or to shout 
up and down stairs. Never allow requests or messages to be called 
from one end of the house to the other; insist upon a child coming 
into the room with whatever he or she may have to say. 

Impress upon boys and girls not to stare at others, nor to take any 
apparent notice of personal peculiarities, deformities, or oddities of 
dress or demeanor. Teach the children always to play a fair game 
upon the playground, and not to lose their tempers over any little 
difference of opinion that may arise during its course. 

Do not allow them to be cruel in their treatment of animals ; to do 
so, is to deliberately teach them habits of cruelty for a lifetime and 
render them brutal in disposition. 



ETIQUETTE FOR CHILDREN. 187 

"Visiting." 

Children should not be allowed to "visit" other children solely 
upon the request of the children. The invitation should come from 
the parents. Otherwise great annoyance may result from such 
unconsidered calls. 

Do not take children while making formal visits. They are often 
an annoyance, and always a check upon conversation. If they must 
be taken, do not allow them to meddle with anything in the room, 
nor to interrupt the conversation. Neither should they be permitted 
to handle the belongings, or finger the attire, of callers at the house. 
Do not take them to art galleries, artist's or sculptor's studios, and 
never allow them to meddle with goods in stores. 

Slang, Profanity, Intemperance. 

Slang should be eliminated, as much as possible, from the house- 
hold vocabulary. Boys should be taught that profanity, or vulgarity 
in expression, far from being manly, only lowers them in the estima- 
tion of all sensible people. 

It should also be early impressed upon them that there is danger in 
the use of liquor in any form, as well as folly in falling into the 
tobacco habit. 

At Table. 

Punctuality at the table should be taught first of all. The little 
table observances so necessary to refinement of manner should be 
early inculcated. Table manners (see proper department) should be 
taught at the earliest age that the child is capable of appearing at the 
table. The proper use of knife, fork, spoon and napkin should be 
impressed upon their minds from the first, and much after annoyance 
will be saved. 

Teach them to eat quietly without any noise of mastication, swallow- 
ing or drinking being audible. Insist upon their sitting still while 
waiting to be served and not to play with knife, napkin ring or other 
small articles on the table. 



188 ETIQUETTE FOR CHILDREN. 

Insist upon their breaking bread, instead of cutting it, and never to 
pick up one piece of bread or cake from the plate and then exchange 
it for another. 

Teach them to eat fruit properly, to use finger bowls, if such are 
provided, and to keep their lips closed as much as possible while 
eating. Teach them to pass a pitcher with the handle toward the 
one served, and not to eat with one hand and pass some article with 
the other. 

See that they do not cat too fast — both health and appearances 
being considered in this item — and that they do not talk with their 
mouths full. Teach them to turn away their heads and cover their 
mouth with their hand, if obliged to cough, sneeze or yawn at table, 
and, as soon as possible, require them to suppress these exhibitions, 
Never let them pick their teeth at the table, or lounge upon it with 
their elbows while eating. 

Leaving the Table. 

If children must leave the table before the meal is over, they should 
ask to be excused, and should never rise with their mouth full. When 
they have once left the table, do not, as a rule, permit them to return, 
for a child soon falls into the habit, if permitted, of leaving the table to 
play, and returning to complete his meal. 

Teach children not to complain of the food set before them ; but, at 
the same time, if a child has known likes or dislikes, they should be, 
to a certain extent, gratified, since, to some delicately constituted tem- 
peraments, a compelled partaking of some obnoxious dish is a real 
torture. Teach them also to acquire a liking for as large a variety of 
food as possible. In after life, on many occasions, this may be a great 
convenience. 

In conclusion, let it be added that the Department on Home Eti- 
quette should be read in connection w r ith this, especially the section 
devoted to children. See to it carefully that children are not taught 
one code of manners for company use, and permitted to exercise no 
manners for home use. 





.*« •« ft •* <3 *4 •« « <« 4 .«•« *% •<•• 

AN is essentially a dining 
animal. Creatures of the 
inferior races eat and drink ; 
r man dines!" And he should do it properly. 
To invite a friend to dinner," says Brillat 
Savarin, "is to become responsible for his happiness so long as he is 
under your roof." 

If, therefore, any lady would entertain her friends in the best man- 
ner that her means permit, it will be well for her to understand the 
routine of the table herself, and never trust entirely to the skill of an 
ordinary cook. It is hardly to be expected that she should under- 
stand the preparation of each dish, but she must be capable of judging 
it when served. If she distrusts her own power of arranging a menu, 
and seeing it properly carried out, the dinner should be ordered from 
the best of caterers. Then, with full assurance of perfect cookery, and 
faultless service, one may prepare one's list of favored guests with a 
peaceful conscience and a mind free from care. 



Invitations. 

Forms of invitations suited to all classes of dinners, have been given 
at length in the department devoted to that subject, and acceptances 
and regrets for the same carefully explained, together with the obliga- 
tion upon every one to answer all such invitations at once, either in 
the affirmative or negative. Since a dinner is, in all respects, so 
important a social event that the least one can do is to signify imme- 
diately one's course of action, Sidney Smith was not so far out of the 
way when he burlesqued the solemnity of the occasion, and th 

189 



190 DINNER GIVING 

aversion that all dinner-givers have to an empty chair, when he wit- 
tily wrote : "A man should, if he die after having accepted an invita- 
tion to dinner, leave his executors a solemn charge to fill his place." 

Host and Hostess. 

The hostess is expected to put her guests, as much as possible, at 
their ease. She must encourage the timid, and watch the require- 
ments of all. No accident must ruffle her temper. In short, she 
must, for the time, be that perfect woman who is — 

"Mistress of herself though china fall." 

She must not seem to watch her servants ; she must not scold 
them. Her brow must remain smooth through all embarrassing 
hitches, her smile be bright and quick, her attentions close and 
complimentary to her guests. 

On the host devolves the duty of drawing out any of the guests 

with whose particular specialties he is acquainted, and his manners, 

too, must at least simulate ease, if he have it not. Let host and 

hostess refrain from boasting of the price of any article of food upon 

the table. 

Whom to Invite. 

All the tact and good breeding at the command of the hostess 
should be exercised, first in choosing, then in arranging, the guests to 
be present. Not too many are to be bidden to the ordinary dinner ; 
six, eight and twelve are desirable numbers, and four frequently forms 
the cosiest party imaginable. 

The reason of thus arranging for even numbers arises from the fact 
that, in a mixed dinner party, it is well to have as many ladies as 
gentlemen. The conversation will then be prevented from dropping 
into long, or heated, discussions, both of which are destructive of 
pleasure. It will also be found pleasant to invite the young, and 
those of more advanced years, together for an occasion of this sort. 

Large parties may be made very enjoyable, but where there are 
more than eight or ten at table general conversation becomes imprac- 



DINNER GIVING. 191 

ticable. Twenty-four, and even thirty, guests, however, when well 
selected, may make a very brilliant and successful gathering. Too 
brilliant a conversationalist is not always a desirable acquisition, since 
he may silence and put in the shade the remainder of the company to 
an extent that is hardly agreeable even to the meekest among them. 

A small dinner of one's most intimate friends is easily arranged. 
An eminent artist, author, musician, to pose as chief guest, renders it 
always easy to select among one's other acquaintances a sufficient 
number who would be pleased with, and pleasing to, this bright, par- 
ticular star. Or, if it be a bride, or a woman of fashion, to whom the 
courtesy is to be extended, it is equally easy to find a sufficient 
number of guests of similar social standing and aspirations to make 
the occasion a success. 

There is also the satisfaction of knowing that, as one cannot pos- 
sibly invite all of one's dear five hundred friends to a little dinner, no 
one can be offended at being left out, thus rendering it easy to choose 
one's list to fit the circumstances. 

Do not invite more guests than there is room to comfortably seat. 
Nothing so spoils a dinner as crowding the guests. 

Seating the Guests. 

Since, at no social entertainment are the guests so dependent upon 
one another for mutual entertainment as at a dinner, both by reason 
of its smallness and the compactness of arrangement, it will be seen 
that an equal care devolves upon the hostess in seating as in inviting 
her guests. 

The most tedious of one's friends can be tolerated at a party where 
it is possible to turn to others for relief, but to be chained for two or 
three hours, with the necessity upon you of talking, or trying to talk, 
to the same dull or conceited individual that the fates have unkindly 
awarded as your companion, is a severe social strain upon equanimity 
of soul. 

Hence, each hostess should strive to so arrange her guests that 
like-minded people should be seated together, and people with hobT 



192 DINNER GIVING. 

bies should either be handed over to those likewise possessed, or into 
the hands of some sympathetic listener, thus securing the pleasure of 
all. 

Known enemies should be seated as far apart as possible, and, in 
reality, should never be invited to the same dinner. If this should 
inadvertently happen, they must remember that common respect for 
their hostess demands that they recognize one another with ordinary 
politeness. 

Laying the Table. 

Much has been said upon this subject in the department of " Table 
Etiquette," and as laying the table formally for a state affair approaches 
so nearly the proper setting of the home table, much will be found 
there that is available upon this important topic. 

The table, which, since the introduction of the extension, is no 
longer the cosy round form which brought the guests so comfortably 
near one another, should be first covered with heavy felting, or double 
Canton flannel. Over this is to be laid the heaviest, snowiest damask 
cloth that the linen closet affords. This should have been faultlessly 
laundried, and is accompanied by large, fine napkins matching the 
cloth in design. These should be very simply folded, and without 
starch, and are laid just beyond the plate toward the center of the table. 
Square is the best form for folding, and each should contain a small 
thick piece of bread in its folds. This should be about three inches 
long and at least an inch thick. This is to be eaten with the soup, not 
crumbed into it. A roll sometimes takes its place. Some hostesses 
have the bread passed in a silver basket. 

A plate is furnished each place, large enough to contain the 
Majolica plate for raw oysters. Of course a small plain plate may be 
used for these, but those designed for the purpose are much more 
elegant. A tiny, fancy salt is provided for each place (see farther in 
" Table Etiquette"). 

Two knives, three forks, and a soup spoon, all of silver, are placed 
at each plate. Some dinner-givers place the knives, forks, and spoon, 
all on the right side of the plate, excepting the small, peculiarly- 



DINNER GIVING. 193 

shaped oyster fork, which is placed at the left, it having been decided 
that raw oysters shall be eaten with the fork in the left hand, prongs 
down. 

Still other hostesses place the knives and spoon at the right hand, 
the forks at the left, the oyster fork diagonally, with the prongs cross- 
ing the handles of the others, the law of their arrangement being 
nowise immutable in its nature. 

Silver, glass, and china, should all be of the brightest. At the right 
hand of each guest should be placed an engraved glass for water. To 
make certain that these are in line all around, it is well to measure 
with the hand from the edge of the table to the tip of the middle 
finger and there place the glass ; following this rule around the entire 
circumference. This glass, if wine is used, gives a center, round 
which the vari-colored wine-glasses may be grouped. 

A Well-Furnished Sideboard. 

The sideboard should contain relays of knives, forks, and spoons, in 
rows ; glasses, dinner plates, finger bowls standing on the fruit 
plates, as well as an}* other accessories that may be needed. At 
another sideboard, or table, the head waiter, or the butler, does the 
carving. If the room is small, this last may be relegated to hall or 
pantry. 

In luxurious houses the sideboards are often devoted to bewildering 
displays of rare china, and cut glass, but in more modest domiciles 
they are used simply for the needs of the hour. 

Water carafes (water bottles) are placed between ever}' two or three 
guests. The table should be laid in time, — thus, if the dinner is to be 
at seven, all things should be in readiness on table and sideboard at 
six o'clock; this course preventing the slightest confusion. If the 
dinner napkins are to be changed for smaller ones, these also should 
be laid in readiness. Ail the cold dishes, salads, relishes, condiments, 
etc., should also be on hand. 

The most elegant tables frequently have a long mat, or scarf, of 
ruby, or some other colored plush, with fringed and embroidered ends. 
13 



194 DINNER GIVING. 

laid the entire length down through the center of the table. This 
affords a charming contrast to the snowy napery, and sets the keynote 
of color for the floral decorations. The center decorative pieces are 
now no longer high, thus rendering a glimpse of the person opposite 
almost impossible, but are low and long. 

A mirror, framed in silver, may be set in the center of one of these 
plush mats ; and upon this artistically arranged floral decorations are 
placed to be reflected in its polished depths. Where massive silver 
table-wares are heirlooms in the family, they are used, despite their 
height. Center pieces that are recent purchases, are usually of glass, 
cut and jewelled, until their brilliancy is a marvel in the lamplight. 

Table Decorations. 

Where the resources of the dinner-giver are limited, the simple 
decoration of a few flowers arranged in a fanciful basket, or a rare old 
bowl filled with roses, is sufficient, and is far more indicative of taste 
and breeding than many of the set floral pieces fresh from the florist's 
hand, and speaking more eloquently of the size of his bill, than of taste 
or appropriateness. 

The fancy of the hour, and a pretty one it is, is for massing one 
variety of flower for decorative purposes. Banks of crimson roses 
down the center of the snowy cloth, or great clusters of vivid red 
flowers, can be very effectively employed. Shells may be filled with 
flowers and used as a table decoration. A large one in the middle, 
and a smaller one on each side, has a pleasing effect. At each plate 
a small bouquet of flowers may be laid, those for the gentlemen 
arranged as buttonholes. 

In "choosing the flowers for decorations, avoid those blossoms 
having a heavy fragrance, such as the tuberose, jasmines, syringas, as 
their penetrating odor is productive of faintness in some, and is disa- 
greeable to many, while roses, lilies, lilacs, and many other delicately- 
scented blossoms, are pleasant to all. 

Naturalness is to be aimed at in these decorations, and set floral 
pieces are in bad taste at a private dinner, Though hundreds of 



DINNER GIVING. 195 

dollars may have been spent in the fleeting loveliness of flowers, the 
effect to be aimed at is naturalness rather than display. A border of 
holly, or ivy leaves freshly gathered, may be sewed around the plush 
scarf through the center of the table, and is a beautiful decoration, far 
outshining gold embroidery and lace. 

Harmonize the color of this scarf with the decorations of the dining-- 
room. Blue, however, or green, does not light up well, while ruby, 
or some other red, brings out the effect of glass, china, and silver to 
the best advantage. Old gold, or olive-brown, is also very pretty. 
The dining-room should be carpeted to deaden the sound of foot- 
steps. 

Lighting the Table. 

Gas is, perforce, the most common, but not by any means the most 
aesthetic means of table illumination, because of its heating and glar- 
ing qualities. Wax candles are extremely pretty with tissue shades 
to match the prevailing tint of the other decorations, besides giving 
an opportunity for displaying all manner of pretty conceits in can- 
delabra. About twenty-six candles will, all other conditions being 
favorable, light a table for twelve guests. Much depends, however, 
on whether the dining-room is finished in light or dark woods as to 
the number of candles required. Very carefully filled and carefully 
cared-for lamps of pretty designs are also, especially in country places, 
an admirable method of lighting the table. 

Serving the Dinner. 

There are two methods of performing this most important function 
of the entire dinner, namely, service a la Russe, and the American 
service. The first named, the Russian service, is universally adopted 
in all countries at dinners where the requisite number of sufficiently 
well-trained servants are to be had. 

This service, which consists in having all articles of food carved, 
and otherwise prepared, and brought to the guests separately Dy 
waiters, or footmen, as they are called in England at private tables, 
has the advantage of leaving the host and hostess free to converse 



196 DINNER GIVING. 

with their guests. It also has another advantage of presenting the 
table, as the guests enter the room, free from dishes, save the oyster 
plates, glass, silver, flowers, and perhaps at the two ends of the board, 
Bohemian glass flagons, of ruby-red, containing such decanted wines 
as do not need icing. 

The table also, being so carefully cleared at the end of each course, 
should present about the same faultless appearance at the close of the 
feast as at its beginning. The guests being seated at their respective 
places, Majolica plates containing raw oysters on the half-shell, or 
otherwise, with a piece of lemon in the center are, if not already in 
place, immediately put before each guest. The roll, or piece of bread, 
should be at once removed from the folds of the napkin, and the ser- 
vants, when all are seated, pass red and black pepper. The oyster 
plates are then removed and plates of soup follow, dished from a side- 
table by the head waiter, and served by two others, who pass down 
opposite sides of the table carrying each two dishes. Where two 
kinds of soup are provided, each guest is given the choice. 

How the Dishes are to be Passed. 

The servants, in passing the dishes, begin with the guest upon the 
right hand of the master on one side of the table, ending with the 
mistress of the house. Upon the other side they begin with the guest 
upon her right and end with the host. As one servant prsses the 
meat or fish, another should follow, bearing the appropriate sauce or 
vegetable that accompanies it. 

The servants should wear thin-soled shoes, step lightly, be 
ungloved, and always have a small-sized damask napkin wrrpped 
around the thumb of the right hand, as dexterity in handling the 
dishes requires that they should extend the thumb over the edge of 
the dish. 

They should pass all dishes at the left of the guests, that their right 
hand may be free to take them. Wines only are excepted, these 
being always poured at the right. Servants should never lean across 
any guest ?X table in order to reach or pass an article. 



DINNER GIVING. 197 

In passing an entree (ongtray), which is simply a dish served in the 
first course after fish, the dish should be supplied with a silver spoon 
and fork and held low enough so that the guests can help themselves 
easily. Entrees follow the roasts sometimes, as well as, or instead 
of, coming after fish. Sweetbreads and croquettes come under this 
head. These require hot plates. 

The soup removed, which should be done quickly as possible, fish 
s ' i 3 -i 1 J bz immediately served, together with whatever vegetables form 
tli 2 accompaniment. When these plates are removed the roast meats 
are served on hot plates. One vegetable is usually served with each 
meat course, and occasionally some vegetable forms a course by 
itself. This, however, only lengthens out the repast, and is not to be 
recommended. 

A fresh plate is served with each course, it being the rule that no 
two meals should be eaten from the same plate. 

Serving the Different Courses. 

Game forms the next course, Avith such sauces and accompani- 
ments as are desired. The salad follows and usually forms a course 
by itself, accompanied by crackers, or thinly buttered half slices of 
brown bread. These are usually passed in a silver breadbasket. 

Roman punch, when it is served, comes between the roasts and the 
game, thus preparing the palate for the new flavor. Cheese follows 
the salad sometimes, and sometimes accompanies it. Then the ices 
and sweets. When the ices are removed, the desert plates, overlaid 
with a dainty doily, upon which is set a finger-bowl, are passed, and 
the fruits appear. Confections are then served, to be followed with 
black coffee in tiny after-dinner coffee-cups, which are passed on a 
salver, together with lump sugar, and small gold or silver spoons ; no 
cream. The strong, French Cafe et ?ioir, or black coffee, is always 
used. 

If liquors are served they come in here, a decanter of Cognac being 
frequently handed around with the coffee. 

Jellies for the meats, relishes such as olives, celery and radishes ; 



198 DINNER GIVING. 

all the sharp sauces and condiments which are to be used during the 
meal, are on a sideboard, together with a silver breadbasket contain- 
ing a reserve of bread. 

The butler should have some means of signalling for anything 
wanted by means of a bell that rings in the kitchen, also of letting the 
cook know when it is time to send up another course. 

Guests, while not expected to ask for second helpings of any course, 
are always permitted to ask for renewed supplies of bread, watei 
or champagne when wished. 

All dishes are to be removed quietly, and either placed in a dumb- 
waiter or given in charge of a maidservant just outside the door. If 
it is necessary to have any dishes or silver used again, they must be 
cleansed out of sight and hearing of the guests, as also no odor of 
cookery must reach the dining-room. Large, flat baskets must be in 
readiness to transport the china and silver to the kitchen. 

To wait at a large dinner the attendants should average one to every 
three people : hence, it will be well for the small household to engage 
outside attendance. Very skilful servants have been known to success- 
fully attend to as many as six guests, but one must be sure of this 
beforehand. 

The Menu. 

It will be seen after a perusal of this that the order of the formal, 
modern dinner a la Russe, is very much as follows : Oysters, soup, 
fish, roast, entrees, Roman punch, game, salad and cheese, dessert, 
fruits, sweets, coffee. To make this clearer, one bill of fare will be 
given as an example, always remembering that the number of courses 
may be lessened in order to suit the taste or purse of the host. Many 
courses are not a necessity, but the finest quality and the best of 
cookery should mark each dish served. 

Every dinner should begin with soup, to be followed by fish, and 
include some kind of game. To this order there is no repeal, since 
"soup is to the dinner," says De la Regnier, "what the portico is to 
the building or the overture is to an opera." From this there is never 
any deviation. 



DINNER GIVING. 199 

A standard bill of fare for a well-regulated dinner is as follows : 

Oysters on the Half-shell. Mock Turtle Soup. 

Salmon with Lobster Sauce. Cucumbers. Chicken Croquettes. 

Tomato Sauce. Roast Lamb with Spinach. 

Canvas-back Duck. Celery. String Beans served on Toast. 

Lettuce Salad. Cheese Omelet. 

Pineapple Bavarian Cream. Charlotte Russe. 

Ices. Fruits. Coffee. 

Each course may be served on dishes different from the other 
courses ; also fancy dishes, unlike any of the rest, may be used to pass 
relishes, such as olives, and add greatly to the beauty of the table 
service. Suitable sets for fish and game, decorated in accordance, are 
greatly to be admired. 

Menu holders are frequently very pretty, and upon the menu card 
itself much taste and expense are sometimes lavished. Still it is not 
considered good taste to have them at every plate, for the reason that 
it savors too much of hotel style. The guests are expected to allow 
their glasses to be filled at every course. If it is something for which 
they do not care, they may content themselves with a few morsels of 
bread and a sip or two of water until the next course is served. The 
host should always have a menu at his plate, that he may see if the 
dinner is moving properly in its appointed course. 

Favors. 

Very pretty favors besides flowers are frequently laid at the ladies' 
plates to serve as souvenirs of the occasion. The location card or 
name card may be very beautifully painted. Other articles, such as 
decorated Easter eggs of plush, velvet, or satin handkerchief holders, 
fans, painted satin bags, etc., are all in good taste. Each of them, if 
possible, is made to open and disclose some choice confection. 
They may be ordered in quantity from some house dealing in such 
articles, or many of them can be prettily and inexpensively devised at 
home by any one having sufficient time and taste. Baskets of flowers, 



200 DINNER GIVING. 

with bows of broad satin ribbon tied on one side the handle, are also 
suitable for both ladies and gentlemen. 

Gentlemen's favors are usually useful, such as scarf pins, sleeve 
buttons, small purses, etc. 

Wines, and How to Serve Them. 

Fortunately, since more than once the first lady in our land, for the 
time being, has proven to us by example that the stateliest of dinners 
may be wincless, it is far from necessary that wine should be served. 
Still, if wines are to be used, they should be brought on correctly, 
each wine having its proper place in the varied courses of a dinner, as 
each note has its fit position in a chord of music. 

By long-established custom certain wines have come to be taken 
with certain dishes. " Sherry and Sauterne," as given by a very good 
authority, " go with soup and fish ; Hock and Claret with roast 
meats ; Punch with turtle ; Champagne with sweet breads or cutlets ; 
Port with venison ; Port or Burgundy with other game ; sparkling 
wines between the meats and the confectionery ; Madeira with 
sweets ; Port with cheese ; Sherry and Claret, Port, Tokay and 
Madeira with dessert." 

Red wines should never be iced, even in summer ; Claret and Bur- 
gundy should always be slightly warmed (left in a warm room is 
sufficient). Claret-cup and Champagne are iced (some epicures object 
to this). Cool the wines in the bottles. To put clear ice in the 
glasses is simply to weaken the quality and flavor of the wine, and, as 
a matter of fact, to serve wine and water. 

The glasses for the various wines are usually grouped at the right 
of the plate, and as different styles and sizes are used for different 
wines, it is well for the novice to be accustomed to these in order to 
avoid the awkwardness of putting forward the wrong glass. High and 
narrow, also very broad and shallow glasses, are used for Champagne ; 
large, goblet-shaped glasses for Burgundy and a ruby-red glass for 
Claret ; ordinary wine glasses for Sherry and Madeira ; green Bohe- 
mian glasses for Hock ; and large, bell-shaped glasses for Port. 



Dinner giving. 201 

Port, Sherry and Madeira are decanted. Hock and Champagne 
appear in their native bottles. Claret and Burgundy are handed 
around in a claret jug. In handing a bottle fresh from the ice-chest 
the waiter wraps a napkin around it to absorb the moisture. 

Coffee and liquors should be handed around when the dessert has 
been about a quarter of an hour on the table. After this the ladies 
usually retire, a custom that has happily fallen into disrepute, the 
coffee being served without the liquors, and ladies and gentlemen par- 
taking of it together. Roman punch is served in all manner of dainty 
conceits as to glass, imitations of flowers, etc. 

Never allow servants -to overfill the wine glasses. Ladies never 

empty their glasses, and usually take but one kind of wine. This is 

especially true of young ladies, who, very often, do not taste their one 

glass. . 

Gracefully Declined. 

If wine is not desired from principle, merely touching the brim of 
the glass with the finger-tip is all the refusal a well-trained servant 
needs. A still better plan is to permit one glass to be filled and allow 
it to stand untasted at your plate. In responding to a health, it is 
ungracious not to, at least, lift the glass and lets its contents touch the 
lips. 

Never make your refusal of wine conspicuous. Your position as 
guest in nowise appoints you a censor of your host's conduct in offer- 
ing wine at his table, and any marked feeling displayed on the subject 
would simply show a want of consideration and good breeding. 

A dinner given to a person of known temperance principles is often 
marked, in compliment, by an entire absence of wine. 

If there is but one wine served with a simple dinner, it should be 
Sherry or Claret, and should be in glass decanters on the table. The 
guests can help themselves ; the hostess can offer it immediately after 
soup. 

The announcement of dinner is given as quietly as possible. The 
butler, or head waiter, who should be in full evening dress, minus 
gloves, quietly says, "Dinner is served," or, as in France, "Madame 



202 DINNER GIVING. 

is served." Better still, he catches the eye of the hostess and simply 
bows, whereupon she immediately rises, and the guests following her 
example, the order of the procession to the dining-room is formed at 
once. The waiters, aside from the head one, are usually in livery. 

Order of Precedence. 

In the matter of going out to dinner the host takes precedence, 
giving his right arm to the most honored lady guest. If the dinner 
is given in honor of any particular guest, she is the one chosen, if 
not, any bride that may be present, or the oldest lady, or some visitor 
from abroad. The other guests then fall in line, gentlemen having 
had their partners pointed out to them, and wherever necessary, intro- 
ductions are given. The hostess comes last of all, having taken the 
arm of the gentleman most to be honored. In the dining-room no 
precedence is observed after the host, save that the younger couples 
draw back and allow their elders to be seated. Precedence of rank is 
not as common here as in Europe. 

On entering the door, if it is not wide enough to permit of two 
entering abreast, the gentleman falls back a step and permits the 
lady to enter first. All remain standing until the hostess seats her- 
self, when the guests find their places, either by means of name cards 
at their plates, or by a few quiet directions, the gentlemen being seated 
last. The highest place of honor for gentlemen is at the right of the 
hostess, the next, at her left, and for ladies at the right and left of 
their host. 

The hostess should never eclipse her guests in her toilet, and 
neither host nor hostess should endeavor to shine in conversation. 
To draw out the guests, to lead the conversation in pleasant channels, 
to break up long discussions, and to discover all possibilities of bril- 
liancy in the company around their board, should be their aim. 

The hostess must never press dishes upon her guests, but they are 
permitted, if they wish, to praise any viand that has pleased them. 
The hostess must appear to be eating until all the company have 
finished, and her watchful eye must see that every want is supplied. 



DINNER GIVING. 203 

At the close of the repast the hostess slightly bows to the lady at the 
right of the host, when all the guests rise and return in order to the 
drawing-room. 

Where gentlemen remain around the table for that fraction of an 

"Across the walnuts and the wine," 

all rise, and the gentlemen remain standing until the ladies leave the 
room. The gentleman who had the honor of escorting the hostess 
into the table, walks with her to the door ; here she pauses to allow 
the host's companion to pass through, when the host, who has 
escorted her thither, returns to the table, the other gentlemen follow- 
ing his example. The hostess is the last lady to leave the room, 
whereupon her escort closes the door and returns to the table, where 
the gentlemen group themselves carelessly at one end of the table, 
for that half hour of conversation and cigars. Where wine is not 
used the gentlemen frequently remain behind for smoking, and some 
hosts immediately withdraw with them to the smoking-room. Coffee 
is frequently served in the drawing-room, where the ladies have had 
their little chat after the return thither of the gentlemen. 

Informal and Easy. 

The hostess, assisted by a daughter, or a young lady friend, usually 
pours the beverage, and the gentlemen pass it around to the ladies, 
thus forming the most delightfully informal groups for conversation. 
Sugar is passed by a servant, or else the hostess drops two or three 
lumps of it in each saucer, a sugar bowl, with sugar tongs, standing 
beside her. Cream is not the correct thing for after-dinner coffee. 

Very many hostesses, however, prefer to have coffee and fruits 
finish the table menu, after which the entire party retire to the draw- 
ing-room, where, for the half or three-quarters of an hour preceding 
their departure, soft music from some hidden orchestra may be per- 
mitted to fill the air with harmony. Occasionally, a little programme 
is arranged of music and song, to fill this interval. But, in many 
cases, and wisely, conversation is the preferred entertainment. 



204 DINNER GIVING. 

French Terms. 

Good taste now dictates that the bill of fare, where one is printed 
or written, should be couched in the "King's English," yet, one is so 
frequently thrown in positions where a knowledge of the French terms 
so often used in such cases is somewhat of necessity, that a short 
glossary of the same may be useful: 

Menu Bill of fare. 

Cafe ct noir Black coffee. 

Cafe au lait Coffee with milk. 

A dinner begins with, 

Huitres Oysters. 

Followed by, 

Potage Soup, 

Hors d\uivres Dainty dishes, 

Poison Fish, 

Untrements Vegetables, 

Rod Roast, 

Entrees Dishes after roast, 

Gihier Game, 

Sa/ades Salads, 

Fruits et dessert Fruits and dessert, 

Frontage Cheese, 

Cafe Coffee. 

Right or Left Arm? 

This is a disputed question, for the solution of which each party 
gives valid reasons. Most gentlemen prefer to give the right arm, 
since the seating of the lady is at the right side always ; but many, 
to preserve the feudal significance of the custom that bade the good 
knight keep his sword arm free for defence, if need be, ofter the left. 
Since, too, dinner gowns have usually a train to be managed as best 
it may, ladies also prefer the tender of the left arm, as that leaves 
their own left arm free to manage the trailing, silken folds. The right 



DINNER GIVING. 205 

ami, however, has the balance of favor, though gentlemen are bound 
to follow the example of their host as he precedes them to the dining- 
room. 

Further Hints. 

Members of families should never be seated together. This rule 
has no exceptions. A gentlemen should never forget the wants of 
the lady under his charge, but the lady should remember not to 
monopolize his attention exclusively. The gentleman is supposed to 
be particularly attentive to the lady at his right, to pass the lady on his 
left anything with which she may be unsupplied, and to be agreeable 
to the lady opposite. 

He will, even if a young man, feel it a mark of respect when he is 
invited to take an elderly lady down, but if the hostess is careful for 
the happiness of her guests, he will probably find a young lady at his 
left hand. In selecting the number of guests, care should be taken 
that it is not such as shall bring two ladies or two gentlemen together. 
Odd numbers will do this, while even will not. 

American Dinner Services. 

The American dinner service is much more simple, and is the one 
usually adopted in modest establishments in this country. One well- 
trained maid should be able to render all the assistance required at the 
table. Given the before-mentioned maid, a lady can, with previous 
management, give a dinner as elegantly, and perhaps with more perfect 
hospitality, than where the whole affair is relegated to the hands of an 
experienced caterer. 

In laying the table the same manner of arrangement is to be 
observed as for dinner a la Russc, save that there are more dishes on 
the board and the decorations are placed with a view to leaving all the 
space possible. 

Celery is now served in low, flat dishes, and these, together with 
olives and various relishes, may be placed on the table in all manner 
of dainty, ornamental dishes. Large spoons for the next course are 
also supplied. 



206 DINNER GIVING. 

Oysters are in place when the guests enter the room, and the servant 
sometimes passes brown bread to eat with them ; this is cut thin, but- 
tered and folded. After passing this it is replaced on the sideboard ; 
water is then poured, when, beginning with the oyster plate of the 
guest at the right of the host, she removes it, and the others, as 
rapidly as possible, leaving the under plate. 

Soup tureen, ladle, and plates, or bowls, are then placed before the 
hostess and the maid, standing at her left hand, takes the plates one 
by one, and passes them at the left hand of guests. This accom- 
plished, the tureen is removed, and the host, having finished his soup, 
is ready for the fish, which is placed before him together with hot 
plates, and potatoes in some form, accompanied or not by a salad. 

Directions to Waiters. 

The servant then proceeds to remove the soup-plates and the plates 
beneath. By this time the host has divided the fish, and, standing at 
his left hand, the maid takes the plates as he fills them, and passes 
them, serving first the guest at his right. A piece of fish, a potato, 
and a little fish sauce, are placed on each plate. If both salad and 
potato are served at the same course, place the salad dish before the 
hostess and let her serve it upon small, extra plates or dishes. If 
salad alone is served, it is usually placed upon the plate with the fish. 

The fish-platter should now be removed. The plates may also be 
taken when it is seen there is no more need of them, beginning with 
those first served, as it is presumed they will have first finished, since 
it is etiquette for each guest to begin eating so soon as the plate is 
placed before him. 

The next course is the roast. While the host is carving this, one 
or more varieties of vegetables are set at hand. Portions of the meat 
and the accompanying vegetable are placed on the same plate, and 
the servant passes them in the same order as before, and immediately 
follows them with the second or third vegetable dish, if two kinds 
have been placed on the plate. This is where the gentleman sitting 
next the lady on the host's right can help her and then himself, after- 



DINNER GIVING. 207 

wards moving it as she passes the plates, so that the other gentlemen 
c„n do likewise. 

If a double course is served, which is hardly advisable, save at very 
large dinners, the lighter dish is placed before the hostess, and the 
servant presents each plate to her for a portion before passing it. 
After this the courses do not move so rapidly and the maid remains 
standing a little back at the left of the hostess' chair where she can 
easily observe the slightest signal. The hostess signs when the plates 
are to be removed, and the principal dishes are allowed to remain until 
the course is finished. 

In removing courses no piling up of dishes should be allowed. 
One plate in each hand is all that can be conveniently managed. 
After the fish, if other forks are not on the table, they must be sup- 
plied for the next course. After the plates are removed, the roast and 
smaller dishes follow. 

Salads and Desserts. 

Sherbet, or wines, are served here, if at all. The game, or poultry, 
comes next, salads or jelly accompanying it. The salad is placed 
before the hostess. If salad is served in a separate course, it is 
usually accompanied by cheese, and sometimes by small pieces of 
brown bread, thinly buttered and folded. 

This course finished, everything is removed from the table — plates, 
dishes, relishes, etc. — crumbs brushed, and the principal dessert-dish 
placed before the hostess together with every requisite for serving it. 
The maid then passes the tart or pudding same as the other dishes, 
taking two plates at a time, and beginning with the two ladies on 
right and left of host, taking the others in order. 

Each person, on receiving a plate in any course, begins to eat, since 
this facilitates the serving of the dinner and gives warm dishes to all. 
The maid, during this course, quietly arranges the fruit-plates, finger- 
bowls, and the after-dinner coffees and tiny spoons upon the side- 
board, when she is ready to remove the dishes, and place the fruit- 
plates in' position. The coffees are then put at each guest's right, 



208 DINNER GIVING. 

unless they are to be served afterward in the drawing-room, and the 
dinner service is virtually ended. 

If wine is offered, it is served between the courses, the host helping 
the lady at his right, and asking the gentleman next to do the same, 
and so on around the table. 

Both host and hostess should have been able to keep up an interest 
in the conversation at table, and not to betray the slightest anxiet) as 
to the success of the affair. Host or hostess should never make dis- 
paraging remarks as to the quality of dishes ; and still less should they 
refer to their costliness, and should know beforehand as to the edge 
of the carving-knife, as the use of a steel is not permissible. 

The foregoing rules will be found to embody the simplest and most 
correct method of serving a dinner a la American. 

Dinner Dress. 

Ladies dress elegantly, and in any manner, or color, that fancy or 
becomingness may dictate. Corsages, however, while open at the 
neck in either square, or heart-shaped fashion, are not as low-cut as 
for a ball-dress, while the sleeves are usually of demi-length. Gloves 
are always worn, and not removed until seated at the table. They 
are not resumed afterward unless dancing fellows. 

Very young ladies wear less expensive toilets of white or delicately 
tinted wools, or light-weight silks. 

Gentlemen are expected to wear the conventional evening dress. 
To be gloved or not to be gloved is a vexed question with them. It 
is well to be provided with a pair of light glovss, and let your own 
self-possession and the example of others decide for you at the 
moment. A gentleman faultlessly gloved cannot go far wrong. 

Coming and Going. 

Promptness in arriving is a virtue, but remember that you have no 
claim upon the time of your host or hostess, until ten or fifteen minutes 
before the hour appointed, and, if you inadvertently arrive too soon 
you should remain in the dressing-room until very near the hour. 



DINNER GIVING. 209 

Departure is from half to three-quarters of an hour after the repast, 

and no matter what the entertainment, eleven o'clock should find every 

dinner guest departed. 

Functions. 

The practice of calling the ordinary reception, ball, party or dinner a 
"function" is simply a bad habit. It comes to us from England, 
where a confusion of ideas has made this word the popular synonym 
for any social happening. The error in England is perhaps pardon- 
able, for the reason that very many of the society performances there 
are actually functions, and in course of time the unlearned and the 
careless have come to call every society performance a function. The 
royal " drawing-rooms " (so-called) are functions, and the Lord Mayor's 
dinner is a function — in fine, that is a function which is " a course of 
action peculiarly pertaining to any public office in church or state." 

The receptions and dinners which, in his official capacity as Presi- 
dent of the World's Fair, Mr. Higinbotham gave were functions. But 
the receptions, dinners, high teas, given by people holding no official 
position whatsoever, do not partake of the nature of " functions." 

Dinner Favors. 

Favors may be simple or elaborate, as the purse of the giver may 
dictate. Appropriateness and simplicity, however, show better taste 
than the extraordinary vagaries in which some indulge. 

Among the really admirable selections which are offered by dealers 
of many sorts, nothing is better than the bonbonnieres shown by con- 
fectioners of the higher grade. They are delightful in color, exquisite 
in design, and while they are made into receptacles for sweets for the 
time being, they can later be turned to a dozen more permanent uses. 
One design which is, perhaps, the most elegant of all, takes the form 
of an opera bag. It is made of the heaviest cream-white silk and has 
embroidered on it in dainty ribbon work forget-me-nots, tiny rosebuds, 
or jessamine. At the top it is finished with the popular extension 
clasp of fine burnished gilt, and when in use as a favor is lined with 
tinted paper and filled with the finest chocolates or with candied violets, 
14 



210 DINNER GIVING. 

Slippers, too, are seen, and, while not of glass, are suggestive of 
Cinderella's tiny foot. They are crocheted of fine colored cord, are 
stiffened and molded over a form, then fitted with a bag of silk and 
tied with ribbons of the same shade. Like the bags, they are made 
the excuse of sweets, and, like them, they add to the decorative effect, 
for they stand in coquettish fashion before each cover and challenge 
the admiration inspired in the prince of fairy legend. 

Books and "booklets" are much in vogue and make as acceptable 
favors as any that can be desired if only selected with judgment and 
with care. Small volumes of verse bound in vellum are always good. 
Single poems from any one of the recognized poets put up in artistic 
booklet form arc as nearly perfect as favors can be. Book covers, too, 
are good, and some bookmarks are shown that are excellent both in 
color and in their evident ability to withstand the usage they are sure 
to get if they are allowed to do any service at all. 

One clever hostess who gave a dinner, and who handles her brush 
unusually well, devised a book cover and leaflet combined that proved 
a great success. She had the covers made in the regulation size of 
pale sage chamois skin and added the decoration herself. She painted 
each in the flower that the guest loved best, for her feminine friends, 
and each in some convenient design for the men, and across the corner 
was the name of each in quaint gold letters. She folded heavy parch- 
ment paper in booklet form, and with her brush wrote in silver bronze 
selections from the wit and wisdom of the ages. Then she slipped 
the miniature books within the covers and left the brilliant thoughts 
that they contained to start the conversational ball. Her dinner was 
pronounced a great success, and it was remarked by many that there 
was none of that awkward silence which so often precedes the soup. 




mum ■■ 



THE minutiae of table etiquette offers 
to onlookers the best evidence of 
good or ill-breeding, and in the 
graceful observance thereof is displayed 
fg# all the " difference between dining ele- 

gantly and merely consuming food," for it is at the table that the ill- 
bred and the well-bred man are most strongly contrasted. 

How to eat soup, or partake of grapes, and what to do with a 
cherry stone, though apparently trivial in themselves, are weighty 
matters when taken as an index of social standing. And it is safe to 
say that the young man who drank from his saucer, or the young 
woman who ate peas with her knife, would court the risk of banish- 
ment from good society. 

In regard to the first essentials of table manners we are bound to 
consider the laying of the table, the manner of being seated thereat, 
the use of the napkin, the proper handling of those most invaluable 
implements, knife, fork and spoon, together with a short dissertation 
on those older implements, " Adam's knives and forks." 

The Breakfast Table. 

This first repast of the day should always be daintily and appe- 
tizingly spread, and the etiquette there observed, as at all other meals 
of the day, should be of a nature to render the observance on more 
stately occasions second nature to the members of the family. 
Children so trained will find little difficulty in after days as to their 
table etiquette. 

The table itself should be spread with clean linen, first overlaying 
the surface with a sub-cloth of double canton flannel, felting, or a 

211 



212 



TABLE ETIQUETTE. 



white blanket that has seen its best days of usefulness. This is done 
for the better appearance of the table linen, for the deadening of 
sound, and the protection of the table from the heated dishes. The 
table linen for home use need not be of the finest ; cleanliness being, 
after all, the chief requisite. 

Before the mistress of the house stands the tray covered with a 
large napkin, or a prettily etched tray-cloth. This is filled with cups 
and saucers. The coffee-urn is at her right hand with cream, sugar, 
spoons, and waste-bowl convenient. In front of the master of the 




ETIQUETTE OF THE TABLE. 

house is spread a large napkin with the corner to the center of tne 
table. An ornamental carving cloth may be used in its place. On 
this is placed whatever dish of meat it is his province to serve. On 
the opposite side of the table dishes of bread and any hot breakfast 
rolls or gems balance one another. The dish of potatoes stands 
close to, and at the right of, the platter, ready to be served with the 
meat. Any other vegetable served at the same meal should be placed 
at the left of the platter. 

Mats are wholly a style of the past. Where the dish is very hot, 



TABLE ETIQUETTE. 213 

or liable to soil the cloth, fringed squares of heavy linen, etched or 
embroidered, take their place. 

The castor, too, is banished from tables polite, and its place may be 
taken by a few flowers, or bits of vine, in a simple vase. The butter 
dish and the individual butters should be placed by the side of the 
one who is to serve it. Fancy sauce and vinegar cruets, and salts 
and peppers are grouped at each end of the table, sometimes on small 
trays of hammered brass. 

Knives, Forks and Napkins. 

Heated plates are placed before the carver, and the carving knife 
(well sharpened) and fork are placed, with their rest at his right. On 
any occasion when plates are laid at each place, turn them face up. 
To the right of the plate is the knife with edge turned from the person 
to use it. As to the fork, authorities differ, some contending that it 
should be placed on the right hand, and the knife next, with sharp 
edge turned from the user. This latter fashion is best at simple meals 
where but one knife and fork are used. Others contend that the fork 
should be laid at the left. This latter fashion should be followed 
where several knives and forks are necessary for an elaborate dinner. 

The simply-folded napkin is at the left hand. The glass and indi- 
vidual butter plate are placed near the point of the knife. To avoid 
waiting where there is any haste, the butters may be filled before the 
family are seated. 

If oatmeal, or any porridge, is to be served, the dish should be 
placed upon the table before the house mistress, together with the 
requisite number of small bowls, or saucers, in which she serves it, 
adding sugar and cream, or passing these, as seems best to her. 
Afterwards these plates and the dish itself should be removed, when 
the hot plates and the remainder of the breakfast should be brought in. 

Where there is fruit, as is the case in very nice homes, it is to 
form a third course ; all other dishes are to be removed before the 
fruit is placed upon the table, and each person provided with a small 
plate with a doily, or fruit napkin, laid upon it, a silver fruit knife, and . 



214 TABLE ETIQUETTE. 

possibly a finger-bowl set upon the doily ; also a teaspoon or orange- 
spoon when oranges are on the table. If berries are served fruit 
saucers will be required. In busy homes the fruit is frequently placed 
upon the table at the beginning of the repast and served at its end 
without change of plates. Many persons prefer to begin their break- 
fast with fruit. The napery at breakfast may be colored if so desired. 

The Dinner Table. 

The dinner table for home meals is laid very much after the fashion 
of the breakfast table with the omission of the server. If there is to 
be more than one course, such as a salad, another fork must be added, 
in which case it will be best to place the forks at the left of the plate. 
If there is fish, another extra fork, or else the appropriate little fish 
knife and fork, is demanded. If a fork only is used, the flakes of 
fish may be pushed upon the fork by means of a bit of bread. 

A half slice of bread should lie in, or beside, the folded napkin. 
The soup tureen is placed before the mistress of the house, together 
with the soup dishes. Into each of these she puts a ladle full of soup 
and passes it along. Where there is a servant to wait, he, or she, 
takes each dish from her hand and serves those at table, always pass- 
ing to their left hand in so doing. When the soup is removed, the 
under plates should also be taken and hot plates brought in for the 
next course. 

The meat is placed before the carver, dishes of vegetables flanking 
either side. The plates are filled and passed, or else handed around 
by a servant. Sometimes the meat only is put on the plates and the 
dishes of vegetables are passed from one to another at the table or 
handed around by a servant. Do not place a quantity of small vege- 
table dishes at each plate ; it is too suggestive of hotel and restaurant 
life ; peas and some other similarly cooked vegetables are an excep- 
tion to this rule. Side dishes, such as pickles, etc., are placed on the 
table when it is first laid. 

If a salad is to form the next course, all the dishes should be car- 
ried out, the meat being- taken first, then the dishes of vegetables, 



TABLE ETIQUETTE. 215 

after that, plates and butter plates. A tray is much better to transfer 
all articles except large platters. Never permit a maid to scrape the 
contents of one plate into another, with a clatter of knives and forks, 
and then triumphantly bear off the entire pile at once. The salad is 
to be eaten with a silver fork, and is served with rolls or biscuit. 
Where the home dinner is simple the salad is frequently served in 
small dishes and passed during the progress of the repast. 

Before dessert is brought on, all table furniture should be removed 
save glasses and water bottle, and the cloth brushed free from crumbs 
with crumb-tray and napkin, or scraper, in preference to a brush, 
which is apt to soil the cloth. The dessert is then to be placed on 
the table and the mistress serves the pastry or pudding on small 
plates or saucers which are placed before her. Tea, coffee, or choco- 
late, may now be handed around, but never sooner. At a very 
ceremonious dinner they appear last of all. 

If fruit is to follow the pastry, fruit plates, arranged as for breakfast, 
must be substituted for the dessert plates, as soon as the guests are 
done with these. 

It is to be expected that each family will adapt the above outline to 
suit their own needs, omitting such features as they have neither time 
to devote to nor servants to accomplish. The ideas here given, how- 
ever, are suitable as the nucleus of the mcst elaborate dinner, or may 
be simplified to fit the plainest repast. 

The Supper Table. 

The table for supper is laid very much after the general plan given 
for breakfast, with the exception of the oatmeal. If the tea is made 
at the table, which is the daintiest way, the other adjuncts of the tray 
must be supplemented by a dainty brass or bronze hot-water kettle 
swung over an alcohol lamp, and a pretty tea caddy. Lovely silver 
caddies, with lock and key, are to be had and make an appropriate 
wedding gift. A "cosy" or thick wadded cap for setting over the 
teapot, to keep the heat in, is another pretty essential, which may be 
made as ornamental as is liked. At supper cold meats are usually 



216 TABLE ETIQUETTE. 

served, and cake is taken with the fruit, while vegetables, unless those 
served in salad form, are omitted. 

The Lunch Table. 

In cities, the lunch takes the place of the twelve o'clock dinner, just 
as the late city dinner replaces the supper, dear to country hearts. 

The table for lunch is laid much like that for supper, the dishes 
being all placed at the table at one time, and the ladies of the family, 
for to them it is usually devoted, gathering around it without the 
formality of a servant. 

Signs of Ill-Breeding. 

The order of laying the table, and serving the dishes having been 
given, it now remains to give some information as to the conduct of 
those at the table. This is rendered more necessary from the fact 
that many well-dressed, and apparently well-bred people, sin so griev- 
ously against the simplest laws of table etiquette, as not only to dis- 
play their own want of breeding, but to actually annoy those about 
them by their sins of omission and commission. 

The most important table implements are knife, fork, and spoon, 
and with these we begin, in the order of their prominence. 

The Fork. 

The fork having, as one writer happily suggests, "subjugated the 
knife," demands our first attention. The subugation of the knife is so 
complete in this country, England, France and Austria that any 
attempt to give the knife undue prominence at table is looked upon as 
a glaring offense against good taste. This aversion to the use of the 
knife probably arose first from the more agreeable sensation to the 
lips that is produced by the delicate tines of a fork in contrast to the 
broad blade of a knife. Also the fact that the steel of which knives 
were, and are still, to some extent, made, imparts, by contact, a dis- 
agreeable flavor to many articles of food. 

In the use of the knife and fork daintiness should be cultivated. 



TABLE ETIQUETTE. 217 

They should be held with the handles resting in the palms of the 
hands when cutting, or separating food ; but, in conveying food to the 
mouth, the handle of the fork should not be kept against the palm, as 
to do so would give it an awkward appearance in lifting to the lips. 
Fork and knife should be held firmly but without any apparent 
exertion of strength. 

Never strive to load the fork with meat and vegetables at the same 
time. To do so is to commit an offence against manners and diges- 
tion, and never push the food from the fork with the knife. Take 
upon the fork what it will easily carry and no more. 

Oyster forks are usually provided when oysters on the shell are 
served. Either the right or the left hand may be employed in lift- 
ing them to the lips. The shell should 
be steadied with the other hand. The 
fork may be handled with either hand, 
the right being more generally used. It 
is well, however, to be trained in the use 
of both hands, thus avciding the slight 

» o fc> 

awkwardness attending the constant 
the correct position for changing of the fork from one hand to 

HOLDING KNIFE AND FORK. ,t fa er 

In using the fork in the left hand it should be lifted to the lips, 
tines pointing downward. The fork, which should convey but a very 
moderate amount of food, should always be carried to the mouth in a 
position as nearly parallel to it as possible. This does away with the 
thrusting motion and the awkward sweep of the elbow that is so 
annoying to the onlooker. 

The fork is also used to convey back to the plate bits of bone or 
other substances unfit to swallow. Eject them quietly upon the fork 
and quickly deposit them upon the edge of the plate. 

The softer cheeses are eaten with a fork. As to the harder varieties, 
some use the fork and others break with the fork and convey to the 
mouth with the fingers. 

Use the fork to break up a potato on your plate ; do not touch it 




218 TABLE ETIQUETTE. 

with the knife. Ices, stiffly preserved fruits, etc., are all eaten with a 
fork. In fact, the fork is to convey all food to the mouth that is not 
so liquid in its nature as to require the use of a spoon. 

The Spoon. 

The spoon comes next as an article of importance at the table. 
Soups, all thinly cooked vegetables, canned and stewed fruits, peaches 
and cream, melons, oranges by some, very thick chocolate, Roman 
punch, and other dishes that common sense will dictate at the moment, 
are to be partaken of by its aid. One should drink tea and coffee, 
however, and not spoonful it. Use the teaspoon to gently stir up and 
dissolve the sugar in the cup, then lay it in the saucer and lift the cup 
to the lips by the handle. Never be guilty of leaving the spoon in 
the cup and compassing it with one or more fingers in carrying it to 
the lips. 

In partaking of soup the spoon should be swept through the liquid 
away from the person, lifted to the mouth, and the soup taken noise- 
lessly from the side of the spoon. In thus lifting any liquids from 
the further side of the dish, or cup, there is time for any drop adhering 
to the outside to fall in the dish before carrying to the lips. 

Only to gentlemen possessed of a luxuriant mustache is it permitted 
to take soup from the point of the spoon, always providing they can 
do so skilfully and without an awkward use of the arm. ^The gold or 
silver spoons for after-dinner coffee are very small, as befits the dainty 
cups of egg-shell china. 

The Knife. 

Properly, the knife may be said to have no use at the table save to 
assist the fork in separating food into morsels fit for mastication. 
Never, no, never, permit it to be introduced into the mouth upon any 
occasion whatever. To do so is the height of ill-breeding. 

Adam's Knives and Forks. 

There are a number of things that the most fashionable and well- 
bred people now eat at the dinner table with their fingers. They are : 



TABLE ETIQUETTE. 219 

Olives, to which a fork should never be applied ; asparagus, whether 
hot or cold, when served whole, as it should be ; lettuce, which, when 
served in whole leaves, should be dipped in the dressing or in a little 
salt ; celery, which may be properly placed upon the tablecloth beside 
the plate. 

To these may be added strawberries, when served with the stems 
on, as they are in most elegant houses. Dip them in cream and then 
in sugar (sometimes sugar only is served), holding by the stem end 
and eating in one or more bites, according to size. 

Bread, toast, and all tarts and small cakes ; fruit of all kinds, 
except melons and preserves, which are eaten with a spoon ; cheese, 
except the softer varieties ; all these are eaten with the fingers, even 
by the most fastidious people. Even the leg, or other small piece of 
a bird is taken up daintily in the fingers of one hand at fashionable 
dinners. 

Water cress is taken in the fingers. It is usually served upon a 
shallow dish or a basket, a fringed napkin covering bottom and sides. 
Artichokes, also, are eaten with the fingers. Lump sugar may be 
taken with the fingers, if no tongs are provided. If a plate of hot, 
unbroken biscuit is passed, one may be broken off with the fingers. 

Napkin and Finger-Bowl. 

Napkins vary in size, from the diminutive, fancy doily, for ornament 
rather than use, through all gradations, up to the largest sized dinner, 
napkin. In using these do not spread over the entire lap, nor fasten 
under the chin bib-fashion, nor in the buttonhole, and, if a man, do 
not tuck in the vest pockets. All these are fashions which should 
have been outgrown in the nursery. Simply unfold and lay carelessly 
in the lap on one knee, use to wipe the lips lightly, or the finger tips 
when necessary. 

Some very exquisite people manage to eject fruit seeds, or skins, or 
anything unfit to swallow, from the lips into the napkin, by pressing 
it against the mouth, then dropping them skilfully from its folds upon 
the plate. All such careful observances tend to remove, as much as 



220 TABLE ETIQUETTE. 

possible, from the modern repast, the prosaic, and unromantic ideas 
suggested by the idea of eating. 

Finger-bowls are brought on the table after the dessert is removed 
and before the fruit is served. They are usually placed before each 
individual on the fancy glass or china plate that is to be used for the 
fruit, a fancy doily being laid between the bowl and plate. Remove 
bowl and doily at once to the right hand side, leaving plate free for the 
fruit. This doily is frequently an elaborate article of fancy work, not 
for use but ornament. Hence, unless its place is taken by a fruit 
napkin or smaller napkin, as is sometimes done, passed around before 
dessert, the dinner napkin is used. 

Avoiding Fruit Stains. 

Some hostesses dislike to have fruit stains upon their elegant dinner 
napkins ; hence, the custom of supplying smaller napkins at the begin- 
ning of dessert. This, however, cumbers the dinner with much serving 
and is not to be recommended. If done, the smaller napkins are to 
be passed around, and the large ones permitted to remain. 

At the close of the dinner the napkin is not to be folded, but left 
lying loosely at the side of the plate. If a guest in the house, how- 
ever, unless fresh napkins are supplied at every meal, they should be 
folded and placed in the napkin ring. 

The rule for using napkins is that they be touched gently to the lips, 
and the finger-tips wiped daintly upon them, but as " nice customs 
courtesy to great kings," so, to those gentlemen possessing luxuriant 
mustaches, a greater freedom is permitted in its use. 

The finger-bowls are to be two-thirds full of slightly warmed water, 
and a rose geranium leaf or a slice of lemon should float upon the 
surface of each. The fingers of one hand at a time are to be dipped 
in the water, rubbing the leaf or lemon between them to remove any 
odor of food, and then dried upon the napkin. 

Sometimes, after partaking of meats, one may dip a corner of the 
napkin in the finger-bowl, and, allowing it to drop back of the dry 
portion of the napkin, wipe the lips with it. A gentleman is permitted 



TABLE ETIQUETTE. 221 

to moisten and wipe his mustache in the same manner. Remember, 
always to exercise the greatest care not to have the operation a very 
visible one, as it is not particularly attractive to the onlooker. 

A small glass of perfumed water is sometimes placed in the center 
of the finger-bowl for this purpose. Lift it to the lips and sip 
slightly, being careful not to have the appearance of taking it for a 
beverage, and immediately dry the lips upon the napkin. 

While eating meats, etc., use the napkin before touching the lips to a 
glass, else the crystal edge may present a very disagreeable spectacle 
to one's neighbors. 

General Table Etiquette. 

In seating one's self at table, assume a comfortable position, neither 
so close as to be awkward, nor so far away as to endanger the clothing 
by dropping food in its passage from table to lips. Sit upright, and 
do not bend over to take each mouthful of food. 

If a gentleman is accompanied by a lady, he should draw her chair 
out from the table, and, when she is seated, assist her in outtinp- it 
back in position, unless in some public dining place, where this office 
will be assumed by a waiter. 

On being seated, remove the roll, or piece of bread, from the nap- 
kin (the best form for this bread is in blocks four inches thick and 
about three inches long), unfold the napkin, lay it upon the knee, and 
quietly wait your turn to be served. Never handle, or play with, any 
articles on the table ; it bespeaks ill-breeding. Never drum on the 
table with the fingers. 

As soon as a bowl of soup, or a plate of oysters is offered you, 
begin, without any appearance of haste, to eat. This facilitates serv- 
ing, as, by the time the last are served, the first will have finished 
their half-ladleful of soup (which is all that society allows) and the 
waiter may begin to remove the first course. The old custom of 
waiting until everyone was served before beginning is no long counte- 
nanced, since " soup is nothing, if not hot," and by waiting it is 
decidedly cooled. 

Never, unless requested so to do, pass a plate on to a neighbor 



222 TABLE ETIQUETTE. 

that has been handed to you. It is supposed that the carver knows 
what he intends lor each guest. When dishes are passed, help your- 
self as quickly as possible, and never insist upon some one having it 
first. If a gentleman, you may help the lady next you from its con- 
tents, if she so desire. 

Always take the food offered in a course. Quietly wait and talk 
while others eat, rather than call the attention of the table to your 
likes and dislikes, and disarrange the whole order of serving. If a 
gentleman, see that the lady you have brought down wants for noth- 
ing, and let the lady, on her side, take care not to entirely monopolize 
the attention of her escort. 

How to Treat Waiters. 

If, for any cause, the services of a waiter are desired, catch his eye 
quietly, and on his approach, state your own or the lady's wishes, in 
a low tone of voice. This same rule of conduct will apply to public 
places, where the knocking of spoons against cups, and other noisy 
attempts to gain the attention of a waiter cannot be too greatly dis- 
couraged. 

Never thank a servant for passing any of the dishes or wines ; that 
is his business ; but for any personal service, such as picking up a 
fallen napkin, or replacing a dropped knife by another, it is proper to 
return a murmured "Thank you," not " Thanks." 

A lady should never look up in a waiter's face while giving an 
order, refusing wine, or thanking him for any special service. This 
savors of familiarity, and should be avoided. A man, however, that 
is attentive will see that a lady has none of these things to do. "' 

At table one may talk to one's neighbor on either side, or to those 
directly opposite, if the center decorations are not too high ; but it is 
absolutely ill-bred to lean across an individual to converse with some 
one on the other side. Of course, at a small dinner, or at the family 
table, conversation is expected to be general. Never attempt to con- 
verse while the mouth is filled with food, and never have the mouth 
filled with food; it is bad both for manners and digestion, 



TABLE ETIQUETTE. 223 

Decline any dish passed that you do not wish with "Thank you, 
not any;" if by a waiter, "Not any," is sufficient. Do not enter into 
any explanations as to your tastes, nor the whys and wherefores of 
your refusal. That interests no one but yourself. 

If wine is served, do not call the attention of everyone to the fact 
that you do not drink it. The table of a friend, to which you have 
h ;J the honor of an invitation, is no place for a temperance lecture. 
Do not reverse the glass ; it is a needlessly conspicuous act ; simply 
motion the waiter away with your finger on the edge of the glass, or 
shike your head. Some, still more careful, allow a glass to be filled 
for them at first, and, by letting it stand untasted, show to the waiter 
that further offers are useless. If a lady does not wish more wine than 
remains in her glass, let her make a little motion of dissent when the 
waiter is about to replenish it, otherwise a good glass of wine is 
wasted. In drinking wine, lift the glass by the stem, instead of by the 
bowl. Young ladies, if they drink wine, had best content themselves 
with one glassful. "Rosebuds" should not indulge. The latest 
dictum declares that sparkling wines should be drunk at once and not 
sipped. 

Sundry Rules and Hints. 

Never display any hesitation in selecting food. If your host asks 
what part of a fowl you prefer, at once give your choice. To say you 
have none is an annoyance. Never tip the plate in order to dip up 
the last spoonful of soup. In partaking of soup, or imbibing any 
liquid, do so noiselessly. Be sure not to spread the elbows while 
using knife and fork. Keep them close to your side while cutting 
meats. 

Never try to dispose of the last mouthful of soup, the last morsel 
of food. "It is not expected," says one writer, " that your plate 
should be sent away cleansed by your gastronomic exertions." On 
no account cool any drink or soup with the breath. Never pour tea 
or coffee into the saucer to cool it. Never drink from the saucer ; it 
is an unpardonable sin. 

With salads small knifes and forks arc often furnished, where the 



224 TABLE ETIQUETTE. 

salad is served uncut with dressing. Again, the uncut leaves are 
taken in the fingers and dipped in the salt or dressing. The roll is 
to be eaten with the salad. 

Individual salts are an American fashion. If used, it is proper to 
take salt from them with the knife, if they are the open salts. In the 
most stylish circles great favor is shown to ample silver salieres with 
their accompanying salt spoons or shovels. Salt, thus taken, shoul 1 
be deposited upon the left hand rim of the plate. The custom fol- 
lowed by so many of depositing little piles of salt on the tablecloth is 
very annoying to the hostess, as giving her tabic a shabby look during 
the removal of courses. Salt is the only condiment placed upon the 
table at a dinner ; the others are passed with the course demanding 
their use. Neither is butter put upon the table at an elaborate dinner; 
the small square of bread or the roll furnished, are to be eaten without. 

Use of Knife and Fork. 

Peppers and salts are to be shaken with one hand. Never use the 
other to in any wise expedite the distribution of their contents. 

Never cut up all the meat on your plate at once, in morsels fit for 
eating ; to do so savors of the nursery. But, on the other hand, do 
not seem to be perpetually using your knife and fork at table. Be 
sure not to insert fork or spoon too far into the mouth. Never turn 
the spoon over in the mouth in the effort to free it entirely from its 
contents. Do not let the most adhesive of food betray you into this 
most disagreeable of habits. Take small mouthfuls and there will be 
less danger of this occurring. Handle knife and fork carefully, so as 
not to cause any unnecessary clatter at table. 

Waiters pass all food to the left, and all dishes are removed at the 
left. Wine is passed at the right. All dishes that are being passed 
must be held low enough so that the guests can help themselves 
without difficulty. 

When there is a waiter to remove the dishes from the table, the 
guests should never assist in the work by piling small dishes, etc., 
upon their plate, Simply place knife and fork upon the plate. 



TABLE ETIQUETTE. 225 

In passing the plate for a second helping, remove knife and fork 
and hold easily by the handles. Never ask for a second helping of 
soup, or of anything at a course dinner. At an informal repast, 
where there is but one principal dish, it is proper to pass the plate for 
more. A second helping of fish chowder is allowable, but not of 
soup. 

Food should be masticated quietly, and with the lips closed. 
Drink all liquids without the slightest sound. 

Never butter bread that is to be eaten with soup. To do this is 
only less vulgar than to thicken the soup with the crumbs of bread. 
Simply eat the bit of bread with the soup. Take the soup that is 
brought you, even if you do not care for it, so as not to interrupt the 
order of the dinner by a refusal. 

Disgusting Habits. 

Lift cups by the handles, and wineglasses by the stem, and do not 
tip them up, until almost reversed upon the face, in order to drain the 
last drop. It is not necessary, and really bad form to completely 
empty a wineglass. 

Never pick the teeth at the table. Such habits are well calculated 
to disgust sensitive people, and should be performed in private as 
much as any other portion of our daily toilet. 

Never rinse the mouth with the last mouthful of coffee, tea or 
water; nothing can be more disagreeable. 

Bread should be broken by the fingers in pieces sufficient for 
mouthfuls, as it is needed. Never butter a slice and cut with a knife ; 
butter each piece as needed. Butter should never be eaten in large 
quantities. 

Cake is broken in bits and eaten from the fingers. Very rich, 
crumbly, or filled cake may be eaten with a fork ; tarts also, unless 
they are of a nature to permit the use of the fingers, and pastry of all 
kinds, as well as puddings not too liquid in form. 

Muffins can be eaten from the plate with a fork, or they can be torn 
apart, buttered, and eaten while held in the fingers, like toasted bread. 
15 



226 TABLE ETIQUETTE. 

Hot gems can be torn apart and partaken of in the same way. Never 
take one piece of bread or cake and then reject it for another. 

If any little accident should occur at table, do not apologize for it; 
let it pass without note, and it will be apt to escape observation. If 
there should be anything accidently spilled upon the cloth, the waiter 
should quickly remove the traces, and spread a fresh napkin over the 

soiled spot. 

Fruits. 

Apples are pared with a silver knife at table, and eaten in small 
sections from the fingers. There is often much time devoted to paring 
fruit by holding it on a fork, not touching it with the fingers. This is 
unnecessary, unless when a gentleman is preparing the fruit for a lady, 
or where the peach or pear is too juicy to do otherwise. 

Grapes are plucked from their stems and the pulp squeezed into the 
mouth, while the fingers hold the skin which is then laid on one side 
the plate. This is far daintier than to put the fruit in the mouth and 
then eject the skin into the hand or upon the plate. Bananas are 
peeled and eaten from the plate with a fork. Oranges are skinned, 
divided into sections, and eaten from the fingers, rejecting the seeds 
into the hand. Some prefer, however, to cut the end of the orange 
and eat the pulp with a spoon. Pineapple is the only fruit that must 
be eaten with a knife and fork. 

Silver knives and forks must always be used with fruits, as steel 
becomes colored by contact with the fruit juices and imparts a disa- 
greeable flavor. 

Green corn, in ear, is a stumbling-block, and perhaps one's best 
plan would be to conform to the custom of the table where you may 
be. In eating it directly from the ear hold it in one hand only. Some 
hostesses provide small doilies with which to hold the ear. 

If a guest is pleased with any particular dish on the table, a delicate 
compliment upon its unusual excellence is always pleasing to the 
hostess, 




THE evening party may be as 
elaborate or as simple an 
affair as the hostess may 
desire. In its elaborate form it 
only differs from the ball in the one re- 
spect that dancing may, or may not, be 
introduced as a feature of the entertainment, while a ball is given for 
the express purpose of dancing, and is always so understood. 

Invitations. 

Invitations for an elaborate evening party are sent out ten days or 
two weeks in advance and are issued in the name of the hostess alone. 
Husband and wife may be invited together, addressing the envelope 
to " Mr. and Mrs. John Doe;" and daughters, if there are several, may 
be included in one invitation as " The Misses Doe." Sons, if there 
be more than one, receive separate invitations, though they can be 
included in one as " Messrs. Doe." But friends, even though shel- 
tered by the same rooftree, must receive separate invitations. To 
invite "The Misses Doe and Roe," or " Messrs. Brown and Green," 
or even " Mrs. Doe and Family," would be in bad form. To invite 
the husband to any entertainment where there are ladies without 
including the wife would be a direct insult. Invitations may be sent 
by post or carried by messengers. (For forms see Department of 
" Invitations, Formal and Informal.") 

Society is so complex, and there is so much ground to cover in 
picking up its relations that many ladies are tempted to pay off all 
social debts at once by giving one great crush of an entertainment and 
inviting all those to whom they are socially indebted. To all these 
one is tempted to say, " Don't." The labor is less and the pleasure 

227 



228 EVENING PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND SUPPERS. 

greater where two or more smaller entertainments are given at differ- 
ent times. 

A hostess is at liberty to invite only those to whom she is socially 
indebted, and members of a large social circle from whom she has not 
received recent hospitalities must not feel hurt at being left out. 
Where the family is large she may invite some members and not 
others, but should she courteously invite the entire group, it is a rule 
of society that never more than three members of the same family 
should accept an invitation to the same entertainment. Either accept 
or decline such invitations at once. (For proper forms see depart- 
ment of " Acceptances and Regrets.") 

Receiving. 

At a large evening party the arrangements for receiving guests, the 
dressing rooms, etc., and duties of the hostess in receiving, are the 
same as at a ball, and the supper served in the same fashion. 

Ladies invited to help receive are not simply asked as a compliment 
to their friendship. It is not their sole duty to stand beside the 
hostess for the hour of coming and smile and shake hands with each 
guest and then see no more of them that evening. When a lady 
issues invitations for a large evening gathering she usually decides to 
ask some intimate friends ''to receive with her." 

If she expressed what she really meant, and what she supposes her 
friends understand, she will say: "Will you come and help me in the 
actual entertaining of the guests, for I shall have only time to stand 
at the door and say, ' How do you do ; ' ' Good-by.' ' But no, she 
phrases it conventionally: "Will you come and receive with me?" 
And so they come in a flock and do nothing but " receive." 

Should Make Every One Happy. 

A woman who is invited "to receive" should arrive at the hour of 
the invitation, not one minute before, unless for some especial reason 
she is requested to do so by her hostess. She should remove her 
wraps and quietly join her hostess in the rooms below, where, proba- 



EVENING PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND SUPPERS. 229' 

bly, she will have a cup of hot boullion brought to her at once and 
maybe a glass of wine. For a half hour or so she should stand with 
the hostess and only take upon herself the task of greeting, but, as 
the rooms begin to fill, she should leave her place and go slowly about 
the rooms, not talking and visiting with friends, and having a good 
time herself, but passing by the groups of gay and lively ones, who 
know every one and seek out the solitary and alone. To these is her 
especial mission, to make them known to some of her own intimates, 
whose friendship is so certain and so warm that it will stand this 
demand of introducing a stranger. 

An acquaintance is not necessary for this giving of attention. A 
member of the receiving party may speak to any one in the room 
without even the form of introducing herself, although, if she sees 
after a few words that she is unknown she will bring her own name 
casually into the conversation, making no effort to do so. Any guest 
will feel flattered on being addressed by the ladies receiving. 

Making Things Easy for the Hostess. 

Another duty she owes is keeping her eyes on the hostess and seeing 
that she is never left alone for one single moment in her position by 
the door. One of the receiving party ought to be beside her constantly 
ready to execute any wish she may express, as, for instance, if she say : 
"I see Mrs. K. coming down the stairs ; she is a perfect stranger; see 
that she meets a few — Mrs. Blank, especially." She will greet Mrs. 
K., chat a second, and quietly draw her to one side continuing the 
conversation all the time. Then seeing somebody near she will say : 
" I want you to know Mrs. So-and-So ; come over here and let me 
introduce you." Then she may leave Mrs. K. and look after some 
other awkward one near, and, after a few minutes, taking some one 
else up to where Mrs. K. and Mrs. So-and-So still stand, make them 
known. If Mrs. So-and-So has a kind heart, by this time she will 
have made Mrs. K. acquainted with some one else. The lady receiv- 
ing should keep an eye on Mrs. K., particularly if she seems to be 
afraid to move from one spot, as strangers sometimes are. 



230 EVENING PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND SUPPERS. 

Meantime, another member of the receiving party notices that the 
hostess is alone, and she leaves her acts of mercy and returns to her 
post, ready to assist in any way. To have such a little group of 
friends transform themselves into willing slaves for the moment makes 
the art of entertaining no trouble or fatigue at all. 

Think of the utter loneliness to the stranger of entering the draw- 
ing-room to be greeted by the hostess and handed down a long line of 
the receiving party and then left to "that bath of loneliness amidst 
the multitude," which has its terrors for us all. It is over such strays 
as this that the receiving party is supposed to have most careful over- 
sight, since to the hostess comes small leisure for this duty. 

Entertainment. 

Before supper, cards, conversation, music are made use of to enter- 
tain the guests. When dancing is a feature, it does not begin until 
after supper, and while this amusement is in progress opportunity for 
conversation, games, etc., should be provided in other rooms for those 
who do not dance. Rules for going out to supper at a large party 
are the same as those at a ball. 

Duties of the Guests. 

If music is one of the features, try and suit its character to the 
company. Do not play classical music where it cannot possibly be 
appreciated, and, above all, attempt nothing that cannot be executed 
perfectly. In singing, let gentlemen remember that if it is an amusing 
song they are to render, it must be perfectly unexceptional in char- 
acter. Ladies should bear in mind in singing that it is much better 
taste in large assemblies to avoid the purely sentimental order of 
songs, which, with the large number of beautiful compositions at our 
disposal, is easily done. 

Observe scrupulous silence while others are playing and singing. 
If you possess any musical accomplishments, and are asked to con- 
tribute your share toward the entertainment of others, do so without 
waiting to be urged ; or, if you decline, decline absolutely. Urging 



EVENING PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND SUPPERS. 231 

should not be resorted to by the hostess, which custom would soon 
cure a certain class of performers from the disagreeable habit of hold- 




ENTERTAINING THE GUESTS WITH A SONG. 



ing back for repeated solicitations. If you consent to play or sing, do 
not weary your audience. Two or three stanzas of a song, or four 



232 EVENING PARTIES, RECEPTIONS ANT) SUPPERS. 

or five pages from a long instrumental piece are sufficient. If more 
is greatly desired it will always be called for. 

Remember, it is only the lady of the house who has the right to 
ask you to play or sing, and to all other requests give a smiling 
refusal. 

Beware of too Much Reserve. 

Remember also, that, for the time being, owing to your mutual 
acquaintance with the host and hostess, you stand on a perfect equality 
with all the guests present and should, therefore, without further 
preliminaries, converse freely with any. 

Never commit the blunder of stealing away to a side table, and 
there affecting to be absorbed in some volume of engravings, or 
finding some unlucky acquaintance in the room, fasten upon him or 
her for the entire evening. These are social crimes that no shyness 
can or should excuse. 

Where the party is a small social gathering and various parlor 
games are resorted to for amusement, one should always join in when 
asked, even while not caring so to do. Exercise skill, appear pleased, 
and while, perhaps, not enjoying the evening greatly one's self, there 
will be at least the consciousness of having contributed to the happiness 
of others. In reality, there is no better field for employing the Golden 
Rule than in the whirl of social life — no wider field for unselfishness. 

A superficial knowledge of the etiquette and rules that govern the 
various social games of cards will be found a great advantage in 
society, since, if one does not dance or play cards, he will be forced 
to content himself with other wall-flowers like himself. A gentleman 
should never let even urgent solicitation induce him to play for stakes 
at a party. There is a code of right and wrong beside which the code 
of society has no weight. 

Hours of Arrival and Departure. 

An evening party usually begins about nine p. m. It is supposed to 
end about midnight unless the devotees prefer to remain later. Some 
who do not care for this amusement retire immediately after supper. 



EVENING PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND SUPPERS. 233 

When to leave at a ball is a very elastic rule which varies to suit 
the circumstances of the case. To leave as soon after supper as may 
be or to stay until the ball is actually over, are equally correct courses 
to follow. Half past one is a very good time to depart. Here in this 
busy country where the gallants of the evening will be the business 
men of the morrow, earlier hours are usual than among the leisure 
classes of the Old World. 

In retiring from a large party it is sufficient to bow politely when 
expressing the pleasure you have received. And if the hostess or 
host offer the hand, shake it cordially, but not too roughly. 

An after call is required the same as after a ball or dinner party. 

RECEPTIONS. 

For informal receptions, invitations are most frequently written on 
the left hand corner of the hostess's visiting card : Mrs. Charles 
Grey, Thursday, from five to eight o'clock. 

At an evening reception, the lady should be dressed in handsome 
home toilet, and receive standing. If several ladies receive together, 
their cards should be enclosed with the invitation. The simplicity of 
the occasion leaves the hostess the more time to devote to the enjoy- 
ment of her guests. Music, both vocal and instrumental, is a great 
addition to an evening reception. 

Refreshments are generally served informally. The table should 
be set tastily in the dining-room, and supplied with coffee or chocolate 
at one end and a tea service at the other. Besides these, daintily 
prepared sandwiches, buns, cakes, ices and fruits are served. If the 
reception is very select, and the number of guests small, a servant 
presents a tray with tea, sugar and cream, while another follows with 
the simple refreshments that should accompany it. 

A wedding reception, or a very elaborate evening reception, of 
course admits of much more ceremony, as well as more substantial 
refreshments, than small entertainments. 

Ladies attend evening receptions in demi-toillettc , with or without 
bonnets, and gentlemen in full morning dress. 




RECEPTION TO A DISTINGUISHED GUEST. 



234 



EVENING PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND SUPPERS. 235 

Invitations to evening receptions, lawn or musical parties are 
informal, but require an answer, as it is agreeable to every hostess to 
know the number of her expected guests. 



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If the reception is given in honor of some individual or celebrity 
the name of the honored guest should appear at the top of the invita- 
tion, as above facsimile of cards issued by the Spanish Consul in 
honor of the Infanta of Spain during the Columbian Exposition. 

Evening Receptions. 

Evening receptions being simpler in detail and less expensive than 
parties, are becoming more fashionable every year, especially among 
people of literary and artistic tastes. 



236 EVENING PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND SUPPERS. 

Guests calling, meet a select circle, among whom are usually poets, 
artists, and persons of elegant leisure, formality is readily broken, and 
the occasion is always one of pleasure. 

The hour for leaving a reception is varied (anywhere from eleven 
P. M. to one A. M. being usual). Early hours are usual among those 
who have other engagements and who go on to other parties, remain- 
ing about half an hour at each one : thus, at crowded receptions the 
departures commence before the arrivals have ceased to be announced. 

Morning Receptions or Matinees. 

Of all the entertainments given during the daytime, luncheons, 
breakfasts, afternoon teas, kettle-drums, etc., the morning reception, 
so-called, although it is given in the afternoon, is perhaps the most 
formal. Some hostesses adopt the French fashion of calling it a 
matinee, meaning any social gathering that is held before dinner, as 
any party is called in France a soiree. 

There are many advantages in a morning party. It affords ladies 
who do not attend evening receptions the pleasure of meeting on a 
semi-formal occasion, and is also a well chosen occasion for introduc- 
ing a new pianist or singer. For a busy woman of fashion a matinee, 
beginning at two and ending at four or half-past, which are the usual 
hours for these entertainments, is a most convenient time. It does not 
interfere with a five o'clock tea, or a drive, nor unfit her for a dinner 
party or evening entertainment. Convenient, however, as this hour is 
for ladies, it is quite the reverse for gentlemen, since the majority of 
them in America do not belong to the leisure class. Hence to avoid 
this inequality of the sexes, ladies often give these matinees on some 
of our national holidays. 

When, as often happens, some great celebrity is to be presented to 
a large circle of friends, there is no more satisfactory form of enter- 
tainment to be afforded him than a morning reception. To this we 
may draw to meet him many men who could not be brought together 
at a late-hour, full-dress, evening entertainment. Authors, artists, 
clergymen, lawyers, statesmen, editors, doctors and capitalists, as well 



EVENING PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND SUPPERS. 237 

as cultivated society women, financiers and philosophers, can all be 
brought together in easy and friendly social intercourse. 

But, if we hope to gather about us men of mind and distinction, we 
must not expect to be amused only, we must be amusing, we must 
offer some tempting equivalent ; something that has the ring of pure 
gold, rather than the glamour of fashionable dress, dancing or music. 
So, with an Archbishop to entertain, we may hope to attract the dis- 
tinguished clergy of the city ; with a great author, other celebrities of 
the pen and pencil who will gladly come to greet him; and once 
drawn to a successful and brilliant assembly, they will be easily 
induced to return. Therefore, any lady who would make her home 
attractive to the best society must offer some higher stimulant 
than the glitter of fashion. For good society we need men and women 
who can talk. We need relaxation, and it is best sought in inter- 
course of abiding value with those whose lives differ from those of 

our own. 

Correct Dress. 

The invitations are written in the same form as those given for an 
evening entertainment, and although given by daylight, the rooms are 
frequently darkened and artificial illumination gives to the whole a 
festive air. The hostess may be dressed in demi-toilet, somewhat low 
at the throat if wished, and of the richest materials, but not in full 
evening dress, laces or conspicuous jewels. She may have friends to 
receive with her who will dress in the same demi-toilets. The guests 
wear reception dresses or handsome street dresses. Wraps are laid 
aside, but hats and gloves are kept on. Gentlemen wear full morning 
dress on all these occasions. Overcoats and umbrellas are left in the 
hall or dressing-room, but hats, if the stay is to be short, may be 
carried into the drawing-room. 

Visitors do not usually remain more than half an hour, though, if 
the occasion is especially interesting, an hour or more is often spent. 
Conversation is indulged in, and guests listen to music, or whatever 
is provided for their entertainment. At an ordinary morning recep- 
tion the refreshments are light, and served the same as at an evening 



238 EVENING PARTIES, RECEPTIOxNS AND SUPPERS. 

reception. If, however, the occasion is unusually important, the col- 
lation is more abundant, and the service more formal. 

Visitors leave cards to serve instead of the after call. Those who 
were invited but unable to attend, call within a few days. (For gen- 
eral forms of invitations see Department of " Invitations.") 

Introductions are not expected to be general, except where the 
reception is given in honor of some one person, when, of course, 
all comers are presented to this guest. Morning parties given in 
small country towns are attended with less formality than in large 
cities, and introductions are general. 

SUPPER PARTIES. 

Some lover of this social repast says, ''Suppers have always been 
invested with a peculiar charm. They are the most conversational, 
the most intimate and the most poetical of all entertainments. They 
are the favorite repast of men of letters, the inspiration of poets, and 
a form of hospitability eminent in history. Who has not heard of the 
petite soupcrs of the Regency and the brilliant minds there assembled? " 

Suppers are the popular entertainment of gentlemen, and usually 
take some distinctive name, such as fish suppers, game suppers, wine 
suppers, and each has suitable supplies for the table. 

Invitations to suppers may be given in person, by a friendly note, 
or writing on the card of the host or hostess : "Supper at io o'clock, 
Thursday, December 18th." 

The very late city dinners have prevented supper parties from keep- 
ing their popularity, but there is no reason why in towns these should 
not be favorite entertainments. 

The same service is proper at a supper as at a dinner, with the 
exception of soup plates. Oysters on the half-shell and bouillon 
served in cups are the first two courses. Then follows the usual order 
of dishes, such as sweetbreads and green peas, whatever game may be 
in season, salads of all kinds, then ices, fruits and coffee. It is not 
quite so heavy a repast as the elaborate dinner party. Games and 
salads are served together. If wine is used it is found on the table in 



EVENING PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND SUPPERS. 239' 

handsome decanters. Three sorts may be served, such as Sherry or 
Madeira and Burgundy. Bread and napkin are beside each plate, or 
else the bread is passed after the guests are seated. Next, plain plates 
and cups of bouillon are served, with gold teaspoons. Then follow 
the other courses. The dishes are removed after each course as at a 
formal dinner. At the close of the supper a tiny glass of cordial is 
served to the gentlemen. Wines may be entirely omitted if against the 
principles, and mineral waters may be substituted. The table may be 
decorated as for a dinner party. 

There is perhaps no entertainment where so much brilliant conver- 
sation and repartee is indulged in as at the " sit-down " supper. 

Residents of large cities, possessing abundant means, can avoid 
trouble by ordering supplies from the professional caterer, but in the 
country home, where economy is an object, it devolves on the house- 
keeper to prepare the appetizing dainties for her entertainments. For 
the benefit of such, we give a few items that may be useful in arrang- 
ing the menu. Any reliable work on cookery will give the directions 
for their preparation : Boned turkey, boned ham, deviled ham sand- 
wiches, salmon salad, chicken salad, potted fish, fish salad, etc., etc. 

A Simple Supper. 

There is a much simpler supper possible to be offered by a hostess 
after the opera or theatre which may be made very charming and 
inexpensive. This is a desirable little " spread," since there are few 
people who can undergo the excitement of an evening at the opera, 
play, concert, or card party, without a feeling of hunger; and with 
many, unless this hunger is appeased a sleepless night will be the 
result ; and as the excitement is usually so good an aid to digestion, 
no evil consequences may be feared. 

This little supper is well set out with a few oysters, a pair of cold 
roast chickens, a boned turkey, or boned ham, and a dish of some 
kind of salad, and perhaps one sort of ice cream or ice and coffee. 
Oysters are invaluable for a supper. Scalloped or broiled, they can 
be used in place of chicken or turkey. 



240 EVENING PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND SUPPERS. 

A Game Supper. 

A game supper consists of wild fowls and fish, with jellies, ices and 
bonbons, while a wine supper admits of almost every variety of lus- 
cious dishes, differing very little from dinner, except that the delica- 
cies are all cold, and of course no vegetables are served. Fillets of 
game, boned turkey, cold ham, fish, salads, ices, jellies and creams, 
are suitable to this style of entertainment. 

A Fish Supper. 

When a fish supper is given, dishes are generally composed of the 
products of the sea or river. This is a fashionable mode of enter- 
tainment for the season of Lent. Salads, olives, pickles and sauces 
are served as relishes. Sweet desserts never accompany a fish supper, 
but fruits are an appropriate addition. Coffee must be given with all 
suppers. 





WH(S 



Tj &N ® 




BALLS, to distinguish them from other 
evening gatherings where dancing is 
one of the features of the evening, 
may be designated as parties given for the ex- 
press purpose of dancing. 
Balls should begin at about nine o'clock in the evening, and 
terminate at two or three in the morning. A private ball may be a 
very elaborate affair, from fifty to seventy-five guests being necessary 
to make the occasion enjoyable. Where the size of the ball-room 
will permit, many more are frequently bidden. Over-crowding should 
be guarded against, as ruinous to the toilets of the ladies, and the 
pleasure of all concerned. The invitations to very elaborate affairs 
are sometimes sent out from three weeks to one month in advance. 

It is always proper for an invited guest to solicit an invitation for a 
young lady visitor, or some stranger of distinction, or for a young 
gentleman known to be a dancing man, and it is always permissible 
for the hostess, if she wish, to refuse such solicitations on the ground 
that her list is full, and no one should feel offended at such refusal. 
Should the request, however, be for the admission of an eligible, 
dancing man, it is rarely refused. 

Never more than three from one family (the mother or chaperon 
excepted) should accept an invitation to a ball, or party, unless in the 
case of a ball, where two brothers, if they dance, may be accompanied 
by two sisters from the same family. Those who do not dance should 
refuse invitations to balls (chaperons excepted). The most brilliant 
man who does not dance is usually out of place in an entertainment 
given for that sole purpose. 

The ball-room should be large ; the floor well waxed, or covered 
16 241 



242 BALLS, DANCING AND MASQUERADES. 

with drugget, and an abundance of palms and potted plants set about 
to make cosy nooks just lighted by a shaded lamp. Cut flowers may 
be massed upon the mantels with gorgeous effect. If the stairway 
be of sufficient breadth, it should be bravely furnished forth with 
plants in bloom. If it should be a first-floor room and open into the 
cool dusk of a faintly lighted conservatory, then it is everything to be 
desired for the occasion. Good ventilation is an absolute necessity. 

Invite at least one quarter more guests than can be comfortably 
accommodated, since about that number will fail, from different causes, 
to accept. If it is impossible to entertain with comfort all those to 
whom one is socially indebted, then it is better to divide the entertain- 
ment into two or three smaller gatherings, always leaving space for as 
many mothers of daughters, or other appointed chaperons, as may 
choose to attend and who should always be included in the invitations. 

Sitting accommodations should be furnished for them, as well as for 
those who may not be dancing. All other furniture should be 
removed from the rooms. 

Full-dress toilets are demanded for the occasion ; flowers, jewels, 
"The gloss of satin and the glimmer of pearls," 
should mingle in this festivity, the gayest of our social gatherings. 

The ball-room should be brilliantly, and at the same time, softly 
illuminated, the lights coming chiefly from the sides. 

General Arrangements. 
In a large city it is necessary to provide an awning to extend from 
the carriage to the front entrance, thus screening guests from the 
crowd that usually gathers on such an occasion. A carpet should 
also cover the steps and walk to protect the ladies' gowns. A man- 
servant in evening dress and white lisle gloves should be at the curb- 
stone to assist ladies, who may have come unattended, in alighting, 
(providing they have no footman). He also provides each party with 
the number of their carriage, giving the same to the driver, in order 
that he may be ready when called. This same attendant also calls 
for the carriages upon the departure of the guests. 



BALLS, DANCING AND MASQUERADES. 243 

Another man-servant, or a white-capped maid, waits at the door, 
which is opened without the bell being touched. This functionary 
receives the cards of the guests, and directs them to their respective 
dressing-rooms. These should be large and convenient as possible. 
Assistants should be provided with thread, needles and pins to rectify 
any accidents that may occur to the ladies' toilets, and to render every 
possible aid to them in making ready for the drawing-rooms. Dupli- 
cate tickets should also be in readiness ; one to attach to each wrap 
and one to hand its owner. These precautions lessen the confusion 
and add to the comfort of all concerned. 

Combs, brushes, and hairpins should be in abundance, while a 
powder-box and puff is not amiss. Cologne, camphor and ammonia 
should also be in the rooms for use in cases of sudden faintness. A 
couch in the room is also useful, and low chairs or ottomans, in case 
any of the ladies should wish to change their shoes. 

The gentlemens' dressing-room should also be presided over by an 
attendant supplied with the same duplicate system of tickets and 
ready to render any called-for assistance. 

Programs with the order of the dances and blanks for recording 

engagements for each, should be distributed to the guests as they 

enter the ball-room. To each card should be attached a small 

pencil. 

Concerning the Music. 

Good music is a prime necessity. An orchestra, even if it must be 
a small one, is needful for a ball. Four pieces are enough : violin, 
piano, violincello, or harp, and cornet. If more are desired, leave the 
choice to the leader, with whom the selections will have been care- 
fully talked over beforehand, and who must be furnished with a copy 
of the dancing program. 

The musicians should be concealed back of a group of flowering 
shrubs at the end of the hall-way, or some other convenient nook or 
corner. If there should be a balcony, a shady bower can be con- 
structed for them there, and by taking out the window frame they will 
be heard to perfection. 



244 BALLS, DANCING AND MASQUERADES. 

Never, even at a "small and early," depend, for the pianist, upon 
volunteer service from among the guests. In the first place, it is a 
tiresome and unwillingly performed service, and in the second, there 
are few amateurs who play dance-music with sufficient correctness to 
render dancing after their music a pleasure. 

Refreshments. 

At a ball elaborate refreshments are to be expected, and are usually 
served all the evening from a long table loaded with silver and glass 
and softly but brilliantly illuminated. No one is expected to sit down 
at such a supper, but the guests as they come in, a few at a time, are 
served by waiters in attendance. 

Both hot and cold dishes are to be had ; and substantial food, as 
well as all manner of sweets, should be furnished for an amusement 
that begets a most unromantic hunger. Small game birds may be 
served cold ; the larger fowl hot. Boned turkey (cold) is especially 
liked. Game path, oysters, cooked or raw, all manner of truffled 
dishes, and a variety of salads are served, while fruits, ices, con- 
fections, cakes, and so on, ad infinitum, do fitly furnish forth the feast. 

If the German is to finish the evening, a separate, hot supper 
should be served at its close, and the all-night supper confined more 
exclusively to cold dishes, with the exception of hot drinks. 

In case of a very spacious mansion, the hostess may, if she prefer, 
keep the supper-room closed until half-past twelve, or one, when she 
will give the word. Her husband should lead the way to supper 
with some lady to be especially honored. The hostess should not go 
out herself until she sees that every lady has been properly escorted, 
save in cases where she is to accompany some very distinguished 
gentleman who is present. In this case she delegates her authority 
either to a grown son, some other relative, or to some gentleman 
especially appointed, who takes her place in seeing that there are no 
forgotten wall-flowers left to blush unseen. 

No gentleman should presume to offer the hostess his escort to the 
supper-room, this being an honor she confers at pleasure. 




THE COQUETTE 



BALLS, DANCING AND MASQUERADFS. 245 

A small tea-room on an upper floor is very desirable at a large 
gathering. Here guests, ladies especially, can, unattended, seek the 
refreshment of a cup of tea, coffee, cocoa, or bouillon before descend- 
ing to the drawing-rooms. Gentlemen, too, may escort their wearied 
partners to this haven for a moment's light refection and rest after 
dancing;. Iced lemonade should also be served here, and the room 
never left without an attendant. 

Many who do not care for a heavy supper, are wont to resort to 
this room, where tiny sandwiches, maccaroons, etc., should also be in 
readiness. 

A smoking-room is frequently provided at large entertainments 
where the gentlemen may retire. Cigars, effervescent waters, and 
lemonade are furnished here, and sometimes stronger drinks. This 
last, however, is a question which every hostess must settle according 
to her own convictions. If wines are furnished, champagne and 
claret punch are the usual choice, and a trusted attendant should be 
at hand to serve them. Those who patronize this room will, if they 
wish to lay any claim to the name of "gentlemen," carefully refrain 
from the slightest over-indulgence in these cooling, but deceptive 
drinks. 

If there should be no smoking-room set aside, gentlemen must 
never smoke in their dressing-room. To do so is especially thought- 
less and impolite. 

Host and Hostess. 

In giving a ball the hostess, upon whom the greatest strain will 
fall, must be sure of her own physical and mental strength. To 
stand for two consecutive hours in one spot and receive each comer 
with the same sweet courtesy is a severe strain upon both. 

Daughters, young lady relatives or ladies invited to receive, are 
usually at hand to support her. The host, if there be one, does not 
stand beside his wife to receive, but is usually not far away and should 
assist in making the occasion an agreeable one. 

Sons of the house do not seek their own pleasure at such a time, 
but quietly endeavor, aided by the daughters or receiving ladies, to 



246 BALLS, DANCING AND MASQUERADES. 

provide dancing and supper partners for all present. Sometimes two 
or three young men are appointed beforehand to attend to this duty. 

The hostess, while richly dressed, should never show any desire by 
the elaborateness of her costume to outshine her guests. 

Should an obtuse cabman, misled by some similarity of name or 
error in number (as may occur in large cities), permit a perplexed 
guest, perhaps a stranger, to drift across the wrong threshold, let it 
be a hospitable one. The hostess, though she may not be able to 
unravel the mystery, should be gracious and attentive. 

Arrival and Departure. 

The first move after leaving the dressing-rooms is for ladies to join 
their escorts and proceed to the drawing-rooms. 

In going up or down stairs the gentleman always precedes the lady 
by several steps, unless they walk side by side. This rule holds good 
on every occasion. A lady, if she wishes the gentleman's assistance 
should take his right arm, thus leaving her right hand free to carry 
her train. Her bouquet or fan may be carried in the hand upon his 
arm. 

Gentlemen and ladies never enter the room arm in arm, no matter 
what their relationship may be. A lady enters somewhat in advance 
of a gentleman accompanying her, but at the side of a maiden whom 
she chaperons. A mother precedes her daughter. 

Do not offer to shake hands with the hostess as you bow, unless 
she makes the initiatory move, since where the number invited is 
large the process becomes somewhat wearisome. Many hostesses 
prefer to sweep a graceful courtesy as they receive their guests. 

Do not remain chatting with the receiving party. A bow, and a 
simple exchange of kindly inquiries, is sufficient, when you should 
pass on immediately to leave room for others. A gentleman's next 
duty is to search out his host and exchange the courtesies of the 
evening with him. Any who may arrive late should at once search 
out both host and hostess to offer a belated greeting. 

A stranger who has received an invitation through friends, should 



BALLS, DANCING AND MASQUERADES. 247 

be introduced to both host and hostess and to any daughters of the 
house. If a gentleman, he should be sure to invite the ladies to 
dance. 

At a large ball any formal leave-taking is unnecessary. To 

' ' Fold your tents like the Arabs, 
And as silently steal away, ' ' 

is quite the thing. Do not make such a stir by your going as to call 

attention to your departure, apparently wishing others to take notice 

of it. 

The Escort. 

The escort of a young lady owes her attention beyond all others 
he may meet in the ball-room. He should assist her from the carriage, 
accompany her to the dressing-room door, and after due time return 
to escort her to the reception-room. He must be her partner in the 
opening dance and should also put his name down for the one imme- 
diately preceding supper, since it is expected that the gentleman 
dancing with a lady then will take her out to supper, and there see 
that all her wants are anticipated. If, for any reason, he cannot do 
this, he must see that she is suitably attended ; a gentleman taking a 
lady into the supper-room must also escort her back to the ball-room 
and leave her wherever she may desire. 

If there should be any seeming neglect he must see that she is 
provided with partners for as many dances as she may desire ; never 
dancing himself unless she, too, is on the floor, or, if she prefer, sitting 
out the dance with some pleasant companion. He may introduce 
other gentlemen to her, after asking her permission. 

It is his privilege to send her a bouquet for the occasion, and he 
first asks what the lady's costume is to be, in order to harmonize the 
color of the flowers with the shade of the dress, since it would be 
most annoying to send blue violets to be worn with a sea-green gown. 

It is the lady's privilege to suggest the hour of departure. After 
seeing her safely within her own door he should leave; even if she 
asks him to enter he should politely refuse, remembering, however, to 
call upon her within two days. 




CONFIDENCES. 



248 



BALLS, DANCING AND MASQUERADES. 249 

Receiving Ladies. 

Ladies called upon to assist in receiving are not to consider their 
duties ended when they have supported the hostess through the trying 
hours of standing to greet her guests, but are supposed (though they 
too often fail in this) to mingle with the company, seeing that strangers 
and timid or non-attractive girls are not allowed to remain wall-flowers 
for any length of time. Bashful men, too, must not be left without 
partners, and all should be provided with escorts to supper. 

These things are a part of the hostess' duty, but in a large enter- 
tainment it is quite beyond her power to attend to all the claims upon 
her time. 

The sons of the house, and sometimes a few other especially depu- 
tized young men, must sacrifice their own preferences in order to give 
pleasure to others. If the number of ladies exceed that of gentlemen, 
these aids frequently take two out to supper. 

Daughters of the house, together with receiving ladies and the 
hostess, do not go out to supper until the last guests are supplied 
with partners. However, should the hostess be expected to accom- 
pany some distinguished gentleman to the table, she will delegate her 
duties to another. 

General Rules for Observance. 

Gentlemen may introduce other men to ladies of their own family 
or to friends, first asking their permission or the permission of their 
chaperons. In case of a chaperon, the introduction is made first to 
her and then to the young lady, and the gentleman at close of the 
dance returns his partner to her chaperon. 

Where the gentleman is well acquainted with the lady, a short 
promenade is often indulged in ; but if the gentleman be a stranger to 
her, she should not expect this, for he may have another engagement, 
and will return her immediately to the side of her chaperon or some 
lady friend she may designate. In Europe this promenading is not 
allowed, the young lady being at once escorted back to her chaperon 
after dancing. 



250 BALLS, DANCING AND MASQUERADES. 

Supper being announced, a gentleman, having no other engagement, 
offers his arm to the lady with whom he may be talking or dancing 
and escorts her out, unless some previous partner arrives to claim her 
before his invitation is given. Once given, a lady is not free (unusual 
circumstances excepted) to decline it, even though she may have 
expected another to offer her the same attention. If she be accom- 
panied by a chaperon, the elder lady is invited at the same time, and 
it is to her that his arm is offered, the younger lady walking by her 
side. For two ladies to each take an arm is not good form. 

A gentleman requesting a lady for a certain dance, should never 
ask if she is engaged for it. He may request the pleasure or honor of 
her company for the next dance, and he will learn from her answer 
whether she be free, without compelling her to acknowledge at the 
last moment that she has been hitherto unsought. 

Formality of Introductions. 

The request for a dance should be accompanied by a bow on the 
part of the gentlemen. At its close he should thank her for the 
pleasure, and she should return this courtesy with a smile and bow, 
and a murmured "Thank you." 

An introduction to a lady in the ball-room presupposes that the 
gentleman will dance with her or walk with her through one dance. 

In England, where introductions are rarely given to those invited to 
an entertainment, a gentleman may ask any lady for a dance. She 
will probably accept, but he must not take this as the prelude to an 
after acquaintance. In America, however, it is necessary to ask some 
mutual friend to first request the favor of the lady, and then, if granted, 
give the introduction. 

However, in case of any little accident, or sudden faintness, gentle- 
men should be quick to assist, bringing an iced drink, aiding to the 
dressing-room, or calling a carriage, as the case may be, without the 
formality of an introduction. A gentleman may also ask an older lady 
who seems left unattended at supper-time, if he may bring her some 
refreshments, and this without an introduction. 



BALLS, DANCING AND MASQUERADES. 251 

It is very bad form for gentlemen to stand about the ball-room, 
especially if there be a scarcity of dancing men present. Even if there 
is no one in the room for whom they particularly care, they should be 
unselfish enough to remember that dancing is almost the only active 
form of amusement in which the majority of ladies may participate. 

A young man should ask the young ladies, daughters or relatives 
of the hostess, for their company in the dance early in the evening. 
A married gentleman should be general in his attentions in the ball- 
room. He should not dance more than once or twice with his wife, 
nor should he take her out to supper ; but he must keep a quiet out- 
look over her comfort, and see that she is no wise lonely or neglected. 

Attentions Paid to Ladies. 

Neither should he confine his attentions in a marked manner to any 
one lady. It is ill-breeding to excite the comment sure to follow 
such a course. It is also bad form for any gentleman to confine his 
attentions to any one lady, or, as a rule, to ask her for more than 
two dances. Even engaged couples are not exempt from this law. 

Gentlemen may put down their name on a lady's program for cer- 
tain dances, and the engagement should never be forgotten. If, how- 
ever, this lapse should occur, the humblest apology should follow, 
which the young lady, no matter how annoyed, should gracefully 
accept. Ill-humor is out of place in the ball-room. 

If a lady from weariness, or any other cause, should wish to stop at 
any time in the dance, the gentleman must, without any comment, at 
once lead her to a seat, and remain with her until the set is finished, 
notwithstanding that she may, from a spirit of kindness, request him to 
seek another partner. Should she show symptoms of weariness, and 
be either too timid or too thoughtful for his enjoyment to ask him to 
take her from the floor, he should be quick to see, and to suggest 
that she rest for a moment. 

Gloves form an important adjunct to a gentleman's toilet for a 
dancing party. Light colored gloves are always good form. Gentle- 
men are expected to wear gloves while dancing, since their ungloved 



252 BALLS DANCING AND MASQUERADES. 

hands would not only soil the delicate tints of the lady's gloves, but 
the slightest pressure of a warm, uncovered hand is liable to discolor 
the frail gauzes, or pale silks of their ball-room toilet. 

It is not amiss to be provided with an extra pair of gloves which 
will be very useful should the first pair come to grief. Upon the 
same principle, two fresh handkerchiefs should be carried. 

If dancing is not formally announced in the invitation, gentlemen 
will do well to provide themselves with gloves to be donned if that 
amusement is introduced in the course of the evening. Notwithstand- 
ing the royal indolence or whim of the Prince of Wales led him some 
time back to discard the use of gloves at evening parties, an example 
which many ultra-fashionables have followed, it still remains that gloves 
are both proper and necessary. If a gentleman attempts to dance with 
out them he must hold his handkerchief in his hand in such a manner 
as to prevent its contact with the bodice of the lady's gown. 

Loud talking and boisterous laughter are not to be tolerated. 
Scruplously avoid stepping upon the train of a lady's gown. Apolo- 
gize if it accidentally occurs, and if serious damage ensue from the 
awkwardness, beg the privilege of taking her to the dressing-room to 
have the damage repaired. 

For Ladies. 

Young ladies must never refuse to dance with one gentleman, and 
afterward give the same dance to a more favored suitor. Nothing so 
quickly speaks of ill-breeding as this course. Ball-room engagements 
should not be forgotten. Young ladies should never be so unwise as 
to appear on the floor at every dance. 

Daughters of the hostess should not repeatedly appear upon the 
floor while other lady guests are neglected. Not their own pleasure, 
but the pleasure of the company should be their first care. 

Ladies should not cross the ball-room alone. It invites attention. 
Ladies must not burden gentlemen (unless husband or near relative) 
with bouquet or fan to hold while they dance. Young ladies should 
not refuse a ball-room introduction to a gentleman without a sufficient 
reason, since to do so is always an embarrassment to the one asking it. 



BALLS, DANCING AND MASQUERADFS. 253 

Still a lady has the privilege of refusal and may not be pressed for a 
reason. Young chaperons should never dance while their proteges are 
unprovided with partners. 

A lady removes at least one glove while partaking of supper. But 
when a cup of tea, or an ice, only is taken this is not necessary. 

DANCING. 

Pope says: "They move easiest who have learned to dance," and 
while the opinions of society are greatly divided on the subject of this 
amusement, it cannot be denied that there is much truth in the 
assurance that Locke gives us in his treatise on "Education:" 

' " Since nothing appears to me to give children so much becoming 
confidence and behavior as dancing, I think they should be taught to 
dance as soon as they are capable of learning it. For though this 
consists only in outward gracefulness of motion, . . . yet it gives 
children manly thoughts and courage more than anything." 

For the many, however, to whom these early advantages have not 
been given, while the dowry of a quick ear and natural grace has 
enabled them to ''pick up" this social accomplishment, a few hints 
may be of use. 

Dancing is really an art, and one that the gentleman especially 
should understand (since he takes the lead) before he ventures to 
ask a lady out upon the floor. 

The gentleman should be very careful in the manner of holding his 
partner. He should give her proper support by putting his arm 
firmly around her, but not drawing her too close. Her right hand 
should be held in his left, the lady turning the right palm downward 
and almost straightening her right arm. The gentleman should bend 
his left arm slightly backward. The joined hands should be held 
' steadily but kept away from the gentleman's body. To rest them 
upon his hip, is actual vulgarity. The gentleman s right shoulder and 
the lady's left, should be kept as far apart as the other shoulders, 
hence his right elbow must not be too much bent. The upper part 
of the body should be kept quiet, and the head held naturally, not 



254 BALLS, DANCING AND MASQUERADES. 

turned one side, while the eyes are neither thrown up nor cast down 
in an affected style. Their steps should be in harmony and the 
gentleman must be very careful not to permit a collision with other 
couples. 

At every slightest pause in the dance the gentleman should instantly 
drop his arm from the lady's waist. In these intervals it is proper to 
fan her if she desire it, and to enter into chatty conversation. 

Gentlemen avoid all boisterous conduct in the dance, such as swing- 
ing a partner too rapidly, or lifting her too much from the floor. She, 
on her part, should dance lightly, never permitting her partner to 
carry her around, but performing her share well, or not dance at all. 

The Most Desirable Dances. 

In making up a dancing program, quadrilles should always find a 
place, since many can walk through its measures that will not under- 
take the more active dances. It also gives opportunity for the grace- 
ful curtsey which no lady should fail to learn, and can be enlivened 
with conversation. 

To the alluring round dances, polka, schottische, waltz, etc., there 
are many who strongly object, but, danced in private homes and in 
most cases under the eye of the young girl's mother, there can be 
found nothing dangerously objectionable in this favorite amusement. 
The minuet is a stately, beautiful old dance that is sometimes intro- 
duced, enabling both old and young to join in its slow and gracious 
measure. 

New steps, new changes and new dances, with the technical features 
of which it is not the province of this book to deal, are continually 
coming into vogue with each season. A few words, however, with 
regard to the general etiquette of that justly popular dance, the Ger- 
man, will be in place here. The German, called the " Cotillion" in 
France and in Germany, where it originated, is the most fascinating 
dance in social use. Balls at which it is to appear, signifying that 
fact in the invitations sent out are more elaborate in their arrange- 
ments, and are held to a later hour, since the earlier portion of the 



BALLS, DANCING AND MASQUERADES. 255 

night is devoted to waltzing and other dances, and the German is not 
commenced until after supper. 

Many leave before it begins, especially those who expect to make 
the tour of several balls and receptions during the night. A second 
and hot supper is usually served at its close, to those who participate 
in its measures. Be certain when the German is to be introduced 
that a sufficient number of men are invited to make the affair a 
success. 

The leader of the cotillion is chosen by the hostess, and should be 
thoroughly familiar with all its figures, new and old ; skilled to com- 
mand, and prompt to bring order out of confusion ; at the same time 
energetic and good tempered. As there will always be some in a 
German who do not understand it, the leader must be ready to help 
them out. Such parties should take their places near the end, and, in 
this way, will become familiar with a figure before it is their turn to 
dance. 

No Favorites to be Allowed. 

The leader will also see that gentlemen do not neglect some ladies 
for the pleasure of dancing frequently with more favored partners. In 
this he should be assisted by the hostess, and gentlemen should never 
disregard her quiet suggestion on this score. After all, "the ball- 
room is a more fitting field for a display of the Christian graces than 
most Evangelical people are willing to admit." 

All those dancing the German must consider themselves as intro- 
duced, and each lady or gentleman is free to call " up " any participant 
for his or her partner. In fact it is desirable that they should do so, 
since by devoting themselves entirely to their acquaintance there is 
danger of some being debarred from the amusement. For these 
reasons the German is unsuited for a public ball, and fitted only for a 
private house where the invitation is expected to certify the character 
of the guest. 

Varied and beautiful are the figures that may be adopted, but the 
scope of this book will not permit full instructions for its elaborate 
changes. One suggestion, however, is in point ; do not choose those 



256 BALLS, DANCING AND MASQUERADES. 

"romping" figures where the fun is liable to become too fast and 
furious for ball-room decorum. The figures requiring " properties," 
such as ribbons, flags, Japanese lanterns, aprons, mirrors, etc., should 
have all the necessary articles carefully provided beforehand. 

During most of the figures, " favors " are distributed ; flowers, 
amusing trinkets, or sometimes pretty little souvenirs are given. 
Rosettes, scarf pins, bangles, tiny flags, artificial butterflies, bonbons 
in embroidered satin bags, badges, painted silk sachets, etc., are all 
appropriate. Tiny lanterns filled with perfume, and sometimes amus- 
ing toys will add to the fun of the occasion. It is better taste to give 
simple articles than to resort to the gifts of great value that some hos- 
tesses have bestowed, since such giving always suggests ostentation. 
Flowers alone are sometimes used and it is not necessary to make the 
favors a source of undue expense. 

Regrets must be sent one's hostess if unable to attend a German, 
that the place may be filled. If a gentleman invites a lady especially 
as his partner for a German, he should send her a bouquet and if 
some unforseen occurrence should prevent his attendance, he must at 
once send her an explanatory regret to that effect. 

Private Balls Given in Public. 

Many hostesses, feeling the inadequacy of their parlors to accom- 
modate all the guests that they wish to invite at one time, without dis- 
agreeable overcrowding, have adopted the custom of giving their large 
entertainments at public assembly rooms. This custom, while it frees 
the hostess from much care, must also be deplored as depriving the 
gathering of that home atmosphere which is ever a safeguard. 

The etiquette is the same as that of a private ball, and after calls 
are demanded within the same length of time. The decorations and 
arrangements resemble closely as possible those of a private house. 

Public Balls. 

Much of the etiquette given for Private Balls governs the conduct 
of those attending public entertainments of the same nature, Intro- 




17 



THE MASQUERADE ASSEMBLY. 



257 



258 BALLS, DANCING AND MASQUERADES. 

ductions, however, must be sought before any attentions are offered 
a lady, and there is much more care exercised in granting them 
than under a private roof. Gentlemen, too, use their own pleasure in 
the choice of partners, not having the courtesy of their hostess to 
regard in this respect. 

Of course, Military, Charity and Civic Balls are under the charge 
of trustees and committees, who not only take charge of the conve- 
nience of the guests, but endeavor by all means within their power to 
regulate the social standing of those obtaining entree to the assembly. 
In many of the large cities a board of lady patronesses add prestige 
and a certain home protection to the successful carrying out of a 
public ball of the highest order. It seems to supply the protection of 
a hostess to \hzfete. 

A young girl, even if the omission be excused at a private ball, 
does not attend a public affair of this nature without a chaperon. 
Late hours are more especially objectionable at public balls than at a 
private house. One, or half-past, should find the adieux made. 

A young lady, in refusing to dance with a gentleman, is not obliged 
to sit the dance out as she would be at the house of a mutual friend. 
She may, however, if she wish, do it in deference to his feelings. 

MASQUERADES. 

A few words with regard to masquerades will not be out of place 
here, with the one proviso added that they refer exclusively to private 
entertainments. Public gatherings of this nature should be shunned 
as questionable amusements, excepting, of course, any case where, 
from want of room, a lady may choose to give the entertainment in 
some public assembly-room instead of her own parlors. This course 
lends the protection of home to the charm of its veiled mysteries. 

A masquerade is an entertainment giving much trouble to both 
hostess and guests. Elaborate decorations are necessary in the ball- 
room. Invitations for it should be issued from three weeks to a 
month in advance, in order to give the guest time to choose and pre- 
pare the costume to be worn. 



BALLS, DANCING AND MASQUERADES. 



259 



Some hostesses give their invitations for a fancy dress party only, 
omitting the feature of masks. In this they may act their own pleasure 
In event of permitting masks they must be laid aside at supper hour 



■■■■■■ v; - •'• 




THE MASQUERADE. 



Occasionally the hostess arranges a costume scheme for the entire 

fete beforehand, signifying to each guest the character, historical or 

imaginary, that it is her pleasure he shall, for the time being, personify. 

In this way the perfection and beauty of the ball-room are assured 



260 BALLS, DANCING AND MASQUERADES. 

beforehand, and repetitions of time-worn characters prevented from 
appearing upon the floor. 

Choice of Costumes. 

Again, the hostess may content herself by selecting the costumes 
that she wishes a few particular friends to don, sufficient in number to 
form one or more quadrilles to open the ball. Each set must be care- 
fully arranged as for instance, a court party, costumed after the time 
of Louis XIV. A group of Watteau Shepherds and shepherdesses, 
or a hunting party garbed after any chosen period, etc. 

The remainder of the guests may be permitted to use their own 
taste in the selection of costumes. A full dress rehearsal of these 
especially arranged quadrilles should be held beforehand to ascertain 
the most satisfactory method of grouping the characters in each set. 

Invitations to an entertainment of this nature are issued like those 
for ordinary balls, adding " Bal-masquc" or "Fancy Dress Ball," 
down in the left hand corner. When the entertainment is to be very 
elaborate these words are given an entire line, extending through the 
center of the invitation. Occasionally the words, " Ordinary ball dress 
permitted," find a place upon the card, to the relief of those who prefer 
to appear in their own proper character. 

The hoct and hostess in fancy dress, assisted by daughters or friends, 
all costumed, receive as in other balls, and the etiquette is in all ways 
similar. Some ladies, and gentlemen also, wear mask and domino 
over the regulation party dress, removing this when the others unmask. 

Guests, as far as in them lies, should seek for originality in their 
costumes. Historical and mythological characters, personification cf 
the powers and attributes of nature — as ice, snow, stars, planets, etc. — 
are always suitable. Standard works of fiction whose characters are 
familiar to all, as well as Mother Goose and Kate Greenaway, are 
always fruitful sources for characters. Accurateness should be sought 
after in carrying the costumes out. 

[Etiquette of Ball Dress, Invitations, etc., may be found in their 
appropriate departments.] 




, ■•-•■ : . 




iNp?ARJIE$. 






almost any 



KjSaf7»*^ I " L '' x x a - 11 ^^- ccxixiv^o*. an^ social 

if^ liS -iLiS^" J- gathering that occurs in the 

&kJl9&\ vf S ' evening is called a soiree. 

Here in this country the term soiree is applied to 
an evening entertainment that partakes of the 
nature of an evening party, but is not quite so elaborate and means 
earlier hours both of arrival and departure. 

Soirees, as a rule, offer some particular form of amusement, such as 
music, dancing, a reading ; an interchange of bright ideas, such as a 
conversazione. It means also pretty evening dress, not elaborate, ball 
costume, and a supper. It attracts gentlemen, who appreciate the 
easy-going, early-houred soiree. That is, gentlemen who do not 
particularly care for the ball-room, and it is here we are sure to find 
wits and the aristocracy of intellect. In short, the very best elements 
of society are found in the elegant unpretentious soiree, where the 
intelligent woman of fashion has the tact to welcome and make at 
home the artist, the author, the professional man, and the man of 
business. The soiree has still another advantage: a lady can give 
one in a small house and with very little expenditure, and if she has 
the gift of entertaining, her gathering will alwavs be sought after. 

Suitable Dress. 

Women, as before mentioned, wear pretty evening dress (not ball 
costume), and remove their bonnets, and in this way differing from 
matinees and from morning receptions, at both of which entertain- 

261 



262 SOIREES, MUSICALES AND LAWN PARTIES. 

ments bonnets are worn. Men wear morning dress. (See Depart- 
ment of Dress.) 

Receiving Guests. 

For small evening parties, the host and hostess during the early 
part of the evening remain near the door to receive guests. Later 
they must mingle with the company to assist in entertaining. A late 
arrival, however, should be noted, though it is their place to search 
out their hostess and offer the greetings of the evening. 

As guests enter the room the hostess should advance a step to 
meet them. Her words of greeting should be first addressed to the 
elder ladies of an incoming group, then the young ladies, lastly the 
gentlemen. The hostess should be perfectly at her ease, having 
apparently no thought beyond the reception rooms. 

The Entertainment. 

Where the entertainment is mixed, a little music is appropriate, a 
little dancing and a little card-playing. It is well to engage some one 
to play for the dancing, since guests usually do not care to preside at 
the instrument. A violin is a great addition. 

If, however, the dancing is an aftjrthought, any gentleman who is 
a good pianist may offer his services to relieve any lady at the 
instrument. 

The hostess should see that conversation does not lag. She must 
not interrupt an entertaining tete-a-tete, unless it last too long ; but, if 
conversation languish between a couple thrown together, she should 
bring in a third person, or draw away one, while substituting another. 

Invitations. 

If invitations are issued a week or ten days in advance, the hostess 
has a right to expect that her guests should arrive on time, and care- 
fully attired. 

The form of the invitation is similar to an "At Home," as : Mrs. 
Emmons Van Zant, At Home, Thursday, June sixteenth, at eight 
o'clock. 2040 Westmoreland Street, 



SOIREES, MUSICALES AND LAWN PARTIES. 263 

Duty of Guests. 

The hostess may ask her guests to sing or play ; but, if they refuse, 
it is bad taste to urge them. The hostess, if she plays or sings, may 
favor the guests with a single selection after others have been heard. 
It is well for amateurs to master a few pieces that they can render 
without the notes. This relieves one of that time-worn excuse — " I 
haven't my notes." This is also the case with those who sing. By 
ceasing to urge performers, the company will be freed from much of 
that repeated, coy refusal that only needs sufficient coaxing to comply. 

When a lady is asked to play or sing, the gentleman nearest her 
should at once escort her to the piano, remaining near her while she 
plays, and turning the music, if he be competent. He will also take 
charge of her fan, bouquet and gloves, and when the music is finished, 
he will again offer his arm for her return to her seat. At the same 
time he will thank her for the pleasure she has given himself and the 
company. Other guests, together with the hostess, should also 
express their gratification. Never comment on the quality of the 
instrument. Never offer to turn the sheets of instrumental music 
unless familiar with the notes. 

When any one is playing or singing, let the company preserve 
silence, and if they should converse, let it be in the lowest tones. To 
interrupt a performer is the worst possible taste. Instrumental per- 
formers have as much right to expect the courtesy of silence as 
vocalists. The hostess has the privilege of indicating, to a noisy 
group, by a gesture, her desire for silence. Those who will talk 
should at least withdraw from the immediate vicinity of the instru- 
ment. If asked to play an accompaniment, do so, not to display your 
own accomplishments, but so as to afford the best possible support 
for the singer. 

MUSICALES. 

A musicale, or a musical reception, is a difficult entertainment. A 
program must be arranged, and sufficient amateur performers secured 
to make a success of the affair. Herein comes the difficulty, amateurs, 



264 SOIREES, MUSICALES AND LAWN PARTIES. 

after a very unwilling consent has been wrung from them and their 
name and selection placed upon the program, are so little to be 
depended upon. Would that there could be found some way of oiling 
the machinery at a musical entertainment and of soothing the ruffled 
feelings of a hostess when those most depended upon to render assist- 
ance withdraw at the last moment for some vague reason. When 
one firmly refuses at the first to appear upon the program, no offence 
can be taken, but to withdraw for any but the most urgent reason is 
an actual breach of etiquette. 

For this reason, those hostesses whose purses are of sufficient 
length, are driven to employ professional assistance upon these occa- 
sions. Another objection to amateur performers is the semi- 
professional jealousy existing between them as to precedence on the 
program. 

Performers should arrive punctually, and while the order of the 
program should be followed as far as possible, no one should be 
offended at being asked, when it is necessary to play or sing out 
of the order agreed upon. 

Arranging the Program. 

If the musicale is to be entirely professional, much trouble will be 
saved by seeking some prominent musician, and with him arrange the 
program, and letting him act for the hostess in the matter. 

A professional artist should not be kept beyond the time agreed for, 
neither should he be urged to render selections entirely different, or 
largely in excess of those arranged for. The hostess should express 
her pleasure, and may request some little favor. Applause is allowable, 
but it must be within limits. 

A courteous reception must be accorded to all performers by those 
who desire their talents. The hostess should see that the piano is 
carefully tuned and not keyed too high. 

It is customary to commence with a piece of instrumental music, 
followed by solos, duets, quartets, etc., with instrumental music between. 

A successful musicale can be held with the piano alone for music, 



SOIREES, MUSICALES AND LAWN PARTIES. 265 

an accompanist, and a tenor and soprano of note, but very often a 
violin is added, and sometimes a mandolin orchestra and four or more 
singers vary the program. Professional singers and musicians usually 
leave when their numbers are over, in order to protect their throats 
from night air and the strain of conversing. 

Guests should arrive early so that the confusion of entrance and 
taking seats will be over before the music begins. If late, they should 
wait until the number then in progress is finished before taking their 
places. The singular impression, so common everywhere, that at all 
society' gatherings it is much more genteel to appear late upon the 
scene than at the time appointed, has less reason to justify it when a 
musicale is the entertainment than at any other entertainment or 
society event, except a dinner. Music, interrupted by noise, is a 
failure. The cards of invitation are after this fashion : 



C?f%)'U. ^A^^t^d 


C^6c//e4 y 


C/?'f Xjfcxme, 


C^rfUcidt/czvf, Itczie f/^/Yi, 


<rf et^tet <? c&ctfS-. 


25 [^/€4/yn^4^Ui^^</ -^sAeefe} 


Music. 





The programs are usually written instead of printed, and are some- 
times hand-painted and ribbon-bedecked, and again they are engraved 
on dainty cards. They are frequently enclosed with the invitations. 



266 SOIREES, MUSICALES AND LAWN PARTIES. 

If dancing is included, this is the formula : 



@tyu. <&£****/<* 


@fydU, 




Cv/ ^ffi'w^e, 


{^Attsuda/sf, ^dit^-ie i&/wf, 


<z£ e-f,a4%/ & &U>c&. 


2$ 


K ffle4*fa-i4?4^6a'M^/ -(SfMe&fe^) 


Music. 




Dancing at eleven. 



If the musicale is for afternoon, it partakes of the nature of the 
matinee. Bonnets are to be worn. Refreshments are not necessarily 
served. The afternoon is often selected when noted stars are to sing, 
since their time is taken up in the evening. The evening musicale, 
however, is a more brilliant affair. 

Replies are to be sent to these invitations, since for any entertain- 
ment when all are to be seated, it is a convenience to know the 
number of the guests. 

The drawing-room is cleared of the greater part of its furniture, 
and, if dancing is to follow, the carpet is covered with canvas, or 
removed, if there is there is a hard wood floor. Camp chairs are 
provided for the guests. 

Arrangement of Performers and Guests. 

The seating arrangements should present a clear space for the per- 
formers. Too close proximity is not conducive to tranquility on the 
part of the singer, and also spoils the tone effect. Professional 



SOIREES, MUSICALES AND LAWN PARTIES. 267 

singers insist upon sufficient space. Remove all ornaments of break- 
able china and bric-a-brac from the vicinity cf the piano, which should 
be bare of cover, and admit of the lid being easily raised and lowered. 
A bowl of cracked ice, some tumblers, and a pretty jug of water 
should be placed upon a table near the piano. Good ventilation 
should be ensured. A reading or recitation can be introduced into a 
musical program with good effect, and a long program should be 
divided by a recess for conversation, and to permit those to retire who 
do not wish to remain to the end. 

If dancing follows, the camp chairs are removed, or placed where 
they can be used. Supper is also served before the dancing. Cigars, 
matches and ash trays are usually found in the library by the gentle- 
men, or the cigars are placed in the cloak room to be smoked on the 
journey home. Either plan, or their omission altogether, is eminently 
proper. 

A day musicale calls for morning dress for men, and a visiting or 
walking toilet for women. An evening affair, with dancing, calls for 
evening dress for both. 

LAWN PARTIES. 

"A green lawn, a few trees, a fine day, and something to eat are 
really all the absolute requirements of a garden party." If true, this 
places the pleasant mode of entertaining our friends in the power of 
many people of moderate means. In remote country localities these 
parties are very delightful, particularly if city friends are guests for the 
Summer. 

When properly conducted, a garden party may be given with very 
little trouble, and made very simple and informal, but if desired may 
be made elaborate and ceremonious. 

When only neighbors are to be entertained, a hasty invitation, so as 
to be sure of fine weather, may be sent two or three days in advance, 
but when guests are expected from any distance it is customary to 
s n 1 invitations eight or ten days in advance, as suitable preparations 
must be made. 



2G8 



SOIREES, MUSICALES AND LAWN PARTIES. 



These invitations are usually engraved on handsome, plain note 
paper, and may be in this form : 



$gf <™</ @ffi> <®£*iJ* 


i^i^/Cio 




^/QerM-teJf /fi~e A^e€t<u^i^ of 




@^ (fy*^* 




ip/7^^^^.-^ 




<ff (Zs& -cta^cd <i, 


Garden Party. 




Maple Grove. 



When guests are to come by rail it is well to send a card stating 
the hours at which trains arrive and leave the station. . Then if car- 
riages are to meet the train, on a card enclosed might be printed : 
Carriages will meet the j.jo train from Union Depot. 

A lady, also, may invite her friends to a garden party by sending 
her visiting card with "Tennis" or "Garden Party" written in the 
lower left hand corner, and day and hour in the lower right hand 
corner, or under her name. It is well sometimes to specify the time 
of closing. 

At a garden party the hostess receives her guests on the lawn, or 
in the garden, wearing her hat and gloves. But guests should always 
be invited to the house to take off their wraps, or arrange their toilet 
if desired. Of course, a maid servant should be in the dressing-room 
to attend their wants. 

The thoughtful hostess will take care to have everything in readi- 




A SOCIAL CHAT. 




A LEISURE HOUR IN THE PARK 



SOIREES, MUSICALES AND LAWN PARTIES. 269 

ness for the comfort and entertainment of the company. Rugs should 
be laid on the grass for the accommodation of those not accustomed 
to standing on the ground, and easy chairs provided for delicate or 
aged ladies who may be present, so all may enjoy the party without 
fear of the consequence. 

Amusements to be Provided. 

Much tact is required to properly entertain guests at a garden party, 
and prevent them from wandering aimlessly about the grounds. 
Ample amusements must, therefore, be provided. 

The lawn tennis ground must be in perfect order, croquet sets in 
readiness, archery tools supplied, as well as arrangements for all kinds 
of suitable games made. Music is a very delightful addition to the 
pleasure of such an occasion, and should always be had, when prac- 
ticable. 

Ladies wear hats or bonnets at a garden party, and should dress 
otherwise appropriately. If a plain, informal affair, the dress should 
be simple and becoming, and if games like lawn tennis or archery are 
among the amusements, light flannel dresses are suitable. But if 
invited to a ceremonious lawn party, where style will prevail, hand- 
some though simple toilets are required. Picturesque costumes may 
be made very effective on the grass and under the trees, and ladies of 
taste have a fine field for displaying it upon such occasions. 

Many very fashionable people conduct the garden party in the style 
of an afternoon tea, receiving and entertaining their guests in the open 
air until ready to serve refreshments, when all are invited to the 
dining-room to partake of them. This mode is very convenient and 
quite pleasant, though it divests the occasion of much of the novelty 
and charm belonging to it. 

When the refreshments are to be served in the garden or lawn, of 
course the dishes must all be cold, and may consist of salads, pates, 
pressed meats, Charlottes, jellies, ices, cakes, lemonade and iced tea. 
A cup of hot tea should always be in readiness in the kitchen for 
those ladies desiring it. 




A LAWN PARTY. 



270 



SOIREES, MUSICALES AND LAWN PARTIES. 271 

Servants should be well trained when in attendance to prevent 
confusion. Dishes, knives, forks and spoons should be removed when 
used, and put in baskets or trays in readiness for them, and a fresh 
supply brought to replace them. 

Tables and Refreshments. 

Numbers of small tables, with pretty, fancy covers, and colored 
napkins, should be set around under trees, near fountains and other 
suitable places, with camp-stools for the accommodation of guests 
when partaking of refreshments. 

Servants should to be very careful in going from place to place with 
dishes to be served never to spill or drop the contents on ladies dresses. 

Gentlemen may help the ladies, if they prefer, and wait on them- 
selves, requiring the servants only to remove the dishes and replenish 
the pitchers with lemonade, milk or water. 

Fruits, pineapples, strawberries, raspberries, peaches and grapes are 
served at garden parties, and should be of the finest quality. 

Ices are a very acceptable addition to an out-door entertainment, 
being light and refreshing for warm weather; they are served in fancy 
paper cups, laid on ice plates. 

For ladies desiring to give garden parties, the following bill of fare 
will be found sufficient : 

Cold Rolls. Mixed Sandwiches. Brown Bread. Pickled Tongue. 

Pate de foie gras. Jellied Chicken. Cold Birds. 

Lobster Salad. Charlotte Russe. Biscuit. Glaces. Fancy Cakes. 

Fruits. Lemonade. Iced Tea. Strawberry Acid. 

In England the refreshments are always served in ^-marquee (large 
tent) on the lawn. 

For such outdoor entertainments foods that require little use of 
knife and fork should be chosen; sandwiches should never be made of 
sliced meats as they are awkward to handle. Crusts should be trimmed 
off, and the filling shredded or grated to a paste, and highly seasoned. 
For the same reason hot drinks should be dispensed with as far as 



272 SOIREES, MUSICALES AND LAWN PARTIES. 

possible. Glasses are to be filled but two-thirds full. None of these 
precautions are necessary when the refreshments are served indoors. 

For the out-of-doors feast a number of small tables should be pro- 
vided ; cover with fancy cloths and on them place piles of plates 
alternating with folded napkins, breadbaskets, or trays heaped with 
sandwiches and buttered tea biscuit, baskets of fancy cakes, and 
plenty of reserve napkins. Have some of the assistants pass these, 
beginning with the plates, and to the maidservants leave the service 
of tea, coffee, cream and sugar (when these are given) and other 
drinkables. 

By this time the gentlemen who first assisted will have been served 
and the maids can turn their attention to the ices. Ice cream can be 
served as above, and ices in glass cups ; after this the maids can 
gather up the dishes in baskets. A caterer may be called upon to 
furnish the feast, in which event all trouble will be spared the hostess. 
Do not use the best glass and china at these entertainments ; the 
danger of breakage is too great. 

At many gatherings a special table is supplied for the gentlemen, 
where soda-water, claret cup, and sometimes wines are served. The 
men help themselves, but a manservant is present to supply fresh 
glasses, etc. This table depends entirely upon the principles of the 
hostess. If no hours are mentioned, the guests usually disperse about 
dusk, unless dancing is provided for those who wish to stay and 
enjoy it. 

Seats. 

The business of providing seats is a comparatively trifling affair 
when there are to be young people present, who prefer clean turf or 
the piazza steps to any more luxurious lounging place. For the older 
guests, less unconventional accommodations may be devised. Light 
rockers, camp chairs, wooden or wicker settees are pretty, and in har- 
mony with the rustic nature of the reception. It is well, also, to have 
rugs or strips of carpet laid about, for the benefit of those who dread 
the dampness that some imagine rises from the ground even in the 
midst of the most obstinate drought. Cushions are invaluable at 



SOIREES, MUSICALES AND LAWN PARTIES. 273 

such times, whether used as footstools for the more delicate guests, 
to soften porch steps, or to convert stumps and grassy knolls into 
divans, for those who like low seats, but yet have a due regard for 
their bones or dresses. 

A charming, and thoroughly rustic style of seat, can be formed of 
dry, sweet hay. Tossed up in generous piles, to make couches, or 
heaped against the trunks of trees to simulate arm chairs, they pro- 
vide resting places that are not only luxurious, but uncommon. The 
costliest upholsterer can furnish no chairs or sofas more softly padded 
or more deliciously perfumed than these. With rugs or shawls 
thrown over them, to guard the garments of their occupants from any 
possible injury from moisture or from crushed insects, they are all 
that the most fastidious could demand. 

Hammocks, also furnished with cushions, are always comfortable 
and picturesque, while screens are valuable additions to the furniture 
of this open-air drawing-room. Covered with cretonne, felt or paper 
of any shape and size, these are almost indispensable for shielding 
from draughts in breezy weather, or sheltering from obtrusive sunlight 
on a sultry day. 

Lawn Parties for Charity. 

In case of a charitable object, the refreshments are disposed of at 
reasonable prices. In this case the menu should be restricted to a 
few articles. Berries, ice cream and cake are frequently sufficient; 
coffee can be added. Dainty buttonhole bouquets should also be 
provided and sold to the gentlemen for prices in advance of their 
value. Afterward, with the piazza for a stage, a little program of 
music, singing and recitations can be carried out. 

At any garden party, music and singing are in order, and at very 
grand affairs, paid musicians of note are engaged. Orchestras also are 
frequently somewhere on the grounds, 



reatcfasts 



mmfi^M- 





lunc 

and 



BREAKFAST or a 

luncheon is somewhat 
less formal than a din- 
ner and, hence, so much the 
more delightful. 

The breakfast party includes both gentlemen and ladies while, as a 
rule, the luncheon is an entertainment given to ladies. The invita- 
tions to a breakfast may be written, engraved or verbal. If a large 
number of guests are invited to meet some distinguished stranger, 
engraved invitations are issued. 

Five days or a week's notice is usually considered sufficient, but if 
distinguished wits and scholars are to be secured, it is well to give a 
longer period, since their time, always in demand, should be bespoken 
well in advance. A reply to the invitation is a necessity, because the 
hostess wishes time, in case of non-acceptance, to secure another guest. 

Where the breakfast is less stately in character, an informal note, 
written by the hostess, in the first person, is a pleasant method, or 
simply written on the lady's visiting cards under the name in this form : 
Breakfast, Tuesday, ten o'clock, February fifteenth. 

Artificial light is out of place, and sunshine should flood the apart- 
ment, while a certain airiness and daintiness should pervade the table 
appointments, quite the opposite of the elaborate display that charac- 
terizes the dinner party. Flowers should form the decorations of the 
table. Breakfast parties are a very convenient mode of social enter- 
tainment for those whose limited means wall not admit of a more 
extensive display of hospitality. 
274 



BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 275 

Ten o'clock is the usual hour, though it may be as late as twelve, 
thus differing from the luncheon, which is never earlier than one. 

Breakfast parties are a favorite reunion with literary people, who 
generally take the morning hours for leisure, leaving brain work until 
later in the day. Sidney Smith said he liked breakfasts, "because no 
man was conceited before one o'clock in the day." 

In serving breakfast the bill of fare, unless for special occasions, 
should never be elaborate, but rather dainty and attractive, as the 
appetite usually needs tempting at this early hour ; fewer courses of a 
more delicate variety should be served than at other meals. The 
hostess dispenses the coffee, tea and chocolate from the head of the 
table ; the substantiate are set in front of the host, who may help the 
plates and hand them to the waiter to serve ; the vegetables and other 
dishes may be handed from the side table. 

Concerning the Viands. 

It is well-bred to serve the breakfast with as little formality as pos- 
sible, and with as few attendants ; one servant, a maid, or man 
servant is sufficient unless the party is unusually large. 

If grape-fruit be used for a first course, or orange skins filled with 
juice, a wreath of smilax on each plate makes a pretty decoration. 

A breakfast should invariably begin with fruit, followed by a course 
of eggs. This latter is one of the essentials, and offers a greater 
variety than is perhaps known outside of France. A Spanish omelette, 
if properly made, is a thing to be treasured among the "pleasures of 
memory." Stuffed eggs, or hard boiled eggs cut in slices, with a 
bechamel or white sauce, are appropriate and generally liked. A fish 
course, an entree, one meat, a salad and a sweet course should follow 
next in order, concluding with coffee. The entree and the meat may 
form one course, if a slice of duck with olives, fried chicken or some 
such dish be selected. 

Ices of all kinds are entirely out of place at a breakfast. An 
omelette soufrlee, peaches with cream, or best of all a fruit salad, are 
within the proprieties. This last never fails to call forth enthusiastic 



276 BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 

appreciation. It is simply made, and keeps perfectly for two or three 
days. Half a dozen oranges should be peeled, leaving no particle of 
the white adhering, and then cut in small pieces. Half a ripe pine- 
apple, broken with a fork into bits and sugared to taste, and four 
bananas sliced, are mixed with the oranges, and the whole put on ice 
for three or four hours. This will be found a dish rivalling the 
ambrosia of high Olympus. 

With the first course of fruit, finger-bowls are in readiness, but are 
removed at its close. Hot breads and breakfast cakes are always 
suitable, and oatmeal, carefully cooked and served with thick cream 
and powdered sugar, often follows the fruit. The closing course 
should be hot cakes served with honey or maple syrup. 

If there are ladies present, or the hostess presides, the coffee, 
chocolate, etc., are poured by her, and after the first course she asks 
the guests when they will have it served. 

The following will be found an acceptable bill of fare for an ordinary 
breakfast party. It can of course be varied to suit the convenience 
and taste of housekeepers. 

Bill of Fare for Breakfast. 

Melons. Grapes. Oranges. Fried Perch with Sauce Tartare. 

Young Chickens with Cream Gravy. Saratoga Potatoes. 

Poached Eggs on Toast. Broiled Quails. Baked Mushrooms. 

Tomatoes or Celery. Bread and Butter. 

Crackers. Hot Cakes. Coffee. Tea. Chocolate. 

If a butler serves at a breakfast he does not wear full dress as at a 
dinner. 

Wedding Breakfast Menu. 

A menu that would be easy to prepare for a wedding breakfast 
would be two hot dishes consisting of chicken croquettes, lobster 
cutlets, oyster patties or creamed oysters. Everything else might be 
cold and as follows : salad, either chicken or lobster, pickled oysters, 
a small wedding cake, little cakes for the bridemaids, Charlotte russe 
and coffee, The table decorations should either be all white, or the 




£> 



<//l-as>^€^ig_ v^iu^^2- 




MRS. BENJAMIN HAREISON. 



BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 277 

colors used in the bridemaids' costumes. Let the waitresses be 
dressed in white. 

The simplest costume is in good taste for breakfast parties. Men 
wear morning dress, and ladies handsome but plain street costumes. 
Gloves are removed before going to the table. Bonnets are kept on. 

Each gentleman is given the escort of a lady. The host conducts 
the lady who is the most distinguished guest to the table, and the 
hostess follows last with the gentleman whom it is desired to honor 
particularly. 

Upon entering the dining-room the ladies are assisted to their seats, 
and the gentlemen then follow, and the meal is served. The signal 
for rising from the table is given by the hostess, with a smile and 
simple bow, and all proceed to the parlor, exchange a few pleasant 
remarks, and take their leave. 

For informal breakfasts no after-call is expected, but for cere- 
monious entertainments of this kind the same observance of the rules 
of etiquette are required as for dinners and large parties. 

Guests should not remain more than half an hour after leaving the 
table, and many do not even return to the drawing-room. 

A Bachelor Breakfast. 

If a breakfast has been given by a gentleman to ladies and gentle- 
men, the lady who chaperones it and presides as hostess, receives all 
the attentions of a lady in her own home. The host calls upon het 
soon after the event, and also calls upon his lady guests. Gentlemen 
usually give their breakfasts at fashionable hotels or restaurants. 

A Golden-Rod Breakfast. 

This is a pretty country entertainment. It can be given out of 
doors under wide-spreading trees. For the one in mind, great roots 
of golden-rod were dug up and transplanted into jardiniers (stone jars 
in this case) and a hedge of the nodding yellow plumes placed all 
about. 

The carpet was of checkered sunshine and shade, and the green 



278 BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 

canopy of the leaves made the scene a perfect one. The guests, 
arriving at ten o'clock, were ushered into the rustic breakfast room. 
Four tables were used. On one pure white damask napery was 
enlivened by low baskets of maidenhair fern, and sprays of the same 
delicate plant tied with baby ribbon of green gave a cool look to the 
whole. The largest table was resplendent with cut glass vases filled 
with golden-rod. White asters gave a hint of autumn's snow to the 
third table, and the ingenuity of the hostess found pleasure in deco- 
rating the remaining one with the delicate grasses and rich-colored 
small fruits of autumn. Gold-banded china, cut glass and silver, 
which had been in the family for three generations, supplemented the 
floral charms of the tables. 

Choice Blending of Colors. 

Autumn and yellow were the main ideas which guided the selection 
of the menu for this golden-rod breakfast. Everything possible was 
in the yellow tint or rich golden brown. With plenty of cream and 
fresh eggs and the fresh fruits of the farm to work with the menu 
was an easy one to furnish. Ices served in the shape of tiny melons 
and cakes decorated with frosted sugar. As a memento of the feast 
each guest retained her name card which bore a spray of pressed 
golden-rod fastened with narrow yellow ribbon, and on it in golden 
script a verse with some thought suggested by autumn or the flower. 

Tiny garden hats of yellow straw, filled with golden-rod, accom- 
panied the name cards. The golden-rod in itself proved a veritable 
gold mine as a help to conversation. Discussions as to whether or 
not it should be chosen as the national flower ; descriptions by travel- 
ers of where they had seen it growing best, bright quotations of 
favorite authors leading to discussions of poems or books by these 
authors, anecdotes of travel all followed each other and naturally, 
led by the clever hostess who, in her quaint gown of yellow, with 
golden-rod in her belt and a spray tucked close to the wide tortoise 
shell comb which held her golden hair, looked like the personification 
of the flower she had honored at her breakfast. 



BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 279 

Wine at a breakfast is optional. If used, two varieties are enough, 
and should be in keeping with the principal dishes ; claret, sherry, 
Burgundy are suitable. 

LUNCHEONS. 

A luncheon is usually an entertainment given by a woman to 
women. From whatever cause, luncheon parties are rapidly gaining 
popularity among us. Macaulay wrote, "Dinner parties are mere 
formalities, but you invite a man to breakfast because you want to see 
him," and the same may apply to luncheon parties for ladies, these 
being almost exclusively their affair. 

Invitations to small luncheons are usually very informal, and may 
be written in the style of a familiar note of friendship ; or a visiting 
card may be used, underneath the name of which is simply written : 
Luncheon at one o'clock, Thursday, January eight. 

The repast may be elaborately made up of salads, oysters, small 
game, chocolate, ices and a variety of dishes which will destroy the 
appetite for dinner, or it may simply consist of a cup of tea or cholo- 
late, thin sliced bread and butter, chip beef or cold tongue, but there 
is the same opportunity to display good taste and a well-appointed 
table as at a grander entertainment. 

Ladies attend formal luncheons in very elegant street or carriage 
costumes. They wear rich and becoming bonnets, which they do 
not take off. They appear with gloves, removing them when seated 
at the table. 

The toilet of the hostess may be as elegant as she wishes, any- 
thing, in fact, short of an actual evening costume. 

Luncheons of ceremony are sometimes given in honor of distin- 
guished guests, or upon special occasions, instead of dinners, and may 
then be very stylish affairs. Flowers should be artistically arranged, 
both for the adornment of the parlor and dining-room and the table 
more sumptuous, though always dainty ; broiled delicacies, such as do 
not require carving, take the place of joints, and too rich dishes, with 
salads, oysters, croquettes and ices ; bouillon is very generally served 
at large or small lunches, as is also chocolate with whipped cream. 



280 BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 

Tea is not expected to be present on these occasions. Coffee, 
served without cream after luncheon in the prettiest little cups the 
hostess can muster, is generally at hand. 

The table may be decorated with flowers and fruit as a center-piece, 
around which should be placed glass dishes of fancy cakes, and bon- 
bons. 

At very formal luncheons each dish is served as a separate course. 
Instead of coffee being served in the drawing-room, as after dinner, 
the hostess dispenses it at the luncheon table. 

The invitations to fashionable, elaborate luncheons should be hand- 
somely engraved after the following style : 



c ^€>Je^/ D Q&ti^faiv J2/(ee<KeiZ5 



eif&S ^Qytw^re'f J- ctKmfetzwzf tzi 



l dt^z^A. tz-/ A-ez-/f=A<ajf 



'?■€%■( f=/n&d f #-i?e €>■ c 



<iz-ce£Z> 



The toilets of the ladies attending should be elegant, and always 
appropriate to the occasion. 

The hostess usually leads the way to the table, keeping the most 
distinguished guest at her right, the others following and seating them- 



BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 281 

selves as they choose. Guests are not expected to remain longer 
than half an hour after they return to the parlors. 

Calls are a polite acknowledgment after receiving hospitalities, and 
should be made within a few days after the entertainment. 

If gentlemen are invited, and the master of the house is present, the 
guests proceed to the dining-room in the same order as at a formal 
dinner party. If the luncheon is given in honor of some particular 
individual, this fact should appear upon the invitation. The following 
is a good form : 





C>Tp id . (cUwe&wfcs 


^tQ&tfrfit^dfd 


■£/%e fe/etzdit/le 


&/^ szf&ul ceiw/ziz^^M. <if 'UtwcJietwi-, 




(£/W Qy\Me<u/a-'?f, Ct&e^ltt^i^-?/- J^jffifc, 






dX^ 1 -24-tee^ 






i 


One o 1 clock. 




1807 Chestnut Street. 



The rooms are usually darkened for an elaborate luncheon, and 
artificial lighting resorted to. Wax candles are the most pleasing, 
their radiance having a softening effect. 

Nowadays there are candles in the market warranted not to drip, 
and made not wholly of wax, but of some composition which burns 
brilliantly and slowly. They average eight to the pound, and cost 
something like twenty-five or thirty cents a pound. No light is so 



282 BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 

satisfactory or so becoming as candlelight. When the great question 
of illumination and flowers is settled, there remains one more oppor- 
tunity for individual taste, for bon-bons, salted almonds and olives 
may be disposed here and there in small dishes of cut glass or silver. 
The usual hour at which to take leave after luncheon is three 
o'clock, and, unless pressed to do so, luncheon guests should not 
remain beyond this hour, thus avoiding any inconvenience to a hostess 
in the matter of her afternoon engagements. Of course, the hour of 
leaving depends on the hour at which the luncheon is given. 

Luncheon Refreshments. 

The refreshments must not be heavy, for the reason that many of 
the guests may be expecting to attend a dinner or evening party that 
same day. If a butler serves at a luncheon he does not wear full 
dress, as at a dinner party. 

Only light wines are offered at a ladies' luncheon, and more fre- 
quently none at all. Mineral waters and pure water are supplied. 

Entering the Dining-Room. 

Ladies who are intimate with the hostess often arrive half an hour 
before the time set for the luncheon and chat with the hostess. 
Usually there is no formality in entering the dining-room. The 
hostess leads the way with the honored guest, if there be one, on 
her right. The ladies go down together, talking as they go. If 
there are gentlemen present, they follow. Once there, they seat them- 
selves at random, with the exception of the host and hostess, who 
seat themselves at the head and foot of the table. 

Again, it may happen that the guests, when they reach the table, 
find name cards at each plate to designate the place to occupy. These 
often are simple bits of pasteboard with a gilded edge which the 
hostess buys and writes thereon her guests' names. This is espe- 
cially the case if other favors are given. 

Where the luncheon is very informal the entire menu frequently 
consists of cold dishes, such as boned turkey, boned ham, raw oysters, 



BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 2<S3 

salads of all kinds, chickens, fruits, fruit salad, Bavarian cream, or 
other creams, fancy cakes, pate de foie gras, etc. The coffee is hot. 
Let the hand of the caterer be kept as much as possible out of 
luncheon. 

Lunch or Luncheon. 

There has been much questioning as to the distinction between the 
words " lunch" and " luncheon," which are often used interchangeably. 
The latest and best definition would be, that a lunch is a meal to be 
partaken of informally by the members of a household, at midday or 
before going on some pleasure excursion. Luncheon, on the contrary, 
signifies a form of entertainment given after breakfast and before the 
evening dinner hour. It is a meal of compliment and more frequently 
extended to ladies alone. 

The invitations given for a luncheon are issued on the same prin- 
ciple as those for a breakfast. A young performer, vocalist or elocu- 
tionist, is often introduced at a luncheon. 

Luncheon Favors. 

Favors for a luncheon may be very elegant, or only simple and 
pretty. A single rose laid at each plate is frequently all that is given. 
Name cards are often made to serve as souvenirs. A very new and 
pretty design for a name card is made of a plain white or cream 
square envelope, painted with a dainty design of violets. 

Where the name is to be seen, an opening like that of a picture 
frame is cut through the face of the envelope, a line of narrow gilding 
finishing the edge. The name of the guest is written on a plain card 
and put inside the envelope so as to show through the opening. 

Some other small graceful flower in place of the violet is sometimes 
painted on it with good effect ; and if one color, as yellow, for instance, 
predominates in the table decoration, a design of jonquils or butter- 
cups is chosen. 

A cardboard rest is tied in at the top of these envelope cards by 
a narrow ribbon caught through two little slits in the envelope over 
the one in the rest itself. They are then stood around the table like 



284 BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 

dainty little picture frames, which in reality the)- are, making the most 
charming souvenirs when taken home and a small photograph substi- 
tuted for the card with the name on it. 

Some quaint and pretty conceit is always sought after for favors. 
Too expensive articles suggest a desire for display. Painted satin 
bags or other fancy receptacles, filled with choice confectionery, are 
always acceptable, especially at a ladies' luncheon. If the satin bag 
can be turned into an opera bag, so much the better. Tiny baskets, 
purchased for a trifle, and metamorphosed by means of a little gold 
paint, and a bow of ribbon on the handle, into dainty flower-holders, are 
also pretty. Hand-painted book covers are suitable, and, again, fans 
are much admired. Those of Japanese style can be bought reasonably. 

Favors for gentlemen, such as fancy pocket pincushions, small coin 
purses, scarfpins, sleeve-buttons, etc., are more useful than ladies' 
favors, but not so ornamental on the table. A pair of oars, artisti- 
cally carved, are appropriate for the athletic-minded. Silk handker- 
chiefs with initials are also proper. Little silver bonboniers are nice 
for women, and silver matchboxes for men. 

Some Betrothal Luncheons. 

The bride-elect entertains her girl friends at luncheon, and revives 
all the old innocent superstitions to add merriment and interest to the 
occasion, notable among them the ring baked in the cake, the chance 
recipient of which will be first to wear the orange blossoms. 

One of the prettiest of these luncheons was given on occasion of the 
announcement of the betrothal of the young hostess, and a veritable 
"feast of roses" was the result. As was proper, everything was 
coideur de rose — even the light in which the guests saw each other 
shone through dainty candle shades formed wholly of pink silk rose 
petals. 

The central epergne, holding a luscious mass of bridemaids' roses, 
was laid on a circle of filmy, transparent " bolting cloth," the edge of 
which was embroidered with a wreath of pink roses of natural size and 
varied shades. Even the salt was contained "in the heart of a rose " — 









FREE FROM THE RESTRAINTS OF SOCIETY 




OUT FOR HEALTHFUL EXERCISE. 



BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS, 285 

tiny little porcelain affairs — originally intended for candlesticks, but now 
appropriately used for the symbol of hospitality. 

Dresden cupids, in pretty and artistic poses, held dishes filled with 
candied rose leaves and heart-shaped cakes covered with pink icing. 

A wreath of paper roses surrounded the drop-light above the table; 
the ladies' names were written on rose-petals (of cardboard), the sorbet 
was in the form of pink roses and flavored with the cordial parfait 
amour, while the ice cream repeated the design, and was served in a 
garden hat of straw-colored candy wreathed with natural roses. The 
human flowers around the table against such a background of " sweet- 
ness and light" made the scene one to be remembered. 

Blue and White Tableware. 

A contrast to the foregoing (which was, perhaps, rather suggestive 
of languors and luxury) was a dainty, prim little luncheon, where the 
table decorations were all of the soft delf, blue and white. 

The centerpiece held bluets and " marguerites," that carried one's 
thoughts far afield, and brought memories of flower-scented breezes 
and of joys, healthful, pure and vivifying. 

The service was entirely of blue and white delf china, and the 
quaint candelabra, of like material, were decorated with crimped paper 
candle shades repeating the same colors. Under the dish holding the 
flowers was a square of linen embroidered in blue. The design was 
an exact copy of that on the china. 

The candlelight merely illuminated the little shades and added to 
the effectiveness of the decorations, but its pale beams were lost in the 
sunshine that streamed into the room and lighted up the intelligent 
faces of the women about the table. 

Each guest read on the reverse side of her name card a little 
rhyming assurance of her welcome. For instance : 

' ' If wishes were dishes, 

These should be so rare, 
You would vow that you never 

Had tasted such fare ! 



286 BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 

"If wishes were riches, 

A feast should be spread 
That would tempt old Lucullus 

To rise from the dead. 

"But, since wishing is vain, 

Take the will for the deed, 
And the warmest of welcomes 

I offer instead." 

A Dresden Luncheon. 

A Dresden luncheon is a dainty and flowery style of entertainment 
for springtime, that is considered a more perfect combination of the 
exquisite and the elegant than any artistic gathering yet seen. The 
keynote is the blending everywhere upon the table of the delicate 
Dresden china colors, blue, pink, yellow and violet. 

The fine flowers seen upon the royal china are scattered in embroidery 
over the linen centerpiece ; on this stands a Dresden bowl holding an 
old-fashioned nosegay of pink rosebuds, hot-house daisies with their 
yellow centers, pansies and heliotrope. These are tied loosely together 
with a bow of blue ribbon, which gives the needed touch of that coJor, 
unless one is able to get natural forget-me-nots or some other fine 
blue flowers, like scillas. A few airy and smaller bunches of the same 
flowers, in little cut-glass stands, are placed about the table. The 
candelabra have pink rose shades. 

The finger-bowl mats are embroidered to match the Dresden flower 
centerpiece, and floating in the water of the bowls are the different 
flowers — a few rose petals in one, a daisy in another and a pansy in 
another until each has one. Every cup, saucer, plate or dish used is 
of Dresden china, the greater the variety of their shapes the prettier. 

The ice cream is served in small satin cases, in the different pale 
colors, blue, pink, violet and yellow. When boxes in these colors 
cannot be procured plain white is used. On the top of each is tied a 
little bunch of satin flowers composed of tiny pink rosebuds, blue 
forget-me-nots, a daisy, a bit of heliotrope, or a few violets. 



BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 287 

At the place of each guest is a name card, done in the Dresden 
design. The cards are made of water-colors paper and the design 
painted in water-color. The color of the painted ribbon bows in the 
designs given varies in the different cards in blue, pink, yellow and 
violet, and where the loop end extend over the edge they are cut out, 
making the ribbon look more realistic. 

The sign of all Dresdenware from the royal factories is the tiny 
blue crossed swords on the reverse or bottom of the dish, without 
which no piece is genuine ; so on the back of the cards one must be 
sure to paint the sword sign in just the right shade of old blue, thus 
making complete the idea of a veritable feast of royal Dresden. 

CONCERNING TEAS. 

The distinction between five o'clock teas, kettledrums, afternoon 
receptions and high tea, is not very clearly drawn. Strictly speaking, 
the afternoon or morning reception is the most formal, and has been 
dwelt upon in a former chapter. 

High Tea. 

This is really the evening supper, which has also been described in 
detail, although sometimes the "high tea" is spread for an earlier 
hour than the supper, say seven or eight o'clock. The ladies come in 
visiting costume, and the gentlemen in morning dress in country towns. 
In cities, sometimes, dress coats and light gowns are considered essen- 
tial. Guests are expected to spend the evening. 

Where there are two rooms, such as dining-room and parlor, or two 
parlors, the tables can be laid in one room, while the guests are 
assembling in the other. Often, however, the hostess can command 
but one large room in which to entertain her friends. In this case, 
the little tables can be brought in by a servant and spread in the pres- 
ence of the guests without the least breach of propriety. After the 
meal is over, the dishes are quickly carried out on trays and the tables 
either taken from the room or left where they stand for cards or any of 
the many pencil-and-paper games that are pleasant at such gatherings. 



288 BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 

One waitress, if quick and deft, can readily wait on a dozen people, 
especially if all the necessary articles for changing the courses, plates, 
silver, etc., are arranged on a side table in the room or outside the 
door. 

There are many attractive menus that can be suggested for teas, 
but the following seems to demand as little home labor for satisfactory 
results as any other. The word tea, by the way, is something of a 
misnomer, as at these entertainments the beverages are almost invari- 
ably coffee or chocolate, or both, tea being left entirely out of the 
question. 

Menu. 

Bouillon. Bread. Crackers. Celery. Pickled Oysters. 

Chicken Salad. Peanut Sandwiches. Olives. Salted Almonds. 

Chocolate. Coffee. Ice Cream. Fancy Cakes. Fruit. 

Serve the bouillon in cups, and be sure that it is very hot. Have 
a thin slice of lemon floating on the surface of each cup. Pass 
crackers (the Zephyr or Snowflake brands are best,) with this, and 
choice blanched celery. If the tables are set before the guests arrive, 
it is well to have a couple of short stalks of celery laid at each plate 
and spare that amount of waiting. Have each cup and saucer set in 
a plate, and take all three pieces off at once. Either tea or coffee 
cups may be used, and it is, of course, unnecessary to have them 
match. 

The pickled oysters, with not too much liquor, may either be served 
on the same plate with the salad or separately. Glass or china dishes 
may hold the salad and oysters. Forks should be used with this 
course. The sandwiches must be neatly piled on fringed napkins on 
bread plates, and must be passed several times, and the olives and 
salted almonds may fill small glass dishes. The olives may be helped 
with a fork or spoon or with the fingers, the almonds may be served 
with spoons. The coffee and chocolate should be poured out at a 
side table, and sugar and cream passed with them to each person. 

The ice cream should also be served off the table and passed in the 



BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 289 

plate or saucer from which it is to be eaten. The cakes should be 

prettily arranged in a cake dish with a doily under them. The fruit 

should be placed on a flat salver, as high piled dishes are apt to be 

top-heavy and difficult to pass. Oranges, bananas, grapes, the last 

cut into rather small bunches, make a pretty array. Each guest must 

be supplied with a fruit plate, doily, finger-bowl, fruit-knife and fork 

or spoon. Souvenirs are sometimes given, or attractive menu cards 

are used. 

Five O'clock Teas, or "At Homes." 

Some ladies make it a point to be "at home" almost every day at 
a certain hour, and serve tea or coffee in their drawing-rooms, accom- 
panied by either wafers, maccaroons, fancy cakes, or 'small delicate 
sandwiches, and perhaps bouillon for masculine callers. 

Such a lady who is bright and interesting, who gives a warm wel- 
come, yet does not bind any one to a longer stay than the conven- 
tional ten minutes, is sure of drawing about her a delightful circle of 
acquaintances, men and women alike being pleased to drop in on their 
way home from the city, or from more pretentious gatherings. 

This is the afternoon tea in its simplest form. In London afternoon 
tea is universal. If you are calling anywhere in the latter part of the 
afternoon, tea and thin bread and butter will be offered you as a matter 
of course, or if it has already been handed round, you will be asked if 
you have had your tea, and if not a fresh supply will be immediately 
brought. 

If bread is thin enough, butter fresh, cake good, and tea and coffee 
perfection, you have provided all that is necessary. In warm weather 
ices or strawberries could be added. In England you will very 
seldom be given more than this at the best houses, and in Italy, where 
the afternoon receptions are the most agreeable entertainments 
imaginable, you will never be offered anything more than dainty little 
cakes, chocolate and tea. These slight refreshments are usually served 
in the simplest way. The hostess herself, or if the guests are numer- 
ous a white-capped bonne or two, pours out the tea and chocolate and 
the men of the party hand it to the ladies. Often the children of the 
19 



BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 

house flit to and fro, carrying cups of tea or plates of cake, and every- 
body talks to everybody else. There will be the best pictures on the 
walls or the easels, often the best music from people the world knows 
well, and a reception thus simple in point of refreshment, but rich in 
the pleasures of art, is a memorable delight. 

Still other ladies are at home on some one afternoon in each week, 
and annonnce that fact on their cards under their names as follows : 
Thursdays in February. Tea at Four O'clock. Or, if for a single 
occasion, it may read thus : Four O'clock Tea. Tuesday, February 
Fifth. Or, Mrs. George Greex, Five O'clock Tea. Tuesday, Janu- 
ary Fifth. 47 Sussex Place. Or, Mrs. George Green. Thursdays. 
Four to Seven. 47 Sussex Place. The year, or p. m., should not 
appear on the card. 

These invitations require no answer, and no after calls, since really 
it is nothing imorc than a grand calling day. Those who cannot 
attend, call as soon as convenient, and those who come leave cards in 
the hall. Walking or carriage costumes are worn. Men wear morn- 
ing dress. The hostess dons a handsome reception gown, never an 
evening dress. The young ladies who assist her are prettily clad in 
fabrics that suit the season, but which must not suggest ball toilet. 

The simple refreshments served must be the very best of their kind. 
This style of afternoon tea is suitable for city or suburban life. 

The Five O'clock Tea Table. 

Beginning with the table itself, it may be a small oval, circular or 
hexagon shape. Any one of these is preferable to a square one. If 
the surface of the table is highly polished and it is preferred not to 
cover it entirely, a handsome square or round centerpiece doily, which 
is only a dinner centerpiece, is used, or a teacloth a yard square may 
prettily and wholly veil it. 

For the actual furnishing of the table there are required a tea caddy, 
teapot, a hot water kettle, a cosy, a wafer or cracker dish, two or 
three pretty cups and saucers, cream jug and sugar bowl. 

To measure the tea with a spoon is not considered quite so correct, 



BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 291 

and so redolent of the old-time flavor as to use the cup-cover of the 
caddy, " one fill to a brew." A glass mat may be provided to set the 
hot teapot upon, and the spoons are laid loose upon the table. 

Cups should hold more than an actual thimbleful, though they need 
not hold a pint, and should bear some relation to the laws of gravita- 
tion in their poise upon the saucer. They should have a smooth rim. 
A fluted edge is a most uncomfortable finish for a drinking vessel. 
The wafer-basket may be silver, china or cut glass. 

For the winter months many hostesses have introduced a variety on 
the menu of the five o'clock tea table. Tea is a doubtful beverage in 
many hands, and is wholly abjured by many women as injurious to the 
complexion, hence a big, egg-shaped urn, beneath which a tiny alcohol 
jet burns, is set up in the corner of the drawing-room. The urn is 
filled with chicken bouillon, served piping hot in small silver cups, and 
with an invigorating dash of sherry for those who prefer it so. With 
the bouillon are served platters of toasted water biscuit that have been 
sparingly buttered and lightly sprinkled with salt. Sometimes, in 
place of salt, a powdering of cheese is grated over the hot cracker, and 
for a relish at five o'clock nothing could be preferable to this light, 
warm repast. Men, it is well to remark, heartily advocate the change 
from insipid tea to the invigorating hot bouillon. 

Pages. 

The special innovation for the benefit of women are two drawing- 
room pages. These are small, well-trained little boys in buttons, 
livery or done up in stippers, white linen and turbans, who at intervals 
of fifteen minutes carry about among the callers large lacquer trays, 
on which are spread violets and rose leaves, crystallized and salted 
nuts with ginger. One is supposed to scoop up a few of the confec- 
tions or nuts as the pages pass. 

Receiving Friends. 

Those friends invited to pour tea or chocolate also come at the 
hour named, and after removing their wraps seat themselves at their 



202 BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 

particular tables, or at their end of the one long table. It is their 
duty to dispense, besides the cups that cheer, words and smiles that 
cheer also to every one who comes, no matter whether they know 
them or not. Usually they can do much to make it lively for all in 
their immediate vicinity. If the afternoon is a long one and guests 
numerous several of the receiving party volunteer to relieve those at 
the urns, and they spend an hour pleasantly about the rooms and 
beside the hostess. 

These are the kindly things expected of a woman who accepts an 
invitation " to receive," and when she has done them gracefully and 
prettily she is a social " sister of mercy." 

If the number of guests is small the hostess herself frequently 
serves, with perhaps her daughter or some friend, to assist. 

The Eatables. 

The tea, with its pretty equipage, is placed on the table by her side ; 
sometimes chocolate is provided, and occasionally a crystal pitcher of 
milk for any who may desire it. Some very thin sandwiches (rolled 
ones are better), a silver basket of sweet biscuit and one of mixed 
fancy cakes, form an all-sufficient menu. A small cluster of flowers 
i:i a slender vase and the table is complete. 

Friends greet one another, drink a social cup of tea, chat a little, 
and that is all. Formal leave-taking is not expected. 

Sliced lemon should be at hand for any who prefer the creamless, 
sugarless Russian tea with a slice of lemon floating- on its ambertide. 

Some ladies invite several young girls to help serve and entertain, and, 
in the eyes of the masculine half of creation, this adds greatly to the 
beauty of the picture ; for ever since tea became famous in our society, 
men have found much to admire in a girl who can serve it gracefully. 

A kettledrum and an elaborate five o'clock tea are precisely the 
same form of entertainment. The term ''kettledrum" is not very 
frequently used. 

Some of the guests at "at homes" have so little judgment in the 
matter of departure that experience never serves them in good stead. 



BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 203 

They are nervous and vacillating when they should be neither ; they 
linger and know not how to get themselves gracefully away, and 
usually succeed in making an abrupt exit. They know the right 
moment at which to leave, but fail to put this knowledge into practice. 
"Almost think it is time to go now," or "I wonder whether I ought 
to say good-bye or wait until some one else comes in." 

The regulation conventional time for a call on an "at home" day 
is about twenty minutes, but this can be lengthened out to half an 
hour or forty minutes, circumstances being favorable, or shortened to 
ten minutes when the position is distinctly unfavorable to a longer 

stay. 

"Bringing Out" a Debutante. 

The "bringing out" of a debutante at an afternoon tea has become, 
because of its simplicity, a favorite method. It affords opportunity to 
invite a number of young "rosebuds" to cluster about her, and it does 
not subject the "bud" to the ordeal of a ceremonious, or large, ball. 

The debutante s name will be engraved below that of her mother, 
on at " At Home" card. 

If she be the eldest daughter, her name is written Miss Manning. 
If she have elder sisters, it is Miss Amy May Manning. 

No answer is expected to these cards, but each recipient will note 
the especial significance of the occasion by leaving cards in the hall 
for her as well as her mother, and, if the invitation be not accepted, 
they will send or leave cards within a few days, for both her and her 
mother. 

An elaborate afternoon tea is often given in honor of some stranger, 
when the cards will read as follows : Mrs. James Ladd, At Home, 
Tuesday, March Tenth, from Four until Seven o'clock, to meet Mrs. 
Gordon Bennet. 5 South Fiftieth street. 

This would indicate a daytime, but not usually a day-lighted 
assembly, and means flowers, gaslight and music; elaborate costumes 
as may be without infringing on actual evening dress, and refresh- 
ments, all too abundant for those who expect a dinner to follow. 

Ladies leave outer wraps in hall, or dressing-room, but do not 
19 



294 BREAKFASTS, LTOCHEONS AND TEAS. 

remove their bonnets. Gentlemen who expect to spend but a few 
moments, carry their hats with them into the drawing-room. 

The table is made attractive with beautiful linen, china, and silver, 
and salads and oysters, ices and cake turn this entertainment from a 
simple afternoon tea into a "high tea." The tea-room is never 
deserted, and, although servants are in attendance, there are young 
girls to pour the tea and add the charm of their presence to the hour. 

Dancing even is suggested by the enchanting waltz music that 
floats from some hidden nook, and a hostess with a sufficiently 
spacious home often provides a room for this amusement, gentle- 
men and ladies who wish to participate, disposing of their wraps in 
the dressing-room. 

Gentlemen Visitors. 

These occasions usually capture more men than any other daytime 
gathering. They attend in Prince Albert (frock) coat, neat scarf, 
fiultless gloves, perfect-fitting shoes, and unexceptionable hat. They 
need not remain long, they need not talk much, and they are sure to 
find some few that they recognize ; and besides, in the best society, 
the theory of non-introduction gives each person the privilege of con- 
versing with anyone present. Yet, hostesses who are strong in their 
social positions are not afraid to introduce people who meet under 
their roof, or to express pleasure that you took the time to call. Such a 
hostess brightens and warms the atmosphere, and the busy, tired man, 
who does not usually enjoy such affairs, will enjoy coming to her house 
and will come again. 

How to Leave. 

When the drawing-room is crowded it is possible to leave without 
saying adieu to the hostess, and good form does not necessitate the 
hostess to ask anyone to call again. 

An Afternoon Tea-Saucer. 

A convenience that any victim of the afternoon tea will appreciate 
is a tray or elongated saucer, oval in shape. At one end is a rest 
made of gold wire, in which the cup stands. The other is quite 



BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 295 

large enough to allow of serving sandwiches, biscuit, or even a bit of 
salad without burdening the guest with a second object to hold. The 
cup stands firm in its place. Not even the jostling common in a 
crowded room will displace it or endanger that breakage which so 
often follows a crush. The tray is easily held in one hand, and the 
other is free to handle fork or spoon without inconvenience of the 
smallest sort. 

Pretty teapots for the five o'clock tea table are of rosewood in a 
pinkish brown and in the usual olive coloring. The handles of the 
lids are butterflies, and a butterfly is on the handle used for pouring. 
Some of these elegant little pots are overlaid with a tracery of silver. 
Teapots intended for Easter favors are of brown porcelain in the form 
of a chicken with the mouth doing duty for the spout. 

"Pink and Blue Teas." 

These have been a great "fad," and while not quite so popular, are 
pretty enough to deserve mention. A table is too often confused in 
its arrangement of color on account of its changes of courses. This 
can be entirely done away with by adopting some simple color scheme. 
A luncheon, or tea, is easier to serve in this fashion because of its 
simpler menu. 

Amber and white will harmonize with celery, salads, ices and other 
articles needed at a luncheon. The yellowish white, full of sun- 
light, harmonizes with amber and can be followed up to deepest 
bronze. Amber glasses, creamy damask, all the tints from white 
to bronze, can be used in the dishes. Apricots heaped on amber 
dishes, ices tinted in harmony, and a great mass of white roses for 
a center ornament, are appropriate. 

Another beautiful effect is to do away with the cloth and let the 
polished wood of the table set the keynote of color. An oak table, 
with its rich yellows and browns and its lurking suggestions of green, 
would afford a color scheme with which all shades of amber, bronze 
and yellow would blend. Bon Silene or Malmaison roses would also 
be in harmony with the other decorations. 




i§©ellar->eoa& # # # 

@nteptair->mer?t§. 

COFFEES are so exactly like teas, 
with the exception that coffee is 
the reigning beverage, that ex- 
tended description is unnecessary. The 
invitations are precisely the same as for 
teas, simply substituting the word, " Coffee," 
or " Kaffee Klatsch " in the corner of the card 
instead of " Tea." The German term, " Kaffee 
Klatsch," is frequently used. This, literally 
translated, would be "Coffee Chat" or "Gos- 
sip." The entertainment is of German origin, 
and was adopted to fit the fiction that the 
stronger sex, of whom the lateness of the hour 
captures many a willing or unwilling victim, do not 
revel in tea. 

Chocolataire. 

This is rather a new entertainment. Its novelty Her in the fad 
that the beverage served is chocolate, and that chocolate enters intr 
all the refreshments served, such as chocolate wafers, etc. A choca 
late lemonade will be a nice addition in hot weather, chocolate bon- 
bons being passed in dainty silver bon-bon baskets. 

The cards are the same as for " Teas " and " Coffees," simply sub 
stituting the word " Chocolataire " or " Chocolate " in the left hand 
corner. 

If this is used, as it sometimes is, for a church or charitable enter- 
tainment, cards are not issued, but it is simply announced through the 
usual channels as a " Chocolataire," and numerous other refreshments 
all containing chocolate in some form can be dispensed, chocolate ice 
cream, chocolate cake, etc. 
296 




MISCELLANEOUS ENTERTAINMENTS. 297 

Theater parties may be made into very elaborate entertainments, or 
they may be simple and quietly arranged. Ladies and families often 
give these parties as an easy method of repaying their social debts. 

But the theater party is the entertainment, par excellence, dear to 
bachelor hosts, especially those who have no homes of their own to 
which they may invite guests, and wish to return some of the many 
courteous hospitalities of which they have been the recipients. 

In one of these elaborate affairs the host first secures some popular 
lady to chaperon the party. Then he calls upon his florist, makes 
arrangements with some famous restaurant and pays a visit to the 
box-office of some theater where a new play is to be brought out in 
ten days or two weeks. 

Invitations for Theater Parties. 

He then gives the invitations in person to the selected number of 
his lady friends, not less than six, not more than fifteen, explaining 
to the mothers who will chaperon the party and what gentlemen he 
has invited. These must number the same as his lady guests and 
will have been chosen from among the most eligible of his friends. 

The rendezvous will be at the restaurant where dinner will be served 
at six o'clock. The young ladies attended by father, brother or a maid, 
come in carriages and the coachman is told at what hour to return. 
This is usually half past twelve or one o'clock. 

The dinner will be served in a sumptuously decorated, private 
dining-room, and by eight o'clock the party are en route in carriages 
for the play. Each lady is first supplied with exquisite corsage and 
hand bouquets by an attentive maid. 

Boxes are engaged at the theater, or in case of large parties, the 
front row of the balcony. Programs printed on scented satin are 
frequently placed in front of each chair and serve as souvenirs of the 
occasion. When the play is over the party returns in carriages to the 
same restaurant where an elegant supper is laid. 

Frequently each lady finds costly souvenirs at her plate. Each 
gentleman acts as escort through the evening to whatever lady he 



298 MISCELLANEOUS ENTERTAINMENTS. 

has been assigned by the host. At the appointed hour carriages call 
for the ladies and the gentlemen escort them thereto. If some male 
relative come, he does not accompany her home, but if it is the maid 
only, he is expected so to do. 

The young ladies and gentlemen must call upon the chaperon 
within a few days and the host calls upon the mothers to express 
thanks for the pleasure of the daughter's attendance. The men 
invited must each call within three days upon the especial lady to 
whom they devoted their time during the evening, or if this is 
impossible, leave a card. 

A simpler form of this entertainment is where the host calls upon 
each proposed guest, and if the invitation is accepted, leaves two 
entrance tickets, and one for some male relative who must accompany 
her. The party meet in the box, where the host and a lady chaperon 
greet them. After the theater supper is served at some fashionable 
resort, or perhaps at the home of some friend, where dancing occas- 
ionally follows the supper. After calls are expected. 

These parties are sometimes given by a lady, when the invitations 
are sent by informal notes in her own name, and a six o'clock dinner 
laid in her own home precedes the opera. After the entertainment 
the guests return in carriages to the house where a little supper is 
served, and perhaps some dancing varies the program. 

Occasionally this entertainment takes the form of a matinee party 
of ladies only, who adjourn at its close to the hostess's home for 
a supper. 

Dress for the Opera. 

When a gentleman invites a lady to the opera, he should tell her 
what part of the house they are to occupy. If it is a box she must 
at least wear a light opera cloak, even if she does not array herself in 
full evening dress. However, evening toilet, no bonnet and beauti- 
fully dressed hair, are the correct thing. At an opera matinee, elegant 
visiting dress and dainty bonnets are always worn. If a gentleman is 
to escort a lady to the opera in any of the public conveyances she 
must wear street toilet. 



MISCELLANEOUS ENTERTAINMENTS. 299 

Picnic Parties. 

Picnics and excursions are delightful summer entertainments. But 
it is essential that whoever goes on a picnic should possess the power 
to find " sermons in stones, books in the running brooks, and good in 
everything ; " know how to dress, know where to go, and above all, 
know what to carry to eat. 

A very great variety of food should be avoided, also soft puddings 
and creamy mixtures of any sort, which persistently " leak out." 
Plain, substantial food, simple and well-cooked, should ever be chosen, 
with a few sweet and simple dainties to top off with. This can be 
divided up among the party by the one who is most executive, with 
the ladies to furnish the substantiate and the gentlemen the beverages. 
The men assume the expenses of the boats or other conveyances. 

Paraffine paper is indispensable in wrapping up the viands, which 
are much more wisely carried in boxes, than baskets, as the former 
can be thrown away, and the fewer the burdens on the home-coming 
the better. A rubber coat or mackintosh is also a necessity, for no 
matter how warm the day, there is a risk of sitting out in the woods 
on the bare ground. This can be easily managed in a shawl strap. 
It is best not to carry a tablecloth, but if something is preferred to 
spread upon the ground, a strip of enameled cloth is the most satis- 
factory thing, and whatever is spilled upon it can be easily cleaned off. 
Japanese napkins take the place of linen, and wooden plates, which 
can be thrown away, are most desirable, like those which the bakers 
use for pies. 

There are several important items which must not be forgotten, and * 
among them are hand-towels and soap, combs, hand-mirror, thread, 
needle and thimble, a corkscrew and a can opener. 

What to Eat. 

There should be a clear understanding at the outset what eatables 
each one is to bring. One girl may promise to furnish a certain 
proportion of the rolls or sandwiches, and another, part of the cake. 



306 MISCELLANEOUS ENTERTAINMENTS. 

Others may promise cold or potted meats, sardines, stuffed eggs, 
Saratoga potatoes, olives, pickles, fruit, lemonade and cold coffee. 
Salad may easily be carried if the lettuce and chicken or lobster 
are arranged in a dish set in a basket, and the dressing contained 
in a wide-mouthed bottle or pickle jar. The best way to transport 
lemonade, if fresh water can be readily procured at the picnic grounds, 
is to take the lemon juice and sugar in a jar, adding the water after 
the party reach their destination. Apollinaris water is excellent for 
lemonade. The coffee and milk should have been put together before 
leaving home, but the sugar is carried separately. 

Tongue and Sandwiches. 

To begin with the substantiate, a cold roast, a boiled tongue, deviled 
eggs, are simple and tasty. The roast may be sliced off before going, 
and carefully wrapped up, but the tongue should be carried whole and 
cut up when required, or it is apt to become dry. The eggs are easily 
prepared, being hard boiled, cut lengthwise, the yolks taken out, 
mixed in a bowl with pepper, salt and mustard, and a few drops of 
Worcester and put back again in the whites. 

Different kinds of sandwiches may be served. For one time there 
may be finger-rolls, split, the inside hollowed out and filled with 
chopped chicken or tongue, and the two sides tied together with the 
narrowest of ribbon. Again, bread and butter, cut wafer thin and 
rolled, may appear. Sweetbread sandwiches, sardine sandwiches, egg 
sandwiches, are delicious and easily prepared variations upon the ever- 
lasting ham and tongue. Very dainty sandwiches are made of two 
thicknesses of thin bread and butter, with a layer between of cream 
cheese and chopped water cress. The fruit should be heaped in a 
basket or arranged as a center-piece with the flowers. 

Ice cream may be taken to a picnic without much additional trouble. 
The brick molds can be so packed by a confectioner in a pail of ice 
that there will be no danger of the cream melting. For this, of course, 
wooden plates are not available, but china saucers will have to be trans- 
ported. For the sweets some plain cake and bon-bons, and a box of 



MISCELLANEOUS ENTERTAINMENTS. 301 

crystallized ginger are all-sufficient. Cold tea, with lemon and ice, is 
certainly the most refreshing and satisfactory. 

If more side dishes are preferred, there are olives, salted peanuts or 
pecans, gherkins, radishes or club-house cheese and wafers to choose 
from, and if berries in season are desired, they are best carried in a 
glass preserve jar. 

If one person gives a picnic, she should expect to furnish all the 
food, the means of transportation for her guests, the plates, glasses, 
knives, forks and napkins — in short, to defray all the expenses of the 
trip. This is apt to prove a rather expensive proceeding, if there are 
many guests invited, but it is a very pretty style of entertaining for 
those whose means permit them to indulge in it. A " Basket Picnic " 
is a more general affair, where each member of the party supplies a 
quota of the provisions. Some one person undertakes the charge of 
the party, and invites such people to join it as she thinks would make 
it a success. The girls usually provide the refreshments. 

Chaperons. 

It might seem needless to say that there should always be a chaperon 
on picnic parties if it were not that even in this day there appears, in 
some places, to be a lack of proper understanding of this subject. 
Dwellers in large cities see matters in a clearer light, and a young 
man who is thoroughly versed in points of etiquette will not think of 
inviting a young lady to accompany him to the theater without also 
requesting her mother or a married friend to join them. In the same 
manner he asks a chaperon to go with them when he escorts a young 
lady to a ball or party. 

When a number of young people get off together, they are apt, 
without the least intention of impropriety, to let their spirits carry 
them away and lead them into absurdities they would never commit 
in a graver moment. If a chaperon is bright and cheery, sympathizing 
in the enjoyment of the young people, and avoiding making her pres- 
ence a bar upon innocent gayety, she need be no drawback to the 
pleasure of the expedition. On the contrary, most young men and 



302 MISCELLANEOUS ENTERTAINMENTS. 

women will feel a security and sense of comfort from having some one 
along to take the responsibility of the conduct of the party that they 
could never know were there no chaperon present. 

It is a good rule, if possible, to have an equal number of persons of 
each sex on a picnic. This is especially desirable if the party is to be 
on the water, in rowboats, where each boatload must be evenly divided. 
The hostess or projector of the party may arrange in whose escort 
each girl is to go, or this may be left to the young people themselves. 

A Marshmallow Toast. 
This is exclusively a girl's entertainment. A very pretty one was 
given to about twenty girl friends. The guests were invited in the 
afternoon from two until six o'clock. A large room had its furniture 
removed and in its stead were placed small tables, which contained 
trays holding marshmallow candies, skewers and lamps. The mallows 
were toasted and eaten after a little supper. Tables were spread prettily 
with white linen and decorated with flowers. The supper was arranged 
as follows : 

Oyster Patties. Buttered Bread. Sandwiches. 

Salad with French Dressing. Assorted Cakes. Chocolate. 

Toasted Marshmallows. 

The young girls had a delightful time and the entertainment was 

simple and inexpensive. 

Roof Parties. 

Roof parties are the very latest diversion which the girl who stays 
in town is enjoying. They are the very j oiliest entertainments imagi- 
nable, and the best part of them is that one can go in any sort of an 
outing suit without feeling de trop. Even the dwellers in the big 
apartment houses are able to give these high-in-the-air festivals, and 
they have become very popular from the fact that they are so informal 
and delightfully novel. 

If your roof is spacious and walled in by a high parapet so much 
the better, for, of course, one can always imagine danger if there be 
only a narrow coping about the edge. 



MISCELLANEOUS ENTERTAINMENTS. 303 

Pick out a night when the clerk of the weather will be polite 
enough to give moon and stars and soft southern breezes. Then 
cover the surface of the roof with rugs or else stretch a matting over 
the tin. Improvise couches upon boxes covered with rugs, or bring 
up a couple of cots and pile cushions upon them. 

Palms and plants placed about always add to the effect, and if you 
wish the place to look like a little bit of fairy land hang Chinese lan- 
terns on strings stretched about the edge, and when they are lit they 
will look remarkably pretty. If the roof be provided with ledges 
between your own and your neighbors, the bricks can be spread with 
napkins and refreshments arranged thereon. 

Almost any sort of menu is permissible, but salads, sandwiches, 
olives, ice cream and liquid refreshments of all kinds are always in 
order. 

Bachelor's Parties. 

Bachelors who live in apartments are giving ''Dutch" parties on 
roofs, and in those cases the refreshments consist of beer and ale 
served from the wood, rye bread and cheese sandwiches, sausages 
cooked in a chafing-dish and Rhine wine in the cup. 

Roof parties can be so elaborate that they will cost quite as much 
as a more pretentious function, but they are more enjoyable when they 
are simply gotten up. Onew^as given in a fashionable part of the city, 
and the aid of the caterer and the decorator had been utilized in such 
a manner as to produce the effect of a gorgeous al fresco reception. 
A gaily striped awning was stretched across the part of the roof where 
the edibles were spread upon a table loaded with flowers. A carpet 
was spread for a dance at one side w T ith only the stars for a canopy. 
About the entire roof and reaching far up in a pyramid of light there 
were lanterns lit by electric lamps fastened within. There was a 
pleasant breeze blowing, and these many swaying colored lights pro- 
duced a beautiful effect. Rich rugs carpeted the roof surface, and 
flags were draped about the high coping. 

This party was given on the roof of a large hotel and was such a 
success that a number of similar ones were arranged for. 



304 MISCELLANEOUS ENTERTAINMENTS. 

A Flower Party. 

Another young girls' entertainment is a " flower party" — an appro- 
priate name, as the writer once attended one where all the young 
ladies wore snowy gowns, each beautifully adorned with the wearer's 
favorite flower. A large silver salver filled with sprigs of flowers 
awaited the young men in. the reception-hall, and upon his entrance 
each selected according to his fancy a flower from the waiter and sent 
it up the decorated staircase to find its mate and the young lady wear- 
ing the matching one met him on the landing, pinned his chosen 
flower to the lapel of his coat and became his partner for the evening. 

Bicycle Teas. 

With the bicycle comes the bicycle tea. In the large cities these 
teas have been given for charity and have been great successes. But 
there is no reason why any girl may not give an attractive bicycle tea 
and make it very original. Sandwiches in the shape of tennis rackets, 
with an olive steak in the center for a ball, are among the novelties. 
Sandwiches in the shape of a wheel and a saddle might easily be cut. 
Bicycle lanterns, which resemble glowworms, should furnish decora- 
tion. If possible, a bicycle tea should be given out of doors, where 
outing costumes would not be incongruous. 

A Barn Party. 

There is a big, red barn on a line old farm, that is easily reached by 
city friends, and there, every year, is given an autumn revel in the 
shape of a genuine "barn dance." The mow is filled with sweet 
smelling hay and the cattle, stalled, are below. The big center floor 
is cleared and swept and reswept and chalked to make it fit for danc- 
ing feet. The decorations for the dance consume much time, and into 
them the hostess throws many a loving thought. Pumpkins form the 
chief theme. In flower-like or hideous forms as jack-o'-lanterns they 
hold posts of honor on rafter and beam. 

The lanterns used are the regular farm lanterns, though the walk 



MISCELLANEOUS ENTERTAINMENTS. 305 

through the old-fashioned garden to the barn is outlined by the fancy 
Japanese lanterns. Ears of corn tied by fluttering ribbons, the husks 
turned back to show the golden ears, cornstalks, golden-rod, milkweed, 
woodbine and clusters of purple grapes are all worked into the 
decorations. 

The young folks learn by previous experiences not to wear perish- 
able finery at the barn dance, and the girls all come in pretty wash- 
dresses that will stand a good romp. Music is furnished by an old 
darkey fiddler, not violinist, who plays " Money Musk," " Fisher's 
Hornpipe," "Ole Dan Tucker" and any number of plantation 
melodies. 

The supper, of course, is the best part of the dance to hungry city- 
bred people. Hot coffee is served in bright new tin-cups, for these 
young people mimic harvesters ; there is fried chicken, cold ham, 
potato salad, rolls with golden country butter that melts in one's 
mouth, plenty of fresh milk, pumpkin and apple pie, with cottage 
cheese, ginger cakes and doughnuts, and even cider for those who wish. 

The dance is always given during the full harvest moon and the 
stone wall which bounds the orchard, the old farm wagons, the grain 
bins and even the low apple trees furnish flirtation nooks for lovers. 
One year the barn dance was also a potato roast. Huge fires were 
built on the lawn, and during the intermission the crowd gathered 
around the fires and roasted potatoes. This time, too, the dance was 
made a house party, and the girls were stowed away in the farmhouse 
while the boys enjoyed tents and the big haymow. Is it any wonder 
that the pretty hostess' friends call her barn dance the big event of the 
year? 

Bachelor Women and their Entertainments. 

The bachelor women in their cosy little city apartments, or even 
their one apartment, refuse to be debarred from the pleasure and 
privilege of giving the little entertainments so dear to the heart 
feminine. They not only give the most charming little "teas" and 
"coffees," but they are past masters in the use of the chafing dish and 
those who have feasted with them will no longer deem that liveried 



306 MISCELLANEOUS ENTERTAINMENTS. 

service and stately rooms are necessary to the proper receiving of 
one's friends. 

After all, "the highest hospitality is in giving what one has." 
Hawthorne and his wife never forgot the little American studying art 
in Rome, who, in her tower room, reached by many flights of stairs, 
made tea before their eyes, and took from a cupboard the cake and 
crackers that made her feast. Neither will the world forget her, since 
she it was, who, in the " Marble Faun," is the Hulda who fed the doves 
from the tower. 

A Sandwich Spread. 

A sandwich spread is another entertainment easily given by a 
" bachelor maid." This is a meal at which everything, barring the 
tea and coffee, is served in the form of a sandwich. Not until one has 
tried does one realize to what excellence and variety this form of viand 
lends itself. Deviled ham sandwiches, egg sandwiches, cheese sand- 
wiches, lettuce sandwiches, potted ham, potted fish, potted cheese 
sandwiches, pineapple sandwiches, peanut sandwiches, cucumber sand- 
wiches, tomato sandwiches, walnut sandwiches, oyster sandwiches and 
so on indefinitely. Any modern cookbook will furnish the formulas 
for all these and more. 

" He or she," says one writer, " who partakes, forgets the presence 
of the folding bed and gas stove ; of the curtained china cupboard in 
friendly proximity to the writing desk or easel. There is no paint on the 
artist's fingers, and the newspaper woman wears as pretty a gown as any 
woman could wish." 

Private Theatricals. 

The etiquette of invitations is the same for Private Theatricals, as for 
musicales. Simply substituting the word, "Theatricals," "Charades," 
or "Tableaux," whichever it is to be, in the left hand corner of the 
card. The same observances as to arranging the seats, toilettes 
of the guests, etc., are requisite, and performers should be equally 
careful not to fail at the last moment in taking their part. In reality 
they should be more so, since the failure of one performer might ruin 
the entire play. 



MISCELLANEOUS ENTERTAINMENTS. 307 

A drama entails more expense and care than characters and tableaux. 
A host or hostess should never take leading part unless it be especially 
urged upon them by the others, and even then it is not best, first, 
because the entertainers should never eclipse their guests, and, second, 
they should be free for a general oversight of the whole affair, ready 
to settle disputed points and find missing stage "properties." An 
effort should be made to assign, as nearly as possible, acceptable and 
suitable parts to all. 

Those invited should display willingness to take parts assigned 
them, even if not the most important in the cast. All cannot be 
Romeos or Juliets. There are minor parts to play on all stages. 
Learn the part given you thoroughly, and do your best to make the 
play a success. If sickness or unavoidable accident intervene, inform 
the hostess at once that she may be able to supply a substitute for the 
part. 

Guests indulge in conversation between the acts, and the music of 
an orchestra often fills the pause. 

A carpenter is usually called in to build the temporary stage, or a 
certain is fitted to rise and fall in the archway between two parlors ; 
the first parlor being used for the audience room and the second one 
for stage, with dressing-room in the rear. A private billiard-room, 
also, can be used to good advantage. At the conclusion of the play, 
supper is served, and social conversation and dancing follow. 

A Social Evening. 

There are many ways of making pleasant entertainments out of 
these informal gatherings. Such an evening may last from nine to 
twelve o'clock. Where impromptu dancing is resorted to, as it so 
often is, another hour is sometimes added. If dancing be excluded, 
games, music, cards, or recitations should take its place. If neither 
card-playing, nor dancing is permitted, the supper usually becomes 
the feature of the evening. 

\\ hen friends are invited to pass an evening socially with cards and 
music, refreshments are always served. They can be placed upon the 



308 MISCELLANEOUS ENTERTAINMENTS. 

dining-room table, and the company invited to partake of them. 
They should consist of sandwiches or cold meats and rolls, and cakes 
and coffee or chocolate, or only cakes, ices and lemonade can be 
served. The best dishes the china closet affords should be used. 

Or, the supper can be made an elaborate " sit-down " banquet. If 
the long table is not sufficient for all, the guests can be served in 
relays. The table should be prettily decorated. There are different 
forms of home parties, such as birthday celebrations, where gifts and 
toasts are in order, house-warmings, or a church party. 

When the supper is served in relays the hostess had better wait 
until the last table, and circulate about among those guests who have 
not yet been served. Some appointed lady can serve as hostess at 
each table. The elder guests should be seated at the first. Some- 
times small tables are scattered about the rooms to accommodate those 
who cannot find place at the large table, thus all are served at once. 

Where neither card-playing nor dancing are indulged in, it becomes 
necessary to find some other amusement. Impromptu charades are 
sure to break the ice. A shadow party also, where any amount 
of sport can be had with a darkened room and a tightly stretched 
sheet illuminated from the rear, whereon shadows can be cast for 
guessing. There are also a great many interesting games of which 
enough can be furnished for an entire company. 

Authors' Parties 

Are also amusing entertainments, but they must be arranged for 
beforehand. It is usual to take the works of one author and give 
out the characters to be represented to each one, that repetitions may 
be prevented. Then the guessing that will follow when the company 
are all together, and the conversation that naturally ensues on literary 
subjects, ensures the success of the party. 

Firelight Parties 

Are pleasurable affairs. There is no light furnished except by an 
open fire. The guests sit around in a circle and tell stories. Each 



MISCELLANEOUS ENTERTAINMENTS. 309 

one is provided with a bunch of twigs, or fagot to be thrown on the 
fire, the guest being expected to sing a song, tell a story, give a 
recitation, or otherwise amuse the company while his fagot burns. 

Conversaziones. 

These gatherings, as the name signifies, are devoted entirely to con- 
versation, and are supposed to be chiefly gatherings of literary and 
scientific people. Where one especially fine conversationalist is the 
star of the evening, one or two lesser lights should be invited to share 
with him the honors of the occasion. 

A Country Dinner. 

A summer dinner in the country has many pleasant features 
peculiar to itself. Chief among these is its lack of formality, and city 
guests are always pleasurably entertained at the country dinner table. 
A good cook and a competent waitress are necessities. 

The flowers that ornament the table must partake of the field and 
forest rather than suggest the city hothouse. Slender, light, glass 
vases and rose-bowls are best for the light grasses, field flowers and 
garden blossoms. Pretty, modern, inexpensive china is sufficient for 
a country dinner, and not too much silverware should be used. 

Light, clear soups should form the first course (mock turtle or 
ox-tail soup is not in order). The roast should be carved away 
from the table. Plenty of fresh vegetables should be prepared, that 
being one of the privileges of country life. Delightfully fresh salads 
are also at command of the suburban householder; and if the dining- 
room be cool and large, and therewith the grace be given of a beau- 
tiful view, what greater gift can the gods grant ! 

Let the housekeeper forbear to serve hot puddings or heavy pastries. 
Fruit tarts, the freshest of fruits with great glass pitchers of country 
cream, cold custards, gelatine creams of all kinds and ice cream are 
always satisfactory; and many substitute for the heavy roast the 
lighter dishes of broiled fish, chicken, or chops. A cold boiled ham 
on the sideboard adds another dish to the board. 



310 MISCELLANEOUS ENTERTAINMENTS. 

Etiquette of Card Playing and Games. 

There is a certain etiquette to be observed in playing all social 
games. In card-playing especially this is a necessity. In the first 
place, it is the hostess who proposes the game. In the second, no one 
who refuses should be urged to join in the amusement. They may 
have conscientious scruples, and respect should be shown their princi- 
ples. Unless, however, this be the reason, no one should refuse to play 
from mere caprice when their presence is required to make up a table. 

New packs of cards should be provided by the hostess. Playing 
for money, even the smallest amount, should be strictly avoided. It 
is unfit for the home parlor. 

Those who do not understand playing should not join a set unless 
especially urged, as their ignorance is apt to spoil the pleasure of the 
others. The fingers should not be wet to deal the cards. Partners 
should never exchange signs. Let every one play his best and not 
act indifferent to the game. 

Do not talk on all manner of topics ; it disturbs those who enjoy 
the game. 

Do not criticise, nor hurry other players. 

Never lose temper over a game. 

To cheat is extremely ill-bred. 

If you have a poor partner manifest no annoyance. 

Never reflect upon the playing of your opponents. 

Those who have played together so much that they understand 
one another's play should not be partners in general company. 

Never manifest anger at defeat, nor undue exultation at winning. 

These rules, many of them, apply to all other social games, both 
outdoors and in. 

Outdoor Amusements. 

Coaching parties are delightful. They give much latitude for gay, 
pretty costumes, and there are few brighter pictures than that of a 
tally-ho coach as it dashes along the city boulevards and over the 
country roads to the music of jingling chains and winding horns. 







OUTDOOR SPORTS, 



311 



312 MISCELLANEOUS ENTERTAINMENTS. 

Appetites are sharpened by the long drive, and hampers must be 
well packed with substantial viands. Potted meats, all manner of 
sandwiches, game pies, cold birds, and substantial beef and tongue, 
will be sure of appreciation. 

(See " Dress," etc., for suitable attire.) 

Hunting Parties. 

Hunting is very little favored by ladies on this side the water, 
though it is occasionally indulged in by a few. The enthusiasm, 
however, of a ride to hounds is much dampened by the knowledge 
that an anise-seed bag, instead of a fox, furnishes the scent over 
which the hounds give eager tongue. Those who attempt to hunt 
must be at home in the saddle. 

(See "Dress," etc., for appropriate attire.) 

Archery, Lawn Tennis and Croquet. 

These popular games have their own etiquette, rules, dress, etc., so 
thoroughly established that all devotees of these sports understand 
the routine without giving it place here. 

Never dispute, or show any temper over the outcome of any game. 

Boating and Yachting. 

Many ladies are quite expert with the oars, and boating, when not 
overdone, is a healthful and pleasant amusement. When gentlemen 
are with a party of ladies, one of them should step in the boat to 
steady it, while another "assists" the ladies in. See that their dress 
is so arranged that they will not get wet. Inexperienced rowers 
should learn before joining a party. 

The stroke oar is the seat of honor. It may be offered to a guest. 
Ladies should wear short dresses, free from encumbering draperies, 
heavy shoes, and a hat with a broad brim. Heavy gloves, if they 
intend rowing, should be worn. 

Yachting is a delightful and rather dangerous amusement. Ladies 
wear warm wool dresses that water will not injure, made short in the 



MISCELLANEOUS ENTERTAINMENTS. 313 

skirt, and jaunty of cut, with sailor-like emblems for adornment. No 
young lady should go out alone with a gentleman either yachting or 
rowing. In yachting especially a boat is sometimes becalmed for 
hours and even all night. A party composed entirely of young 
people should have a chaperon. 

Children's Parties. 

The celebration of children's birthdays and other little anniversaries 
by means of parties, is a pleasant custom and one worthy of observ- 
ance. Such red-letter days are long remembered by the little ones. 

The invitations are issued in the children's own names, and may be 
written or engraved. Usually they are written upon small note sheets 
and enclosed in small envelopes. If the invitation is for a Christmas- 
tree, or an Easter-egg hunt, a tiny tree, or a colored Ggg, may 
ornament one corner of the sheet. 

The form varies hardly at all : Miss Gertrude Hall requests the 
pleasure of Miss Clara Winship's company, on Wednesday, June 
twentieth. From three until five o'clock. 3 Madison Avenue. 

These invitations should be carefully and promptly answered in the 
same form as given and in the third person. (See " Invitations," etc.) 

This teaches the little host or hostess the gravity of their position 
as entertainers, and impresses the little guests with the importance of 
their behavior. Also giving them an early lesson in the etiquette of 
social life. 

If it is a birthday party, a birthday cake will be the chief feature, 
and it is a pretty fancy to have it decorated with as many tiny wax 
candles as there are years in the child's life in whose honor the party 
is given. These tapers may be placed around the cake, or put in tin 
tubes and sunk into the top of the cake. Light them just before the 
little guests are called out to the table. 

At the close of the supper the child whose birthday it is, blows out 
the candles, and, if old enough, cuts the cake and passes it. 

Presents are sometimes brought by the guests, but it is not best to 
encourage this fashion. 



314 MISCELLANEOUS ENTERTAINMENTS. 

Dancing or games may follow the supper, and older persons should 
constantly superintend the amusements to see that the merriment does 
not flag, nor the little folks become too boistrous. 

At an Easter party, dainty little egg-shaped boxes, filled with bon- 
bons, may be placed at each plate, or else hidden in a room from 
which the lighter articles of furniture have been removed, and the 
children permitted to search for them. The hunt is the chief pleasure. 

If it is a Christmas party the tree is the source of interest, and 
often a make-believe Santa Claus adds to the merriment of the occa- 
sion. The refreshments should be simple but fanciful. Make the 
table bright as possible — snowballs, cornucopias, lady-fingers, assorted 
cakes, love-knots, sandwiches (fancy), crystalized fruits, tarts, sliced 
tongue, pressed veal, thin bread and butter, rolled and tied, ice cream 
in molds, and one large heavily-frosted cake. A host of flowers, and 
the table is complete. Lemonade for a drink, or perhaps hot 
chocolate. 

The good breeding learned, the opportunities of impressing upon 
children the beauty of self-denial and politeness, and of teaching 
them to dispense, and to receive hospitalities, and to restrain that ten- 
dency toward favoring certain playmates, so strong in childhood, will 
more than repay for the trouble of preparing the feast. Never permit 
the party to extend to late hours, and never overdress the little folks. 
White is always suitable for girls, and jacket suits for boys under the 
age for long trousers. 




and 




NNOUNCEMENT Cards are fre- 
quently sent out to all friends imme- 
diately upon the arrival of a little 
heir or heiress. These cards are variously worded. 
One seen by the writer was as follows : 

Arrived : In Los Gatos, Sunday morning, November third, eigh- 
teen hundred and ninety-five, Florence Wescott. Weight, ten 
pounds ; blue eyes and sound lungs. She sends greeting to all her 
friends. 

A simpler one would be : Greeting : Edith May Toucey, Novem- 
ber i, 1895. Weight, 9^ pounds. 

These cards received (or even if they are omitted), the lady friends 
and acquaintances call and leave cards with kind inquires or send them 
by a servant. Gentlemen do not call, but they are expected to see 
the happy father and inquire after mother and child. 

When the mother is ready to receive friends she sends out cards to 
all that have called " with thanks for kind inquiries," written beneath 
her name, or issues invitations for a candle or christening party. 

The Christening. 

The baptism or christening is performed according to the rites of 
whatever church the parents may be members of. If the ceremony 
is performed in church, personal fancy has very little play, though it 
is almost a law that flowers shall cluster about the place where little 
ones are brought for dedication. 

If the occasion is to be further celebrated by festivities at the house 
they may take whatever form is most agreeable. When the christen- 

315 



316 CHRISTENINGS, CONFIRMATIONS, ETC. 

ing is held at the house and guests are invited, it is customary to 
defer the ceremony until the mother is ready to take the part of 
hostess ; usually until the child is a month or six weeks old. 

Invitations are issued for an afternoon or early evening reception. 
They may be written or engraved, and are issued in the name of both 
parents, thus : Mr. and Mrs. James Grav request the pleasure of your 
presence at the Christening of their son at half-past four o'clock, 
Wednesday, May tenth. 12 Madison Avenue. 

Or: Mr. and Mrs. John Thurston request the honor of Mr. and 
Mrs. Brown's presence at the Christening of their daughter on 
Thursday, May 1 ith, at three o'clock. Reception from two to five, 
150 Delaware Place. Sometimes the words, " No presents expected," 
are added to the invitation. 

Attendance at the Ceremony. 

These invitations are promptly answered, and those who attend 
should wear a reception dress. The solemnity of the occasion should 
be recognized by the appearance, previous to the hour named, of all 
who expect to be present. Those who cannot be in time to witness 
the ceremony should defer their arrival until a sufficient time has 
elapsed to allow of its completion. 

A temporary font is placed in a central position. This is best 
arranged by banking up the top of a small round table with mosses, 
smilax and delicate ferns, while the top, outside the rim of the bowl 
holding the china basin containing the water, is a mass of white 
flowers. 

The drawing-room may be decorated with blossoms, and vocal or 
instrumental music is usually provided. Hired musicians are some- 
times engaged. See that the selections are suitable to the sacred 
character of the occasion. Friends are sometimes asked to give two 
or three vocal selections. 

At the appointed time the father and mother stand before the 
clergyman at the font and receive their child from the nurse or some 
friend; the godparents range themselves on either side, and the 



CHRISTENINGS, CONFIRMATIONS, ETC. 317 

clergyman proceeds with the service. If the parents are able, the 
clergyman is usually given a handsome fee on these occasions. 

Congratulations are offered the father and mother, and the baby, 
robed elaborately, then becomes the center of attraction for a few 
moments, until the host leads the way to the refreshment table which 
is bountifully spread as for a reception. 

A toast in the child's honor is often given at this time by one of the 
sponsors. Guests shortly disperse. After calls are made, or cards 
left, within ten days. Sometimes relatives only are invited to these 
parties. When the christening is held in church, the party is set for 
some hour of the same day. 

Godfathers and Godmothers. 

In selecting godparents or sponsors, relatives are often given pre- 
cedence and very close friends come next. Be careful in the choice, 
as from these godparents is to be expected much good counsel and 
kindly aid in the future. In all old countries this relationship is 
expected to last for a lifetime, and the godparents are supposed to 
watch over the religious growth of the child and see that in due time 
he is brought forward for confirmation, or for union with the church 
in some other manner. 

A boy is expected to have two godfathers and one godmother ; a 
girl one godfather and two godmothers. A note is sent to each 
person selected as sponsor asking him to assume that friendly office. 
This request should never be refused except for good and sufficient 
reason. 

Godparents usually make a present to the child, generally in the form 
of some suitable silver article. Among the very wealthy, especially 
if the child bears the godfather's name, very valuable presents are 
often made, these generally taking the form of checks for large 
amounts. 

Candle Party. 

The modern candle party is given when the child is about six weeks 
old, and is quite a separate affair from the christening, the church 



318 CHRISTENINGS, CONFIRMATIONS, ETC. 

having objected in some cases to having the two celebrated at the 
same time. Candle parties, simply in the nature of a name-festival, 
are frequently given when the christening is not observed. 

Invitations are sent out one week in advance, and are in the follow- 
ing form : Mr. and Mrs. Brown request your company, Wednesday 
afternoon, at three. Candle. 125 Vancouver Street. No presents 
expected. 

The words, "no presents," need not prevent any who wish from 
making a gift, but relieves those who may not be prepared. 

The phrase, "Candle Party," is somewhat difficult to define, but the 
name and the custom have come down from olden times. It used 
then to be the habit to serve all who called with inquiries and congratu- 
lations on the arrival of a little stranger, with a kind of spiced gruel, 
flavored with rum or Madeira, and known as " candle." This was 
served in china cups having two handles, so they could be passed 
from one to another. These were called "candle cups," and are 
much prized heirlooms in more than one old family. This ceremony 
was then observed when the child was three days old ; now the 
" candle party" is celebrated w r hen it is at least six weeks old. 

The mother receives her guests in some elaborate house gown, the 
baby in robes of state is on exhibition for a short time, and the guests 
are served with "candle" in the form of an oatmeal gruel, long and 
slowly boiled with raisins and spices, and fine old Madiera or rum 
added at the last until the beverage is "to the Queen's taste." 

Christening Gifts. 

When the announcement cards of a baby's birth are sent out, very 
many friends of the family interpret this as an opportunity for making 
a present to the new arrival.. This is not a new social custom, .for its 
origin goes back to the time of the Chaldean shepherds, when wise 
men of the East journeyed to the stable cradle to present their gifts 
of frankincense and myrrh. 

The most sensible plan in this case, and, in fact, in all gift making, 
is to consult the condition of the recipient as well as the purse of the 



CHRISTENINGS, CONFIRMATIONS, ETC. 319 

giver. If the parental purse is a little slim, gifts that are useful are 
generally the best to give. Dainty gowns, embroidered flannels, 
coach rugs, things that every baby needs. 

The least expensive and simplest gifts and always of use, are the 
lace pin, shoulder pin and chained buttons in gold. Three pins con- 
nected by delicate gold chains are very much in demand, and a 
studding of turquoise of pearl adds much to their beauty. The dear 
little silver-backed brushes and powder boxes have always been 
favorites. 

One exquisite present from a point of sentiment and value was 
recently presented to a girl. Each of her father's groomsmen sent a 
five-dollar gold piece to the goldsmith, who melted them down and 
transformed them into a gold chain and locket. The locket bore the 
monogram of the baby and the initial letter of each groomsman's name. 

Dainty Presents for the Newcomer. 

Another tiny new woman received from her grandmother a spoon 
which was made of little bits of silver melted down. A silver piece 
taken from the pocket of a dead aunt, two or three bits left in the 
purse of the grandfather, who had died ; a bit of a broken spoon used 
by the baby's own mamma — these and other souvenirs of the family 
history made the gift spoon something far out of the ordinary. 

One of the most magnificent and costly gifts in silver that is given 
to the baby is the entire food set, consisting of plate, bowl, pitcher, 
knife and fork, spoon and napkin ring. These sets come in cases and 
range in prices ordinarily from $50 to $150, though some very 
elaborate ones may be ordered which go far into the hundreds. 

A very pretty and surely most interesting gift that could be sent 
to a baby is a baby diary in which the principal events of the little 
one's life can be entered by the mother and kept in after years as a 
record of those marvelously interesting days of babyhood. 

A certain very sensible woman usually deposits a small sum of 
money in bank and presents the bank book to her little new friend, 
thus laying the foundation for future habits of economy and thrift. 



S20 CHRISTENINGS, CONFIRMATIONS, ETC. 

Some Birthday Superstitions. 

Monday's child is fair of face. 
Tuesday's child is full of grace. 
Wednesday's child is born for woe. 
Thursday's child has far to go. 
Friday's child is loving and giving. 
Saturday's child must work for a living. 
But the child that is born on the Sabbath day, 
Is bonny and happy and wealthy and gay. 

CONFIRMATION. 

In the Episcopal, Lutheran and Roman Catholic churches, "Con- 
firmation is the sequel of baptism." Here comes in one of the duties 
of the godparents, and should the child become orphaned, or should 
its parents by reason of carelessness, or irreligion, neglect this impor- 
tant matter, the church holds the godparents in a large measure 
responsible that these children be brought before the Bishop for 
confirmation. 

Some weeks prior to the arrival of the Bishop, persons desirous of 
admission to the church present their names to the clergymen, and 
classes are formed of instruction and preparation for the solemn event. 

The ceremony of the confirmation service is in accordance with the 
forms of the church in which it is observed. The only uniformity 
being in the garb of the young candidates. This for the girls is 
always gowns of purest white, with gloves and shoes to match. White 
bound prayer-books should be carried, and in the Roman Catholic 
and the Lutheran churches white veils and wreaths crown the young 
heads. For the youths, black suits, black ties and gloves are the 
proper thing. 

GRADUATION. 

With the important event of graduation ends the three great cere- 
monies of youth. The church and the school have both set their 
seal upon the young man and maiden, and the business world and the 
social world are waiting to receive them. 



CHRISTENINGS, CONFIRMATIONS, ETC. 321 

In the matter of dress for this important event, the young man is 
supposed to confine himself to conventional black with white tie. The 
vounsr girl is usually in white, with gloves, shoes, hose and fan to 
match. 

This, however, depends upon the taste of the class, as they expect 

to dress alike, and often select some other delicate shade of color for 

the class costume. 

Avoid all Extravagance. 

There is one thing to be remembered — that is, that too much 
extravagance should not be displayed in the selection and adornments 
of the gown for the occasion. In the first place, simplicity is the 
prerogative of youth. In the second, it is bad taste to overload a 
young schoolgirl with expensive materials and lavish ornaments. In 
the third, there will always be found in every graduating class one or 
more students to whose purse the expenses incident upon the school 
course have been a heavy drain, and to whom compliance with the 
style of dress worn by other members of the class will mean a serious 
strain upon the home exchequer, or the incurring of a debt for the 
future, while to dress as their purse affords requires more self-denial 
than an outsider realizes. The slights, the sneers of insolent class- 
mates have driven more than one sensitive soul to solitude and tears, 
and clouded what should have been the bright beginning of life with 
sorrow and anger. 

Directors of schools have more than once striven to do away with 
this abuse of the occasion by prescribing the dress to be worn, but 
with poor success, since sumptuary laws are not kindly received in 
this free country. 

Now, the remedy lies in the hands of the girls themselves, and with 
their parents. Let it be once understood that such a display is the 
mark of social parvenus, of the newly-rich, and the custom will cease 
to exist. 

Friends bring flowers to the place of graduation which are sent up, 
either by the ushers, who are chosen among intimates of the class- 
mates, or by tiny boys dressed as pages. These floral offerings have 



322 



CHRISTENINGS, CONFIRMATIONS, ETC. 



come to be so extensive that the stage is often banked with the beau- 
tiful blossoms. Here, too, is another abuse. To those who have few 
friends, and less money, the absence of these remembrances is often so 
marked as to cause many a heartache. 

Cards with the donor's name and the words, "Congratulations," 
or " Graduation Congratulations," penned in one corner, are tied 
with narrow ribbons to these gifts. Presents of a more substantial 
nature are also sent up ; books, watches, jewels, etc., and have a more 
lasting remembrance than the fleeting blossoms. One of the prettiest 
floral gifts seen on an occasion of graduation was a graceful ship, 
white sailed, and lovely, all of fragrant flowers, and full freighted with 
the hopes and prayers for the young legal graduate, who was sole son 
of the house. 

Carriages convey the graduates to and from the hall, and a class 
reception is supposed to finish the long round of the gaieties of 
"Class Week." 




^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^f^^ ? 




unerab- 




THE great sorrow brought upon a family by 
the death of a loved one renders the im- 
mediate members of the family incapable 
of attending to the necessary arrangements for the 
funeral. The services of an intimate friend, or a relative, 
should, therefore, be sought. He should receive general instructions 
from the family, after which he should take entire charge of the 
arrangements, and relieve them from all care on the subject. If such 
a person cannot be had, the arrangements may be placed in the hands 
of the sexton of the church the deceased attended in life, or of some 
responsible undertaker. 

The expenses of the funeral should be in accordance with the 
means of the family. No false pride should permit the relatives to 
incur undue expense in order to make a showy funeral. At the same 
time, affection will dictate that all the marks of respect which you can 
provide should be paid to the memory of your beloved dead. 

Funeral Invitations. 

In some parts of the country it is customary to send notes of invita- 
tion to the funeral to the friends of the deceased and of the family. 
These invitations should be printed, neatly and simply, on mourning 
paper, with envelopes to match, and should be delivered by a private 
messenger. The following is a correct form, the names and dates to 
be changed to suit the occasion : 

" Yourself and family are respectfully invited to attend the funeral 
of David B. Jones, on Tuesday, March 18, 189-, at 11 o'clock a. m., 

323 



324 ETIQUETTE OF FUNERALS AND MOURNING. 

from his late residence, 1926 Amber Street, to proceed to Laurel Hill 
Cemetery." 

Where the funeral is from a church, the invitation should read: 

" Yourself and family are respectfully invite I to attend the funeral 
of David B. Jones, from the Church of the Holy Trinity, on Tues- 
day, March 18, 189- at 11 o'clock a. m., to proceed to Laurel Hill 
Cemetery." 

Where such invitations are sent, a list of persons so invited must 
be given to the person in charge of the funeral, in order that he r 
provide a sufficient number of carriages. Xo one to whom an invita- 
tion has not been sent should attend such a funeral, nor should those 
invited permit anything but an important duty to prevent their 
attendance. 

When the funeral is at the house, some near relative or intimate 
friend should act as usher, and show the company to their seats. 

Showing Respect for the Dead. 

Preserve a decorous silence in the chamber of death — speak as 
little as possible, and then only in low, subdued tones. 

The members of the family are not obliged to recognize their 
acquaintances. The latter show their sympathy by their presence and 
considerate silence. 

As the coffin is borne from the house to the hearse, gentlemen who 
may be standing at the door or in the street remove their hats, and 
remain uncovered until it is placed in the hearse. 

The pall-bearers should be chosen from among the intimate friends 
of the deceased, and should correspond to him in age and general 
character. 

With regard to sending flowers, the wishes of the family should be 
considered. If you are uncertain upon this point, it is safe to send 
them. They should be simple and tasteful. 

Letters of condolence are sent to those in bereavement by their 
intimate friends. We append a few forms that will be helpful to all 
persons who wish to express their sympathy with the bereaved. 



ETIQUETTE OF FUNERALS AND MOURNING. 325 

To a Lady on the Death of her Husband. 

_ AT ,, r Cleveland, O., June 6, i8g — . 

■Dear Mrs. Walrod : ' ,J ' y 

Though I know that no words of mine can bring comfort to your sorely 
tried heart, yet I can not refrain from writing to you to express my deep 
and heartfelt sympathy in your affliction. 

Knowing your husband as intimately as I did, I can understand what a 
blow his death is to you. He was a man whose place will not be easily 
filled in the world; how impossible to fill it in his home! 

You are, even in your loss, fortunate in this. He left behind him a name 
unsullied, and which should be a priceless legacy to his children and to you. 
His life was so pure and his Christian faith so undoubted, that we may feel 
the blessed assurance that he has gone to the home prepared for those who 
love and faithfully serve the Lord Jesus. 

This should comfort you. You have the hope of meeting him one day in 
a better and a happier union than the ties that bound you here on earth. 
He waits for you, and reunited there, you will know no more parting. 

I pray God to temper your affliction and give you strength to endure it. 
May He, in His own good time, give you the peace that will enable you to 
wait with patience until He shall call you to meet your loved one in heaven. 

Sincerely yours, 
Mrs. Lydia Walrod, New York. Walter Bailey. 

To a Friend on the Death of Her Sister. 

Ar _ XT Geneva, N. Y., May 4, 180 — . 

My Dear Nellie : ' ' 7 ™ ^ ' 

The melancholy intelligence of your sister's death has grieved me more 
than I can express, and I beg to render you my heartfelt sympathy. Truly 
we live in a world where solemn shadows are continually falling upon our 
path — shadows that teach us the insecurity of all temporal blessings, and 
warn us that here "there is no abiding place." We have, however, the 
blessed satisfaction of knowing that death cannot enter that sphere to which 
the departed are removed. Let hope and faith, my dear friend, mingle 
with your natural sorrow. Look to that future where the sundered ties of 
earth are reunited. Very sincerely yours, 

To Miss Nellie Barton, Sarah Clark. 

No. 4 Beacon Place, Boston. 



326 ETIQUETTE OF FUNERALS AND MOURNING. 

To a Friend on the Death of His Brother. 
Dear Mr. Ames : Chicago, July 12, 189-, 

In the death of your brother, you have sustained a misfortune which all 
who had the pleasure of knowing him can feelingly estimate. I condole 
with you most sincerely on the sad event, and if the sympathy of friends can 
be any consolation under the trying circumstance, be assured that all who 
knew him share in your sorrow for his less. There is, however, a higher 
source of consolation than earthly friendship, and, commending you to that, 
I remain, 

Yours sincerely, 
G. H. Ames, St. Louis. Jerome C. Hoover. 

To a Friend on the Death of Her Child. 

,, ^ -r, Atlanta, Ga., November 17, 180 — . 

My Dear Blanche : i» y 

I feel that a mother's sorrow for the loss of a beloved child cannot be 
assuaged by the commonplaces of condolence, yet I must write a few lines 
to assure you of my heartfelt sympathy in your grief. There is one thing, 
however, that should soften the sharpness of a mother's agony under such a 
bereavement. It is the reflection that "little children" are pure and 
guileless, and that of such is the kingdom of heaven. "It is well with the 
child." Much sin and woe has it escaped. It is treasure laid up in abetter 
world, and the gate through which it has passed to peace and joy unspeak- 
able is left open so that you, in due time, may follow. Let this be your 
consolation. 

Affectionately yours, 
To Mrs. Blanche Norton, Maud Trow t bridge. 

New Haven, Conn. 

To a Friend on a Sudden Reverse of Fortune. 

A/r ~ -,-. Louisville, Ky., June z, 180 — . 

My Dear Friend: » j > j o> y 

Hackneyed phrases of condolence never yet comforted a man in the hour 

of trouble, and I am not going to try their effect in your case. And yet let 

me say, in heartfelt earnest, that I was deeply pained to hear of your sudden 

and unexpected reverse of fortune. Misfortune is very hard to bear, when 

it falls upon one, like a flash of lightning from a clear sky, without any 



ETIQUETTE OF FUNERALS AND MOURNING. 



127 



warning. But do not be discouraged. When Senator Benton saw the work 
of many years consumed in ten minutes, he took the matter cooly, went to 
work again, and lived long enough to repair the damage. So I hope will 
you. There is no motto like "try again," for those whom fate has stricken 
down. Besides, there are better things than wealth even in this world, to 
say nothing of the next, where we shall neither buy nor sell. 

If I can be of any assistance to you, let me know it, and I will help you 
as far as I am able. 

In the meantime, cheer up, and believe me as ever, 

Yours sincerely, 
H. R. Drayton, James Sterling. 

Covington, Ky. 




SHE ENTERED ON UNTROUBLED REST. 




S'ligiBTTH 



Op PUBLIC PISAGES 



^^^ 



T 



HERE is no surer mark of a well-bred man 
or woman than proper and dignified con- 
duct in public. The truly polite arc always 
quiet, unobtrusive, considerate of others, and careful to avoid all mani- 
festations of superiority or elegance. 

Loud and boisterous talking, immoderate laughing and forward and 
pushing conduct are always marks of bad breeding. They inevitably 
subject a person to the satirical remarks of the persons with whom he 
is thrown, and are perhaps the surest means of proclaiming that such 
a person is not used to the ways of polite society. 

Etiquette in Church. 

It is the duty of a well-bred person to attend church regularly on 
Sunday. 

In entering the church you should pass quietly and deliberately to 
your pew or seat. Walking rapidly up the aisle is sure to disturb the 



If you are a stranger, wait in the lower part of the aisle until the 
sexton or ushers show you a seat, or you are invited to enter some pew. 

A gentleman should remove his hat as soon as he enters the inner 
doors of the church, and should not replace it on his head after service 
until he has reached the outer vestibule. 

In accompanying a lady to church, pass up the aisle by her side, 
open the pew door for her, allow her to enter first, and then enter and 
seat yourself beside her. 

Should a lady desire to enter a pew in which you are sitting next 
the door, rise, step out into the aisle, and allow her to enter. 
328 



ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 329 

Once in church, observe the most respectful silence except when 
joining in the worship. Whispering or laughing before the service 
begins, or during service, is highly improper. When the worship is 
over, leave the sacred edifice quietly and deliberately. You may chat 
with your friends in the vestibule, but not in the hall of worship. 
Remember, the church is the house of God. 

Should you see a stranger standing in the aisle, unnoticed by the 
sexton or usher, quietly invite him into your pew. 

You should see that a stranger in your pew is provided with the. 
books necessary to enable him to join in the service. If he does not 
know how to use them, assist him as quietly as possible. Where 
there are not books enough for the separate use of each person, you 
may share yours with an occupant of your pew. 

In attending a church of a different denomination from your own, 
you should carefully observe the outward forms of worship. Stand 
up when the congregation do, and kneel with them. A Protestant 
attending a Roman Catholic church should be careful to do this. It 
involves no sacrifice of principle, and a failure to do so is a mark of 
bad breeding. Whatever the denomination, the church is devoted to 
the worship of God. Your reverence is to Him — not to the ministers 
who conduct the worship. 

To be late at church is an offence against good manners. 

Gentlemen will not congregate in groups in front of a church, and 
stare at the ladies as they pass out. 

In receiving the Holy Communion both hands should be ungloved/ 

Etiquette of Fairs. 

Fairs are generally given in aid of a church or some charitable 
purpose. At such fairs ladies serve the tables at which articles are 
offered for sale. 

Ladies should not use unfair or unladylike means to sell their 
wares. Do not importune a gentleman to buy of you ; and do not 
charge an extortionate price for a trifling article. A young man may 
not have the courage to refuse to buy of a lady acquaintance ; but his 



330 ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PL.UI 

purchase may be beyond his means, and may involve him in serious 
embarrassment. 

Visitors to a fair should make no comments upon the character or 
quality of the articles offered, unless they can offer sincere praise. 

Do not dispute the price of an article offered for sale. If you 
cannot afford to buy it, decline it frankly. If you can, pay the sum 
asked, although you may think it exorbitant, and make no comment. 

A gentleman must remove his hat upon entering the room in which 
a fair is held, although it be a public hall, and remain uncovered while 
in the room. 

Flirting, loud or boisterous talking or laughing, and conspicuous 
conduct, are marks of bad breeding. 

When a purchaser offers a sum larger than the price asked for the 
article, return the change promptly. Some thoughtless young ladies 
consider it " a stroke of business " to retain the whole amount, 
knowing that a gentleman will not insist upon the return of the 
change. To do this is simply to be guilty of an act of gross ill- 
breeding. 

A lady may accept any donation of money a gentleman may wish 
to make at her table. The gift is to the charity, not to her ; and the 
gentleman pays her a delicate compliment in making her the means of 
increasing the receipts of the fair. 

Etiquette of Shopping. 

In visiting a store for the purpose of examining the goods or making 
purchases, conduct yourself with courtesy and amiability. 

Speak to the clerks and employes of the store with courtesy and 
kindness. Do not order them to show you anything. Request them 
to do so in a polite and ladylike or gentlemanly manner. Give them 
no more trouble than is necessary, and express your thanks for the 
attentions they may show you. In leaving their counter, say pleas- 
antly, " Good-morning," or " Good-day." By treating the employes 
of a store with courtesy, you will render your presence there, welcome, 
and will receive all the attention such conduct merits. 



ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 331 

Should you find another person examining a piece of goods, do not 
take hold of it. Wait until it is laid down, and then make your 
examination. 

To attempt to " beat down " the price of an article is rude. In the 
best conducted stores the price of the goods is " fixed," and the sales- 
men are not allowed to change it. If the price does not suit you, you 
are not obliged to buy, but can go elsewhere. 

Pushing or crowding at a counter, or the indulgence in personal 
remarks, handling the goods in a careless manner, or so roughly as to 
injure them, lounging upon the counter, or talking in a loud voice, are 
marks of bad breeding. 

Never express your opinion about an article another is purchasing, 
unless asked to do so. To say to a customer about to make a pur- 
chase that the article can be bought cheaper at another store, is to 
offer a gratuitous insult to the clerk making the sale. 

You should never ask or expect a clerk engaged in waiting upon a 
customer to leave that person and attend to you. Wait patiently for 
your turn. 

It is rude to make unfavorable comparisons between the goods you 
are examining and those of another store. 

Have your parcels sent, and so avoid the fatigue of carrying them. 

It is best to buy for cash. You can always buy cheaper in this 
way. If you make bills, however, pay them promptly. Make no bill 
you are not sure of paying at the time promised by you. Avoid debt 
as the greatest curse of life. 

Etiquette of the Theatre, Opera and Concert. 

A gentleman, desiring a lady to accompany him to the opera, 
theatre, or other place of amusement, must send her a written invita- 
tion not later than the day previous to the entertainment. It must be 
written in the third person, upon white note-paper of the best quality, 
with an envelope to match. The lady must send her reply immedi- 
ately, so that should she be unable to accept, the gentleman may 
secure another companion. 



332 ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 

Should the lady accept the invitation, the gentleman must secure 
the best scats within his means. To ask a lady to accompany you to 
a place of amusement, and incur the risk of being obliged to stand 
during the performance, is to be inexcusably rude to her. Should the 
demand for seats be so great that you cannot secure them, inform her 
at once, and propose another occasion when you can make this provi- 
sion for her comfort. 

In entering the hall in which the entertainment is given, a gentle- 
man should walk by the side of the lady until the seat is reached. If 
the width of the aisle is not sufficient to allow this, he should precede 
her. As a rule, he should take the outer seat; but if this is the best 
for seeing or hearing, it belongs to the lady. 

The habit of leaving ladies alone during the "waits," and going 
out to "get a drink," or "to speak to a friend," is indicative of bad 
manners. A gentleman escorting a lady to a place of amusement is 
bound to remain by her side to the end of the entertainment. 

Between the Acts. 

At the opera it is customary for ladies and gentlemen to leave their 
seats, and promenade in the lobbies ox foyer of the house during the 
intervals between the acts. The gentleman should always invite the 
lady to do so. Should she decline, he is bound to remain with her. 

A gentleman accompanying a lady is not bound to give up his seat 
to another lady. Llis duty is solely to the lady he accompanies. He 
cannot tell at what moment she may need his services, and must 
remain where she can command them. 

It is rude to wdiisper or talk during a performance. It is discour- 
teous to the performers, and annoying to those of the audience around 
you, who desire to enjoy the entertainment. 

To seek to draw attention to yourself at a place of amusement is 
simply vulgar. 

It is in especial bad taste for lovers to indulge in any affectionate 
demonstrations at such places. 

A gentleman must see that the lady accompanying him is provided 



ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 333 

with a programme. If at the opera, he must also provide her with a 
libretto. 

Applause is the just due of the deserving actor, and should be given 
liberally. Applaud by clapping the hands, and not by stamping or 
kicking with the feet. 

Upon escorting the lady back to her home, the gentleman should 
ask permission to call upon her the next day, which request she 
should grant. She should, in her own sweet way, cause him to feel 
that he has conferred a genuine pleasure upon her by his invitation. 

A gentleman who can afford it should always provide a carriage on 
such occasion-. If his means do not permit this, he should not 
embarrass himself by assuming the expense. If the evening be 
stormy, he should not expect the lady to venture out without a 
carriage. 

A gentleman should call at the lady's house in full time to allow 
them to reach their destination before the commencement of the enter- 
tainment. 










YOUR conduct on the street should always 
be modest and dignified. Loud and bois- 
terous conversation or laughter and all 
undue liveliness are improper in public, especially in a lady. 

When walking on the street do not permit yourself to be so absent- 
minded as to fail to recognize your friends. Walk erect and with 
dignity, and do not go along reading a book or a newspaper. 

Should you stop to speak to a friend, withdraw to the side of the 
walk with him, that you may not interrupt the passing of others. 
Should your friend have a stranger with him, apologize to the stranger 
for the interruption. You must never leave your friend with whom 
you are walking to speak to another without first asking him to 
excuse you. 

In walking with a lady on the street, give her the inner side of the 
walk, unless the outside is the safer part, in which case she is entitled 
to it. Your arm should not be given to any lady except your wife 
or a near relative, or a very old lady, during the day, unless her com- 
fort or safety require it. At night the arm should always be offered ; 
also in ascending the steps of a public building. A gentleman should 
accommodate his walk to that of a lady, or an elderly or delicate 
person. 

When a lady with whom a gentleman is walking wishes to enter a 
store, he should open the door, permit her to pass in first, if prac- 
ticable, follow her, and close the door. He should always ring door 
bells or rap at a door for her. A gentleman should never pass in 
front of a lady, unless absolutely necessary, and should then apologize 
for so doing. 
334 



WALKING, RIDING, BOATING, DRIVING. 335 

Should a lady ask information of a gentleman on the street, he must 
raise his hat, bow, and give the desired information. If unable to do 
so, he must bow and courteously express his regrets. 

In crossing the street, a lady should gracefully raise her dress a 
little above her ankle with one hand. To raise the dress with both 
hands is vulgar, except in places where the mud is very deep. 

A gentleman meeting a lady acquaintance on the street should not 
presume to join her in her walk without first asking her permission. 
It may not be agreeable to her, or convenient that her most intimate 
friend should join her. She has the right, after granting such per- 
mission, to excuse herself and leave the gentleman whenever she may 
see fit ; and a gentleman will never take offense at the exercise of such 
a right. If it is inconvenient for a lady to accept the gentleman's 
company, she should frankly say so, mentioning some reason, and 
excusing herself with friendly courtesy. Gentlemen give place to 
ladies, and to gentlemen accompanying ladies, in crossing the street. 

If you have anything to say to a lady whom you may happen to 
meet in the street, however intimate you may be, do not stop her, 
but turn round and walk in company; you can take leave at the end 
of the street. 

Etiquette of the Street. 

When you are passing in the street, and see coming toward you a 
person of your acquaintance, whether a lady or an elderly person, you 
should offer them the Avail — that is to say, the side next the houses. 
If a carriage should happen to stop in such a manner as to leave only 
a narrow passage between it and the houses, beware of elbowing and 
rudely crowding the passengers, with a view to get by more expedi- 
tiously. Wait your turn, and, if any of the persons before mentioned 
come up, you should edge up to the wall, in order to give them the 
place. They also, as they pass, should bow politely to you. 

When two gentlemen accompany a lady in a walk, she should place 
herself between them, and not unduly favor either. A gentleman 
meeting a lady friend accompanied by another gentleman should not 
join her unless satisfied that his presence is agreeable to both parties. 



336 WALKING, RIDING, BOATING, DRIVING. 

A lady should not venture out upon the street alone after dark. By 
so doing she compromises her dignity, and exposes herself to indig- 
nity at the hands of the rougher class. When a lady passes the 
evening with a friend, she should make arrangements beforehand for 
some one to come for her at a stated hour. If this cannot be done, 
or if the escort fails to come, she should courteously ask the host to 
permit a servant to accompany her home. A married lady may, if 
circumstances render it necessary, return home alone. An unmarried 
lady should never do so. 

Should your host offer to accompany you himself, decline his offer, 
politely stating that you do not wish to give him so much trouble ; 
but should he insist upon it, accept his escort. In the case of a 
married lady, the husband should always come for her. He is an ill- 
bred fellow who refuses to render his wife such attention. A lady, 
upon arriving at her home, should always dismiss her escort with 
thanks. A gentleman should not enter the house, although invited 
by the lady to do so, unless for some especial reason. 

Evading a Long Talk. 

Never offer to shake hands with a lady in the street if you have on 
dark gloves as you may soil her white ones. 

If, when on your way to fulfil an engagement, a friend stops you in 
the street, you may, without committing any breach of etiquette, tell 
him of your appointment, and release yourself from a long talk ; but 
do so in a courteous manner, expressing regret for the necessity 7 . 

A lady does not form acquaintances upon the street, or seek to 
attract the attention of the other sex, or of persons of her own sex. 
Her conduct is always modest and unassuming. Neither does a 
lady demand services or favors from gentlemen. She accepts them 
graciously, always expressing her thanks. 

A gentleman will not stand on the street corners, or in hotel door- 
ways, or club windows, and gaze impertinently at ladies as they pass 
by. This is the exclusive business of loafers, upon which w T ell-bred 
men will not trespass. 



WALKING, RIDING, BOATING, DRIVING. 337 

Do not shout to your acquaintances from the opposite side of the 
street. Bow, or wave your hand, or make any courteous motion ; but 
do it quietly and with dignity. If you wish to speak to them, cross 
the street, signalling to them your desire. 

A lady walking with two gentlemen should not take an arm of 
each ; neither should a gentleman walk with a lady on each arm, 
unless at night, in coming from a place of amusement or passing 
through a crowd. 

In walking with a lady who has your arm, should you have to cross 
the street, do not disengage your arm and go around upon the out- 
side unless the lady's comfort renders it necessary. 

In walking with a lady, where it is necessary for you to proceed 
singly, always go before her. 

ETIQUETTE OF RIDING. 

The etiquette of riding is very exact and important. Remember 
that your left when in the saddle is called the near-side, and your right 
the off-side, and that you always mount on the near-side. In doing 
this, put your left foot in the stirrup ; your left hand on the saddle ; 
then, as you take a spring, throw your right leg over the animal's 
back. Remember, also, that the rule of the road, both in riding- and 
driving, is, that you keep to the right. 

Never appear in public on horseback unless you have mastered the 
inelegancies attending a first appearance in the v saddle, which you 
should do at a riding-school. A novice makes an exhibition of him- 
self, and brings ridicule on his friends. Having got a "seat" by a 
little practice, bear in mind the advice conveyed in the old rhyme — 

' ' Keep up your head and your heart, 

Your hands and your heels keep down, 

Press your knees close to your horse's sides 

And your elbows close to your own. ' ' 

In riding with ladies, recollect that it is your duty to see them in 
their saddles before you mount. And the assistance they require 
must not be rendered by a groom ; you must assist them yourself, 
22 



338 



WALKING, RIDING, BOATING, DRIVING. 



The lady will place herself on the near side of the horse, her skirt 
gathered up in her left hand, her right on the pommel, keeping her 
face toward the horse's head. You stand at its shoulder, facing her, 
and stooping, hold your hand so that she may place her left foot in it ; 
then lift it as she springs, so as to aid her, but not to give such an 
impetus that, like "vaulting ambition," she loses her balance, and 
"falls o' the other side." Next, put her foot in the stirrup and smooth 
the skirt of her habit — then you are at liberty to mount yourself. 




THE PROPER POSITION OF A LADY AND GENTLEMAN IN RIDING. 

Keep to the right of the lady or any ladies riding with you. 

Open all gates and pay all tolls on the road. Never, under any 
circumstances, allow a lady to attend to any duty of this kind while 
under your escort. You must anticipate her every need, and provide 
for it ; making her comfort your first thought. 

If you meet friends on horseback, do not turn back with them ; if 
you overtake them, do not thrust your company upon them unless 
you feel assured that it is agreeable to them for you to do so. 



WALKING, RIDING, BOATING, DRIVING. 



339 



If you are on horseback and meet a lady who is walking, and with 
whom you wish to speak, dismount for that purpose, and lead your 
horse. To put her to the inconvenience of straining after and shouting 
to you, would be a gross breach of manners. 

If you enter a carriage with a lady, let her first take her place on 
the seat facing the horses. Enter a carriage so that your back is 
toward the seat you are to occupy ; you will thus avoid turning round 




mode of assisting a lady into a carriage. 

in the carriage, which is awkward. Take care that you do not trample 
on the ladies' dresses, or shut them in as you close the door. 

The rule in all cases is this : you quit the carriage first and hand 
the lady out. 

You may properly speed your horse in driving with a lady, but 
remember that it is vulgar to drive too fast; it suggests the idea of 
your having hired the -trap" from a livery stable, and is in every 
respect ungentlemanry. 



340 WALKING, RIDING, BOATING, DRIVING. 

The carriage or buggy should be driven close to the sidewalk, and 
the horses turned from the sidewalk, so as to spread the wheels away 
from the step. The gentleman should then alight, quiet the horses, 
and hold the reins in his right hand as a guard against accidents. 
The lady should, in leaving the carriage, place her hands on the gentle- 
man's shoulders, while he should place his under her elbows. Then, 
with his assistance, she should spring lightly to the pavement, passing 
him on his left side to avoid the reins which he holds in his right. 
In driving, the gentleman must place a lady on his left. This leaves 
his right arm free to manage his horses. 

A gentleman should not drive fast if the lady accompanying him is 
timid, or objects to it. He should consult her wishes in all things, 
and take no risks, as he is responsible for her safety. Above all, he 
should never race with another team. Such conduct is disrespectful 
to the lady who accompanies him. 

THE ETIQUETTE OF BOATING. 

There are certain customs and usages in connection with this inter- 
esting pastime that deserve to be noted and observed. 

Gentlemen unaccustomed to the management of a boat should 
never venture out with ladies. To do so is foolhardy, if not criminal. 
Great care should be taken not to overload a boat. The frequent 
boating accidents that happen are in most instances due either to over- 
loading, or to the inexperience of the man at the oars. Men who 
cannot swim should never take ladies upon the water. 

Assisting Ladies to Their Seats. 

When the gentlemen are going out with the ladies, one of them 
steps into the boat and helps the ladies in and seats them, the other 
handing them down from the bank or pier. When the ladies have 
comfortably disposed themselves, and not before, the boat may be 
shoved oft". Great care must be taken not to splash the ladies, either 
in first dipping the oars or subsequently. Neither should anything be 
^pne to cause them fright. 




341 



342 



WALKING, RIDING, BOATING, DRIVING. 



Who Should Row. 

If a friend is with you, he must be given the preference of seats. 
You must ask him to row "stroke," as that is the place of honor. 

If you cannot row, do not pretend you can. Say right out that 

you can't, and thus settle it, consoling yourself with the pleasant 

reflection that your confession entitles you to a seat by the side of the 

ladies and relieves you from the possibility of drowning the whole 

party. 

A Popular Exercise. 

Rowing has become a great fad among the ladies in recent years, 
and it is to be commended as a wholesome and vigorous exercise. 
But it should be indulged only on quiet rivers or on private lakes. 
If ladies venture into more frequented waters, they must at least have 
the protection of a gentleman. And in all cases the)' must wear cos- 
tumes proper for the exercise, which requires freedom of movement 
in every part. Corsets should be left at home, and a good pair of 
stout boots should complete an equipment in which a skirt barely 
touching the ground, a flannel shirt and a sailor hat are the leading 
features. Rowing gloves should protect the hands. 

The ordinary rowing costume for gentlemen is white flannel 
trousers, white rowing jersey and a straw hat. Peajackets are worn 
when their owners are not absolutely employed in pulling the oar. 






^^M^.M,"" 1 







**-< £l$r$fo „ ^'~f/t ,^[ 





-?S- x=T..a "~S_ *. 



YCLING having taken 
such a mighty grasp 
upon the land, it has 
naturally followed that an etiquette of cycling should be established, 
and that it should be well established and rigidly regarded by society. 
There are the details of meeting, mounting, right of way and various 
other points which are carefully observed and give the desired air 
of fashionable righteousness, without which, for many people, the 
pleasure of meeting in a social way on one's wheel would be but 
legendary. 

It is distinctly understood in the first place that "cycling" is the 
correct word; the up-to-date woman dares not speak of bicycling nor 
of wheeling. 

A Cycler's Guide. 

If in town, the early hours of the morning are chosen for a ride 
through the park. This is on the same principle that it is considered 
good form for a young woman to drive only in the morning, that is, 
when she herself is the whip. In the country the rules, both as 
regards cycling and driving, are not as rigid. The maiden, however, 
who is a stickler for form, does all her cycling in the hours which 
come before noon — unless there be a special meet, a bicycle tea, for 
instance, or a spin by moonlight. 

Neither is it correct for a young woman to ride unaccompanied. In 
the matter of chaperons we are becoming almost as rigid as the 
French, who scarcely allow a young girl to cross the street, to say 
nothing of shopping or calling, without being accompanied by an 
elder woman, her mother, relative, or a friend, as a chaperon. 

343 



344 BICYCLE ETIQUETTE. 

During the past few years there has been a tendency in America 
toward a closer imitation of all French etiquette which has brought in 
its train a strict construction of the duties of a chaperon. 

Maids Do Duty. 

The unmarried woman who cycles must be chaperoned by a mar- 
ried lady — as every one rides nowadays, this is an affair easily 
managed. Neither must the married woman ride alone ; failing a 
male escort, she is followed by a groom or a maid. 

A woman is very fortunate if among her men or women servants, 
one knows how to ride a bicycle. Ladies occasionally go to the 
expense of having a servant trained in the art. 

A Man's Duty. 

If one possesses such a commodity as a brother or a husband, he 
can always be made useful on a cycling excursion. Never is a man 
better able to show for what purpose he was made than upon such 
occasions. 

The man's duty to the woman who rides might be made the text 
for a long sermon ; but long sermons are never popular ; therefore, it 
may be better to state briefly that he must always be on the alert to 
assist his fair companion in every way in his power — he must be clever 
enough to repair any slight damage to her machine which may occur 
en route y he must assist her in mounting and dismounting, pick her up 
if she has a tumble, and make himself generally useful and incident- 
ally ornamental and agreeable. 

He rides at her left in order to give her the more guarded place, as 
the rule of the road in meeting other cyclers is the same as that for a 
carriage, to turn to the right. In England, the reverse is the case. 

Assisting the Lady. 

In mounting, the gentleman who is accompanying a lady holds her 
wheel ; she stands on the left side of the machine and puts her right 
foot across the frame to the right pedal, which at the time must be 



BICYCLE ETIQUETTE. 345 

tip ; pushing the right pedal causes the machine to start and then 
with the left foot in place, the rider starts ahead — slowly at first, in 
order to give her cavalier time to mount his wheel, which he will do 
in the briefest time possible. 

When the end of the ride is reached, the man quickly dismounts 
and is at his companion's side to assist her, she, in the meantime, 
assisting herself as much as possible. This is done — that is, dis- 
mounting in the most approved style — by riding slowly, and when the 
left pedal is on the rise, the weight of the body is thrown on it, the 
right foot is crossed over the frame of the machine, and, with an 
assisting hand, the rider easily steps to the ground. 

In meeting a party of cyclists who are known to each other and 
desire to stop for a parley, it is considered the proper thing for the men 
of the party to dismount while in conversation with the ladies. 

As to the furnishings of the bicycle, to be really complete, it must 
be fitted out with a clock and a bell, luggage carrier and a cyclo- 
meter, the latter being an absolute sine qua non to the woman who 
cares for records. From five to six lessons are always considered 
necessary before one can master even the details of riding. 

On the Road. 

On the road the woman who wishes to ride a la mode has to know 
a number of little things that are overlooked by another woman, just 
as the smart set have a code for riding and driving that is as inexora- 
ble as that they should not eat with their knives or put sugar on 
oysters. Society insists on an upright position, with, of course, no 
attempt at racing pace. It also frowns upon constant ringing of the 
bell — that will do for the vulgar herd who delight in noise. The well- 
informed wheelwoman keeps eye and ear alert and touches her bell 
rarely. She dresses daintily and inconspicuously — effaces herself, in 
fact, as much in this exercise as she does in all public places 

Very gallant escorts use a towrope when accompanying a lady on 
a wheeling spin. These are managed in various ways ; one consists 
of an India-rubber door-spring just strong enough to stretch a little 



346 BICYCLE ETIQUETTE. 

wl'h ^he str an, and about six feet of shade cord. One end is attached 
to the lady':; wheel at the lamp bracket or brake rod by a spring 
swivel, ?nd the other end is hooked to the escort's handle bar in such 
a Vv'a^ i he can set it free in a moment, if necessary. When he 
has !m '■ towing he drops back to the lady's side, hanging the 

loose end of the cord over her shoulder, to be ready for the next 
hill. A gentle pull that is a bagatelle to a strong rider is of great 
assistance to a weak one up hill or against a strong wind. 

For Protection Against Dogs. 

Every bicyclist in the land will rise up and call the inventor of the 
ammonia gun for dogs blessed. Nothing is more annoying to the 
rider than to have a mongrel dog barking at his pedals and scurrying 
across his pathway in such close proximity to the front wheel as to be 
a constant reminder of a possible "header." The gun is calculated 
to make an annoying dog sneeze and sniff away all future ambitions 
to investigate the pace of a rider. It is said to be a perfect instrument 
in every way. The advantages enumerated for it are : Postively will 
not leak ; has no spring to press or caps to remove, and will shoot 
from five to twelve times from fifteen to thirty feet with one loading. 

A Few Don'ts for Cyclers. 

Don't try to raise your hat to the passing "bloomer" until you 
become an expert in guiding your wheel. 

Don't buy a bicycle with down-curve handles. It is impossible to 
sit erect and hold that kind of a handle. 

Don't go out on a bicycle wearing a tail coat unless you enjoy mak- 
ing a ridiculous show of yourself. 

Don't travel without a jacket or loose wrap, to be worn while rest- 
ing. A summer cold is a stubborn thing. 

Don't allow a taste for a bit of color in your make-up to tempt you 
to wearing a red or other gay-colored cap. 

Don't get off the old gag about "that tired feeling" every time 
you stop by the roadside for a little breathing spell. 



BICYCLE ETIQUETTE. 347 

Don't absent yourself from church to go wheeling, as you and your 
bicycle are welcome at most houses of worship. 

Don't leave your bicycle in the lower hallway of your flat-house 
for the other tenants to fall over in the dark. 

Don't believe the farmer boy who says that it is "two miles to the. 
next town." It may be two, four, six or twelve. 

Don't be more than an hour passing a given point, although 
wheeling on a dusty road is honestly conducive to thirst. 

Don't smile at the figure others cut astride their wheels, as it is not 
given you to see yourself as others see you. 

Don't coast down a strange hill with a curve at its bottom. There 
is no telling what you will meet when it is too late. 

Don't ride ten miles at a scorching pace, then drink cold water and 
lie around on the grass, unless you are tired of life. 

Don't try to carry your bike downstairs under your arm. Put it 
on your shoulder, or you will come to distress. 

Don't laugh the watchful copper to scorn because your lamp is 
burning brightly. He can afford to wait his time to laugh. 

Don't dress immodestly or in the costume of a track sprinter. 
Sweaters worn like a Chinaman's blouse are almost indecent. 

Don't forget that the modern law of the road requires you to turn 
out to the right in passing another bicycle or other vehicle. 

Women's Bicycle Rides. 

"Women who ride bicycles should make it a law with themselves 
never to ride after a feeling of weariness comes over them," said a 
well-known physician. " I just came from visiting a woman who tried 
to ride around the city last Sunday. It was the fourth time she had 
ever ridden a wheel out of doors. She got half way around, came 
home in street cars and a carriage, and has been sick in bed ever 
since. She ought to be an example to all women who ride. For 
those who are beginning, especially, and in a measure for all women, 
there is a great danger in overdoing. Some women ride centuries, it 
is true, but they are men in strength. No ordinary woman should 



348 BICYCLE ETIQUETTE. 

start out before knowing how far she is going. Ordinarily, though, 
they ride twice as far as they ought. They start out and ride away 
from home until they get tired. 

"Then tliev have to ride back, getting more and more exhausted 
with every turn of the wheels. No ordinary woman who rides once 
or twice a week should go more than ten miles at a trip. That is 
perhaps an hour's ride, that may be easily extended to an hour and a 
quarter before that distance is covered, and if she does not feel fresh 
and in a glow when she stops, she may be certain that she has ridden 
too long. Naturally there is that healthy tired feeling which any one 
recognizes after athletic exercise, but it is quite different from and 
never to be mistaken for the weariness which comes from too much 
exertion and straining of the nerves and muscles. Very few women 
have ever been injured on a bicycle who kept to this rule and limited 
their riding to nominal distances. 

Length of the Ride. 

"This limit of distance, which is designated by the feeling of weari- 
ness, is only a little more important than the limit of speed which the 
female frame is capable of undergoing under health}* exercising rules. 
Whether a man can ride at full speed for a long distance and still 
retain his good health is a doubtful question. It is certain, however, 
that no woman can keep up a high rate of speed for even a generous 
portion of a mile and not create the beginning of injuries. The ad 
strength required to increase speed even a little after a certain amount 
of power has been expended is out of all proportion to the results. 
There is no relaxation of the muscles between revolutions of 
pedals, nor any let up on the nervous and muscular strain while th : 
speed lasts. The heart is far more taxed than one realizes at the 
moment, and that species of tingling or numbness in the nerves and 
muscles which often results is only a sign that they have both been 
overtaxed." 

Properly used, a wheel is certainly a promoter of health. It develops 
muscles that are seldom, if ever, otherwise used. It gains for women 



BICYCLE ETIQUETTE. 349 

that ideal condition of the flesh so prized by sculptors and artists, 
namely, a firm, solid tissue when the muscles are flexed, and a soft- 
ness of an infant with muscular relaxation. It develops the entire 
torso and limbs, it renders one's nerves like steel and is a splendid 
antidote for headaches. 

An exceedingly smart and yet thoroughly practical cycling costume 
is known as the " Londonderry," and is made in gray-green hopsack, 
a soft fabric which lends itself admirably to the full folds of the ample 
knickerbockers, which form a most important part of this costume. 
The "Londonderry" coat is made with long and very full basques, 
which form a kind of skirt when on the machine, and which, neverthe- 
less, do not interfere in the least with the rider's freedom of action. 
This coat is prettily braided with black, and fastened with big black 
buttons. It is so arranged in front that it can be worn either with a 
shirt or over a double-breasted vest of cloth or leather. 

Skirts are an Abomination. 

A renowned lady writer says : "In the first place let me condemn 
the skirt — not from prejudice, but from experience. Skirts, no matter 
how light, how trim, how heavy, are both a nuisance and a danger. 
A nuisance because they are always subject to entanglement in the 
wheel ; because they fly up with every breeze and motion ; because 
they have not the chic appearance of the properly made bloomer, and 
because, if they are weighted, like a riding habit, they make so much 
more to carry against the wind. And breeze makes weight. 

" They are a danger because with the constant pumping of the 
pedals the knee is required to raise too great a weight ; this bears 
upon the body just below the back of the hips, giving backache ; 
often more serious troubles. I wouldn't wear a skirt. I had one torn 
off me by the wheel ; but I rode with them long enough to give a 
just comparison of the merits of skirts versus bloomers. 

" Riding suits should be of fine, light weight, navy blue or black- 
material, made with bloomers, and the blouse with tailor-made jacket. 
T wear the sweater myself in preference, because it is not so apt to 



350 BICYCLE ETIQUETTE. 

leave one subject to changes of temperature. The Alpine hat of Tarn 
O'Shanter is au fait for street, with leggings to match the bloomers 
and jacket, and low shoes made broad on the ball of the foot. All 
bicycle shoes should be broad on the ball, because the pedaling is 
done with the ball, not with the under curve, as so many think. Doe- 
skin gloves are best for ordinary riding. Bloomers should be made 
to fasten at the left side of the back, which leaves room for a pocket 
on the right side. Tinted leggings should always match the hat and 
gloves. 

"Tell the ladies to have their saddles built high and wide in the 
back, sloping away and downwards in front ; and that if they pedal 
properly there is no reason why bicycling should not be a healthful, 
moral, modest and permanent form of exercise. For, mark it," she 
added, as a parting sally, "the wheel has come to stay." 

A Pace Indicator. 

A man who rides for health and pleasure and not to race or score 
centuries says that his plan is never to go so fast that he must breathe 
through his mouth. As long as his nostrils can supply sufficient air 
he knows that he is not over-exerting himself. As soon as he feels 
an inclination to breathe through his mouth he slackens his pace. 

Don't Dodge a Bicycle. 

Before bicycling will ever become a success a meeting must be 
called for the purpose of allowing the wheelmen and the pedestrian to 
arrive at some understanding. " I am in favor of a convention or 
something of that sort," said a prominent wheelman to a reporter. 

As it is now, a rider comes down the street and sees ahead of him 
at a crossing a man or woman who is supposed to be endowed with 
reasonable intelligence. This person is in the act of crossing the 
street. He looks up, sees the rider coming and stands still right in 
the middle of the street. Of course, he is mentally calculating his 
chances for getting across safely. 

In the meantime, the rider is getting closer and closer and is in a 



BICYCLE ETIQUETTE. 351 

study equally as profound as to what the person is going to do. The 
pedestrian takes a step forward, takes another glance up the street, 
stops, starts back, makes an effort to reach the pavement, stops again, 
starts forward, stops. 

Of course, by this time the cyclist is almost at a standstill and is 
also zigzagging from one side to the other, waiting and muttering. 
The pedestrian seems to give up all possibility of escape, faces the 
rider, both arms extended, jumps from one foot to the other, and the 
two collide. The cyclist is thrown to the ground, his wheel twisted, 
and he gets the blame. 

And how easily all this can be avoided ! Let the pedestrian, instead 
of performing all these trying evolutions, merely walk along as though 
there was nothing behind him, keep his course, and the cyclist will 
know what to do. He will turn his wheel to one side and slide past 
with perfect ease and safety. On the crossings let a man walk along 
as though there were not a bicycle in the state, and the wheelman 
will judge his course accordingly. He has control of his wheel and 
is as anxious not to collide as the other fellow. 




•JSk.^- 





1! i 

CLUB life in all large cities is becoming so 
important a factor of social life that no 
book on etiquette would be complete with- 
'* out some notice of its varied features. 

The membership of the smaller social clubs is chosen solely for the 
purpose of social enjoyment, and they frequently blackball names that 
are brought up for membership simply from the standpoint of some 
member to whom the one proposed may not be personally agreeable. 
If an applicant is blackballed once, his friends should not persist in 
introducing his name again. 

In the larger clubs, where the members arc never all thrown together 
at any one time, no one should blackball a name from a personal 
standpoint. 

If any one, however, is aware of some blemish in the character of 
the candidate for admission, he has good grounds for objection. 



Observing the Rules. 

A new member of a club should at once acquaint himself with the 
rules and regulations that govern the organization and govern himself 
accordingly. The courtesy that obtains in the home is to be observed 
in the club-rooms. 

Opinions of others should be respected, and exciting discussions, or 
disturbing topics of conversation, are to be avoided there, as they 
should be in the home circle. Remember that every one has the 
same right to his preconceived opinions as you have to yours. 

Treat all books, papers and other club property with due care. 
Never take any article away from the club-house, Never monopolize 
any one article to the exclusion of others. 

m 



CLUB ETIQUETTE. 353 

When there are certain rooms appointed for smoking, confine your- 
self to them when indulging in the weed. In the reading-room observe 
the same respect for the readers that you would wish observed toward 
yourself, only another rendering of the Golden Rule which is at the 
foundation of all good manners. While there converse very little, and 
that in a low tone of voice. 

Do not look upon the servants of the club as your private property, 
and never send them on personal errands without first obtaining the 
consent of the manager. Never expect undue attention from the 
waiters. Do not take dogs into club-rooms ; they are liable to destroy 
furniture, and everyone may not appreciate them as much as you do. 

Morning dress is worn at the club. In the evening a dress suit 
may be worn if desired, but morning costume is equally appro- 
priate. Hats should be removed at luncheon or dinner. 

Gentlemen will refrain from much mentioning of the names of ladies 
while in the club-rooms, or from indulging in scandal. Serious ill- 
feeling is often aroused in this manner. Many men refuse to listen to 
anything of the kind, and will retire if any such subject is brought up. 

Introduction of Friends. 
Some clubs have cards for introducing visitors, as : 

VISITING CARD. 
Columbia Club, 420 Madison Square. 
Admit Mr 

Introduced by Mr „ _ ^ 

Club members are at liberty to introduce friends at ther respective 
clubs, but care should be exercised in this respect, since they must 
vouch for their friends' behavior, and in many cases are held respon- 
sible for the debts they may contract. It is not at all necessary that 
such a guest should be formally presented to any of the officials, nor 
to many of the members, unless in the case of some guest whom the 
club would delight to honor. 
23 




354 



RECEPTION AT THE CLUB. 



CLUB ETIQUETTE. 355 

The guest of a club is expected to conform to all rules of the asso- 
ciation while enjoying its hospitalities, but he may also avail himself 
of all its privileges, with the exception that he is not permitted to 
introduce another stranger. A gentleman about to leave town, and 
who has been entertained at a club, leaves his card in a sealed 
envelope for the gentleman who introduced him. 

Ladies' clubs are now coming to the front in such profusion as to 

make it necessary to give them some notice. The same general rules 

of etiquette apply to them as to a club of men. As a rule, women's 

: >s have some especial feature, some object to call them into being. 

The most usual form that the club activities assume is that of liter- 
ary work of some kind, either as a gathering of literary women, or 
simply a gathering of women for some particular form of literary 
study. They usually give club banquets and club luncheons, but 
rarely attain to the dignity of a cafe. 

Barring Out Disputed Questions. 

The temper of the meetings depends very largely on the kind of 
organization that holds them, whether, for instance, as in the case of 
Sorosis, it is a club of refined and educated women, of literary and 
artistic pursuits and tastes, or whether it is one for reform, as temper- 
ance, suffrage, social purity, or religious development and work. The 
members of Sorosis, when in session, are well-bred, if not always clear- 
headed and reasonable. Relisdous Catherines of women are seldom 
other than of good temper, and quiet in their tone. 

Political meetings and sectarian meetings are apt to be turbulent. 
This fact has been recognized by some women's clubs, Sorosis, for 
example, and they will not permit the subjects to be discussed or 
introduced in any way at meetings. 

The various business womens' and working girls' clubs are insti- 
tuted for the sole purpose usually of furnishing good lunches at the 
noon hour at reasonable rates, and combine this feature with pleasant 
reception and lounging rooms, and often with various literary and 
business courses of study, 



356 CLUB ETIQUETTE. 

There is one Ladies' Surburban Club — the Alexandra — the most 
exclusive of London's women clubs. It is also the most successful. 
No individual of the other sex above the age of twelve is admitted 
beyond the doormat. Husbands, fathers, and brothers, are all ruth- 
lessly excluded from within its sacred precincts. It furnishes an 
admirable center for shopping operations, and for lunches, teas, etc. 
It possesses the advantages of bedrooms, let at the most reasonable 
rate, so that girls and young married women can spend a night or two 
in town without any trouble to chaperons or maids. Women friends, 
of course, may be admitted into the club, and servants and trades- 
people interviewed. It is named for the Princess of Wales, and no one 
who has not been presented to the Queen is eligible to membership. 

There is also a Ladies' Suburban Club in Chicago that partakes of 
the same features, save that it is not founded upon quite so aristocratic 
a basis, and the suburban woman heartily appreciates its benefits. No 
more does she wander aimlessly up and down the streets while await- 
ing a home-bound train. She has a resting place of her own within 
easy reach of the shopping district, one where she can be made pre- 
sentable for matinee or theater. Here, on one floor, she finds hair- 
dressers, manicurists, a cafe, a woman ready to repair damaged 
garments ; and should she miss the last train, comfortable sleeping- 
rooms, where she can spend the night quietly. There, the club- 
shopper is ready to attend sales and do all manner of purchasing — 
from ordering funeral flowers to selecting a good seat at the theater, 
while the club nursery is responsible for all children left there. Their 
membership hails from many states. 

Presiding at a Woman's Club. 

The average woman is not so well qualified to preside over meet- 
ings in which continual interruptions are occurring, through the 
members rising to points of order, and other questions of privilege, 
because, unlike the average man, she has not given much attention to 
the study of parliamentary law. 

The rules for conducting a meeting do not admit of any personal 



CLUB ETIQUETTE. 357 

feeling or individual taste on the part of the presiding officer. On 
the contrary, there is a code of rules expressly laid down to guide and 
regulate such matters. 

The presiding officer is not supposed to control the opinions of the 
members, but merely to direct them. She should be in entire sym- 
pathy with the objects of the meeting, and have a full and complete 
understanding of all its aims, objects and purposes. This latter is a 
very important consideration. Members, and especially new ones, 
are constantly asking for information, and unless the presiding officer 
can furnish it briefly and at once, delays are sure to occur, and the 
meeting be anything but pleasant or satisfactory to the other mem- 
bers present. 

Order of Business. 

Having been chosen to preside, the first duty is to call the meeting 
to order. If it is a first meeting, the objects for which it is called 
should then be stated clearly, but in as few words as possible. If it 
is not a first meeting, but a regular or constituted one, the presiding 
officer should have the roll of members called by the secretary. The 
minutes of the last meeting should then be read. Next, the presiding 
officer should appoint her committees for the session ; or, if it is 
a regular meeting, the reports of the various committees appointed at 
the previous session should be heard. Next, the regular business 
should be taken up, and having been disposed of, the presiding officer 
should allow the introduction of any new business that may properly 
come before the meeting. 

It is of the utmost importance that a presiding officer should be 
possessed of good eyesight, so as to be able to perceive a member as 
soon as she rises. There must be no hesitation or nervousness about 
a presiding officer. She must be ever on the alert, with all her facul- 
ties about her. She must be broad-minded, liberal, and clear-visioned, 
with a readiness to instruct the members when any mistakes are made, 
and always willing to grant the full liberty of debate to all ; for out of 
the widest differences will come the very best conclusions after full and 
fair discussion. 





<* I 3b $ 

WOMEN are our only leisure class. This has been so often 
repeated that it scarcely matters to whom the credit of the 
saying must be given. 
In this country the burden of social work rests upon women, while 
in all European countries, men, young and old, statesmen, officials, 
princes, ambassadors, make it one of the duties of life to visit, leave 
cards and take up all the numerous burdens of the social world. 

Here it is the lady of the house that does all this. Husbands, 
fathers, sons, are all too much engrossed in the pursuit of business or 
pleasure to spend time in these multifarious cares. Mrs. John Sher- 
wood says : "They cannot even spend time to make their dinner calls. 
' Mamma, please leave my cards,' is the legend written on their 
banners." 

Influence of Women. 

The wonderful influence of women of culture and fashion, with their 
" happy ways of doing things " in the political, as well as the social 
world, is as great now in Washington as it ever was in Paris, in the 
palmiest days of the Imperial Salon. 

The graces and the courtesies of life are in their hands. It is 
women who create society. It is women from whom etiquette is 
learned, not from association with men. The height of a stage of 
civilization can always be measured by the amount of deference paid 
to woman. The culture of a particular man can be guaged by his 
manner when in the company of ladies. 
358 



SOCIETY. 359 

Primitive man made women do all the hard work of life, bear all 
the burdens, eat of the leavings, and be the servants c r the tribe. 

Civilized man, on the other hand, gives precedence to woman in 
every particular. He serves her first, he gives her places of comfort 
and safety, he rises to assist her at every opportunity, and we measure 
his culture by sins of omission, or commission, along this line. 

Thus, all these small observances not only conduce to the comfort 
of woman, but they refine and do away with the rough and selfish side 
of man's nature, for without this refining contact with gentle woman- 
hood, a man will never lose the innate roughness with which nature 
has endowed him. 

It is women, as before said, who create etiquette, and Burke tells 
us that "manners are of more importance than laws. " A fine manner 
is the " open sesame" that admits us to the audience chamber of the 
world. It is the magic wand at whose touch all barriers dissolve. 

Effect of Cultured Manners. 

" Give a boy address and accomplishments and you give him the 
mastery of palaces and fortunes wherever he goes. He has not the 
trouble of earning or owning them; they solicit him to enter and 
possess." 

Whatever enjoyment we obtain from our daily intercourse with 
others is through our obedience to the laws of etiquette, which govern 
the whole machinery of society, and it is largely to women with their 
leisure, and their tact, that we must look to create and sustain the 
social fabric. 

"To know her is a liberal education," was the stately compliment 
once paid a woman, and there are women left to whom it still applies. 

As Emerson says in his essay upon "Manners:" "Are there not 
women who inspire us with courtesy ; who unloose our tongues, and 
we speak; who anoint our eyes, and we see? We say things we 
never thought to have said. For once, our walls of habitual reserve 
vanished and left us at large ; we were children playing with children 
in a wide field of flowers. Steep us, we cried, in these influences for 



360 SOCIETY. 

days, for weeks, and we shall be sunny poets and write out in many- 
colored words the romance that you are." 

The successful society woman has a genius for leadership. She 
molds and makes what she will of her surroundings. She under- 
values the talents of no one; she rather draws out and makes the 
most of every one with whom she comes in contact. 

She is quiet, she is reposeful, she has the tact that puts every one 
with whom she meets at ease, and, above all, she is sympathetic. A 
judiciously expressed sympathy with our fellow-beings is one of the 
highest attributes of our nature. 

" Unite sympathy to observation and the dead spring to life." It is 
tact to so express that sympathy as not to seem aware of the weak- 
ness that we would support and conceal from others. Madame 
Recamier had this gift of hidden sympathy, this power of drawing out 
the best that was in those who approached her. To this gift it was 
that she owed that power over all men which survived her wonderful 

beauty. 

A Sympathetic Nature. 

It was not her wit, for with this she was not so greatly endowed ; 
it was not alone her beauty, for the eminent men and women of the 
day followed her when, blind and poor, she sought the solitude of the 
abbey ; but it was the delicate tendrils of her sympathy and the stead- 
fastness of her friendship that drew towards her all hearts, and molded 
and welded her company of followers into one of the most perfect and 
powerful social circles that has ever surrounded any society leader. 

Many an awkward situation has been saved by feminine tact. There 
was the cabinet-member's wife who drank out of her finger-bowl 
because her guest, a senator, had done so. And the general's wife 
who, when a clumsy tea drinker smashed a priceless cup, picked up 
another of the fragile affairs and crushed it between her fingers with 
a "They do break easily, don't they?" And the woman who, when 
M. Blanc was mistaken at an English garden party for a page, replied, 
"Well, M. Blanc is a page — of history." 

This tact is in great measure a natural gift, but it can be cultivated, 



SOCIETY. 361 

and is well worth the trouble. Nothing can be so utterly painful in 
society as the tactless person who is perpetually " doing those things 
which he ought not to have done, and leaving undone those things 
which he ought to have done." 

The art of conversation, too, is worth cultivating. A woman, noted 
among her friends for her delightful letters and as delightful gifts of 
conversation, was asked how she managed it. 

" Frankly," was the reply, " I strive for it. When I see in a book 
or hear anywhere a happy phrase, or a telling sentence, I make a 
mental note of it, and watch for an opportunity to incorporate it in 
my own speech or written word. I don't mean I appropriate other 
folks' ideas in wholesale fashion, but I do steal or utilize their knack 
of expression. Another point I make is never to permit myself to 
speak carelessly, that is, slovenly, any more than I let my hair be 
untidy or my gowns mud-stained. It does not seem to me frivolous 
or bestowing too much care on trifles to take this small pains for my 
betterment. I pin a flower on my dress for a bit of color, or adjust 
a bow where I know it is becoming ; why should I not apply the 
decorative idea to my speech?" 

Power through Repose. 

Cultivate repose of manner. Be calm and restful. Do not fidget. 
Command of the tongue is a valuable accomplishment to cultivate. 
Many a young girl is actually fidgety, because she thinks to be a suc- 
cess she must be "full of life " and always "on the go." She wants 
to be bright and vivacious. If such is her temperament and her 
vivaciousness comes spontaneously it is perhaps attractive, though it is 
very likely to get tiresome. 

Nine out often women would be twice as attractive if they would 
learn to keep still and thus gain the full social value of this ability. 
Especially is this true of young girls. When a young man is intro- 
duced, why plunge at him with a volley of phrases ? An effect is 
made twice as quickly if his look is met with steady, quiet eyes, a few 
words spoken in a gentle, sincere voice, and a chance given him. 



362 SOCIETY. 

Presumably, he requested the introduction, and so, probably, he has 
something to say. Anyway, he is likely to have, if you are serene 
and quiet. 

A habit of repose will save from many a blunder. When a man, 
one does not remember, plunges into a conversation, the habit of 
repose enables one to keep an unmoved and quiet demeanor until 
something is said that will "place" him. To be in a hurry to speak 
is to betray oneself, and embarrassment ensues on both sides. 

This command of quiet is also a protection against tiresome, talka- 
tive, people. It enables one to preserve an air of kindly attention, 
while one's thoughts, free and untrammeled, roam at their own sweet 
will, drifting back just in time to utter an appreciative affirmative, or 
negative. 

A Good Listener 

This repose of manner is a boon to the shy and awkward man, 
who, under its influence, actually acquires some confidence in himself, 
which is simply impossible when he is bombarded with a volley of 
vivacious conversation. 

Learn to be a good listener, a sympathetic and interested listener, 
and the majority of people will pronounce you "interesting." If the 
partner assigned you at a dinner party seems to have no topic in 
common with your thought, strive to find out what does interest him ; 
a few skillful questions, and he is launched on a tide of talk, at his 
ease, even brilliant, and all that is needed on your part is to appear 
interested. Whether you understand the subject, or care for it, is 
another question; you have established your place in that man's esti- 
mation, and he will ever thereafter have a word of praise when your 
name is mentioned. 

There are women who are themselves not fluent, and who enjoy 
being talked to, to be spared the trouble of "making conversation." 
With these women it is the ready talker who finds favor. But there 
is another class of women quite as large who love to talk, and to 
them the good listener is welcome ; therefore, let the man who wishes 
to talk choose his audience with discretion. 



SOCIETY. 363 

Madame Recamier liked to be talked to, and was so sympathetic a 
listener that the careful student of her times is forced to conclude that 

was one of the chiefest of her charms, but he would have been a 
bold man who would have interrupted the flow of Madame de StaeTs 
eloquence. 

Men are less inclined to certain forms of etiquette than women. 
Xot that they would be less polite, but, as a rule, they do not attach 
so much importance to the little niceties of life, and they are too 
prone to lack in certain courtesies which a society man should 
practice. 

How Men are Spoiled, 

This process of spoiling begins with the mothers, and ends with the 
young women. Women pride themselves upon being independent, 
and the result is that the men naturally fall back and let them wait 
upon themselves. Women take the lead, women plan entertainments 
and excursions, women tolerate neglect, and all of this spoils the men. 
Be a woman first and last, and exact all these little courtesies for the 
sake of your sex. 

Says a well-known lady: "I remember a thing that impressed me 
very much, and made me ashamed of my own sons whom I have 
always waited upon, I am sorry to say. We had as guests a gentle- 
man, wife and son, the latter about thirteen. In the morning there 
was a parade ; the gentleman and his wife went, while I stayed at 
home with another relative. The boys came in to luncheon, and then 
as I was going up-town, Ham*, our visitor, put up his wheel, brushed 
his clothes, and announced that he was ready to escort me. I assured 
him that we did not need him, to run along with the other boys, but 
he would not hear of it. He opened the gates, carried my umbrella, 
and stayed with me until he saw me safe at home. I complimented 
him to his mother, but she assured me that he would never have 
thought of aoing anything else, for when the father could not accom- 
pany her, Harry had been taught to do so. I had always assured my 
boys that I could take care of myself, but I wish now I had made 
them take care of me." 




THIS chapter is devoted to the gathering up of the 
fragments that remain from all the other depart- 
ments that cannot be rigidly classified, and yet are 
useful to remember. 
There are many minute points of etiquette which, although not 
extremely important, often serve as a source of embarrassment to 
uninitiated persons, and upon which information that can be relied 

upon is desired. 

Who Bows First? 

Whether the lady or gentleman should bow first is a point where 
many differ. That the lady should bow first, most authorities agree 
in declaring. This acts as a safeguard to a lady, permitting her to 
drop an undesirable acquaintance, as a failure to bow would be con- 
sidered the " cut direct." But some ladies are forgetful of faces, and 
some are near-sighted, thus preventing ready recognition of others ; 
so that, while this custom might apply to introductions given at a ball, 
still, a bow hurts no one, and an undesirable acquaintance is easily 
dropped without this rudeness. Hence it would seem that, whichever 
one recognizes first, the other ought to have the privilege of bowing 
without breaking this social law, which is better observed in the spirit 
than in the letter. 

"Lady" or "Gentleman?" 

These terms have come to be used so continuously, and sometimes 
so meaninglessly that they bid fair to crowd out the sweet, strong 
words, "man" and "woman," and a revulsion of taste has swept in 
that goes nigh in some "sets" to utterly swamp the "lady" and 
" gentleman." Either extreme is a mistake. 
364 



GENERAL ETIQUETTE. 365 

There is a right and wrong use of these terms ; for example, one 
says to one's servants, or to one'b children, " I expect some ladies to 
visit me to-morrow," while later, referring to them in conversation 
with a friend, one may say, "they are women of exquisite culture." 
A matron may speak of young ladies as " girls," but if she be not 
intimate, "young ladies," is more usual, or she may address them 
collectively as "young women." 

Misuse of the Term " Lady." 

The term " lady " has been more abused than that of " gentleman." 
The words " fore-lady," "sales-lady," "wash-lady," have rendered it 
ludicrous when one thinks of contrasting it with the terms, happily 
never used, of "tore-gentleman," "sales-gentleman," etc. 

Formal consideration asks " if the ladies are at home," and refined 
custom requires it. But to express the graces and endowments of a 
woman, it is her womanliness that is emphasized. " She is a gracious, 
sweet-tempered, kindly woman." The same distinction applies to the 
use of the term " gentleman," or "man." 

Says one writer, giving some examples of the use of these words : 
"A polite host would say, 'The men are looking for some ladies who 
would enjoy a game of tennis,' or, 'I can promise the young ladies a 
pleasant time, for there will be a great many dancing men present.' 
One gentleman says to another, in expressing his admiration, ' Miss 
Blank is my ideal of a lovely and lovable woman' (he does not say 
4 lady'), but in the same breath he may add, 'Let us join the ladies 
(not 'women') on the balcony.' " 

One should always say "she is such a sweet old lady," rather than 
"she is such a sweet old woman." 

Much might be said in this regard, but after all, exact discrimina- 
tion of the proper term at the proper time must be left somewhat to 
the personal judgment of each man and woman. 

The leading business and professional men owe their success, in 
qreat measure, to their graciousness in business manners. It is well, 
from many points of view, to form the habit of treating all, rich and 



366 GENERAL ETIQUETTE. 

poor, men and women, with uniform courtesy. The pleasant business 
man draws the largest custom. The polite professional man secures 
the best clientage. 

Pay bills and drafts promptly, or else explain satisfactorily to your 
creditor when you will be able to meet the obligation. If your word 
has always been as good as your bond, in nine cases out of ten he will 
grant the extension of time desired. 

Keep appointments to the moment. If unable to do so, send a 
messenger to explain. Finish your business promptly and then leave. 
Time is money. Never misrepresent goods, nor allow others in your 
employ so to do. 

Enclose a stamped envelope for reply when asking for information 
that is to benefit yourself solely. Answer letters of inquiry promptly. 
Do not display curiosity in regard to business matters that do not 
concern you, nor try to examine the books or private papers of 
another. Be polite to all employes. They will give much better 
service. 

Business Forms are always useful, hence we furnish some that are 
in constant use : 

A Promissory Note. 

$300. Chicago, 111., Novembers. 189 — . 

Ninety days after date I promise to pay to Charles Chapman, or order, at the 
Second National Bank, Three Hundred Dollars, value received. 

Martin Voorhees. 

If it is intended to draw interest that should be added, thus, "with 
interest at six per cent." 

A Joint Note. 

$200. Saeida, Col., December 2, 189—. 

Three months after date we jointly promise to pay Howard Crosby, or order, 

Two Hundred Dollars, value received. «„ ,„„ „, „,^„„ 

' Grace Harding. 

George Harding. 

A Receipt on Account. 

$500. San Mateo, Cal., November 1, 189—. 

Received of George Woods, Five Hundred Dollars, on account. 

Frank James. 



GENERAL ETIQUETTE. 367 

A Receipt in Full. 

$200. Louisana, Mo., October 31, 189—. 

Received of John Jenkins, Two Hundred Dollars, in full for all demands up to 
date. 

James Higgins. 
Form for a Bill. 

New York, December 3, 189 — . 
Mr. John Henson. 

To James Carroee, Dr. 

To 10 pounds coffee, @ 30c „ $3-oo 

To 20 pounds sugar, @ 5c , . 1.00 

To 2 pounds lard, @ 18c .36 

To 1 pound tea, @ 60c 60 

$4.96 

What and What Not to Say 

Don't say " I feel good," for " I feel well." 

Don't say " these kind," but " this kind." 

Don't say " not so good as," for " not as good as." 

Don't say " between three," but " among three." 

Don't describe an unusual occurence as "' funny," unless something 
comic is meant. Strange, peculiar, unique, odd, are better expressions. 

Don't say a garment " sets good," but it " fits well." 

Don't say "had rather," "had better," for "would rather," "would 
better." 

Don't speak of articles of diet as " healthy," but as " healthful " 01 
" wholesome." 

Don't say "fix my gown," "fix this room," but "arrange my gown," 
"the room." The best authorities rarely use fix, except to indicate 
stability or permanence. You don't fix the house, you repair it. 

Say money is "plentiful," not "plenty." 

Say "between you and me." 

Say " If he should live," " If he should come," instead of " If he 
comes," " If he live." 

Don't say " I have saw" for " I have seen." 

Don't say " dress ; " if a lady, say " gown." The word dress 
applies to the entire toilet. Gown, to the one article. 



368 GENERAL ETIQUETTE. 

Various Hints on Etiquette. 

Enter a room as if you felt yourself entitled to a welcome, but 
wished to take no undue advantage of it. 

Do not press a favor where you see it will be unwelcome. 

Treat all the guests you meet at your friend's table, for the time 
being, as your equals. 

A very trifling and yet important thing that even' woman should 
know is that it is exceedingly inelegant in rising from a chair to raise 
herself by pressure on the arms. Unless she is old or infirm she 
should rise without assistance. 

Do not rush into a friendship with everybody you meet. Friend- 
ships so quickly made are quickly broken. 

In another man's house do not take upon yourself to play the host 
— not even at the host's request. 

In making gifts let them be in proportion to your means. A rich 
man does not thank a poor man for making him a present which he 
knows the giver cannot afford. 

Do not claim the acquaintance of a man of rank on the ground 
that you once met him at a house to which you had been invited. 

Let it be said of you as it was said of Macaulay, that he remem- 
bered everything, " except an injury." 

In making calls, do your best to lighten the infliction to your 
hostess. Do not stay long; and do not enter upon a subject of con- 
versation which may terrify her with the apprehension that you intend 
to remain until you have exhausted it. 

Do not give another, even if it be a better, version of a story 
already told by one of your companions. 

The touchstone of good manners is the way in which a man behaves 
to his superiors or inferiors. 

It is not proper for a gentleman to call upon a lady unless he has 
first received permission to do so. 

It is not proper for a gentleman to wear his overshoes in the draw- 
ing-room. 




A MORNING WALK. 



24 



370 GENERAL ETIQUETTE. 

Children or young people should never monopolize the most desir- 
able positions and most comfortable chairs. 

No gentleman will smoke while walking, riding or driving with a 
lady, or while speaking to her in the street. Sometimes, at informal 
summer resorts, there is a little latitude allowed here. 

If a dinner party is given in honor of a lady, it is the host's place to 
go in to dinner first, taking in the lady in whose honor the dinner is 
given. Furthermore, it is proper, under some circumstances, for the 
hostess to go in to dinner last with the husband of the lady whom the 
host is escorting. 

It is proper to help all the ladies, including those of the household, 

before any gentleman is helped, no matter how distinguished a person 

he may be. 

First Attentions for Ladies. 

When the visitors are gentlemen, and only a mother and daughter 
are at the table, the maid ought first to serve the mother, then the 
daughter and last the gentlemen. If the mother serves tea at luncheon 
she helps the daughter first, and after her the men guests. The rule 
is always that a lady takes precedence. 

On leaving the table at a public place, such as a restaurant or hotel 
dining-room, the lady precedes the gentleman. 

Apples are pared, and eaten in small quarters, at dessert. Grapes 
are plucked from their stems, and the pulp squeezed out in the mouth, 
while the fingers hold the skins, which are laid at one side of the 
plate. Bananas are peeled, cut in thin slices, and eaten with a fork. 
Peaches are eaten after paring, with a silver knife and fork. Oranges 
are skinned by cutting in quarters, or left whole, and the sections are 
then pulled apart, and eaten, rejecting the seeds into the hand. 

Celery is usually dipped into the salt-cellar, and eaten from the 
stalk, or it can be cut on the plate, in small bits, and eaten with a 
fork. When dining at a hotel you can partake of the side dishes on 
the same plate that meat and potato have been served, or ask the 
waiter to change your plate, as you prefer. 

When fried eggs are used for a breakfast dish, they are put upon 



GENERAL ETIQUETTE. 371 

your plate, from the side dish ; but in many homes, eggs are baked in 
small dishes, each person being served with a dish, which should be 
well buttered before putting in the egg to be cooked. 

It does not matter upon which side of her escort a lady sits at 
table. The gentleman will draw out a chair for the lady, if a waiter 
is not in attendance to do it, and take the next seat himself. 

When passing your plate to be helped a second time, lay the knife 
and fork at the left-hand side. 

Do not, if talking to a friend, drop all conversation so soon as a 
child requires attention, or has some childish remark to make. 

When in parlor, or drawing-room, if a woman, standing, hands a 
cup, a book, a flower, or any article to a man who is seated, he should 
rise to receive it. This rule is without exception. 

Minor Usages of the Best Society. 

When a man offers a lady any civility, a stranger or an acquaint- 
ance, opens a door, hands her a parcel she has dropped, or offers her 
a seat, he should lift his hat at the same moment. 

If a young lady accepts the escort of a gentleman to an entertain- 
ment, she should never accompany him, at its close, to a restaurant 
for refreshments unless she is chaperoned by a lady much older than 
herself. 

"Good-evening" is a proper salutation upon entering a room for a 
call. " Good-night" upon retiring at its close. 

A man on horseback, who sees a lady wishes to stop him, will dis- 
mount and walk by her side, leading his horse, for there are few 
occasions on which it is permissible to stand talking on the street. 

A lady may permit a man walking with her to carry any small 
parcel that she has, but never more than one. 

A lady wishing to avoid bowing to an undesirable acquaintance, 
must look aside, or drop the eyes, for if the eyes meet a bow is abso- 
lutely necessary. 

If a lady asks a man to accompany her to a place of amusement, 
she must provide the conveyance. 



372 GENERAL ETIQUETTE. 

If a lady invites a man to drive with her, he should walk to her 
house, unless the distance is too great, when she should offer to call 
for him. If this is the case, he should watch, and, if possible, meet 
her on the way. 

Do not refuse to accept an apology; even if friendship is not 
restored, an open quarrel will be averted. 

Do not be familiar with a new acquaintance. One can be courteous 
without familiarity. 

Breaches of Etiquette. 

It is a breach of etiquette to remove the gloves when making a 
formal call. 

It is a breach of etiquette to stare around the room. 

It is a breach of etiquette for a caller who is waiting the entrance 
of the hostess to open the piano or touch it if it is open. 

It is a breach of etiquette to go to the room of an invalid unless 
invited. 

It is a breach of etiquette to look at your watch when calling.* 

It is a breach of etiquette to walk around the room when waiting 
for the hostess. 

It is a breach of etiquette for the caller to open or shut a door, raise 
or lower a window curtain, or in any other way alter the arrangement 
of a room. 

It is a breach of etiquette to turn your chair so as to bring your 
back to some one near you. 

It is a breach of etiquette when making a call to play with any orna- 
ment in the room, or to seem to be aware of anything but the company 
present. 

It is a breach of etiquette to remain when you find the host or 
hostess dressed to go out. 

It is a breach of etiquette during a call to draw near the fire to warm 
your hands or feet, unless you are invited by the mistress of the house 
to do so. 

It is a breach of etiquette to make remarks upon a caller who has 
just left the room, whether by the hostess or visitors. 



GENERAL ETIQUETTE. 



373 



It is a breach of etiquette and a positive unkindness to call upon a 
friend who is in reduced circumstances with any parade of wealth in 
equipage or dress. 

It is a breach of etiquette for the hostess to leave the room when 
visitors are present. 

It is a breach of etiquette to assume any ungraceful or uncouth 
position, such as standing with the arms akimbo, sitting astride a 
chair, smoking in the presence of ladies, wearing your hat, leaning 
back in the chair, standing with legs crossed or feet on the chairs, 
leaning forward in the chair with elbows on the knees. All these acts 
stamp you as ill-bred and unpolished. 





DUQUETTE 



N addition to the ordinary rules of eti- 
quette, official society in Washington 
City is governed by a code of fixed 
laws. The social observances of the White 
House are prescribed with great exactness, and constitute the Court 
Etiquette of the Republic. At the very commencement of the Gov- 
ernment under the Constitution the social question became one of 
great magnitude, and in order to adjust it upon a proper basis, Presi- 
dent Washington caused a definite Code to be drawn up ; but the rules 
were too arbitrary and exacting to give satisfaction, and society was 
not disposed to acknowledge so genuine an equality as the code 
required among its members. Frequent and bitter quarrels arose in 
consequence of the clashing of social claims, and at last a code was 
agreed upon, which may be stated as follows : 

The Recognized Head. 

The President and his family are recognized as the head and front 
of the social structure. The President, as such, must not be invited 
to dinner by any one, and accepts no such invitations, and pays no 
calls or visits of ceremony. He may visit in his private capacity at 
pleasure. 

An invitation to dine at the White House takes precedence of all 
others, and a previous engagement must not be pleaded as an excuse 
for declining it. Such an invitation must be promptly accepted in 
writing. 

During the winter season, a public reception or levee is held at 
374 



WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 375 

stated times, at which guests are expected to appear in full dress. 
They are presented by the usher to the President, and have the honor 
of shaking hands with him. They then pass on, and are presented by 
another usher to the wife of the President, to whom they bow, and 
pass on. These receptions last from eight until ten o'clock p. m. 

On the first of January and the Fourth of July the President holds 
public receptions, commencing at noon, at which the Foreign Ministers 
present in Washington appear in full court dress, and the officers of 
the army and navy in full uniform. On such occasions, the President 
receives first the Heads of Departments, Governors of States, Justices 
of the Supreme Court and Members of the two Houses of Congress, 
in the order named ; then the Members of the Diplomatic Corps, who 
are followed by the officers of the army and navy. The doors are 
then thrown open to the general public, who for the space of two 
hours pay their respects to the Chief Magistrate of the Nation. 

The Vice-President of the United States is expected to pay a formal 

visit to the President on the meeting of Congress, but he is entitled to 

the first visit from all other persons, which he may return by card or 

in person. 

Formal Calls. 

The Judges of the Supreme Court of the United States call upon 
the President and Vice-President on the annual meeting of the court 
in December, and on New Year's Day and the Fourth of July. They 
are entitled to the first call from all other persons. 

Members of the Cabinet call upon the President on the first of 
January and the Fourth of July. They are required to pay the first 
calls, either in person or by card, to the Vice-President, the Judges 
of the Supreme Court, Senators and the Speaker of the House of 
Representatives on the meeting of Congress. They are entitled to 
the first call from all other persons. 

Senators call in person upon the President and Vice-President on 
the meeting of Congress, New Year's Day and the Fourth of July, 
if Congress is in session at the last named time. They also call first 
upon the Judges of the Supreme Court, and upon the Speaker of the 



376 WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 

House of Representatives on the meeting of Congress. They are 
entitled to the first call from all other persons. 

The Speaker of the House of Representatives calls upon the Presi- 
dent on the meeting of Congress, on New Year's Day, and on the 
Fourth of July, if Congress is in session. The first call is due from 
him to the Vice-President and the Judges of the Supreme Court, but 
to him from all other persons. 

Members of the House of Representatives call in person upon the 
President on the meeting of Congress, and on New Year's Day, and 
by card or in person on the Fourth of July, if Congress is in session. 
They call first, by card or in person, upon the Vice-President, the 
Judges of the Supreme Court, Speaker of the House, Senators, Cabi- 
net Officers and Foreign Ministers, soon after the opening of the session. 

Ministers from Foreign Countries. 

Foreign Ministers call upon the President on the first of January 
and the Fourth of July. They call first, in person or by card, upon 
the Vice-President, Cabinet Officers, Judges of the Supreme Court 
and the Speaker of the House on the first opportunity after presenting 
their credentials to the President. They arlso make an annual call of 
ceremony, by card or in person, on the above mentioned officials soon 
after the meeting of Congress. They are entitled to the first calls 
from all other persons. 

The Judges of the Court of Claims call in person upon the Presi- 
dent on New Year's Day and the Fourth of July. They pay first calls 
to Cabinet Officers and Members of the Diplomatic Corps, and call 
annually, by card or in person, upon the Vice-President, Judges of the 
Supreme Court, Senators, Speaker and Members of the House soon 
after the meeting of Congress. 

The intercourse of the other officers of the Government is regulated 
by superiority of rank in the public service. 

The intercourse of the families of officials is regulated by the rules 
which govern the officials themselves. 

Besides the public levees of the President, the ladies of the White 



WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 377 

House hold receptions at stated periods, to which invitations are 
regularly issued. The President sometimes appears upon these 
occasions, but is under no obligation to do so. 

It has long been the custom for the President to give a series of 
State Dinners during the session of Congress, to which the various 
members of that body, the higher Government officials and the Diplo- 
matic Corps are successively invited. In order to show attention to 
all, and offend none, it is necessary to give quite a number of these 
dinners during the session. 

[The proper titles to be used in addressing the President, Members 
of the Cabinet, Members of Congress, Judges of the Supreme Court 
and other Government officials, are found in the Department on 
" Letter- Writing."] 




wyiJiVBiffiSKSs 



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v< 



DEL5ARTEAN DI$CIPLINl1 



'/J/ A I AHE end and aim of all our work should be the 

1 harmonious growth of our whole being," says 
Froebel. "Know thyself," quoth Epictetus, 
/M the Stoic, and, knowing thyself, grow strong of mind, 

self-centered and self-possessed. " Know thyself," reiter- 
ates the modern disciple of Delsarte, since only by knowledge of sell 
can be developed the real personality of the individual. 

Grace and self-possession are the aim of Delsarte ; it therefore fairly 
falls within the province of a work on etiquette to look somewhat into 
the subject. If one would control others he must first control himself, 
possess himself. Delsarte looked upon the nature of man as a trinity, 
and believed that the mental, moral and physical should be educated 
at the same time. Modern education tends to develop man in special 
directions to the neglect of others. Either the overstrained mental 
faculties revenge themselves by giving us the nervous, broken-down, 
mental type so common ; or else we have the crude physical type 
wherein ordinary labor has exercised but a few muscles and joints. 

The Three Languages. 

Again, says Delsarte, " Man has for the expression of his triune 
nature three languages, the w r ord, the tone, the gesture. Tones 
express bodily conditions, pleasure or pain. Words are symbols to 
interpret thought. Gestures relate to other beings and express our 
emotions. Of these three, the first receives undue cultivation, since we 
study all the words that have been said or written, while singers and 
actors alone cultivate tone or gesture." 

Thus it comes that "the soul struggles to speak through an imper- 
fect instrument ; sometimes it ceases to struggle and finally has 
nothing to say." 
378 



DELSARTEAN DISCIPLINE. 379 

In labor the man moves, special muscles do special work, but when 
a man is moved, an undulating " wave of feeling passes over him and 
his whole body becomes eloquent." A bow may be so careless and 
jerky as to be almost an insult, or it may be so gracious as to seem a 
caress. Again, the real self, gracious and beautiful, may strive to 
express itself through a set of faculties that are hardened and nar- 
rowed by decades of self-constraint on the part of himself and his 
ancestors. 

" Physical habits have a way of making themselves felt by a reflex 
action on the inner nature," and with this axiom in view we feel that 
cultivation of the Delsartean Art of Expression becomes a vital part of 
our education to the end that all our emotions and all our tones may 
become "the outward and visible signs of an inward and spiritual 
nature." This principle may be called the keynote of Delsarteanism, 
and Edmond Russell, that modern exponent thereof, claims that as 
these beautiful, expressive gymnastics are for the purpose of correcting 
individual deviations from grace, no regular set of rules should be 
printed for the use of all, but that each special angularity of person or 
harshness of tone must be corrected by special exercises. 

Harmonious Development of the Body. 

Nevertheless, there are many set forms of movements by the prac- 
tice of which none can fail to derive benefit both for the inner and the 
outer man. Other physical gymnastics seek to give strength to cer- 
tain sets of muscles to the neglect of others. The rythmical move- 
ments of the Delsarte system bring into action each muscle of the 
body without wearying any, to the harmonious developing of all, 
since in all, save exceptional cases, it will be found, upon beginning 
this treatment, that more than half the muscles of the body are unused, 
while the other, and overworked half, move in stiff and angular 
fashion. 

All students will discover it is first requisite that an "undoing pro- 
cess" shall precede the "upbuilding process." Stiffness of joint, or 
tension of muscles, whether recognized or not, must first be done 



380 DELSARTEAN DISCIPLINE. 

away with before "the body can be molded to the expression of high 
thought." For this purpose the "decomposing," "relaxing" or "de- 
vitalizing" motions are given. The old gymnast doubled up the fist 
and, with great tension, gave a blow which jarred the whole nervous 
system. The "freeing" motions of Delsarte give harmonious, restful, 
wave movements to all portions of the anatomy. 

Graceful motions are never in the nature of a blow struck straight 
from the shoulder, but curves and spirals constitute the lines of 
beauty. Nature shows us this in the free untrammelled motions of a 
child, or again in man, when his whole nature is so stirred to its 
best and sweetest depths that he is carried out of his usual tense, con- 
scious self into unconscious rythmic expression of his feeling. What 
nature does for us in times of great excitement Delsarte will do for us 
at all times by means of his exercises, practiced until the conscious 
mechanical motion becomes unconscious, automatic, and the body 
grows responsive to all high emotions and impulses. 

Relaxing the Muscles. 

In relaxing movements, the whole arm and hand, shoulder, elbow, 
wrist, fingers, are shaken until the joints are completely relaxed and a 
warm, tingling sensation passes through the entire arm. It is then 
dropped at the side in perfect passivity. The result is twofold — a 
feeling of repose and controlling power, and an absence of that ner- 
vous tendency to "fidget," or handle something, glove buttons, or 
watch chain, without which a morning call can scarcely be accom- 
plished by either hostess or guest. This alone will give us a sense of 
perfect rest which we have never before experienced. Similar exercises 
are given for other portions of the body — legs and feet — a revolving 
of the head to limber the neck ; a revolution of the shoulders and the 
body to gain that flexibility which is the secret of grace. 

Delsartean exercises break up constrained awkward physical habits, 
establish in their stead restful, graceful, natural ones. Of these there 
are many classes. 

The Delsarte relaxing exercises precede and prepare the way for 



DELSARTEAN DISCIPLINE. 381 

all others. In their restful removal of nerve-tension they appeal espe- 
cially to the overworked, nervous class. 

The Delsarte sleep exercises are useful in overcoming insomnia. 
The Delsarte laws of expression give us a key to character, study, 
and the laws that underlie all art. The Delsarte work develops self- 
possession. The Delsarte rythmical exercises enable one not only to 
appear better and feel better, but, by a reflex action, to be better. 

In this physical work the first object is an entire, absolute letting 
go of all unnecessary tension, all tension that has overstrained the 
muscles through an excess of effort in our daily life, though many 
times this effort is purely unconscious on the part of the individual. 
" How many a patient, trusting soul do we see with the muscles of 
the forehead strained and elevated until the eyebrows never fall to 
their normal height," or the brows are contracted until the hard lines 
graven between the eyes ever bespeak either pain or care. 

The founders of the Benedictine nuns caught some echo of this 
truth when, by a rule of their order, no sister among them is permitted 
to wear a frown upon her brow. And the placid-faced sisterhood 
evidence in their sweet expressions the close relation between the 
exoteric and esoteric of our natures ; the reflex action between the 
physical and the spiritual entities of our being. 

Art of Breathing. 

There are a few general points that may be given here to the im- 
provement of many little habits that unconsciously enslave us and to 
the " letting go" of the " officious personal endeavor" that we make, 
as it were, to hold ourselves together — never believing that nature is 
more capable of the task. After the decomposing exercises comes the 
practice of one of the first Delsartean axioms : " Control at the center, 
freedom at the extremities." Without this control the newly acquired 
flexibility will be weak and affected. 

To obtain this control the art of breathing must first be acquired. 
To do this properly the chest should be inflated and thrown forward 
by the action of the diaphragm and held as the most prominent part 



882 DELSARTEAN DISCIPLINE. 

of the body; a position too often usurped by the inferior abdomen. 
The same motion which throws out the chest should draw in the lower 
part of the trunk, hanging it from the curve of the spine. In the 
proper attitude for good breathing the hips turn slightly inward and 
the chin goes back, but not up. There should be no effort to throw 
back the shoulders. Take care of the chest, and the shoulders will 
take care of themselves. 

Position of the Shoulders. 

Mrs. Edmond Russell says she would "like to make a call that 
would reach every man and woman in the country. ' Lift up your 
shoulders.' When one says this nine-tenths of them stiffen at the 
neck, throw themselves backward and project the body below the 
waist, the whole figure out of line. No, you should get the poise of 
a Greek goddess." Lift the chest, with the shoulders down, until it is 
on a line with the toes. This throws the extension on the center of 
the body where it should be. The heart and lungs now have full play. 
Close the lips ; draw in the air through the nostrils, using the muscles 
below the diaphragm as a bellows, until the pressure against the ribs 
has a bursting sensation. Keep this tension firmly and steadily as 
long as you can ; then slowly and gradually let the breath out through 
the lips. If you wish to sing, or recite, or even to talk, see what 
power is at your command. 

"Try this breathing, inspiration, retention, expiration — these three 
movements — at night before you go to bed, when the body is free : 
in the morning before you dress. When you walk take in great, 
glorious lungsful of air until full, or deep breathing becomes a habit. 
Believe me, breathing properly is a certain cure for nervousness, shy- 
ness and embarrassment." 

It gives command and freedom of motion, a sense of power. Keep 
the lips closed and breathe only through the nostrils. This is a most 
important fact to remember, and should always be impressed upon 
children. The cold air should never be taken directly into the lungs 
as is the case when it is inhaled through the parted lips. Children, as 



DELSARTEAN DISCIPLINE. 383 

well as grown people, should learn to keep the mouth closed during 
sleep ; this would prevent many lung diseases, the disagreeable habit 
of snoring, and the vacant, inane expression produced by an open 
mouth. 

There is no better exercise to acquire a good habit of breathing 
than reading aloud. Try how much can be read easily, without 
strain, upon a single inflation of the lungs. Never gasp, catch up, 
or piece out a breath. " You may add years to your life by the 
simple act of breathing." Every public speaker knows, or should 
know, the feeling of repose and self-possession that comes over him 
as he calmly, silently, faces his audience long enough to draw three 
of these deep, full breaths. Nervousness has vanished ; he and his 
audience have had time to become acquainted, and, having command 
over himself, he is able to command the minds of those before him. 

Standing and Walking. 

When one has learned to breathe properly, then it is that standing 
and walking may be practiced. Lift up the chest, inflate the lungs 
naturally, as in paragraph on breathing, then step up to the front of a 
door, letting the toes touch the woodwork. At the same time the 
forehead should meet the upper portion of the door, when it may be 
assumed that a perfect standing posture has been taken. The poise 
will seem at first to be a little forward of a straight line, but to dis- 
prove this it will be found that a plumb line dropped from the ear will 
fall through shoulder, hip and ankle. The head will be poised as if 
to carry a burden steadily on the crown and the weight of the body 
will rest on the ball of the foot, not the heel. 

This position may seem insecure at first, as well as stiff and self- 
conscious. With some this sensation will wear off sooner than with 
others, according to their adaptability, and the result will be assured 
power for long, graceful, strengthening walks. 

In walking, a common fault is to let the knees bend continuous!}-; 
this gives a " flabbyness" to the whole personal expression, that 
.always seems an outward exponent of a " weak-kneed " character. 



384 DELSARTEAN DISCIPLINE. 

The knees, to obviate this, should be stiffened when walking. In the 
other extreme, most women stiffen the ankle-joint unduly, thus giving 
a straight up and down cramped walk, which is accompanied by 
coming down with all force upon the heel, thereby producing a jar 
throughout the entire nervous system, as well as an awkward locomo- 
tion. In this way all benefit of the strong, natural spring of the 
instep, which tends to lessen this jar and give grace and springiness to 
the step is lost, and much weariness of the flesh is the result. 

Mrs. Russell says: "We have a system of levers to do our walking 
with, and they act precisely as do all levers. One leg is a lever to 
pry the body over the other leg, and the latter becomes a pendulum 
and swings back by force of gravity. When you walk three miles 
and feel as if you could walk ten, you are walking that way. When 
you are tired out, you arc taking irregular steps and walking on your 
heels. 

"In walking the foot should be used as an elastic arch, the ball 
striking the ground first, not the heel. Trying to step too far is 
productive of awkwardness. Hurrying is another cause. It is bad 
walking to lift up your foot and put it down. If the sole of the foot 
shows at all, it should be from the rear. What is wanting is elasticity. 
Swinging the arms in walking, which is universal, is absolutely 
unnecessary, and purely a waste of strength. Let them hang 
pendulum fashion." 

Stair-Climbing. 

" Trained stair-climbers should be the healthiest as well as the 
most beautiful of women, yet," says Mrs. Russell, "a town of stairs 
given, and I will prophesy thin, eye-circled, cross-looking women." 
All of this is to be laid to the fact that most women climb stairs in 
the hardest and most awkward manner. 

" In going up-stairs there should be no waddling from side to side, 
no trudging, no leaning forward, and no apparent weariness. The body 
should remain erect, the step should be taken with the ball of the foot, 
and the movement to the next step be made with a springing motion. 
This produces a graceful, poetic elevation instead of a cumbersome 



DELSARTEAN DISCIPLINE. 385 

hauling of the body upward, and throws all of the strain upon the 
strong muscles of the calf of the leg. This slightly accented spring- 
ing from step to step leads the true system of pacing on level ground ; 
hence, the stairway may be made the walker's gymnasium." 

Art of "Letting Go." 

" Relax, relax," says Edmond Russell. " Let go the tense hold 
of your arms that is wearing out your vitality. You will get rest by 
doing this. Sleepless people will fall asleep. Stop holding yourself 
in a knot and relax. Hold up the chest, breathe slowly and deeply 
through the nose, and relax the extremities." 

"Try letting go," says Mrs. Russell ; "it is a great rest. You can 
let yourself go for a few moments in the theater, in a crowd, in 
church, in the street car, anywhere. It is the universal habit to hold 
on to one's self with a grip that would almost lift one's weight, muscles 
tightened, nerves strained to no purpose. The mind is too eager and 
fast for the body. The result is exhaustion." 

"How shall it be avoided? Take the will out of the body when it 
is not in action. In walking, let the lower limbs do the work ; the 
arms have nothing to do : let them be carried as attachments, pendu- 
lums if you will, but at rest." Let the hands fall easily when sitting 
in carriage, street car, or drawing-room. 

On Corset Wearing. 

The wearing of corsets meets the strong disapproval of all Del- 
sarteans, as "control of the breath underlies gesture, walk and voice," 
and a tightened corset-lace necessarily cramps the breathing power. 
The tight, high collar is also objectionable for the same reason. 

An English writer justly observes that "all the greater harmonies 
and higher courtesies of life must extend over the whole body." 
Now, in great emotions the chest expands, and especially the lower 
part where the ribs are freest and intended to expand most, and this 
part it is that tight corsets most compress to attain the artificial waist. 
The figure, trying to accommodate itself to the new conditions 
25 



386 DELSARTEAN DISCIPLINE. 

becomes deteriorated in all directions. The back grows rounded, the 
ribs fall in, and the stomach obtrudes itself unduly ; all this to the 
injury of health and of harmonious beauty of form. 

Mr. Russell also asserts that a forced compression of the waist 
damages the power of the figure as an instrument for the expression 
of emotions, the result of all this being an unfavorable reaction upon 
the mind and character of the unfortunate victims. One of his maxims 
is : "A beautiful woman is at her lowest plane in a tight-fitting dress ; 
an ugly woman on her highest in drapery ! " 

General Remarks. 

Educated men and women of to-day study social, domestic and 
political economy, forgetting that vital economy that Dclsartc teaches 
is more essential to our interests and the interests of our descendants. 

" Relax, relax, relax!" one is tempted to cry in unison with 
Eclmond Russell. Give us what there is in you. Make yourself 
" a being whose body is the exponent of the soul responsive to every 
command of the spirit." 

Cease limping through life on high-heeled shoes. Cease lifting the 
shoulders, fidgeting the hands, painfully raising the eyebrows, and 
contorting the face into a meaningless smile. Remember that all 
facial contortions leave indelible traces in their wake. The laugh, or 
broad smile that half closes, or squints the eyes, engraves those fine 
ray-like, much-dreaded lines about the eye, known as crow's feet. 
Remember that " laughter ages the face more than tears." Smile 
more often with the eyes. Let them light up and laugh for you. 
Trust me, in most cases a vast improvement will result, since scarcely 
any adult laughs well, and if there is some trait of affectation, frivolity, 
cruelty, or even coarseness in the character, uncontrolled laughter will 
be the sure exponent thereof. 

Rest more. Do not try to accomplish too many things at once. 
Do not let your thoughts be weeks or days ahead of you and the 
task in hand. This would be imposing double duty upon the already 
strained physique. If the body is at one store, do not let the mind 



•DELSARTEAN DISCIPLINE. 



387 



fly off to snop in half a dozen other stores to snatch "bargains" from 
the hands of other over-burdened ones. 

Straighten out the frowns on your strained brows. Cease carrying 
numberless loose packages, and loads of heavy skirts in your hands, 
and struggling with the well-dressed mob to secure coveted bargains. 
They are dearly bought at the loss of beauty, youth and repose. One 
such day ages the face. If you do not believe it, ye dwellers in cities, 
go stand before your mirror next time you reach home, dusty, rasped, 
fragmentary, weary from a day of counter-shoving, neither mistress of 
yourself nor those about you, and the face that meets your gaze will 
tell its own story. 

Rightly does Herbert Spencer say, "We have had something too 
much of the gospel of work, it is time to preach the gospel of 
relaxation." 

And this chapter will have reached its aim if it shall be the means 
of inducing any to become disciples of Delsarte, restful converts of 
this gospel of relaxation, which is one with the Gospel of Beauty. 




RESS may be called the 
speech of the body," says 
Mrs. Haweis. 
A woman's dress should be so 
much the expression of herself that, 
seeing it, we think not of the gown, but of the woman who is its soul. 
The true art of dress is reached when it serves only to heighten the 
charms of the wearer, not to draw attention from her to center upon 
her garments. One writer on beauty in dress claims that " the object 
is threefold : to cover, to warm, to beautify," and in dealing with this 
latter point farther says that, " rather than to beautify, it is to empha- 
size beauty." To this statement should be added that its mission is 
also to minimize or do away with defects. 

Most dressing is done to enhance the beauty of the face, but 
women should remember that the tint of the complexion, the color cf 
hair and eyes, are but a small part of the personnel. The physique 
must be taken into account. The "type" is a fact fixed and inevitable, 
and the woman is wise who sets herself steadfastly to " develop and 
emphasize its beauties and overshadow and efface its defects." 

It is only by real study that a woman grows to understand and 
388 



ART OF DRESS. 389 

analyze her "type" and suit all accessories to her own personality ; to 
adjust, as it were, her "relations." Art, after all, is simply, as 
Edmund Russell admirably defines it, " relations, the right thing in 
the right place." 

Study your own individuality and assert it in your dress. " No 
woman needte ugly if she knows her own points," and some points 
of attractiveness every woman has. Lord Chesterfield, that cynical 
man of the world, assures us that "no woman is ugly when she is 
well dressed." That is, dressed with reference to revealing good 
points and concealing weak ones. Time spent in this study is gain, 
when one remembers in how many ways actual outward ugliness is 
an impediment. "The greater portion of ill-tempered, ugly women 
are ill-tempered simply because they believe themselves hopelessly 
ugly." A woman, finding her fairer friends constantly preferred 
despite her vain attempts to please, grows disheartened, then sarcastic, 
envious, ill-tempered, half unconsciously. 

" Knowledge is power ; beauty and knowledge combined are well- 
nigh all-powerful." 

Stout and Thin. 

Texture, color and form must all be considered in relation to the 
personal appearance or "type." The beautiful in itself is not always 
a safe guide, but its beauty in relation to the wearer must be the test. 
Fair, delicate, slender women make a great mistake when they over- 
weigh themselves with rich, heavy fabrics, no matter how beautiful 
these may be in themselves. Instead, they should keep to clinging, 
draping materials, sheer lawns and shining silks. 

On the contrary, the very stout woman may wear all manner of 
rich gownings that fall in gracious massive folds. Clad thus, her size 
will have about it a restful element of repose. Let her beware of 
closely fitted gowns. These tend to enhance the size they are 
supposed to conceal. Watteau or Princess robes falling from the 
shoulder in unbroken lines render her imposing. Little ruffles should 
be avoided, or frills of lace, and whatever drapery there be should 



390 ART OF DRESS. 

fall from shoulder or hip ; this gives T<r ng curving undulations that 
follow every movement. 

The stout woman should leave black satin severely alone ; reflect- 
ing the light, it reveals form and size relentlessly. " Revealed form is 
vulgar, suggested form poetic," says the high art of to-day, and who 
would not be poetic and gracious if she could? "If stout women," 
declares Edmund Russell, "would learn to move in grand, slow 
rythm, and wear textures so heavy that the lines of their figures were 
concealed, they would have a grandeur and dignity that no slender 
woman could hope to attain." 

Women must recognize their defects before they can hope to correct 
them. A tall, angular woman must adopt soft, fleecy materials, so 
made that they can float and curve about all ungraceful angles, hid- 
ing, or softening them. She of a deficient figure must never wear a 
plain, tightly fitting gown, unless it is relieved, and filled out with soft 
full vests, or veiled with falling folds of lace. 

There is only an occasional perfect form that will bear the merciless 
revelation of the plain, tight habit, and even then the suggestion of a 
concealing drapery heightens the beauty of the revealed curves. "All 
dress should be governed by shawl instead of glove rule," assert the 
latest canons of costume. 

Tall or Short. 

There are proportionately more women that are too short, than too 
tall. Always a little sensitive to this defect, some try to increase their 
stature by high heels, which renders their gait awkward, besides being 
injurious to health. Others endeavor to add to their apparent height 
by cultivating a long waist. This they do at the expense of shorten- 
ing the lower limbs, thus making themselves seem shorter than they 
actually are. Others strive to attain the same end by dressing the 
hair high, in this way too often adding to the apparent bulk of the 
head and giving a top-heavy appearance to the figure. It is here that 
a full-length glass becomes almost a necessity in the dressing-room, 
so that the entire effect of the figure may be observed at once, and 



ART OF DRESS. 391 

defects of this nature detected at a glance. Sometimes a high orna- 
ment worn at the top of the head apparently increases height, but 
beware of any bulky style. 

Long lines of drapery from shoulder to foot give the effect of height. 
Horizontal lines crossing the figure shorten the form. 

Short, stout women, by wearing short basques that make a line 
about the hips, or ruffles and puffs at the shoulders, increase their 
bulk and shorten their stature. 

Women too tall and slender use horizontal lines and puffed and 
ruffled effects to great advantage, thus increasing the apparent size of 
an arm by puffs and surrounding bands, or hips by the descriptive 
line of a basque. 

The way of wearing the hair, also, may greatly change the whole 
appearance. Worn at the nape of the neck it is domestic ; lower, 
romantic ; on a level with the head, classic ; on top of the head, 
stylish. 

Decorations. 

A tenet of Delsartean art asserts that, ''A decoration is to make 
something else beautiful and must not assert, but sacrifice itself. 
Ornament that has no use whatever is never, in any high sense, 
beautiful." 

A trimming with no reason for being is generally ungraceful. 
Buttons which fasten nothing should never be scattered over a gar- 
ment. Bows, which are simply strings tied together, should only be 
placed where there is some possible use for strings tied together. In 
short, according to Mrs. Haweis, " Anything that looks useful, and is 
useless, is in bad taste." For instance, the dress imitating a peasant 
or a fishwife is never so graceful or piquant as the real costume, 
since the handkerchief covering the peasant's bare neck is much more 
picturesque than a bodice trimmed in form of a kerchief. 

Slashes are at all times a most beautiful decoration. At shoulder, 
elbow, breast, edge of a flattened cap, the knees, cut just where a 
devotee of comfort might cut them to give more freedom of move- 
ment. The slash forms an unrivalled opportunity for displays of 



392 ART OF DRESS. 

color. Deep blue, parting to display a glimpse of amber, while 
through black, the combinations arc endless, and the whole gives the 
idea of a glimpse of an undergarment through an outer one. The 
contrast of a lining of vest, sleeve or panel is also a harmonious 
ornament. 

Decollete Costume. 

It is not the province of this work to decide the vexed question of 
the low-cut bodice for full dress. In this respect every woman will 
be a law unto herself, and every woman knows in her own mind the 
border line below which the corsage should not fall. All, however, 
do not know how greatly the hard, horizontal line of the low-cut 
bodice diminishes the appearance of height. Herein lies the great 
advantage of the heart or square-shaped opening showing the throat, 
since a dress high behind, or on the shoulders, gives all the height. 
Last, but not least, all the lovely curves of the throat are shown in 
this way, and any suspicion of angularity of the collar bone is hidden. 

A dress should never end directly upon the skin. The line of 
contact should always be softened by an edge of lace, tulle, or ruch- 
ing. First, for the idea of cleanliness ; second, because "nature abhors 
sharp edges." In flowers there are contrasts of color, but the) 7 are 
always softened, each shade stealing a little from the other as they 
blend. 

A regularly decollete gown is properly worn only during the same 
hours that a gentleman's dress suit is donned, that is, "from dusk to 
dawn." 

Sharp edges should be avoided as much as possible in the entire 
costume. A glove that ends exactly at the wrist bone, or a boot at 
the ankle joint, with a straight line, is always ugly ; so are dresses 
when they are cut in a circle close to the juncture of the neck with 
the shoulder, giving the neck a decapitated appearance. The line of 
contrast should always be softened with an edge of lace, or a neeklace, 
and only round, pretty throats should dare such a display. 

The skirt ought to appear, even if it is not, as a portion and a con- 
tinuance of the bodice. That is, " if the bodice be cut to fit the 



ART OF DRES^. 393 

figure tightly, the skirt ought properly to be plainly gored. If the 
bodice be full at the waist line, the skirt also should contain fullness, 
for this form signifies a loose, full garment bound at the waist with a 
girdle." 

Full waists and plain skirts, or vice versa, betray at once that skirt 
and bodice do not belong to each other. This course, however, is 
admissible at times, for instance, in case of the lovely, loose tea-jackets 
worn now, or in donning any cool lawn blouse, or dressing sacque for 
comfort. 

The trained skirt is a most graceful garb, adding to height and 
diminishing stoutness, but it is never suitable for the street. For 
house, evening or carriage toilets it is eminently proper and pretty. 
All the movements of the form are softened and dignified by its 
sweeping undulations until one comes to feel that short skirts are 
really a mistake for a house gown, since so much grace and beauty of 
motion are sacrificed thereby. 

Graceful Sleeves. 

Few women have beautiful arms above the elbow. Fatness is not 
correctness of form, so that a short sleeve, no sleeve, or the painful 
strap which is all so many evening dresses can boast, is by no means 
always a thing of beauty. 

A sleeve that falls in lace and frills just below the elbow hides 
many defects, besides softening, and rendering delicate, the lower arm 
and the hand. 

A sleeve long enough to turn upward as a cuff, is much more effec- 
tive than a simulated cuff, just as the thing itself is always better than 
an imitation. A sleeve that stops short at the wrist joint should be 
relieved by lace to be artistic. 

Full sleeves improve every form. The very stout should never 
make the mistake of wearing a very tight sleeve, since to do so 
simply increases the apparent size of the arm. A full sleeve bound 
to the arm between joints gives an impression of comfort and beauty 
like the slashed sleeve before mentioned. 



394 ART OF DRESS 

Painters have immortalized beautiful sleeves, as well as beautiful 
costumes. Indeed, . to decide on really beautiful gowns one must 
study the great masters — Gainsborough, Reynolds, Watteau — until 
the study of costume becomes what it should be — a study of art. 

Purchasing. 

There should never be trying contrasts in the quality of the various 
articles that go to make up the sum-total of dress. To expend almost 
the entire allowance on a gorgeous bonnet that puts every other detail 
of the costume to blush, or to wear a shabby cloak with an elegant 
gown are examples of injudicious expenditure. 

Instead, let it be remembered how many articles must be purchased 
and then so expend the sum to be drawn upon that it will not be 
exhausted on two or three expensive articles to the neglect of the 
necessary accessories. 

An important point to be considered is the surroundings in which 
the garments are to be worn. Whether one is to drive over country 
roads or walk city streets ; whether they must last one season or more. 
In this latter case care should be taken to choose quiet colors and 
inconspicuous patterns. 

If the gown must serve many purposes let it be of some plain wool 
goods, tastefully made, hat and gloves harmonizing in tint, the whole 
bearing the imprint of the true lady and suitable for almost any occa- 
sion. At the same time the entire outfit will have cost no more than 
the dearly-purchased silk gown that left no margin for hat, gloves, or 
shoes, and must be worn on every occasion, suitable or unsuitable, to 
the discomfort of the wearer and the ruin of the gown. 

If riding about in the country, choose wool fabrics that will not 
crease easily, or show r dust, and for summer, cotton materials that 
will come bright and fresh from the hands of the laundress. 

The Young Girl. 

Sweet simplicity alone should be the guide for the young girl's cos- 
tume. The dewy bloom of the cheek, the clear young eyes, the soft 



ART OF DRESS. 395 

rosebud lips, the sweet curves of the lithe form that come but once in 
a lifetime, are what we want most to see. 

No heavy velvets or gorgeous trimmings should be worn by any 
girl under twenty-one. To call attention to her ornaments is to 
detract from her priceless ornament of sweet and fleeting youth. 

Simple muslins and wools, soft, clinging silks and gauzes should 
be worn. Flowers are preferable to jewels. A necklace of pearls 
may be worn, should the complexion warrant, but other than this 
is a waste of money, and a waste of beauty. 

Soft colors, where the skin permits, simplicity in cut, little if any 
trimming, and we have the costume most fitting for a girl to wear, 
and when we say "fitting" we have found the key to perfect dressing. 

Diamonds and Precious Stones. 

Women seem to look upon diamonds as a sort of social parole, 
while, in truth, there are but few women who can wear them with- 
out detracting from their own brilliancy; without sacrificing them- 
selves to their jewels. 

Dark, brilliant eyes and dazzling teeth may wear them safely, or, 
very clear, cool skins with bright, blue eyes may dare them at their 
own risk. Yet, to "tip the ear with diamond fire" is sure to call 
attention from the best points of the face, and in too many cases 
simply effaces and outshines the face itself. 

Edmond Russell severely criticises diamond solitaires for earrings 
and esteems the stone a difficult one to wear except when small and 
used in quantities as settings for other jewels. 

The secret of good taste in jewels is for a woman to seek out those 
gems whose colors harmonize with or heighten her own tints, as she 
does the shades for her gown, and confine herself to them. It is quite 
the thing now to have a special stone, as it is to have a special per- 
fume. For instance, the turquoise is very becoming to some (it is 
Mrs. Langtry's stone), garnets or rubies to others. The pearl, where 
it can be worn, softens the face more than any other jewel. The 
moonstone is very nearly as effective, as well as the beautiful opal. 



396 ART OF DRESS. 

Rings, some authorities say, should be worn in barbaric profusion, 
or not at all. A slender, beautifully modeled hand can afford to be 
guiltless of rings. One less perfect in shape, but white, can be 
enhanced in charm by a blaze of jewels. 

Plump Women. 

In the days of the painter Rubens stout women were the most 
fashionable creatures that walked the face of the earth. Rubens would 
paint none other than those of very firm build, and so artistically did 
he drape them, so cleverly did he pose them, and so well did he color 
them, that every woman aspired to sit for his pictures. To be painted 
by Rubens was a guarantee of beauty, grace and feminine loveliness 
of every description. 

The Rubens woman is a stout woman. of good figure. Stout women 
nearly always have fine forms. Their bust line is good. It is low 
and the neck curve full, even if not very long. The Rubens artist 
makes the most of these good points and conceals others. 

In modern times, however, the stout woman finds that the fashions, 
are rarely meant for her. In view of this, a number of wealth}- New 
York women have banded themselves together in a Rubens Club, 
v/ith one of its chief aims the designing of dresses for the members. 
For this purpose a professional designer is chosen, an artist of no 
mean merit. 

The president of the Rubens Club, who is a woman of beauty and 
wealth and great loveliness of manner, had the honor of having 1 the 
first gown designed for herself. This was an evening robe of great 
beauty, a regular Rubens gown. 

The materials were dead white cashmere and dull black satin, with 
a very little lace and jet. The under gown, or the gown itself, 
more strictly speaking, fell from the shoulders in a long, loose 
robe. In the front there was a center trimming of black satin and 
lace and a heavy ruffle of lace outlined the bust and suggested the 
waist. A few jets were added. The back fitted closely, and around 
the foot extended a deep band of the black. 



ART OF DRESS. 397 

Over the Rubens gown fell a robe of the satin. It was caught at 
each shoulder and fell into a train three feet long when the wearer 
walked. In repose it lay around her feet, giving her height and a 
becoming setting. 

The good points of this gown are, first, the way it showed off the 
very plump neck of the wearer. The fine throat line was visible, but 
at the shoulders, where too much massiveness takes the place of fine 
firm flesh, the robe was draped. The arms were likewise covered at 
the top, their thickest part, and, as the robe fell over them when in 
repose, much of their apparent size disappeared. 

The robe had one very odd feature. The train was a doublet one. 
The back of the robe was little more than walking length, but the ends 
were very long indeed. This made a square court train like a mon- 
arch's robe, and could be easily brought front by the hand, for trim- 
ming or draper}- when the wearer was not walking. 

Black Satin and Sparkling Jets. 

In choosing the color of the gown to be snow-white instead of 
cream color, the artist knew what he was specifying. White is a dimin- 
ishing color, while cream color enlarges. The same with black satin.. 
Satin, being full of lights and shades, is uncertain in size, and it is 
preferable to silk or velvet, which makes the person thicker. The jets 
are dressy, wicked little ornaments that wink at you unexpectedly and 
disappear. 

Much pains are taken in choosing colors, and then comes the artist's 
real work. The hardest thing is to fit out his patrons with street 
gowns that will be conventional, and yet Rubenesque. To do this he 
takes advantage of the cape idea. A stout woman in a neat fitting 
gown, not too close under the bust, looks picturesque with a golf cape 
swinging from one shoulder. It gives her height. The dolmans that 
open in front and fall low at each side are admirable also, according 
to his ideas. 




^^/^.JkzJkJkA***. 



TT THING should be beautiful in itself, and it 
jLA_ should be beautiful for you." " Good dress- 
ing includes a suggestion of poetry;" but to 
gain this poetic grace careful study must be made of 
hair, eyes and skin, for a dress that is beautiful in 
itself, or beautiful on one wearer, may be a failure on another. 

Study to "compose" your costume well ; then, donning it, cease 
to think of it or yourself. Lead up gently to all contrasting colors 
that are introduced into a costume for linings of loose draperies, 
sleeves, or as vests. Glaring contrasts, or " spotty" effects should be 
guarded against. All brilliant colors in a costume should be reached 
gradually like a climax in music, or a high light in a fine painting. 
Otherwise there is a jar, and the harmony of relation is broken. 

Complexion Determines Dress Colors. 

Sometimes a color used sparingly in a knot of ribbon, or glimpsed 
as a lining, is becoming, while the same color, used in quantity, or as 
a ground color of the costume, might prove inharmonious with the 
complexion. 

It is well for every woman to choose a certain proved range of 
colors that she ran bear, and to venture cautiously or seldom on new 
experiments. These colors will be found like a musical scale, to har- 
monize well in almost any combination. Thus beauty, convenience 
and economy are all consulted by loyalty to these proved shades. 

Endless arrangements might be suggested on the economical side 
of the question. The light evening silk of the season before may be 
used for lining or form the long loose front of the tea-gown of the 
present. The rich draperies of last year's carriage gown may fitly 
furnish forth the natty velvet vest and dainty bonnet to wear with this 
year's street suit, and nothing be lost. 
398 



COLORS AND COMPLEXIONS. 399 

One more caution as to colors. The very delicate blonde who has 
reveled in palest, daintiest shades must beware of presuming too long 
on that evanescent bloom, lest she find herself basing the color of her 
dress on a flower that faded years ago. Or else, maybe, on one that 
has unfolded into a richer bloom, and by not adapting her color scale 
to the changes of time, she loses all the beauty of the present. 

Another mistake women make is to forget that lovely childish 
curves of early youth change with the advancing years and the babyish 
style of dressing, so becoming then, may be worn too long. The 
rounded throat of the plump woman becomes muscular all too soon, 
and the delicate throat of the slender woman is too prone to lose its 
soft outlines. 

The changes of color that occur almost always in cool, pale blondes 
are often but changes in beauty; still, these changes in complexion 
must be met with changes in dress. 

Combinations of Color. 

"A secret of artistic dressing is to match the hair as nearly as pos- 
sible for day and the eyes for evening." 

''The producing of an all-over effect by drapery, veiling, and head- 
gear of the same shade is most thoroughly artistic." 

These two high art axioms may be given as a safe foundation for 
the choice of colors, in following which no one can greatly err. 

The woman of mezzo-tints, of soft half-tones of complexion, hair 
and eyes, loses all color and force when she clothes herself with deep, 
intense hues. Low, warm, unaggressive shades are needed as a back- 
ground to bring out all her own best points. 

"Some people," says Miss Oakey, "have many possibilities of form 
and color which may be brought out under special treatment, but 
most people have only the one possibility which can be improved 
upon." Certain women may be dressed in one set of colors that 
emphasize the whiteness of their skin ; and, in still another, that 
bring out their own color, while others must be content with one 
certain range of tints. 



400 COLORS AND COMPLEXIONS. 

Red Hair, with Brown Eyes. 

This type of woman may wear amber, deep lined with fawn or pale 
yellowish pink ; dark, rich red, like a red hollyhock ; creamy-white 
(creamy-white satin with pearls and old point lace) ; olives and dark 
greens, claret, maroon, plum and gold color. 

Jewels — topaz, amber, pearls and gold ornaments. 

All manner of lovely combinations may be made out of these 
colors ; especially dark amber, approaching brown, contrasted with 
pale fawn or gold color. Topazes for jewels. Sable furs and the 
deeper shade of mink are exceedingly becoming, and the same colors 
of the fur can be had in most dress materials. There is also a certain 
shade of maroon which makes red hair a positive golden, and throws 
into bold relief the clear white tint of the complexion even when there 
are freckles. These same freckles are also improved by the wearing 
of this maroon color. 

Red Hair, with Gray or Green Eyes. 
This type may wear all the above colors, adding to them all the 
browns and purples. Amethysts may be worn with the grays. Grays 
and any of the above greens contrast beautifully. 

The Ineffective Type. 
This style of woman has dull, light brown hair, no brilliancy of 
complexion, usually gray or blue eyes. The type often numbers 
some of our most spiritual and intellectual women, as well as, very 
often, our constitutionally delicate women. It is a type very difficult 
to dress effectively. The black of velvet may be worn, and soft wools 
relieved by velvet or lace ; creamy white, by casting reflected lights, 
clears the complexion. Be careful of this however. Warm, pale 
pink may be worn with it. Invisible blues and greens (in other words, 
very dark shades). The palest possible pink may be combined with 
these as linings, vests or ribbons. Pale pink, lined with a pink almost 
white ; pale, but not chalky blues. Blue should not be worn in silk, 
vii^ess of a very dull or lusterless quality. 



COLORS AND COMPLEXIONS. 401 

Stylish and Appropriate Jewels. 

If the eyes are blue, sapphires may be permitted (a gray sapphire is 
best) ; pearls, the greenish turquoise, moonstones, intaglios, cameos, 
antique coins. 

This ineffective type frequently, because of better health, gains a 
warmer glow to the skin and a richer tone to the hair. In this case 
there may be added to the above colors yellow-browns, fawn-browns, 
and a little lighter green, contrasted with the darker greens. 

Brown-black hair, steel-gray eyes, fair skin with color in cheeks, 
may wear all greens (save the very light), cream-white, fawns, grays, 
browns, reds, violet, a rich pink, and all blues. If any type can wear 
black with impunity, this can. For jewels, any desired stone. 

Black hair, very dark eyes, golden-brown skin, warm color, bril- 
liantly white teeth, may wear rich browns, clarets, deep amber, cream- 
white, warm pinks and flame-color. Avoid black and very pale 
colors. Yellow may be worn sometimes, but with a warning here to 
the black-haired type in general. A writer on color wisely says that 
" yellow is a color that should be suspiciously approached with black 
hair. It is very often but a vulgar contrast." For jewels, diamonds 
and all rich colored precious stones. 

Black Hair, Rather Sallow Skin. 

This style can wear black, but it must be relieved by white laces to 
soften and light up the face, thus giving the " effectness of a drawing 
in black and white." Dark grays, the dull reds occasionally. There 
is a peculiar yellow-red, dusty, unluminous, very dark, that can be 
profitably worn. Flame-color can be worn as linings, or trimmings, 
though since there is so little color in this style, no colors seem to 
have a true relation to it. 

Dull gold is about the only ornament that can be worn, save 
a delicate onyx cameo. Flowers : white water-lilies, camelias, or the 
darkest, duskiest, damask roses, and none of these in such profusion 
as to appear conspicuous. 
2<; 



402 COLORS AND COMPLEXIONS. 

Black Hair, Clear Skin, Blue Eyes. 

This beautiful combination gives a wide range of color for selection. 
Blues, especially sapphire shades, dark reds, pale pink, blue grays, 
white, both cream and blue-white, and black, solid and transparent. 
For jewels, pearls, sapphires, opals, turquoise, diamonds. White 
flowers, also violets, pansies, etc. 

The woman with blue eyes should always have some blue about 
her. It is really extremely interesting to notice how blue brought up 
close to the throat and then a bow of the same in her hair intensifies 
the blue in the eyes, making even the pale, wishy-washy orbs a deep 
violet. When the blue beneath the face is too trying there must be 
some of the same put in the hair or hat, as the case may be. This 
applies to all colors. 

Brown hair, warm brown skin, brown eyes, may wear browns, 
yellov. 3, ambers, cream-white, rich blues, tans, fawns, all reds, olive- 
green and maroon ; flame-color, and rose pink in small quantities. 
This type can wear sharp brilliant contrasts of colors if she choose, 
providing they keep within range. Black, blue, white and all cold, 
pale colors are to be avoided. The jewels may be diamonds and all 
rich colored stones. Brown-eyed women should wear brown for the 
very same reason that the blue-eyed woman should wear blue. Not 
necessarily entire brown costumes, but brown placed near enough the 
face to have the desired effect. 

Dark brown hair, creamy-white skin and velvety-brown eyes } this 
combination is beautiful, and may wear the black of silk, or velvet 
with creamy lace to relieve the face. Dark reds, purples and maroons, 
peacock-green, olive-green, ambers, violet, rose pink, with pearls, 
amber, topaz, ruby, garnet, diamonds. 

Chestnut Hair, Fair Skin, Blue Eyes. 

This type can wear almost any color, except mauve and mysterious, 
pale colors. To wear yellow, she must contrast it with brown or 
subdued green. 



COLORS AND COMPLEXIONS. 403 

Chestnut hair, gray or green eyes : this type must be more cau- 
tious, especially if the complexion be pale or sallow. Olive-green 
(not too brown), relieved with palest pink. White contrasted with old 
gold. Dark and light blues ; purple with white ; lilac and burnt 
cream mingled (pongee is burnt cream shade). Black with yellow 
greens. Red in small quantities. In almost every eye there is a touch 
of green. In some cases it is the predominant color, and when that is 
the case green should be worn. 

Blonde, fair hair (pale gold or flaxen), blue eyes, with or without a 
rose flush : this is one of the few types that can wear blue-white. All 
cool, refreshing colors ; cold silvery blues, pale greens, pale grays, 
black, even the shiny black of satin, are all becoming. Heliotrope, 
purple, cool violet, pink and lavender may be worn. It may be men- 
tioned here that, while there are many other colors she can wear, the 
cool blonde will never be better dressed than when adhering to the 
colors that rightfully belong to her, and to her alone. Her style is 
never more charming than when arrayed in sheer, floating, gauzy 
materials. But since winter must come, silks, velvets and all wools 
are at her disposal in the desired shades. Amethysts, emeralds, sap- 
phires and opals should be her jewels. 

Almost Any Color. 

The golden blonde gradually deepens in color as time passes on ; 
she has usually gray-green or hazel eyes, and a warm, rosy skin. It 
is a type that has a wide range of color from which to choose. 

Warm reds and even flame-color can be worn, but ambers, yellows 
and fawns will be the more harmonious. Warm pink, too, black, 
brown, warm greens, cream-white, turquoise-blue, violet, purple and 
warm gray. 

This same type with pale, clear skin, instead of the roseate blue, 
must choose very different shades. Olive-greens, all soft yellow- 
greens, cream and transparent white, pale peacock and turquoise- 
blues, pale amber, mauve pinks, shades of amethyst and heliotrope 
are all suited to this type. 



404 COLORS AND COMPLEXIONS. 

Pearls, opals, moonstones, turquoise and topaz, all flowers may be 
worn, also pansies, sweet peas, and pale tinted roses. 

All blondes, save the cool blonde, deepen in color as time goes on. 
Let them watch for this, drop their palest tints, and adopt a few 
warmer hues. 

Occasionally, we see a blonde in whom this deepening process has 
turned the hair to a golden brown, brought out the warm golden tints 
of the skin, and with it the blue eyes. Here the mistake is often made 
of ignoring the blue eyes. This should never be done. Fawns and 
old golds are good for this type. Browns, deep, rich pinks, blues, 
all greens but the palest, bluish grays, cream-white and pansy-purple 

Gray Hair. 

Premature gray hair has a picturesque and charming effect, often 
giving beauty to what might otherwise prove a commonplace counte- 
nance. There are several types to be considered. Greenish gray 
hair, premature or natural, accompanied with brown, or dark gnu- 
eyes, and a skin in which the brownish tints prevail, can wear all dark 
greens and olives, blue, browns, and dark amber, warm yellows and 
dark, dusky reds, yellowish-pinks, dark blues and purple, especially 
the brownish-purples, also cream-white. Gray or black is to be 
avoided. This range of color will, of course, be chosen from, in 
accordance with the age of the wearer. For jewels, reddish topaz, 
and amethyst are beautiful for this type, and tea-roses a most effective 
flower. 

Gray hair with a lighter, clear complexion and, perhaps, some color 
in the cheeks, can wear the loveliest harmonies in grays. Black can 
also be adopted and any of the first mentioned colors except brown. 

A pale complexion with gray or blue and snowy hair, will be 
elegant in the black of lace or velvet. 

Prematurely gray with fine clear complexion, either pale or roseate, 
together with blue eyes, is a magnificent type. The gray hair gives 
the brilliancy of powder, and diamonds combined with turquoise can 
be worn with fine effect; pearls also. 



COLORS AND COMPLEXION'S. 405 

The Black Gown. 

Women, as a rule, consider their wardrobe incomplete unless i: 
embraces at least one good black gown. "So very convenient, you 
know, and suitable for so many occasions." In many respects this is 
very true. But there are several points to be considered. First. 
there are some types that should never wear black. Again, there are 
others that must carefully discriminate between the black of velvet, 
wool, satin, or lace, and the transparent black of grenadine and gauze. 
While to all comes the caution that, after thirty years of age, no 
woman can safely wear all black without thereby ageing her face. 

Black certainly whitens the skin by contrast, but it brings out and 
deepens even' line. Only plump, fair, unlined faces can safely bear 
the contrast. 

In wearing black, the material whose tone is most becoming to the 
skin, must be chosen. For instance, very few skins can bear the 
glossy black of satin with its reflected lights. Black, however, may 

fc> J o » » J 

be softened by a profusion of cream laces or jetted until it scintillates 
with every motion, and for evening wear the bodice may be cut low, 
thus removing it from direct contrast with the face. 

Various Hints. 

Blondes may, if they choose, wear yellows in harmony with their 
hair. This possibility was first daringly acted upon by Worth with 
most charming results. 

Blue eyes can always be deepened by wearing the appropriate shade 
of blue. White can be worn by women of all ages, and in almost all 
materials is it becoming. For evening wear and for day wear it is 
most satisfactory. Southern women make a point of dressing in it 
altogether. 

For evening wear, where the complexion renders it possible, a very 
pretty effect is produced by wearing colors that relate or melt into 
the skin tints, such as pinky browns, soft drabs, ashes of roses or 
warm, creamy tints, like the heart of a tea-rose. 



406 COLORS AND COMPLEXIONS. 



The Choice of Colors. 

Much more lies in choosing a becoming color than people generally 
imagine. There is an old story told about some celebrated man, whose 
lifelong devotion to his wife was considered somewhat remarkable, as 
she was a very plain woman. One of his friends asked him what had 
been the first thing about her that had attracted him He said: "A 
pink shawl that was lying on the back of the chair in which she was 
sitting made so pleasing a contrast to the white frock she wore that I 
thought only of that, and upon asking for an introduction to her solely 
on account of the pink shawl, I was then introduced to a wonderful 
fascination of manner and grace of mind which have enthralled me 
ever since." 

A woman's surroundings of necessity play a great part in her 
appearance, but it does not by any means follow that luxurious fur- 
nishings have any more effect than the very simplest and plainest, 
particularly if they do not throw out well the beauty of the coloring. 
What shades of ribbon to choose, what colors to wear are far more 
serious matters than the majority of people realize. 

The most stunning gown in the world, if it be unbecoming, will not 
be half so efficacious as the simplest and plainest of gowns of a 
becoming color and cut. This is emphatically a picturesque era, and 
wide latitude is allowed in the choice of what is becoming. But big 
hats, big sleeves, very stand-out skirts and a general fashion-plate air 
do not do for every woman, and she who has her gown made on the 
simplest possible lines will create more sensation in a roomful of very 
much gotten-up women than if she attempted to vie with them. 

Harmony and Contrast of Colors. 

The following is a list of colors which contrast and harmonize : 
White contrasts with black and harmonizes with gray. 
White contrasts with brown and harmonizes with buff. 
White contrasts with blue and harmonizes with sky-blue. 
White contrasts with purple and harmonizes with rose. 



COLORS AND COMPLEXIONS. 407 

White contrasts with green and harmonizes with pea-green. 

Cold greens contrast with crimson and harmonize with olive. 

Cold greens contrast with purple and harmonize with citrine. 

Cold greens contrast with white and harmonize with blues. 

Warm greens contrast with crimson and harmonize with yellows. 

Warm greens contrast with maroon and harmonize with orange. 

Warm greens contrast with purple and harmonize with citrine. 

Warm greens contrast with red and harmonize with sky-blue. 

Warm greens contrast with pink and harmonize with gray. 

Orange contrasts with purple and harmonizes with yellow. 

Orange contrasts with blues and harmonizes with red. 

Orange contrasts with black and harmonizes with warm green. 

Orange contrasts with olive and harmonizes with warm brown. 

Citrine contrasts with brown and harmonizes with green. 

Citrine contrasts with crimson and harmonizes with buff. 

Russet contrasts with green and harmonizes with red. 

Olive contrasts with white and harmonizes with black. 

Olive contrasts with maroon and harmonizes with brown. 

Gold contrasts with any dark color, but looks richer with purple, 
green, blue, black and brown than with the other colors. It harmo- 
nizes with all light color, but least with yellow. The best harmony 
is with white. 




is the suitable." "A woman 

er dress is either unloved, 

" Dress is to the body what 



HE beautiful 

careless of 

or unhappy 

good sense is to the mind." " Dress is really a department of man- 
ners," and appeals to the eye with the same force that gracious words 
and softly keyed voices appeal to the ear. Costliness is not the 
measure of the beauty of dress. Nay, rather suitability, harmony, 
becomingness, unobtrusiveness, fitness for the place and person are 
the qualities that make it perfect. 

And because these canons of good taste arc so frequently sinned 
against it has seemed best to give the proper dress and appointments 
for the proper times. Not as to particular styles for they are fleeting 
as the breath of fashion, but as to general principles which are well 
nigh changeless. Once certain of these fundamental principles, 
embarrassment and self-consciousness are banished. 



Dress at Home. 

It is, perhaps, the dress at home that tells most of the care and 
character of the wearer. Much regard is given to the dress for other 
occasions, but here comes the test of delicacy and refinement, the 
criterion of the individual. 

Neatness is the first requisite, suitability the second. There is 
nothing more of an offense to good taste than seeing the delicate 
fabric, the ribbons, the laces of a once elegant toilet, degraded to the 
uses of the kitchen, spotted and soiled almost beyond recognition. 

Have gowns adapted to the tasks for which they are intended. 
The neat gingham, the plain wool gown, are pretty and appropriate 
408 



DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. 409 

for the morning wear of any lady who must superintend the workings 
of her own household. Aprons, gloves, dust caps, which can be 
quickly doffed and will leave her neat and presentable for the stray 
morning caller without the necessity, on her part, of a change of 
costume, and on his, of a tedious waiting. 

For afternoon the prettiest of toilets may be worn in the shape of 
house-dresses, or tea-jackets made of otherwise useless remnants of 
bright silks, and ribbons may be used to wear with otherwise present- 
able skirts whose original bodices have been long outworn. Trains, 
medium, are always pretty in the house, hence tea-gowns, from the 
richest to the most modest in cost, are always in favor. Avoid very 
short skirts for the house ; they are awkward, and belittle you from a 
mental as well as a physical standpoint. 

Observe the utmost neatness in every detail of the toilet for home 
or street. It is an old rule, but a very good one, that a woman may 
be judged "by her boots, gloves and pocket-handkerchiefs." To this 
may be added "finger nails," and last but not least, skirt edges. 
"No matter how elegant the general get-up may be," asserts one fas- 
tidious critic, "if a woman's skirt binding is muddy, frayed, or pendant, 
she is, to my mind, not a gentlewoman." 

The General Fitness. 

The style of the person should have much to do with choosing the 
style of dress for any occasion. Only people lacking the slightest 
originality of mind would think of blindly following the dictates of 
fashion without any reference to their own physical style. 

Very short women should not wear very large hats. Women with 
very thin faces should avoid wide hat brims and many plumes. 
Women with large, full faces should not go to the extreme in wearing 
small bonnets. To do so is but to exaggerate the defect in each case. 
No matter what the extremity of style may be, there is always a happy 
medium from which to choose. 

Flying curls and a great suberabundance of ribbons and fluttering 
ends belong only to a young girl. To persist in an extremely youth- 



410 DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. 

ful style of dress long after the passing of youth, instead of adding to 
the apparent youth of the wearer, simply defeats its own end by 
exaggerating the defects it was meant to conceal. 

Small, thin women should not wear too much black. Let them wear 
a profusion of fluffy laces about the throat ; soft, puffy vests, or, as one 
writer observes, " learn something from Sara Bernhardt and her con- 
summate skill in concealing bones." 

Short, stout women should see that all adornments, such as folds, 
plaits, etc., keep as much as possible in perpendicular lines. It is a 
mistake to think that perfect plainness will disguise the breadth, it 
rather emphasizes it. On this style of woman a loosely-fitted wrap 
has a better effect for the street than a tight, plain garment. 

Common-Sense Sleeves. 

A very stout or a very thin woman should never wear extremely 
light sleeves, no matter what the style may be. The stout woman 
should also avoid an elbow sleeve with loosely falling ruffles, and the 
trimming, if possible, should run in lengthwise folds or bands. This 
precaution tends to decrease the apparent size of the arm. The slender 
woman, on the contrary, is much improved by the puffed elbow sleeve 
ending with a fall of lace. 

Let women learn to put on belts so that they will slip downward in 
front and up in the back. This does everything for the waist in 
making it look slender and graceful. If yokes are worn, it is well to 
remember that a deep yoke is more becoming than a narrow one. If 
it is short in front, it looks awkward, and if it is short behind, it gives 
a round shouldered effect. 

Where a rich toilet is worn for any occasion, be sure that everything is 
in keeping. If the gown be of velvet do not wear with it a linen collar 
or cheap lace. If real lace is beyond the means there are always the 
filmy tulles and crepe lissc. If jewelry is worn, it should be of the 
best, be it much or little. The fan, also, for such a costume should 
carry out the idea of luxury. 

Cheap, fanciful, pretty things have their place in connection with 



DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. 411 

soft wool, or pretty cotton costumes, but " lightness or grace is one 
thing; magnificence or luxury, another." 

A very young girl should never wear rich, heavy fabrics ; they are 
unsuited to her youthful face and ways. . 

The evils of tight lacing are so pronounced that it would seem 
almost unnecessary to remonstrate against them in this age of en- 
lightenment, were they not so continually forced upon our view. 
Nothing could be more unbecoming to the women fair, fat and forty, 
who are usually the ones to adopt this custom ; an inch less in waist 
is hardly gained at the price of an unbecoming flush, a labored breath- 
ing, and a serious injury to the health, besides the lack of grace that 
comes from binding and constricting any portion of the human form 

divine. 

Gloves and Shoes. 

To have many dresses is always a mistake even among the very 
wealthy. They are constantly going out of fashion and unless the 
owner is continually seen at balls, receptions and other gatherings, 
they are entirely unnecessary. 

The glove of to-day is fitted comfortably. Nothing is more indica- 
tive of a lack of taste than to crowd the hand into a glove that is 
several sizes too small for it. The same might be said of the foot, and 
with more reason, since a painfully tight shoe not only injures the 
health, comfort and complexion of the wearer, but is ruinous to all 
grace of carriage. 

There is nothing marks the true lady as much as the perfection of 
neatness and style in gloves and shoes. To be well gloved and to 
have one's feet neatly clad, no matter how plain the attire, is to be 
well dressed. 

(Other hints on this subject will be found in the departments of 
"Art in Dress " and " Colors and Complexions.") 

The umbrella, too, must be carefully chosen. If it is possible to 
have parasols and umbrellas for different occasions, then there is no 
difficulty of choice, but where one must answer for all occasions of the 
season, let it be a plain, dark or black silk. This will be suitable at 



412 DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. 

all times, but if the fancy of the moment, as to pale and delicate color- 
ings be consulted, the result is too often painfully incongruous. In 
buying gloves, shoes or umbrellas, it is worth while to invest in 
a good article. There is no economy in the poorer grades. 

Artifices of the Toilet. 

All artificial aids to beauty should be sparingly used, and have no 
place whatever upon the toilet table of the young girl. Powder and 
paint are so obvious to the eye, that their use, or rather abuse, by 
some otherwise sensible women, is a continual wonder. A dust of 
rice powder is sometimes excusable, but there can be no possible 
apology for the "made-up" faces one sees upon our streets. They 
deceive no one and have no excuse for being. The woman who stands 
in the pitiless glare of the footlights must needs add color to replace 
that stolen from her face by the strong white light of day, but others 
have no such excuse for "frescoing" the face. It is a sin alike 
against good taste and good breeding. 

There are various simple preparations that can be used to clear the 
skin, and various massage treatments to smooth out the cruel little 
lines that time writes on all faces, and kindly unguents to fill out the 
hollow cheeks and temples, and thus keep the outlines of youth a 
little longer. And there is wholesome living and vigorous exercise, 
and daily and revivifying baths to call the flush of health to the 
cheek ; and loving thoughts and kindly deeds to keep the eyes soft 
and bright, and thus to set the inroads of time at defiance for many 
years. And since a woman is no older than she looks, and since the 
prerogatives of youth are dear to the heart, it is her bounden duty to 
keep herself sweet and young. 

There is one excusable addition to the personal charms and that is 
where nature has denied the grace of luxuriant locks. This lack can 
be so cunningly supplied by the hairdresser's art that detection is 
impossible, and as it ever has been, and ever will be, that a woman's 
hair is a glory unto her, there can be no reason against her hiding 
from view any lack of it when it is done in an artistic fashion. 



DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. 413 

When to Wear Jewels. 

Mme. de Maintenon declared that good taste simply indicates good 
sense, but many women who boast of good sense seem not to have 
the slightest idea of the times and places for wearing precious stones. 

It is conceded by all authorities that articles of adornment consist- 
ing of or containing jewels or precious stones should never be worn in 
the street. Exception is made in favor of rings and watches. The 
woman who wishes to adopt correct form in dress will never wear any 
but the simplest little pin to fasten her gown at the throat during the 
morning hours and on the street. 

For ceremonious visits, a pretty and ornamental pin of gold is proper, 
or of gold and enamel, but even then it should have a useful purpose ; 
it should fasten some part of the toilet. The enameled and gold 
wreaths of myrtle or of forget-me-nots are extremely pretty for these 
simple pins. So are the true love-nots or a flower of enamel upon 
gold, but without the all-prevailing diamond dewdrop or center. 

For dinner, a woman may wear the richest gems, it being under- 
stood that the function is a ceremonious one, and that she shall wear 
a low gown. Should she dine in a more democratic way and the men 
of the family do not wear evening dress, she naturally will wear a high 
gown or one possibly open a little at the throat. She may wear a pin 
with a single gem under these circumstances. 

For balls, operas or entertainments of corresponding splendor, a 
woman, when she is not herself the hostess, may wear any number of 
well-chosen jewels. It is quite correct to be sumptuous in this par- 
ticular, but well to remember that jewels, like flowers, harmonize or 
do not harmonize, and that emeralds and turquoises, for example, may 
not be worn in conjunction, because, as the French say, "they swear 
at each other." 

It is not good form to wear ornaments made in the form of beasts 
or reptiles. The sacred emblem of the cross set in shining jewels and 
worn at ball or rout, shows a most pitiable ignorance of the eternal 
fitness of things. 



414 DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. 

Well bred young girls arc limited as to jewels — a string of pearls 
for the slender neck, a ring with the natal stone or an armament of 
turquoises and pearls, a little gold love manacle about the wrist, that 
i ; all, and quite enough until after marriage. A bride may wear for 
the marriage ceremony either diamonds or pearls — not in profusion — 
but never gold ornaments. 

Use of Scents and Flowers. 

The use of various scents is more sinned against than any other 
toilet accessory. Only the faintest suggestion of perfume should be 
allowed to hang about the garments of a well-bred woman or girl. 
To wear any redolence on the person in the shape of sachet bags is 
unpardonable. To man}- people strong perfumes are extremely 
unpleisant, and those who have regard for the feelings of others 
would forbear their use for this reason alone, even were it not a sin 
against the canons of good breeding as well. 

When perfumes are used, it is a dainty custom to choose one 
favorite scent and to use that, and that only, so that in time the 
sweet, illusive odor becomes almost a part of the personality. 

Flowers, fresh, dewy flowers seem the natural adornment of youth 
especially, and to forswear the pretty custom would appear an un- 
called-for giving up of the sweet thought which dedicates the flowers 
of the field to their human prototypes. Yet there is reason in the 
custom that has, in great measure, withdrawn them from the heated 
ball-room and the artificially illuminated dinner table. 

Corsage bouquets, in dancing, become an early ruin. Carried in 
in the hand at a ball, they are speedily tossed aside on the nearest 
point of refuge and left there to ignominiously fade. When flowers 
are worn at an evening entertainment, choose those that will best 
stand the liq-ht and heat. 



t> j 



The Face Veil. 

In spite of the protestations of oculists, women continue to regard 
veils as an essential part of their toilets; first, because they are becom- 



DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. 415 

ing; and, second, because they keep their hair in order. The plain 
tulles and nets, which come in all colors, single and double widths, 
are always pleasant to wear and less trying to the eyes than the 
coarser meshes. The veil of Brussels net wrought in sprigged designs 
is a failure. It is becoming to nobody, and is essentially inartistic. 

Women with dark hair and eyes and a brilliant color look well in 
veils with the dots larger and nearer together. If the skin is clear, 
white veils are very becoming, though apt to give an impression of a 
made-up complexion. The woman with fair hair and blue eyes, and 
without color, generally looks best in a large meshed black veil, with 
the dots — if dots are worn — far apart. A navy blue veil makes the 
skin look clear and fair, and a gray veil should never be worn by the 
pale or sallow woman. 

When to Wear Gloves. 

The question of when to wear gloves is a much disputed point in the 
etiquette of dress. They are worn to dinner parties, but custom pre- 
scribes that they shall be removed in sitting down at the table. After 
using the finger-bowl, the gloves should be resumed before leaving 
the table, or else immediately after returning to the drawing-room. 
To wear gloves while assisting to pour tea for an "at home," is out of 
place, but it is very usual to wear them while receiving in the after- 
noon, though their omission at such a time is pardonable. The 
visitors, of course, wear both gloves and bonnets. 

At a "stand-up" evening supper it is not usual to remove the 
gloves since there is really no time or place to do it, where each one 
is expected to leave as soon as possible to make room for the next. 
Remove the hand only of the right glove and tuck it back under the 
wrist. 

Dancing parties always call for gloves, preferably light in tint. To 
wear gloves while playing cards is also an unnecessary affectation of 
elegance. Walking, driving, shopping and all outdoor events, such 
as lawn parties, etc., call for gloves. Tint and quality of these are to 
be regulated by the occasion or the costume. 



416 DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. 

When to Wear Low-cut Gowns. 

This question has but one answer, " Never by daylight." In this 
respect the rule that governs the wearing of a man's dress suit — 
" from dusk to dawn," is applicable. Even on those occasions when 
the jealous daylight is shut out and candlelight reigns, dress suits and 
full decolette gowns are not permissible. A concession can be made 
by cutting the corsage a little low in the throat, and by elbow sleeves 
or almost no sleeves. 

For every social function held from midday to a late dinner hour, 
young girls, especially, should wear their gowns cut high with long 
sleeves, except on some gala occasion, when the rule may be some- 
what relaxed as above. 

Even at balls, evening parties, late dinners, the young girl's evening 
dress, if decolette, should be very modest in cut. Where a dinner and 
dance follow a large afternoon reception and the men who are invited 
are apt to arrive at dinner in full evening dress, a girl's dress may be 
somewhat elaborated, but not to the extreme of ball costume. 

Ball Dress. 

For the ball-room the most elaborate dress is to be worn ; decolette 
corsage, flowers and jewels are all appropriate. Those who dance 
should wear pale colors and light, floating fabrics, leaving the heavy 
silks and velvets for those who do not indulge in this amusement. 

A low-cut corsage is not expected of elderly women unless they 
wish it. Chaperons can wear an elegant dinner dress if they desire ; 
velvets or brocades, cut square in the neck, with a profusion of fine 
lace and rich ornaments. In short, she should be as different as 
possible from her charge. 

If an elderly woman of full figure wears a low-necked dress, a lace 
scarf or something of that sort should be thrown over her shoulders. 

Gowns cut dancing length or with train, are appropriate for the 
ball-room, but where much dancing is to be indulged in, trains are 
very much in the way, 



DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. 417 

Opera Dress. 

For the opera the most elegant dressing is desirable. Ladies may 
wear evening gowns, and men dress suits. If they occupy boxes this 
is almost an obligation. Light colors render the house more attractive — 
are, in fact, a part of the whole spectacle. Jewels and flowers are there, 
and those who wear visiting or street costume are in the minority. 

If a man wear a dress suit it is expected that the woman will show 
him sufficient respect to wear an evening gown. The man's costume 
is donned out of respect for the occasion and the woman, and she 
betrays utter ignorance or remissness of duty when she does not 
return the compliment in kind. 

High hats are an abomination at opera or theater. Where anything 
is worn upon the head it should be in the shape of a tiny bonnet, a 
dainty confection of tulle, flowers and ribbon. 

This is especially necessary where a public conveyance must be 
made use of to reach the place. At an opera matinee the bonnet 
must be worn in connection with an elegant visiting or reception 
costume. 

Middle-aged women wear the same costume at the opera that they 
would at a dinner party. 

Theater Costume. 

To dress for the theater is a much simpler matter than for the opera. 
Display is not required here. Elegant visiting or promenade costume 
is appropriate. Dressy little bonnets or small hats, gloves, either 
matching the gown or light in tint, complete the theater toilet. If a 
large hat is worn to the theater, common courtesy demands its 
removal that those in the rear may see the stage. 

Dress for concerts admits of a little more display than for the 
theater. A silk gown with a little lace and jewelry, and white or 
light kid gloves. 

Dinner Dress. 

A lady's dinner dress may be elegant as her fancy dictates. But 
if she is hostess she should never try to eclipse her guests. Trained 
27 



418 DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. 

gowns are eminently suitable, and may be worn by maids or matrons 
alike. Full length trains are not necessary, and even demi-trains need 
not be worn by very young women. But the soft sweep of a train 
lends an added grace to a woman's gown, and this is one of the few 
places where it can be appropriately worn. The corsage may be cut 
square, or heart-shaped, or opened at the throat in any pretty way, 
but never so low as for a ball dress. Sleeves are usually half length, 
and bracelets are given an opportunity for display. Long gloves must 
be worn. As to color, ail shades, from the safe selection of a black 
silk or velvet, down to the palest tints, are in order, the only proviso 
being that color and material suit the style of the wearer. An elderly 
lady inclined to stoutness, and with a florid cast of countenance, is at 
her worst in light silks or satin. They heighten her defects, while 
darker shades subdue her coloring and serve to decrease her apparent 
size and superfluous breadth. 

For a young girl, a simple dress of wool goods in white, or pale 
becoming tints, is all that is necessary. Open it slightly at the throat, 
soften it with a little lace, show the pretty arms in a demi-sleeve, and 
it is far more suited to her youth than an over-elaborate gown. 

If the dinner is held by daylight and the men wear morning dress, 
the ladies must confine themselves to high-cut gowns turned in slightly 
at the front and fastened with a simple pin of gold enamel, with, 
perhaps, a single gem at its heart. 

Traveling Notes. 

A dress for traveling should be plain and serviceable ; a tint should 
be chosen that does not show soil or dust. A duster, an ulster or 
over-garment of some kind made of pongee silk, linen or whatever 
material is in vogue, should be worn to protect the costume from 
smoke and dust. 

The hat should be plain and a veil worn to shield the eyes from 
cinders when traveling by railway. A pair of slightly smoked spec- 
tacles are very good for this purpose. Carry an extra wrap and a 
hand-satchel to hold the needed toilet articles. Let everything else 



w 




TRAVEL ING COST U M E. 



419 



420 DRESS FDR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. 

go in the trunk. A woman burdened with "big bundle, little bundle, 
bandbox and umbrella," is a burden to herself and a terror to others. 
Let the satchel contain a flask of some invigorating toilet water — 
Florida, lavender or whatever is most refreshing, with a soft sponge to 
bathe the face, hands and wrists, and thereby many a headache can be 
warded off. If traveling in a sleeping coach, a larger valise should 
be carried and ought to contain a pretty loose gown of dark silk or 
wool to serve as a slumber robe, since clad in this one may safely 
venture from berth to dressing-room without exciting observation. 

The rule for traveling dress is that there should be nothing about 
a lady to attract attention, but this is relaxed in case of ladies traveling 
a short distance for a brief visit, who arc privileged to wear the dress 
that suits their purpose. 

Bridal Dress. 

The convential bridal dress is pure white, whether the material be 
satin, silk or muslin. It may be made trained or walking length. If 
a veil is worn the gown is cut en train. White satin slippers must be 
worn and white gloves. Rip the fourth finger of the left-hand glove 
"eady for the ring ; the maid of honor will turn this back at the 
proper moment. Natural flowers are carried and a wreath is woru 
with a veil. The veil should sweep to the edge of the train and may 
be simply a cloud of sheerest tulle or filmy lace w r orth a king's 
^ansom. It may be worn over the face or not, as fancy dictates. 
Sometimes a white leather or pearl bound prayer-book is carried 
instead of the bouquet. This custom has the advantage of having 
the prayer-book as a memento of the occasion, while the flowers 
wither. A young girl, known to the writer, carried with her to the 
altar the same prayer-book that her mother before her had carried on 
her wedding day. 

The wedding dress, no matter what its material, must be cut high 
in the neck and with long sleeves. This in deference to the fact that 
a marriage is not simply a gala occasion, but the turning point for 
weal or woe in the bride's life, and a solemn sacrament of the church, 
and not to be celebrated in the garb of frivolity. 



DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. 421 

Where flowers are worn, orange blossoms are particularly appro- 
priate, though no German maiden would think of donning the bridal 
veil without its attendant myrtle wreath. Any white flowers, however, 
are appropriate. 

Where jewels are worn the choice is absolutely confined to pearls 
and diamonds (not in too great profusion). Instead of flowers, the 
veil is sometimes fastened with a star or sunburst of diamonds. 

Widows, no matter how youthful, are not privileged to wear the 
white bridal robe, the veil, nor the orange blossoms. However, the 
most exquisitely delicate tints may be chosen for their adornment. 

If the marriage is private and the bride leaves immediately on her 
wedding trip she can be married in her traveling suit. At other 
private weddings, where no trip is taken, the bride usually wears a 
pretty reception or visiting costume of silk or wool, choosing some 
color that will be appropriate for after-wear. 

The bride's mother, whether the wedding be at home or in church, 
wears an elegant reception gown. Even if she be in deep mourning 
she lays aside its sombre shades for this one hour. Invited guests 
should also avoid mourning garb. 

Bridemaid's Dress. 

The bridemaids' dresses are often all of white, but frequently colors 
are chosen, sometimes all alike ; again, two by two of different hues. 
The material of these gowns must be much less expensive than that 
of the bride's. Their bouquets or baskets of flowers may be either 
white or colored. They sometimes wear lovely picture hats with 
broad brims and drooping plumes. 

What Wedding Guests Wear. 

If the wedding reception is held in the evening, full evening dress 
is worn ; reception gowns being suitable for the elder ladies. (See 
" Ball Dress.") Where children are present, the girls are dressed in 
sheer muslin or lace over silk slips, and adorned with fluttering rib- 
bons. The boys in fanciful costumes, such as pages' suits, etc. If 



422 DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. 

it is a morning reception, rich visiting or promenade costumes should 
be worn, small dress bonnets and white gloves. 

Ordinary Evening Dress. 

This applies to small parties at home or with friends, to receiving 
calls at home or in making an evening call. It should be appropriate 
to the season. Pretty wool goods, exquisitely made, in winter ; 
organdies, grenadines and mulls for summer ; laces, a modest bit of 
jewelry or a simple flower, and one is sufficiently well-gowned. 

If the gathering is a little more formal, reception dresses may be 
worn by the matrons, while the young ladies garb themselves as for 
receiving at an afternoon tea. 

If gloves are worn at all on such an occasion they must be light 
colored. They are really unnecessary, unless the taste of that especial 
"set" is very strongly in their favor. If in doubt, it is well to go 
furnished with a pair for use in case one finds all the guests gloved, 
and has not the moral courage to remain the exception. 

Dress for Church. 

Well-bred people attend church in simple costumes, free from dis- 
play. These may be of rich materials, but they are quiet in color and 
make. Jewelry, other than a simple pin, should not be used ; ear- 
rings, of course, if one is in the habit of wearing them, but not 
diamonds. The church is not the place to flaunt elegant attire in the 
face of less fortunate worshipers in the " I-am-richer-than-thou " style 
that marks the parvenu. 

Receiving Calls. 

A lady with regular days for receiving calls wears a reception dress 
as before described. Casual callers she receives in her morning or 
afternoon house dress. Her morning dress, if she superintends her 
household affairs, should be plain and neat, and be so protected by cap 
and apron that by doffing these, she will be presentable in a moment. 

Where there are no household cares, a daintier morning dress may 
be adopted, but let it be suitable to the occasion, not some old, half- 



DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. 423 

worn finery revamped for the occasion. If visiting, a still richer gown 
may be worn, and for a late breakfast at a watering place one may be 
quite luxurious. 

Calling or Visiting Costume. 

For morning calls dress quietly in promenade costume. Wear light- 
colored gloves unless in deep mourning. If driving, carriage dress 
may be worn. For day receptions the dress may be more elaborate 
and the bonnet more " dressy." 

By not carefully distinguishing between the gowns for different 
occasions and over-dressing at all times, women lose all the advantages 
of contrast in style. If lace and silk are worn indiscriminately, what 
is there left for the full dress function ? 

Walking Dress. 

This should be plain — tailor-made is the best — walking length, and 
of good material. "Fussy" styles should not be chosen for street 
wear, and the hat or bonnet should be rather plain and harmonize 
with the gown. 

Carriage Dress. 

There is much more latitude for display permitted by the carriage 
dress. Rich materials, elegant wraps, costly furs, are all allowable here. 

Coaching parties, too, have grown to be occasions for most gor- 
geous costuming. Every hue of the rainbow is to be seen as the 
lofty tally-ho rolls past, until, so great has become the license of color 
and richness of material, that the "four hundred" are calling a halt, 
and soberer tints are beginning to mark this amusement. 

Do not wear too many fluttering ribbons, especially if occupying 
that coveted position — the box seat. It does not add to the skill and 
accuracy of the driver at a critical moment to have a fluttering ribbon 
cut like a whip-lash across his eyes. 

Dress for Lent. 

This should be the sort of gown most appropriate and becoming to 
the attitude of repentance. The gowns, of course, are simple, quiet 



424 DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. 

affairs. Symphonies in gray, poems in black and white, must, says 
one writer, "reflect in their construction as well as color the soberness 
of the event which they will grace. A train is always admissible for 
the Lenten robe — that is, if it is for house wear. Otherwise the skirt 
must be short — quite short enough, indeed, to give one's churchwomen 
a glimpse of a dainty gray or black walking boot." 

Any of the heliotrope, mauve or pansy shades, also, are appropriate 
expressions of the sorrow of the fashionable woman, thus giving a 
color scheme capable of the most exquisite effects. White cashmere 
is well suited for the house ; and very little draperies, but long, straight 
lines, give the sought-after effect, and thus the dainty chrysalis rests 
during the forty days that precede the unfolding of the gorgeous wings 
of the Easter butterfly. 

Dress for Riding. 

The riding-habit should be made of broadcloth or some other suit- 
able cloth. The skirt should be weighted by sewing shot in the lower 
edge of the left-hand breadths. Equestrian tights should be worn. 
The habit is sometimes worn over another dress-skirt, when, in case 
of dismounting or accident, the habit-skirt can be slipped off and the 
rider still left properly attired. 

Very long skirts are not worn. The habit should fit perfectly and 
button to the throat. Linen collar, a pretty tie and linen cuffs are 
worn, and a leather glove with gauntlet. The hat should be plain, 
and of the prevailing fashion. 

Lawn Parties. 

The dress for these occasions has been already described ; sufficient 
here to say it should be light and graceful, and the bonnet or hat 
ornamental and effective. 

Picnics and Excursions. 

Light-weight wool goods, or heavy cotton or linen material that will 
wash and not tear easily, is most suitable for these occasions. Linen 
or cotton duck is very serviceable. 



DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. 425 

Croquet, Archery, Skating, Etc. 
All of these semi-athletic games call for bright, pretty costumes, 
short enough to give the freedom of movement necessary to excel in 
the game. For summer out-of-door games, pliable gloves should be 
worn, and a hat to protect the eyes from the sun. For skating, rich, 
warm materials, fur trimmings, fur caps, and warm, furred gauntlets 
should be worn. 

Bathing Dress. 

Bathing calls for a costume of some material that will not cling to 
the form when wet. Flannel is appropriate, and a heavy quantity of 
mohair also makes a successful dress, as it resists water and has no 
clinging qualities. An oil-silk cap should be worn over the hair. 
The cut of the dress should be modest ; the costume loose and full, 
and it should be made with a skirt. The neck should be cut quite 
high. 

Yachting Dress. 

This is a pretty, nautically devised and ornamented suit, made of 
warm materials and those that will stand sea water. 

Dress for Gentlemen. 

The subject of dress, while not so complex for a man as for a 
woman, must still receive a certain amount of care at his hands, for 
no gentleman can possess complete disregard of reigning styles with- 
out thereby sacrificing a certain amount of dignity in the estimation of 
his associates. 

As far as the cardinal points of the toilet extend, a man is bound by 
the same laws of exquisite neatness that are incumbent upon a woman. 
The same care of teeth, finger-nails, hands and hair is necessary. Don't 
neglect the small hairs that sometimes project from the nostrils and 
the apertures of the ears. Use a small pair of scissors. 

A gentleman will have spotless collars, cuffs and handkerchiefs, 
irreproachable gloves, nicely blackened shoes and thoroughly brushed 
clothes, Hair oil must never be used ; it is ill-bred. 



426 DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. 

Clothes of plain colors arc always in good taste, and so is pure 
white linen. The fancy dotted and striped collars, cuffs and bosoms, 
so often worn, are not as good taste. 

Jewelry should be used very sparingly. Utility should be apparent 
in the articles worn. Watch chain, sleeve buttons and studs (one or 
three, as liked) are necessary. Where one stud is used, the stone, 
though not conspicuous for size, should be a very fine one. A scarf 
pin is sometimes worn, and one ring is allowable, but not too large or 
showy. Don't use quantities of perfumery, it is very bad taste. 

Keep a dressing-gown for use in the dressing-room or the sick- 
room. It is not a proper garment for the table or the sitting-room. 

Wear the hat properly and squarely upon the head, Wear a coat 
at all proper times — in the sitting-room, drawing-room, and at table. 

Lastly, a gentleman avoids all conspicuous styles of dress, and con- 
fines himself to quiet colors and well-fitting, well-cared-for garments. 

Evening Dress for Gentlemen. 

The evening dress for gentlemen varies very little from year to year, 
and the time of wearing it varies not at all. From "dusk to dawn," 
in other words, a gentleman wears a dress suit during the same hours 
that a lady wears an evening dress. 

Gentlemen's evening dress consists of black trousers, a low-cut 
black or white vest, dress or "swallow-tail" coat, and white necktie. 
The linen must be immaculate. A young man w r ears a standing 
collar ; an elderly man, if he choose, may wear his favorite style, with 
due deference to the reigning style. One or three studs adorn the 
bosom. 

Properly speaking, white or very light kid gloves are a part of 
evening dress, but to say whether or not they shall be worn always at 
a formal dinner is hardly safe. If worn, remove th^rm at the table ; 
but at a ball they are indispensable. On all doubtful occasions it is 
well to be provided with a pair, to use if wished. 

Evening dress is to be worn at balls, large dinners, parties and the 
opera, It is never worn at church, save in case of an evening wedding. 



DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. 427 

It is never worn anywhere on Sunday. In a small town a dress suit 
on any occasion is apt to seem an affectation. Never wear a dress 
suit anywhere before six o'clock in the evening. 

"A gentleman never looks more thoroughly a gentleman than in an 
evening dress," says one writer on etiquette, and it is well for those 
to whom the occasion is liable to come to learn to wear one gracefully 
and easily. 

In France a dress suit is worn upon nearly all festive occasions. In 
England the same customs prevail for its use as in our own country. 

Morning Dress for Gentlemen. 

Black cutaway, or Prince Albert coat (frock coat), black vest, white 
in summer, light-colored trousers, silk or some other style of stiff hat, 
and a black necktie. A light coat is never worn with black trousers. 
This morning dress is worn at church, morning receptions, informal 
parties, garden parties, when making calls, and at places of amuse- 
ment. 

Wedding Dress for Gentlemen. 

At morning weddings, that is, all weddings before six o'clock, the 
gentlemen, bridegroom, best man, and all, wear morning dress with 
light-colored ties. If gloves are worn, light-colored ones must be 
selected. If there is a formal reception held in the evening, evening 
dress and white or very pale gloves may then be worn. At an even- 
ing wedding, evening dress is expected. 

Gloves for Gentlemen. 

Gentlemen wear gloves when walking, riding, or driving, at church 

and all places of amusement, when making calls, and at receptions, 

balls and evening parties. White or very pale tints for balls and 

weddings ; delicate tints for evening parties ; any shade preferred for 

the other occasions. 

General Hints. 

A silk hat should only be worn on appropriate occasions. Worn 
with a rough business suit, or on a picnic or mountain ramble, it is in 



428 DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. 

the worst possible taste. It should appear only with frock coats, 
dress coats and a fine quality of cloth. 

Felt or straw hats should be worn with short coats or business suits. 

The mourning weed, conventionally speaking, is worn only on a silk 
hat ; but there is no good reason why those who wish to wear mourn- 
ing for lost friends should always be in dress of ceremony so to do. 

Diamonds should not be worn during business hours by men who 
are obliged to stand behind counters or engage in any toil. 

Business suits should never be worn to an evening party in the 
city, though in small country gatherings they might be permissible. 

Even various styles of outing suits are allowable in some of the 
informal gatherings at summer resorts. 

" Nice customs courtesy to great kings," or to occasions. 

Evening Suit for Boys. 

This is black cloth with the rough surface that is seen in the 
material used for grown-up, evening clothes. His trousers are the 
proper width and show a slight but not too pronounced crease. His 
waistcoat is cut low, and over it he wears an Eton jacket of black 
cloth that is accentuated by the deep white linen collar which turns 
over it, and which is attached, like his cuffs, to his immaculate white 
shirt. 

He scorns all jewelry but a little watch and the white enamel 
buttons that are in his shirt. His silk hat has a lower and a some- 
what broader crown than that made for an older gentleman. 

A suit like this is worn by a boy from the time he is twelve until 
he is eighteen, and then he is supposed to assume the regulation 
evening dress worn by men. 







I ~T ETTERS are the memory of friend- 

| y ship," and are to be reckoned among 
the chief links in the social chain 
binds parent and child, lover and sweetheart, 
friend and friend, in harmonious accord. 
A letter may, from a business point of view, make or mar the for- 
tunes of its sender, while none the less surely, from a social standard, 
will our epistles approve or condemn our claim for consideration. 
Every position in life, and every occasion which may arise therein, 
demand more or less exercise of our epistolary powers, and while but 
few can hope for the grace, the wit, the repartee that sparkle in the 
missives of a de Stael, a Recamier, a Walpole, a Macaulay, every one 
can and should learn to write a clear, concise, intelligent, appropriate 
letter. 

A Rare Accomplishment. 

To do this properly is a social accomplishment, and one of the 
greatest boons that education confers. A graceful note, a kindly, 
sparkling letter, are each the exponent of a true lady or gentleman, 
though it must be confessed, since our country furnishes no so-called 
"leisure class," the art of letter-writing has, in great measure, fallen 
into feminine hands, the cares of business and professional life ofttimes 
preventing the sterner half of creation from mere friendly exercise of 
the pen. It is among women, therefore, that we will find in the 
present, as we have found in the past, the best and most fluent of 
correspondents. 

A certain dread of letter-writing, however, seems to haunt a large 
class of people. This dread, arising either from imperfect education, 
a lack of practice or a fear of " nothing to say," can be overcome in 
great measure by careful study of the few main requisites of the art, 

429 



430 LETTER WRITING. 

as embraced in style, orthography, forms to be adopted and stationery 
to be used for certain occasions. 

The Style, 

Of course, is a subtle something inherent in each individual, not to be 
entirely done away with in any case, but to be improved by a careful 
study of good models, such, for example, as the letters of the above- 
mentioned authors. To read the best prose writers also cannot fail 
to work an improvement. For instance, the writer once, after an 
enthusiastic study of Taine, was rewarded by the assurance from a 
literary correspondent that her letters were thoroughly " Tainesque " 
in style. 

By judicious reading and carefully taking thought, an abrupt style 
may be softened and more graceful, flowing sentences substituted fru- 
its short, sharp phrases ; while a redundant style, by the same care, 
may be pruned of its exuberance. 

The chief charm of a letter consists in it being written naturally and 
as one would talk. " We should write as we speak, and that's a true 
familiar letter which expresseth a man's mind as if he were discoursing 
with the party to whom he writes," says Howell, and, ancient as the 
words are, no better advice can be given to-day. 

Write easily, and never simply for effect ; this gives a constrained, 
stilted style that will soon cool the correspondence. Let your thoughts 
flow as they would were you conversing with your friend, but do not 
gossip ; give friendly intelligence only when certain of its truth. 1 his 
will not seem too much when it is remembered how written words 
sometimes rise up in judgment against their authors when the spoken 
words would long since have been forgotten. A lapse of time will 
brush the bloom from our sentences and nothing can bring back again 
the tender grace that transfigured the over-sweetness of some little 
written sentiment, or redeem it from the realm of the bombastic in 
our eyes to-day. Then " let your communications be, not exactly 
'yea and nay,' but do let them be such that you would not fear to 
hear them read aloud before you, for more than this ' cometh of evil.' " 




THESE ARE MY KEEPSAKES." 



431 



432 LETTER WRITING. 

Grammar and Orthography. 

These should receive most careful attention. "A great author is 
one," according to Taine, "who, having passions, knows also his 
dictionary and grammar." And a good letter-writer, as well, must 
" know his dictionary and grammar" to render his missives presentable. 

Grammatical errors are almost unpardonable, and a misspelled word 
is an actual crime in these days of dictionaries. Punctuation and 
capitalization, too, must be looked after, and the whole letter give 
evidence of thought and care on the writer's part. 

Handwriting, Paper and Ink 

Are all of importance, and etiquette has prescribed certain formulas 
for these adjuncts of a good letter, that, however the vagaries of 
fashion may invade the outer borders of the realm epistolary, are 
always correct and in good style. 

The paper in best taste is thick, white or creamy-tinted, unruled 
and of such a size as to fold once for fitting square-shaped envelopes, 
creamy-white like the paper. Never use envelopes so thin in quality 
as to permit the writing to be seen through from the outside. The 
square envelope is not a necessity ; the slightly oblong is also used, the 
paper being folded twice to fit this size. 

This paper would be suitable and in perfect style in any portion of 
the civilized world, and on any occasion, and no one with any preten- 
sions to good breeding should be found unsupplied. This is an item 
in which we cannot afford to economize, for one judges a lady or 
gentleman, unconsciously, by the contents of his or her writing desk, 
as exemplified by the letters sent from their hands. 

Monograms are not entirely "out," but they are only used by those 
to whom their own especial design, through long use, has come to 
seem almost a part of themselves. All fleeting fancies in stationery 
should be passed by on the other side, or, at most, left to the way- 
ward tastes of "sweet sixteen," or to some few whose very eccen- 
tricities are part of their fame, Sarah Bernhardt, for instance, uses 



LETTER WRITING. 



433 




INCORRECT MODE OE HOI/DING 
THE PEN. 



blue paper framed in a pale gray line on the top of the page, and the 
flap of the envelope is a tragic mark, above which her initials are 
traversed by a scroll bearing her motto, " Quand meme." She is as 
exact, however, in the formulas of her letters as any dowager of the 
old school. The Royal Highnesses of England use the paper and 
square envelopes before described ; initials, monograms and crests are 
left to foreigners and outsiders, and the Orleans family, of France, are 
severely plain in their choice of stationery. 
Given the correct paper and envelopes 
and plain, jet-black ink (no other tint 
should ever be used), the penmanship 
must next be considered. It is very well 
for Madame Bernhardt to write an ele- 
gant, graceful hand that is absolutely 
impossible to decipher, and for General 
Bourbaki to indite his epistles in a micro- 
scopically minute script, but less impor- 
tant people will do well to render their 

chirography as perfect and legible as pos- pROpER MODB Qlf HOIrDING THB 
sible, and not to flourish. pen. 

Avoid always too near an approach 
to the clerkly, commercial hand. A 
talented foreigner once remarked to the 
writer upon his astonishment at the pre- 
dominance of this hand in America. " I 
do not like it," he said; "the clerk sends correct position of the hand. 
me in my rates, the landlord my bill, and the young lady her reply to 
my invitation, all in that same commercial hand. There is no indi- 
viduality, no character, in such writing." And there was too much 
reason in his remonstrance. We are not quite " a nation of shop- 
keepers," and there is no reason why this business handwriting should 
so permeate all classes of society. 

The lines should be straight, and as ruled paper is not permissible 
in formal notes, invitations or punctilious correspondence, savoring too 
28 





434 



LETTER WRITING. 



nearly of the school-room and the counting-house, some little practice 
may be necessary to keep the lines even. Should this prove impos- 
sible, let a sheet of paper with heavily ruled black lines that will show 
through the writing paper, be kept in the desk and slipped beneath 
the page as a guide. It may also be inserted in the envelope to keep 
the superscription or address perfectly straight. 

The lines should be rather far apart, and the fashionable hand just 
now is not the pointed English style, but somewhat verging on the 
large, round hand of the last century ; the ladies, as a rule, indulging 

in a rather masculine style. 

Thin foreign note paper may 
be used for letters abroad, unless 
the most formal. This is usually 
ruled. So is the commercial 
note used for business letters. 

These forms answer for ladies 
and gentlemen alike. There is 
no particular objection to gen- 
tlemen using in their informal 
friendly letters, business note 
with printed letter head, but 
for ceremonious occasions they 
must be bound by the fore- 




PROPER POSITION OF A LADY IN WRITING. 



going forms. 



Very faintly perfumed paper is the prerogative of the ladies. Gen- 
tlemen are denied this privilege and a lady avails herself of it with 
discretion, selecting a favorite odor and adhering closely to it, so that 
correspondents could tell her missives with closed eyes, by their very 
fragrance. 

Where black-edged paper and envelopes are used by persons in 
mourning, the width of the black border varies according to the near- 
ness of the deceased relative or the length of time since the loss, 
though some never use more than the narrowest line of black, while 
others still, with the most perfect propriety, discard it altogether. Its 



LETTER WRITING. 



435 



use is a matter of taste simply, and must cease so soon as the mourn- 
ing garb is dropped. Never be guilty, however, of writing a letter of 
congratulation on black-edged paper, even if in mourning ; use plain 
white for this purpose. At the same time, it is never necessary to 
write a letter of condolence on black-bordered paper, unless the writer 
himself is in mourning. 

The careful writing of a note or letter is a mark of respect to the 
recipient, and blots, erasures and mended words should never be 




IMPROPER POSITION. 



PROPER POSITION. 



permitted to disfigure it. Erasing cannot be done without marring 
the entire page and a mended or rewritten word is an offense to the 
eye. To copy the letter afresh is the only real remedy, and those 
who value their own standing will not grudge the pains spent in the 
composition of a letter that shall be a credit to the writer and a 
pleasure to the receiver. 

This comes under the general recommendation of doing everything 
you do as it ought to be done. There should be no slipshod way of 
writing a letter by which you are to be judged. 



436 LETTER WRITING. 

Figures and abbreviations are often used. Few numerals are 
allowable, except the dates, the street number and the hour of the 
day. Very large sums of money are also stated in figures unless 
they begin a sentence, when all numbers must be written out fully. 
Figures are also preferable in uneven sums of^ money too long to be 
written with one, or at most two words; per cent., as well, is rulable 
in figures. Degrees should be cither written "75 ," or "seventy- 
five degrees." Fractions, given alone, should be in words, and all 
other numerals occurring in a letter must follow the same rule, 
except quotations from stock and market reports. For extra pre- 
caution, sometimes sums of money are written, followed by figures 
representing the same, in parenthesis. 

Common Abbreviations. 

Abbreviations proper to social and formal letter-writing are few in 
number. Honorary titles, such as Dr., Prof., Hon., Rev., Messrs., 
Esq., Capt, etc., are usually abbreviated as above, though very good 
authorities advocate, and with much reason, the use of the full word 
"Reverend," as also the titles "Honorable" and "Professor." The 
scholastic titles are also abbreviated by the proper initials, as A. M., 
M. D., LL.D., following the name. The names of months, of 
states, the words "County" and "Post Office," when used on the 
superscription are also abbreviated. 

The use of A. M., M., P. M., to mark the divisions of the day, 
technical abbreviations, and the usual e. g., i. e., viz., etc., are too 
familiar to the users to need mention. Further than the above, 
brevity is not always the soul of wit. 

The letter itself, as a whole, is now to be considered, and to facili- 
tate its writing there should be some one corner in every home 
devoted to this purpose. The incentive to letter- writing is always 
damped, the happy thought we would send our friend takes flight, if 
we must find the pens upstairs, the paper down, the ink bottle in the 
pantry, empty or not, as the case may be, and our patience wherever 
it may be after the search is ended, 



LETTER WRITING. 



437 



Letters would be more frequently written, more punctually answered, 
and half the unreasonable dread of writing done away with, were this 
matter attended to properly. Let the writing desk stand in some 
well-lighted corner of sitting, dining, or " mother's" room, and let it 




A SCRAP OF A LETTER. 

be stored with all articles necessary to the exigencies of correspond- 
ence. Should the desk prove beyond the depth of the family purse, 
then let its substitute be found in a firm, good-sized table or stand, 
with a drawer where necessary supplies may be kept. Two or more 



438 LETTER WRITING. 

sizes of note paper, unruled, with envelopes to match, for the ciders of 
the household ; writing tablets and commercial note, together with 
plain envelopes, for the school-children and every-day uses ; a good 
dictionary, a tray with pen rack and inkstand thereon, and a goodly 
supply of pens, will complete a corner that will do more toward the 
family education in good breeding and culture than any other expen- 
diture that can be made, and will render letter-writing the pleasure it 
should be, instead of the dread it too often is. 

If one possesses a permanent address, street, number and city may, 
with great propriety, be engraved on the paper at the top of the sheet. 
If this is not done the address should always be written clearly on all 
letters. It is too much to expect one's friends to remember the private 
addresses of all their correspondents, and time is too precious to be 
spent searching out some missing letter in quest of street or number, 
in default of which more than one letter has gone unanswered. 

The date of a letter, month, day, year and city is first in place. 
This should be written on one line, beginning, according to length, 
more or less near the center of the sheet and ending at the right-hand 
margin. In business letters, unless the printed letter head fixes the 
place, this line should not be more than one-quarter down the page ; 
while in social or formal letters it should be one-third the distance 
down. If it should be desirable to give the county also, the date 
may be allowed to occupy two or more lines, as follows : 

Mendota, La Salle Co., III., May 29, 189 — . 

In the same manner a city number and address may be given : 
309 Post Street, Ottawa, III., January 30, 189 — . 

In writing from hotels, the following form should be adopted : 
The Arlington, Binghamton, N. Y., October 3, 189 — . 

Some, in polite letter-writing, prefer to give the address at the con- 
clusion rather than the beginning of the letter. Under these circum- 
stances the prescribed form would be : 

Truly your friend, Mary N. Prescott. 
Franklin Grove, Lee Co., 111., January 14, 189 — . 



LETTER WRITING. 439 

There are several ways of writing the figures that compose the date 
of a letter. Many business men and others use this form, 1-2-189 — , 
or, 1/2/9 — » f° r January 2, 189 — . Others still would write as fol- 
lows : Jan. 2nd, 1896. Taste and habit will decide the matter for each. 
To give the name instead of the number of the month is, perhaps, more 
elegant. 

The address, supposing it to be a business letter would come next 
in order, beginning at the left-hand margin, and our letter would 

stand thus : 

Tipton, Iowa, April 1, 189. — 
Mr. William H. Hill, 

307 Wall Street, New York. 

The salutation is a matter wherein there is great latitude of usage. 
In conformity with custom, some title is to be used in addressing 
correspondents, and this title differs greatly in accordance with the 
degree of acquaintance, or friendship, with the party addressed. It 
should always begin at the left of the page. In the business letter 
just above, the form might be as follows : 

Tipton, Iowa, April 1, 189 — . 
Mr. William H. Hill, 

307 Wall Street, New York. 
Dear Sir : (or, Sir :) 

Or, if there should be a firm name, the address would be as follows : 

Messrs. Williams & Hill, 307 Wall Street, New York. 
Dear Sirs : (or, Sirs:) (or, Gentlemen:) 

Again, if wished, the salutation might be omitted and the address 
made to serve as title. Another form is this : 

Mr. William H. Hill, 307 Wall Street, New York. Mr. Hill: 

The following form, though causing an unpleasant repetition of the 
name, is often adopted in business letters to unmarried ladies, probably to 
escape the problem that the choice of Miss or Madam offers to so many : 

305 Beacon Street, Boston, Mass., February 10, 189 — . 
Miss Mary Wright, Cherry Valley, 111. Miss Wright ; 



440 LETTER WRITING. 

Or, omitting the name, the simple address may be used. How- 
ever, there need not be the slightest difficulty in addressing an 
unmarried lady, even should she be in her teens, as "Madam," or 
"Dear Madam," it being a general term as applicable to women with- 
out regard to age or condition, as "Sir" is to their brethren. This 
will be easily seen when it is recollected that it is a derivation from 
ma dame, my lady, and since our language is deficient in any equiva- 
lent term to the pretty French Mademoiselle, or the German, Fra'u- 
lein, and, as "Dear Miss" is obsolete, we must be content to utilize 
"Madam" on all necessary occasions. There is another form much 
used where the address is omitted : 

305 Michigan Avenue, Chicago, July 10, 189 — . 
Miss Halstead. Dear Madam : 

Or, if on friendly footing, simply: Dear Miss Halstead : 

If two young ladies are to be addressed, the term "Misses" should 

be used, as : 

Havana, III., February 20, 189 — . 

Misses Taylor & Watson, Stenographers, 

159 Church Street, Rockford, 111. Mesdames: 

The " Mesdames " may be omitted and the address used alone, but 
its addition indicates more polish. The translation is " My Ladies." 
Some substitute for it, simply " Ladies," which is quite proper. 

The prefix " Dear" may be omitted wherever desirable, but never 
write "My dear Miss Halstead," "My dear Madam," or "My dear Sir," 
unless intimately acquainted. 

In writing a social letter the address is omitted or added at close of 
the letter. A gentleman in private or professional life would be 
addressed as : 

Frederic Guy, Esq. Dear Sir : (or, Sir : ) 
Or, 

Hon. Frederic Guy. Dear Sir: (or, Sir:) 

Respectfully yours, John Graceland. 

The use of titles will be explained farther on, but here it may be 



LETTER WRITING. 441 

said that two titles are very seldom given to the same individual at 
once. For instance, never write Mr. Fred. Guy, Esq., nor Hon. Mr. 
Fred. Guy. There are some exceptions to this rule, as where the 
Rev. Mr. Churchill and the Hon. Mr. Brice are addressed under 
circumstances where their Christian name is unknown, and where a 
married lady makes use of her husband's title, as : Mrs. Capt. Jones ; 
Mrs. Judge Snyder, and where the Rev. Prof. Dr. Kemp shows by 
his titles the weight of his learning. Never deny an individual the 
titles that are rightfully his. They show that he has fought and 
conquered men, or books, to win them, and they are the well-earned 
meed of his endeavor. But never, if you have titles, be guilty of 
bestowing them on yourself; leave that for others. 

A gentleman writing to a married lady would address her in 
friendly correspondence as, "Dear Mrs. Freneh," or, "My dear Mrs. 
French." To an unmarried lady, "Dear Miss French," or "My dear 
Miss French." A lady addresses a gentleman in the same fashion, as 
"Dear Mr. Courtney," or "My dear Mr. Courtney," or "Dear Dr. 
Courtney." 

The Proper Salutation. 

Nearer degrees of intimacy,* of course, formulate their own laws in 
this regard, but even here, be it said, that discretion may be exercised 
to advantage. It will also be observed that if the word "dear," or 
any like term, begins the salutation it is capitalized ; otherwise, not. 
Thus: "My dear Friend;" not "My Dear Friend." Authorities on 
etiquette differ somewhat on this score, different works in the author's 
possession taking exactly opposite sides, the weight of evidence, how- 
ever, falling on the form given here. 

The complimentary conclusion, "Yours truly," "Very truly yours," 
"Very respectfully," etc., should begin about the middle of the page 
on the next line below the body of the letter. The first word only 
should be capitalized, and the expression followed by a comma. The 
signature should come on the line below and end at the right-hand 
margin of the page. The address also is sometimes, especially in 
social notes given at the conclusion, where it should begin, one or two 



442 LETTER WRITING. 

lines below the signature, at the left-hand margin of the page, occupy- 
ing two or more lines, according to its length, as : 

Dear Miss Lothrop : 

In reply to your kind note, I would say, etc. 

Cordially yours, 

Marion Kent. 
2 Arcade Court, Chicago, 111., October 5, 189 — . 

Another very formal style would be : 

21 Delaware Place, Buffalo, N. Y., June 1, 189 — . 

Dear Miss Lothrop : In reply to your kind note, etc. 

Truly yours, 

George Harland. 

To Miss Julia Lothrop, 

no Beacon Street, Boston, Mass. 

The conclusion of a letter gives the writer fully as much latitude of 
style as the salutation. Some graceful little phrase should follow the 
subject-matter of the letter and lead up to the conclusion, thus: 

I am, with love to the family, and remembrances to all 
my friends, Yours cordially, 

Mary Roe. 

Salutation and conclusion should always correspond in formality or 
friendliness with one another, thus : Mr. John Bright. Sir : would 
appropriately conclude with : I am, sir, Respectfully yours, Frank B. 
Folsom. 

A friendly letter beginning : Dear Bright : or, My dear Bright : 
would terminate thus : Cordially yours, Frank B. Folsom. 

Other forms for closing business letters are : I am, respectfully, 
James Ross. Or, Respectfully, James Ross. 

These forms do away with the personal pronoun "Yours," which, 
although custom has in reality rendered it a pure formality, still 
retains a certain meaning in the minds of some, as the man, who, in 
a long correspondence with his wife-that-was-to-be, never signed a 
letter otherwise than "Truly yours." "What more could I be," he 



LETTER WRITING. 443 

queried, "than hers truly, body and soul?" and with this feeling 
could their married life have been other than it was, beautiful to look 
upon? 

Never abbreviate the conclusion to " Yours, etc.;" it has too much 
the careless, thankless sound of " Thanks," and neither can be suffi- 
ciently condemned. 

Letters beginning, My dear Margaret : or, My dear Daughter : 
might end, respectively: Ever yours, or, Your friend, Jane Brown. 
And, Your affectionate mother, Gertrude Mason. 

A gentleman, writing to a lady, could say: Very sincerely (or 
respectfully) yours, P. H. Gould. Or, Yours, with sincere regard, 
Henry Grayson. 

The address need not be added unless the acquaintance is very 
slight. At times a more elaborate closing is desirable and graceful, as 
when the correspondent is very much higher in station, or older in 
years, or you have been the recipient of some great favor at his or her 
hands : 

I am, dear madam, with the most profound esteem, 

Yours sincerely? James Talbot. 

Or, to a gentleman, under like circumstances : 

I have the honor to be, sir, Yours most respectfully, James Talbot. 

Such closings as "Obedient, humble servant," are quite too much 
for Republican simplicity, and even in writing to no less a dignitary 
than the President : 

To the President, 

Sir: 

Very respectfully, 

James Talbot, 

really fulfills all requirements, though one may consult his own taste 
in making use of the two complimentary conclusions given above. 

A lady in writing to a stranger should always suggest whether she 
is married or single. This will prevent mistakes and annoyance, and 
can be done in two ways; Respectfully, (Miss) Frances Clayton, 



444 LETTER WRITING. 

Or, more elaborately: Respectfully, Frances Clayton. Address, 
Miss Frances Clayton, 21 St. Caroline's Court, Chicago. 

A lady never signs herself as Mrs. Helen B. Hayes, or Miss 
Gertrude Vance, without, at least, putting the titles in a parenthesis. 
Primarily, a woman is Helen Hayes or Gertrude Vance, and should 
sign herself as such. The "Miss" or "Mrs." signifies simply an 
incident in her existence, and is added, as it were, in a note, to prevent 
mistake on the part of others. A failure to observe this rule indicates 
a lack of culture. Neither does a gentleman ever sign himself Mr. 
Brown, but George G. Brown, or G. G. Brown. 

Use of the Husband's Name. 

A married lady should always be addressed by her husband's name 
preceded by " Mrs.," except in case of well-known names, such as 
Mrs. Potter Palmer, or Mrs. Isabella B. Hooker. A widow is no 
longer called by her husband's given name, but reverts to her own 
christened cognomen, preceded by "Mrs." Thus, Mrs. James H. 
Hayes in her widowhood is, to every one, Mrs. Helen B. Hayes. 
An exception to this would be in the case of such well-known names 
as Abraham Lincoln, or James G. Blaine, where custom grants the 
widow the right to bear the beloved title. 

The superscription or address should be written plainly (if speedy 
delivery is expected) upon the lower half of the envelope, the flap 
being at the top. The title and name form one line with about an 
equal space at each end. The writing should be just below the middle 
of the envelope. The street number, the name of the city and the 
state each form a separate line, one below the other, and each should 
begin a little to the right of the one above, so that the last line will 
approach nearly to the lower right-hand corner of the envelope. The 
county or number of post office box may be given in the lower left- 
hand corner. Where there is no street number the county, or even 
the box number, may be written directly beneath the name of the 
town. 

The stamp should be invariably placed squarely and right-side up 



LETTER WRITING. 



445 



in the upper right-hand corner. A request for return in a given time 
may be written, if necessary, in the upper left-hand corner. 

A physician is addressed thus: Dr. Albert Young, Watseka, 
Iowa. Or, Albert Young, M. D., Watseka, Iowa. 

In addressing the wife of a doctor the following formula may be 
used: Mrs. Dr. Albert Young, Watseka, Iowa. 

The strictest etiquette, however, would involve writing: Mrs. 
Albert Young, care of Dr. Albert Young, Watseka, Iowa. 

Either of the above forms may be taken for addressing the wife of 




THE PLACE FOR STAMP AND SUPERSCRIPTION. 

a professor, an army or United States official, a minister or a legal 
dignitary, always remembering that the longer is more elegant, as: 
Mrs. Melville B. Fuller, care of the Hon. Melville B. Fuller, 
Chief Justice of the United States, Washington, D. C. 

The President, however, would be addressed: To the President, 
Executive Mansion, Washington, D. C. 

This is the simplest form, and as such, in the best taste, but it is 
sometimes written : To the President of the United States, Honorable 
Grover Cleveland. 



444 LETTER WRITING. 

Or, more elaborately: Respectfully, Frances Clayton. Address, 
Miss Frances Clayton, 21 St. Caroline's Court, Chicago. 

A lady never signs herself as Mrs. Helen B. Hayes, or Miss 
Gertrude Vance, without, at least, putting the titles in a parenthesis. 
Primarily, a woman is Helen Hayes or Gertrude Vance, and should 
sign herself as such. The "Miss" or "Mrs." signifies simply an 
incident in her existence, and is added, as it were, in a note, to prevent 
mistake on the part of others. A failure to observe this rule indicates 
a lack of culture. Neither does a gentleman ever sign himself Mr. 
Brown, but George G. Brown, or G. G. Brown. 

Use of the Husband's Name. 

A married lady should always be addressed by her husband's name 
preceded by " Mrs.," except in case of well-known names, such as 
Mrs. Potter Palmer, or Mrs. Isabella B. Hooker. A widow is no 
longer called by her husband's given name, but reverts to her own 
christened cognomen, preceded by "Mrs." Thus, Mrs. James H. 
Hayes in her widowhood is, to every one, Mrs. Helen B. Hayes. 
An exception to this would be in the case of such well-known names 
as Abraham Lincoln, or James G. Blaine, where custom grants the 
widow the right to bear the beloved title. 

The superscription or address should be written plainly (if speedy 
delivery is expected) upon the lower half of the envelope, the flap 
being at the top. The title and name form one line with about an 
equal space at each end. The w r riting should be just below the middle 
of the envelope. The street number, the name of the city and the 
state each form a separate line, one below the other, and each should 
begin a little to the right of the one above, so that the last line will 
approach nearly to the lower right-hand corner of the envelope. The 
county or number of post office box may be given in the lower left- 
hand corner. Where there is no street number the county, or even 
the box number, may be written directly beneath the name of the 
town. 

The stamp should be invariably placed squarely and right-side up 



LETTER WRITING. 



445 



in the upper right-hand corner. A request for return in a given time 
may be written, if necessary, in the upper left-hand corner. 

A physician is addressed thus: Dr. Albert Young, Watseka, 
Iowa. Or, Albert Young, M. D., Watseka, Iowa. 

In addressing the wife of a doctor the following formula may be 
used : Mrs. Dr. Albert Young, Watseka, Iowa. 

The strictest etiquette, however, would involve writing: Mrs. 
Albert Young, care of Dr. Albert Young, Watseka, Iowa. 

Either of the above forms may be taken for addressing the wife of 




THE PLACE FOR STAMP AND SUPERSCRIPTION. 

a professor, an army or United States official, a minister or a legal 
dignitary, always remembering that the longer is more elegant, as: 
Mrs. Melville B. Fuller, care of the Hon. Melville B. Fuller, 
Chief Justice of the United States, Washington, D. C. 

The President, however, would be addressed: To the President, 
Executive Mansion, Washington, D. C. 

This is the simplest form, and as such, in the best taste, but it is 
sometimes written : To the President of the United States, Honorable 
Grover Cleveland. 



446 LETTER WRITING. 

"His Excellency" was formerly used in addressing the President 
and the Governors of States, but it is largely abandoned as inconsis- 
tent with the lack of titles in our country. The same rule is observed 
in writing to the Governor of a State : To the Governor, Gubernatorial 
Mansion, Springfield, 111. Or, To the Governor, Robert P. Morton, 
Albany, N. Y. 

A member of the Cabinet: To the Honorable, the Secretary of the 
Interior, Washington, D. C. A State official has the following 
address: Dr. John C. Wyatt, Secretary of the State Board of Charity, 
Springfield, 111. In addressing one person in care of another the 
form would be: Mrs. John Draper, Grand de Tour, 111. Care Dr. I. 
S. Prime. 

A note to be delivered by a friend is always unsealed and usually 
addressed : Miss Florence Warden, Vassar College, Poughkeepsie, 
N. Y. Kindness of Mr. G. A. Rhodes. A still better form is to 
simply use the address of the person without farther preamble. 

Always fold a letter sheet so that the opening lines face the reader 
on unfolding. 

Punctuation Marks. 

Punctuation and capitalization are very necessary matters in the art 
of letter-writing, but in these days of common schools, and all but 
compulsory education, it is to be supposed that some knowledge of 
these important facts will have been gained. It will not be amiss, 
however, to mention a few of the most necessary rules. 

The four chief punctuation points are the comma, semicolon, colon, 
period. In the days of our grandmothers children were taught to 
"mind their stops," with this rule for a guide: "Count one at a 
comma, two at a semicolon, three at a colon, and four at a period, or 
' full stop.'" 

In punctuating the date, address, closing and superscription of a 
letter, certain rules are necessary. One of these is that a period fol- 
lows all abbreviations, such as those of title, state and county, and 
separates and follows all initials, whether abbreviations of names or 
titles ; while the slight pause occurring between such abbreviations is 



LETTER WRITING. 447 

marked by a comma, and the end of the date, like the end of a sen- 
tence, is closed by a period ; for example : 540 West Main St., Gales- 
burgh, 111. Or, Poughkeepsie, N. Y., Jan. 10, 189 — . 

A colon suggests something more to follow, hence in the salutation 
of a letter we find a colon at the end, signifying that the body of the 
letter is yet to come, as : "Dear Sir:" or, where the communication 
begins on same line of salutation, we find both colon and dash, as : 
"Dear Madame: — Yours of," etc. 

Commas are used frequently to divide long complex sentences, and 
the sentence is somewhat further broken by the use of the semicolon 
between its more decided sections. Abraham Lincoln once said : " I 
throw in a semicolon whenever I am at a loss what pause to use ; it 
always fits." 

The complimentary close of the letter is followed by a comma and 
the signature by a period. A period also separates and follows two 
or more initials, as : Yours truly, (Mrs.) Adeline D. T. Whitney. 

Writing the Superscription. 

A very long complimentary conclusion should be punctuated like a 
sentence, as : I am, dear madam, with the most profound esteem, 
Yours truly, James Talbot. 

The superscription on the envelope is to be punctuated according to 
the above given rules. An interrogation point (?) should be used at 
the end of all questions. It is in truth, as the small boy said, "A 
little crooked thing that asks questions." The exclamation point (!) 
expressing astonishment, the dash and parenthesis, need only be 
employed by those thoroughly understanding their use. Quotation 
marks (" ") should always be placed at the beginning and end of 
words quoted from another; slang, or any fashionable "fad" if 
written, should be quoted. 

As for capitals, one should begin every sentence, all names of 
persons and places, all appellations of the Deity, the first word of 
every line of poetry, and show themselves in the pronoun "I," and 
the exclamation "O." 



448 LETTER WRITING. 

Sealing wax is to be used, or not, as inclination directs, but neatness 
and skill are necessary in its use, or an unsightly blotch will result, 
than which the self-sealing envelope is far preferable. A heavy 
cream-white envelope sealed with a large, perfect seal of rich red, or 
bronze-brown wax with a clear monogram or initial stamped thereon 
is always pleasing to the eye. To very slightly oil the seal will 
prevent it adhering to the wax and thereby spoiling the impression. 
In a foreign correspondence, the self-sealing envelopes are better since 
in tropical countries the great heat often melts the wax, and it is 
always liable, during transportation in the holds of vessels, to become 
cracked and loosened from the paper by the weight of other goods, 
and close packing in the hold. 

Final remarks are scarcely necessary, but it might be suggested that 
it is rather fashionable to write one's full name, as more elegant than 
initials. A lady never signs herself simply by initials. Mary 
Creighton Cutter should so write her name, or, at least, Mary C. 
Cutter. Never M. C. Cutter. A gentleman is privileged to do this 
in business or formal letters, but in any others, instead of L. B. Ban- 
croft he is Lucius Bright Bancroft or Lucius B. Bancroft. 

Points to be Remembered. 

Margins are no longer a necessity even in the most formal letters. 
Sometimes in writing a long, friendly, not formal, letter, instead of 
utilizing one side only of the paper, it is written across the sheet upon 
the first and fourth pages, and then lengthwise upon the second and 
third, though of course it is perfectly correct to write upon the pages 
consecutively. 

Tautology, or a continued repetition of the same word, is a disa- 
greeable and inelegant fault in writing, as : " If John will come home, 
we will all come, but if he fails to come, we will not come until he can 
come also." 

One other point remains to touch upon. Any one that has ever 
glanced at the "Correspondence Column" of any paper will see how 
often young women ask if it is proper to write to gentlemen who have 



LETTER WRITING. 449 

requested the favor of corresponding with them, and which should 
write first, This point is rightfully one that should be settled by the 
mother or other guardian of the girl ; but let it be said here that while 
this is the only country in the world where a so-called "friendly cor- 
respondence" is or can be carried on between young men and young 
women with, or without, any particular object in view, even here it is well 
to be careful. Girls are sometimes a little too confidential, and all men 
are not gentlemen, outward polish notwithstanding. A friendship too 
easily won or too fully expressed is not always prized, and while manly 
men are supposed never to boast of the number of their correspondents, 
yet club-room walls, could they speak, would stamp many a man as 
less than a gentleman. 

Titles. 

The proper use of titles forms an important item in letter-writing. 
The slightest hesitancy on this point shows a lack of culture on the 
part of the writer that lowers him at once in the eyes of the recipient. 

The ordinary social titles used are simple and familiar. These are: 
Mrs., Madam, Miss, for women; Mr., Esq., Messrs., Sir, for men, and 
Master for boys. 

Of course, in writing to an acquaintance, while the outer address 
retains all its formality, the commencement will be whatever is war- 
ranted by the degree of friendship between the parties. 

Domestic Titles. 

By the constitution of the United States it is provided that no titles 
of nobility shall be granted by the government. Neither shall a 
person holding a governmental office accept any title from any king, 
prince or foreign state, except express permission be given by Con- 
gress. The President of the United States and the Governor of Massa- 
chusetts are the only citizens possessing as officials a title by legisla- 
tive act. This title is the same : "Excellency." Governors of other 
states are given this title by courtesy only. However, this title may 
be omitted at discretion, and indeed the simpler form given is far more 
suited to our Republican simplicity of manners. 
29 



450 LETTER WRITING. 

The following list will be found a complete guide in the use of all 
honorary titles sanctioned by custom in the United States : 

Ambassadors, Foreign, to the United States, are addressed officially 
by the titles recognized in their own countries, and if they have no 
title, as "Mr. ," followed by title of office. United States ambas- 
sadors to foreign countries, officially as " Mr. " or " Hon. ," 

followed by title of office. There are but four ambassadors sent out 
by the United States, the ministers to Russia and England having 
been but lately invested with that title. 

The Hon. John Jones, United States Ambassador to the United 
Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, or to the Court of St. James. 

Archbishop (Roman Catholic) — Letters addressed: "The Most 
Reverend D.D., Archbishop of ." 

Associate Justices — Addressed with: "Hon.," name and name of 
office, but spoken of as Mr. Justice ." 

Bishop — Addressed: "The Right Reverend D.D., Bishop of 

." The address of Protestant Episcopal and Roman Catholic 



Bishops is precisely the same. Bishops of the Methodist Episcopal 
Church are addressed as the "Reverend Bishop , D.D." 

Cabinet Members — Addressed as: " Honorable," usually contracted 
to "Hon.," as: Hon. James Johnson, Secretary of State, Washing- 
ton, D. C. 

Cardinal (Roman Catholic) is addressed in writing, and spoken of 

as : " His Eminence , Cardinal (Bishop, Priest, or Deacon, 

according to rank) of the Holy Roman Church," spoken to as, 
" Your Grace." 

Chief Justice — Addressed as : "Hon. Chief Justice of the Supreme 
Court of the United States." 

Chief Justice's Wife — Addressed as: "Mrs. Chief Justice ," 

by virtue of a social custom that is largely observed. This custom 
does not extend to daughters. 

Clergymen — Addressed as: "The Rev. ," spoken to as, "Mr. 

." If a doctor of divinity, addressed as, " , D.D.," or 



The Reverend , D.D.," and spoken to or of as, "Dr. 



LETTER WRITING. 451 

College Degrees. — All recipients of regular or honorary degrees 
should be addressed by name followed by abbreviation of degree : 
A.B., A.M., Ph.D., M.D., D.D., as, " , A.B." 

Congress, members of — Addressed : " Hon. , M.C." 

Esquire. — Justice of the peace, as well as some grades of lawyers, 
are addressed in writing and spoken of as " , Esq." Any gentle- 
man may be so addressed, but " Mr." is preferable. 

Government — Official communications from — Always begin " Sir." 

Governor. — May be addressed as " His Excellency the Governor of 

." Spoken to, "Your Excellency." See, also, other forms given 

before. 

Governor's wife is by courtesy addressed, " Mrs. Governor ." 

This usuage does not apply to daughters. 

Judges — Addressed by courtesy with the title, " Honorable," con- 
tracted to " Hon.," and the name of the office usually follows, as : 
"Hon. , U. S. Senate." 

Legislature, members of. — Address as, " Hon. ," followed by 

name of office. 

Mayor. — "The Hon. Mr. , Mayor of ." 

Minister, American — Addressed as : " Hon. , American (or U. S.) 

Minister to France." 

Municipal Councils, members of. — Courtesy grants the title "Hon- 
orable." 

Officers of Army and Navy. — Addressed by name, followed by title 
of highest rank attained, and, if in command of a military division, 
naval squadron or station, or on retired list, by a signification of the 

fact, as: " , Major General U. S. A., Commanding Military 

Division of the Atlantic ;" " , Rear Admiral U. S. X., Com- 
manding European Squadron ;" " , General U. S. A., 

Retired." 

President. — Addressed as "His Excellency the President of the 
United States." Spoken to as, "Your Excellency." 

President's Wife. — Addressed by courtesy, "Mrs. President ." 

Usage does not apply to daughters. 




LORD CHESTERFIELD says in those inimitable letters to his 
son, that " style is the dress of thoughts, and let them be ever 
so just, if your style is homely, coarse and vulgar, they will 
appear to as much disadvantage as your person, though ever so well 
proportioned, would if dressed in rags, dirt and tatters." 

So true is this that graceful commonplaces, either spoken or written, 
are far more apt to produce a pleasing impression than weightier 
matter awkwardly uttered, or uncouthly expressed. Hence, the 
length and familiarity of the friendly epistle should never be carried 
into the short, concisely worded business letter, while the social note, 
though brief, should differ greatly in its gracefully turned phrases from 
the formal note of acceptance, regret, application, or introduction. 

The following forms are to be looked upon, not as copies, but 
chiefly as suggestions that may be used to solve some doubtful point. 

Social and Friendly Letters. 

These are less subject to rule than any other class, and the models 
here given are simply to show how flowing and easy the style may be 
between friend and friend, or how gracious and instructive from parent 
to child. In the friendly letter great freedom of detail is allowable, 
especially among near relatives. "You do not tell me half enough," 
writes H. H. from Europe. " I even want to know if the front gate 
is off its hinges." But do not render a friendly letter so long as to 
tax the patience of the reader. "Samivel Veller" discovered one of 
the secrets of letter- writing when he made that famous love letter of 
his short, "so she vill vish there vos more of it." Neither railing, 
452 



FORMS FOR LETTERS. 453 

nor fretfulness, nor too great egotism, is wise in letter-writing, for 
written words have a sad fashion of outlasting the mood in which they 
were penned, nay, even the hand that penned them. 

Letters of Introduction. 

These are left unsealed, that the bearer may be permitted to read 
the contents. They are brief, so that if read in the presence of the 
person introduced, the slight embarrassment may be shortened as 
much as possible. They usually contain a reference to the occupation 
or character of the individual in order that some slight clue may be 
given to the recipient in beginning a conversation, and usually conclude 
with some pleasant, complimentary phrase. 

One simple form would be : 

AT A/r -r r Evanston, January i, i8o — . 

My dear Miss Kimberlin: ' j j ' y 

This letter will introduce to you my friend, Mr. Otis Van Orin, a member 

of the Corps of Civil Engineers, to be located near your home for several 

months during a partial survey of the new railroad. May I not be assured 

that you will extend to him some of the hospitalities of your delightful 

home, thus being to him that "friend at court" so desirable to the 

stranger in a strange land ? Trusting that this will be the case, I am, 

Very sincerely yours, 

Charles H. Calcraft. 

Another, from a mother introducing her daughter to an old friend, 

would read: 

n -p. Waterbury, Conn., March 10, i8q — . 

Dear Frances: ' y 

My daughter Madge will present this letter in person, as she is about to 

enter school in your town for a several years' course of study. Under 

these circumstances, and in memory of our own lifelong friendship, may I 

not ask that you will help her to forget some of the sorrow of this, the 

first parting her happy, young life has known ? Trusting .that you will do 

this for the sake of auld lang syne, 

I am, as ever, your friend, 

Mrs. Frances H. Page, Margaret M. Blatchford. 

Portland, Me. 



454 FORMS FOR LETTERS. 

A still briefer form would be : 

Dear Denton: Baltimore, Md., November 20, 189-. 

My friend, Louis Ross, will present this note. Any kindness you may 
show him will confer a favor upon 

Yours truly, 
To Mr. James Denton, Frank P. Breckenridce. 

Ottumwa, 111. 

The envelope to a letter of introduction should be addressed as 
follows: Mr j ames Denton , Ottumwa, 111. 

Introducing Mr. Louis Ross. 

Letters of introduction should not be sent indiscriminately, as no one 
has a right to force a possibly undesirable acquaintance upon a friend, 
while, at the same time, the individual asking such a favor should be 
thoroughly convinced that he is entitled to the privilege. Letters of 
introduction, where they are between ladies, may be left by the caller, 
together with her card. She must not, however, ask to see the lady 
of the house, who is expected, shortly after the receipt of such a 
missive, to call in person, and should endeavor, during her stay, to 
include her in a portion of her social plans for the season ; circum- 
stances, of course, governing the extent to which these attentions 
should be carried. 

A gentleman, in presenting a letter of introduction to a lady, may, 
if she should be at home, make his first call when sending in his letter 
and card, whereon should be designated his hotel or place of resi- 
dence. If this should not be the case, she will answer by sending her 
card with her reception day engraved upon it, or, if that be too Lr 
distant, a note, stating when he may call, should be sent ; it may also 
be expected that her husband, son or brother will call upon him and 
offer what civilities are at command. Even should neither card nor 
note be sent, it is still permitted him to call once more. His respon- 
sibility ceases here, and if no attention follows he may conclude his 
friend has overstepped the limits of a slight acquaintance in giving him 
the letter of introduction. 



FORMS FOR LETTERS. 455 



A Letter of Recommendation 



to some position or appointment is very much the same as one of 
introduction. Its reception, however, does not necessitate social 
attentions. The form is very simple : 

644 Broadway, New York, November 22, 189 — . 
Dear Mr. Hill: 

Recognizing, as I do, that your position in commercial circles will give 
your influence great weight, I take it upon myself to introduce to you 
Mr. Philip Palmer, a graduate of one of the best business colleges in New 
York City, and a young man of integrity and capacity. Any recommen- 
dations which you can grant him will be looked upon as a favor by 

Your friend, 
To William Hill, Milton Jones. 

Elmira, N. Y. 

A general letter of introduction, intended for the perusal of 
strangers, would read somewhat as follows : 

To whom it may concern : 

This is to certify that the bearer of this letter, Miss Marietta Hope, was 
graduated with high honors from Vassar College, and has since taught in 
the schools of this city. As her principal for a number of months, I can 
truthfully recommend her as capable of filling any position for which she 
may apply. James H. Blanchard, 

Principal of Livingston School, 
New York City. 
Letters of Condolence 

should be written very soon after the occurrence of the sorrowful 
event, and, while brief, should not be cold and formal ; neither should 
they touch the opposite extreme, and, by dwelling with maddening 
iteration upon the fresh sorrow, harrow anew the stricken soul of the 
mourner. The . occasion should never be seized upon as a text for a 
sermon on resignation, nor should frequent reference be made to 
various like bereavements suffered by the writer. These comparisons 
only wound, for " there is no sorrow like unto my sorrow," has ever 



456 FORMS FOR LETTERS. 

been the cry of the stricken soul. And when friends have done their 
little all, each mourner still feels the truth of Lowell's lines : 
"Condole if you will, I can bear it, 
'Tis the well-meant alms of breath, 
Yet all of the preachings since Adam 
Cannot make Death other than Death." 

Yet friends cannot deny themselves the privilege of a few loving- 
words, and a letter on the loss of a beloved daughter might be as 
follows : 

tv/t tvt c Cape May, June i, 180 — . 

My dear Mrs. Sutherland : ' J ' y 

I cannot resist my desire to write you a few words of love and sorrow ; 
only a few, for my heart is full and words seem very weak. Thank God, 
my friend, for the nineteen beautiful years that ended that morning in May. 

If you could but know how sweet and tender a recollection she has left 
enshrined in the hearts of her friends, and all the loving, gracious utter- 
ances that are offered to her memory ! It is well with Alice in heaven ; 
that it may be well with you on earth, in the days that are to come, is the 
prayer of Your loving friend, 

Marie. 

To a friend who has sustained a financial loss might be written : 

A , -p. Tonawanda, N. Y., November 12, 189 — . 

My dear Blake: ' y 

The first announcement that I had of your severe financial loss was 

through the morning paper. I can only express my sorrow at the event 

and my indignation over the falsity of the cashier in whom you placed so 

much confidence. 

Hoping that you have employed the best of detective skill, and that you 

will succeed in recovering a portion, at least, of the sequestrated funds, I am, 

Yours sincerely, 

Mr. Fletcher Blake, George G. Parsons. 

President of the First National Bank, Aurora, Minn. 

It must be remembered that letters of condolence, unlike those of 
congratulation, are not expected to receive an early answer, and, in 
case of very deep affliction, may remain seemingly unnoticed, save 
perhaps, after a time, by cards of thanks, 



FORMS FOR LETTERS. 457 

Letters of Congratulation 

should be sent immediately upon the occurrence of the fortunate 
event that calls forth congratulatory wishes; they should be brief, 
gracefully worded and contain no mention of other matter. The 
occasions in life that call forth such missives are numerous : birthdays, 
engagements, marriages, anniversaries, business successes, etc., each, 
or all, should win some congratulatory notice. The formal congratu- 
lation is in set terms, usually written in the third person, and may be 
used between individuals but slightly acquainted ; for example : 

Mr. and Mrs. Stuart congratulate Mr. and Mrs. Fielding upon the success 
ful conclusion of Mr. Harold Fielding's college course and express the 
pleasure with which they listened to the delivery of his eloquent oration on 
Commencement Day. 

8 1 St. Caroline's Court, July i, 189 — . 

This, in common with all congratulatory letters, should be replied 
to at once, and, wherever any missive is written in the third person, 
the reply must follow the same fashion. An appropriate answer for 
the above form would be : 

Mr. and Mrs. Fielding unite in sending thanks to Mr. and Mrs. Stuart 
for kindly praise awarded their son Harold on the late important event in 
his life, and also for the exquisite flowers they sent to grace the occasion. 

891 Michigan Avenue, July 2, 189 — . 

A friendly congratulation in the first person is less stately, as, for 
instance, one friend might congratulate another upon his marriage : 

-r-. T Georgetown, D. C, Januarv 10, 180 — . 

Dear Jack: ' J J ■' y 

'And so they were married and lived happy ever after," of course. At 

least, that is what you and Mrs. Julia anticipate at this present time, and is 

what I, knowing you both, do confidently predict. Accept my heartfelt 

congratulations, and believe me 

Your true friend, 

To John Myers, Esq., Richard Doe. 

Yankton, Da. 



458 FORMS FOR LETTERS. 

Answer to the foregoing might be : 

Yankton, Da., January 20, 189 — . 
Dear Dick: 

Julia and I received your congratulations with pleasure, my only regret 
being that I cannot return them in kind. 

' ' Gather roses while ye may, 
Old Time's a-flying." 

A word to the wise, etc., and let me speedly have occasion to felicitate 
you in like manner. 

Your friend and well-wisher, 

John Myers. 
Mr. Richard Doe, 

Georgetown, D. C. 

It should be mentioned here that while one congratulates a gentle- 
man upon his engagement, or marriage, and may congratulate his 
parents upon the same occasion, it is inadmissible to congratulate a 
lady on a similar event, or to extend the congratulations to her parents. 
Well-bred mothers have been known to resent this solecism keenly. 
You may, and indeed are expected to, offer to her, and her parents, 
all manner of good wishes for future happiness, but be sure not to 
congratulate. 

Almost any success, or pleasant happiness in life, may be made the 
subject of a congratulatory letter, but a multiplicity of forms is 
unnecessary here. 

Proposals, Engagements, " Naming the Day," 

And other letters of this description are importent affairs that may all 
be transacted through the medium of correspondence, but it is to be 
hoped that a matter so closely personal will quicken the imagination 
and inspire the pen of the dullest swain. 

Let him woo his Dulcinea swiftly and tempestuously, as King Hal 
wooed Kate, or let him serve twice seven years as Jacob served for 
Rachel, but let him never search out printed forms whereby to declare 
his passion; nor fit the measure of his love to the lines of the " Model 



FORMS FOR LETTERS. 459 

Letter- Writer." As to "naming the day," 'twere a wordless lover 
indeed who could not say, as the poet says : 

"Sun comes, moon comes, 
Time slips away. 
Sun sets, moon sets, 
Love, fix a day." 

The note has become a factor in modern social life. We send a 
note when we send a gift, when we ask a favor, when we acknowledge 
a favor, when we offer an apology, when we postpone an engagement, 
and when we give, accept, or refuse an informal invitation. These 
forms will be given here for reference, excepting those pertaining to 
invitations, which are discussed in their place. 

Notes Accompanying a Gift 
should be brief, prettily worded, and strictly confined to the subject in 
hand ; for instance, a gentleman sending flowers to a lady might say : 

Mr. Irwin, hearing Miss St. John express a preference for roses, hopes 
that he may have the pleasure of seeing her wearing the accompanying 
cluster this evening at the Opera. 

91 Ashland Boulevard, October 2d. 

The wearing of the flowers would be all the answer required by 
this note. 

With a birthday gift an appropriately worded note would be as 
follows : 
Dear Nettie: At Home, August ist. 

Remembering that your birthday is at hand, I send you this little painting 
as a token of my love, together with wishes for many happy returns of this day. 

Your friend, 

Marie St. John. 

These little notes should always receive an answer, as, for instance, 
this last might be appropriately replied to thus : 

,, ,, r 632 Corson Street, August 2, 189 — . 

My dear Marie: j ' 5 ' y 

You cannot think with what delight I received your beautiful birthday 



460 FORMS FOR LETTERS, 

gift, tendered tenfold dearer by the knowledge that it is the handiwork of 
my friend: With many thanks, 

I am, as ever, yours, 

Nettie D. Caton. 
Notes of Apology- 
are a frequent necessity. They should be written with promptness, 
evince a repentant spirit, and should be acknowledged pleasantly and 
forgivingly. Always remember in such a note to explain the cause 
rendering the apology necessary. For instance, an unfulfilled engage- 
ment might be apologized for thus : 

Dear Miss Mason: 

I cannot sufficiently regret that I was unfortunately prevented from keep, 
ing my engagement to drive with you on Wednesday. An important tele- 
gram, received but a moment before the time set for our "outing," left 

me but a brief five minutes to catch the first train for R , where affairs, 

permitting no delay, awaited my attention. 

Dare I hope that I have your pardon for so great a seeming negligence ? 

Very respectfully yours, 

John H. Curran. 

This note being written in the first person will be replied to in the 
same manner by the recipient : 

Mr. Curran (or, Dear Mr. Curran, according to the degree of familiarity) : 
I accept your apology as quite sufficient, and beg that you will give your- 
self no further uneasiness over so unavoidable an occurrence. 

I am, sincerely, 

Gertrude Mason. 
Notes of Postponement 

are always to be sent when the necessity arises for deferring any social 
gathering. Write them promptly, and explain the unavoidable reasons 
for the postponement ; for example : 

Dear Mrs. Briggs: 

It is with great regret that I inform you that our exhibition of private 
theatricals is indefinitely postponed on account of the sudden and serious 
illness of Miss Hope Ledyard , who was the chief star of our little company. 



FORMS FOR LETTERS. 461 

The "Lady of Lyons," with the "Lady" left out, would be like "Ham- 
let," with the noble Dane missing, an impossible performance; and, as 
there was no one else so capable of filling the part as Miss Ledyard, we are 
resolved to await her recovery. Your friend, 

Elizabeth Stuart. 

Notes of Request or Refusal 

are frequently necessary, but care should be taken neither to make 
an unreasonable request, nor to return an unjustifiable refusal. Should 
denial seem imperative, strive to imitate that English statesman who 
could refuse more gracefully than others could grant. The following 
examples will suffice: 

Dear Mrs. Winterblossom: 

You remember the little picture, a Sunset View, that I admired so much 
the other evening at your home? Would you have any objection to lend- 
ing it to me for a copy? 

Should you have even a shadow of dislike toward my proposition, do not 
hesitate to refuse at once. So many people are averse, and justly so, to 
having their paintings duplicated that I feel my request almost an imperti- 
nence. Believe me, truly yours, 

Edith Granger. 

Refusal to the same : 

My dear Miss Granger: 

I dread to answer your note, since it must be a refusal of your request, for 
the little painting is the property of a friend of mine, who has left it, 
together with a few others, in my care during her tour in Europe. The fact 
that she has a morbid dislike to having duplicate copies made of her pictures, 
forces me to deny a request that, were the painting in question mine, I 
would gladly grant. Sincerely your friend, 

Helen Winterblossom. 

Business Letters 

need especial care in writing. They are to be read by men with 
whom time is precious and the demands upon it numerous. Hence 
they should be brief, clearly worded and straight to the point. Such 



462 FORMS FOR LETTERS. 

a letter is much more certain of speedy attention and prompt returns 
than the rambling, incoherent missive of the unaccustomed writer. If 
you want ten yards of ribbon of a certain color and qaality, say so, 
but do not lose the order in a maze of irrelevant matter ; for instance : 

A/r -r, p ^ Mendota, 111.. April 4, 189 — . 

Messrs. Blank & Co. ' ' y *' y 

Please send me: 

10 yards of black silk, at $1 per yard $10 00 

14 yards of green cashmere, at 75c. per yard 10 50 

1 pair black kid gloves 1 50 

1 pair tan kid gloves, undressed . , 2 00 

Total . . . $23 00 

Enclosed find money order for the above amount. Goods to be sent by 

American Express. By filling the above order quickly as possible, you will 

greatly oblige, Mary McNett. 

Address: Mrs. W. D. McNett, Mendota, 111. 

If there is any special reason for filling an order hastily, such as a 
birthday gift or wedding present, mention the fact briefly, and care will 
be taken that it is sent in time. Always make use of money order, 
draft or registered letter, when sending other than very small amounts 
of money by mail. Should you have anything to say in such a letter 
aside from the affair in hand, attend first and briefly to the matter of 
business, and then add whatever remarks may seem necessary. 

Answers to Advertisements 

should also be concisely worded, as for example : 

A , ^ ~ 61 Delaware Place, February 19, 189 — . 

Mrs. General Channing: ' y ' y 

Seeing your advertisement for a governess in to-day's " Herald," I wish 

to inform you that I am a graduate of Wellesley, and have, for the two 

years since being graduated, taught French and German in the college. 

Any references which you may desire as to my efficiency for completing 

the education of your daughter will be furnished you by the College Faculty. 

Hoping to hear favorably from you, 

I am, respectfully, 

(Miss) Elizabeth Stuart. 



FORMS FOR LETTERS. 463 

A letter of inquiry might be something as follows : 

Dr. J. H. Gratiot: 

In making some inquiries relative to the present residence of a friend of 
mine, Miss Grace Gage, a mutual acquaintance of ours, Mrs. Emmons B. 
Corthell, of this place, gave me your address, suggesting that you could 
afford me the desired information. 

This being the case, would you be so kind as to send the lady's present 
address, or, by handing her this note, permit her personally to furnish the 
desired information. Any communication addressed, from now on, to 1267 
Madison Avenue, will find and greatly oblige, 

(Miss) Kate G. Cox. 

A letter of resignation, being a rather formal document, should be 
worded very much as follows : 

To the Directors of the Owatonna Public Library. 

Gentlemen : I hereby tender my resignation of the Librarianship of the 

Owatonna Public Library, said resignation to take effect on the day of 

189—. 

Thanking you for the kindness and thoughtfulness with which you have 
acceded to my wishes and requests during my late term of office, 

I am, respectfully, 

George H. Graham. 
Owatonna, Minn., August 1, 189 — . 

Some Don'ts and Do's for Letter- Writers. 

Don't write an anonymous letter; it is a cowardly stab in the dark. 

Don't pay any attention to an anonymous letter; it is not worth 
your regard. 

Don't conduct private correspondence on a postal card. Many 
persons consider this an insult. A purely business message may be 
thus sent, but even then the slight saving in postage is small recom- 
pense for the delay so often attending the delivery of postal cards. 

Don't use a postscript ; it is unnecessary, old-fashioned, school- 
girlish, and in a particular, punctilious letter the omission of any 
important matter necessitates the rewriting of the entire letter rather 
than the use of a postscript. In very friendly letters one may be per- 



464 FORMS FOR LETTERS. 

mitted to add the forgotten paragraph in the form of a postscript, 
omitting, however, the obsolete abbreviation, "P. S." 

Don't write on a half-sheet of paper unless the nature of the cor- 
respondence permits the use of the ordinary business letter-head. If 
the note is short, write only on one side of the paper, but don't tear a 
sheet in half for economy's sake. The rough, torn edges, denote 
haste, ill-breeding, or carelessness on the part of the writer. 

Don't use tablet paper for ceremonious letters. 

Don't write on both sides of the paper to any but very intimate 
friends or relatives, they being disposed to tolerate slight departures 
from formality on our part. 

Don't meddle with foreign nouns or verbs unless conversant with 
the language itself; incorrect and ungrammatical usage is too apt to 
be the unhappy result. Even foreign names and titles should not be 
used without the exactest care as to their orthography and applica- 
tion. 

This rule should be especially remembered with reference to all 
matters destined to pass through hands editorial. 

Don't erase misspelled words in letters of any moment. Recopy 
the entire missive. 

Don't quote too constantly. 

Don't underscore your words, unless they express something very 
important. 

Don't send enclosures in a letter written by some one else ; only the 
greatest intimacy can excuse this practice. Write your own letters 
and send in a separate envelope. 

Don't write a letter in a towering passion ; you would not care to 
have it confront you in some cooler moment. 

Don't cross the writing in your letters. Life is too short and the 
time and eyesight of your correspondent too precious for this. 

Don't fill up every available blank space and margin of your letter 
with forgotten messages. If these are very valuable, add an extra 
sheet to your letter, thus saving its appearance and the patience of its 
recipient 



FORMS FOR LETTERS. 465 

Don't divide a syllable at the end of a line. The printer may do 
this, not the letter-writer. 

Don't fall into the habit of using long words in a letter, they show 
a straining after effect. One should "say," rather than "observe," 
"talk," rather than "converse," if one's missives are to be easy, well- 
bred and readable. 

Don't refold a letter, the marks always remain to show your care- 
lessness. Fold it correctly the first time. 

Do remember to answer all important questions in a letter clearly 
and decisively. 

Do burn the great majority of your letters after answering. Those 
that are to be kept should be filed away in packages adding date and 
writer's name on corner of envelope and by a word or two suggesting 
the topics with which they deal. This will save time in referring to 
them. 

Do answer your friendly letters with reasonable promptness. To 
do otherwise is a breach of etiquette. An unanswered letter is an 
insult, a cut direct. Business letters, of course, must be replied to 
at once. 

Do send a postage stamp when you write a letter of inquiry, the 
answer to which is of interest only to yourself. A stamped and 
addressed envelope would be a still better enclosure. 

Do, if you are an absent son or daughter, write home promptly and 
regularly ; the comfort this will be to the parents at home, and the 
pain they suffer at any negligence on your part, cannot be overesti- 
mated. Husbands and wives, when separated for a time, would do 
well to follow this same advice. 

Do date your letters carefully. Events and proofs of the greatest 
importance have hung upon the date of a single letter. 

Do put sufficient stamps upon a letter to make sure of no extra 
postage falling to the lot of your correspondent. 

Do put your address plainly in all letters. This ensures a prompt 
answer and, in case of miscarriage, a speedy return from the Dead- 
Letter Office. 
30 



466 



FORMS FOR LETTERS. 



Do, if a business man or woman, have your address on the outside 
of your envelope. This will make sure of your uncalled-for letters 
returning to you immediately. It is well to do this in any case where 
a little uncertain as to the exact address of your correspondent. 

Do read your letters over carefully before sending, that no errors 
may be overlooked. 

Do give every subject a separate paragraph instead of running the 
whole letter, social items and sentiment, all into one indistinguishable 
whole. 

Do begin the first line of each paragraph, at least, one inch from 
the margin of the page. 



g.5g^KSS«ia[[iiillllliiliiiiilliiiiiii 11 iiif[iii l .iii ll iii,M l , l ,,... 



>BMI 



I Artistic tiome Decora tions. 



■^$£'fi : €/:i- ^T^HE greatest art work the individual has 
^^^e^ _1_ to do is tne building of a home. "A 
small and inexpensive house may be 
'%$k$P the House Beautiful,' ' says Edmund Russell. 

,/ ' / ' A famous architect once wrote that he could furnish 
a plan for a house of a given size and cost without 
knowing whether the owner was a millionaire or a day 
laborer. But if he wanted a home the case was different. " I desire 
then to know his antecedents, how he made his money, the size of 
his family, the number of his servants, and how his daughters spend 
their time : whether they are domestic, musical, literary or stylish. 
I want to know the number and quality of his guests, whether he 
drinks wine with his dinner, and his views on sanitary questions ; for 
this home-building is not mere spending, it is the shaping of human 
destiny." 

In a home things must be beautiful and true and good, and as a 
celebrated art critic says, " related to us, belonging to us, expressing 
us at our best ; our taste and culture, our personal likings, our com- 
forts and needs, and not merely the high-tide mark of our purses." 

Fireplaces and Windows. 

We are all of us by nature fire worshipers and the altar of every 
home is, or should be, the glowing, open fire. Next to this are the 
great, clear windows meant to admit the glorious glances of the fire 
worshiper's sun. 

As to the first, "if you can have but one, the house or the fireplace, 
give up the house and keep the fire. If you wish to test the sounds 
ness of this advice, build a house, furnish it extravagantly and supply 

407 



4G3 



ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 



furnace heat to all but one room, and in that room build upon an 
ample hearth a glowing fire of hickory logs, and in the presence of 
that genial blaze, upon the bare floor of that unfurnished room, will 
gather the united household." The broader this family hearth the 
better. The old English baronial halls with their mighty fireplaces 
and their great stone hearths had more of light and beauty than all 
our modern improvements. 



^g&=3£ 




ARTISTIC FIREPLACE. 

Next come the broad, open windows. Better one window five feet 
wide than two of two and a half feet. Better for light, warmth or 
interior furnishing, and better for the illuminating effect upon the 
whole apartment. 

Stairways. 

Stairs are a necessity, and their comfort and sightliness depend on 
several features. Steps must be broad and deep, landings wide and 
windowed, if may be. If they must be crowded into a narrow hall- 
way it is better that they be made deep and sloping as space permits, 
and then inclosed with an archway and curtain at foot instead of a 
door. This also saves heat. But where the great square reception 
hall can be devoted tQ them they may be made a thing of beauty, 




THE: LOVER'S TALK. 



ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 



460 



Woodwork. 

Says one writer, "There is a widespread illusion gone out through 
the world that to have everything in a dwelling 'finished in hard 
wood throughout,' as the advertisements say, is the only orthodox 
thing. Paint smells of turpentine and heresy." In this respect it is 
useless to deny that there is solid comfort in the permanency and 
genuineness of oak, walnut, or ash, that paint is powerless to give. 
But the natural color of woods in many cases may fail to harmonize 

with the scheme of color to 
be carried out in the fur- 
nishings of the apartment. 

In such case, the wood- 
work should be subjected to 
delicate, harmonious, painted 
tints, or polish or gilding, as 
the case may be. 

There is a great variety of 
woods from which we may 
choose, but to obtain from 
them the finer shadings and 
combinations of color is dif- 
ficult, not to say impossible. 
There is no necessity for 
making the woodwork that 
is to be painted unnecessarily substantial or elaborate. Woods such 
as white maple, holly, poplar, for the light effects ; black birch, cherry, 
mahogany, for darker. 

"One fallacy among people," says an architect, "is an immovable 
faith that the first duty of a human apartment is to look as high as 
possible. A cathedral, or the rotunda of the Capitol, must have 
height to produce an overpowering effect. But in an ordinary room 
of ordinary size, comfort, convenience and prettiness are more to be 
sought after than height." 




WINDOW DECORATION. 



470 ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 

Ordinary woodwork must be painted in such shades as will debar 
it from occupying the prominent position to which positive beauty is 
alone entitled. Give it a similarity to the ground of the paper, but a 
little darker, and the rounded surface of any fancy moldings, a shade 
or two darker. Paint the doors the same, except the panels, which 



GWC4C0 FAC SiT 



may be decorated, in which case they must be painted the tint of the 
furniture as a background for the design. This may be very simple, 
a band of color, a vine in outline or flat color. Trace the outline of 
wild vines, or ferns, anything graceful. Originality is not demanded. 
There are good reasons why window casings should start from floor 
or base, since in this way a visible means of support is given to the 



ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 471 

entire window, which otherwise has a suspended, insecure look. The 
panel underneath may be of wood or plaster. 

Doors. 

Doors are the greatest problem in a room. They monopolize the 
space on the floor and wall that should be free for pictures and large 
articles of furniture, and otherwise completely demoralize the apart- 
ment. To do away with this inconvenience substitute heavy curtains 
whenever an impassable barrier is unnecessary ; closet doors, for 
instance, and those between parlors. Again, doors that are much 
open may be made to slide into the walls. Then, for ornament and 
as a screen, the doorway may be furnished with hangings, costly or 
not, as the purse may dictate. 

The outer doors are intended as a defense from intrusion from 
without. It is not really good taste to have these doors of plate 
glass as that militates against the primal idea of strength and protection. 

A Door Divan. 

Chairs and sofas we have without end in variety and beauty. Every 
alcove and nook in every possible sort of room has been thought of 
and provided for except the one place that exists in almost every 
house and is the one place where people are always wanting to sit — 
that is the doorway itself. Folding doors between communicating 
rooms are seldom closed. An ordinary chair within a few feet of the 
space never looks well. It shows its back to one room or the other 
and is in the way. 

A divan is an addition to any decorative arrangement of either 
room. It does not interfere with any graceful drapery that may be 
arranged at the door. It is decidedly useful, convenient and gives a 
certain touch of the unusual to the room. 

An Improvised Bookcase. 

A superfluous doorway or window too often mars the effect of a 
room, and the present day architecture, as found in cheap apartments 
and houses, frequently abounds in this sort of generosity. 



472 ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 

To surmount the difficulty a very useful inclosure can be constructed 
by placing two uprights and a few shelves within the door jamb, or 
against it, as the case may be. Staining or painting them to match 
the rest of the woodwork is a small matter, while arranging brass rods 
and pretty curtains is not much more. 

Screens. 

Screens are a necessary object of household adornment. It is not 
requisite that they should be expensive, but the uses to which they 
can be put are legion. A plain frame of hard wood, or pine stained, 
rectangular, three or four inches wide and one inch thick, furnished 
with feet, and with or without castors, is all that is necessary. Cover- 
ing may be done with a great variety of materials, cheap or dear. 
Ornamentation may be applied, embroidered, sketched, outlined, or 
painted. If the screen is made in two or three parts to fold like 
clothes bars, feet will not be necessary. 

A rustic fire-screen is a unique affair, handsome and useful where 
there are open fires, as a shield from heat in cold weather, and as a 
screen for the emptiness of grate or fireplace during the summer. It 
is formed from natural branches, two straight and two crotched ones, 
from which all the smaller branches and twigs have been cut away so 
as to have but little more than protruding knots. When these are 
well seasoned, rub, brush and rebrush, both with a soft brush and a 
stiff one, to remove from every crevice in the bark every loose particle 
oi moss and dust. Then, with liquid gold, gild the bark all over, or 
if preferred, gild only the bare wood where it is exposed at the ends 
and where the limbs are cut of, and give a touch of gold to every 
crack or protuberance, or, if a smoother finish is desired, remove all 
of the bark and smoothly gild or enamel the whole surface. 

The screen, suspended from the upper crosspiece, is a fringed silk 
rug woven on a hand loom, as old-fashioned carpets were woven. It 
falls freely from the top, its own w r eight keeping it in place, but it 
might be tied to the standards — half way down and at the upper cor- 
ners — with bows of braid, soft ribbon or with heavy tassel-tipped 



ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 



473 



cords, or a smaller rug without fringe might be suspended by gilt 
rings and finished at the bottom with a row of tassels in mingled 
shades. 

In a small apartment, where the radiator is an objection, hang on 
the wall over it a large picture, placing before the unsightly heater a 




screen of not too high dimensions. If a space is too large for your 
picture, hang on either side a bracket, on which place a quaint jug or 
jar. 

For a sewing-room, or, in fact, any apartment where the weekly 
mending is done, a darning screen is wonderfully commodious. Its 
conveniences consist of two capacious pockets, to hold stockings or 



474 



ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 



any garment fresh from the laundry and needing attention ; a handy 
shelf whereon to place one's sewing, a tidy little cushion with scissors 
and loosely swung by ribbons to one side. 




tsass^ss^^^ssB^^^^SBS^^^^w» 



ORNAMENTAL SCREEN. 

It is a delightful bit of property to serve one, while seated at an 
open window in summer time or upon an upper veranda with one's 
work, looking out over the sea with the perfume of flowers in the air. 



ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 475 

Trim the skeleton screen to harmonize with the fittings of the room. 

A carpenter constructed the framework for the two panels, with the 
bar across the top, and the little shelf for twenty-five cents. The pine 
used was an old packing box. The panels must be three and one-half 
feet high and eighteen inches wide, made of strips three inches broad. 
The shelf should be eight inches wide and twelve inches long. 

Four yards and one-half of chintz in cream-tinted ground, sprinkled 
with Dresden nosegays gaily dashed with pink and delicate green 
color, eight cents a yard. Four grades of delicate pink silesia and 
two and one-half yards of unbleached muslin for interlining, made an 
item of fifty cents. Hinges and corners and nail-heads of brass, satin 
ribbon and tacks, by considerable calculation, can be pressed into the 
amount of seventy-five cents. 

A Saturday morning industriously spent in the upholstery of the 
little screen presented it in completeness. 

Screens can be used to protect from drafts of air, by day or night, 
to keep the sun from an exposed spot on the carpet, to shade the light 
from weary eyes, to temporarily close archways that have no doors, 
and to conceal a door that is not often used. They will divide a large 
room into two small ones when a sudden influx of company arrives, 
or even close in a corner for the same hospitable emergency. They 
make delightful nooks in sitting-rooms for the little folks' playhouse, 
or they may screen off, from the morning caller, a temporary sewing- 
room in the back parlor, and in sleeping-rooms, occupied by more 
than one person, a cosy dressing-room may be made by their use. 

Draperies. 

The new swinging portieres that have appeared have a handsome 
swinging crane fastened to the wall near the ceiling, upon which a 
portiere or curtain is suspended. This can then be swung back against 
the wall or swung out to make a cozy corner or to shut off one portion 
of a room from another. These swinging portieres can in many cases 
be made to take the place of screens and often fit with great advantage 
where a fixed portiere of the old sort could not be used. 



476 ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 

The handsome cranes are of course more or less expensive, but a 
home-made substitute will answer the purpose very well. It is not 
exactly home-made, however, for the services of a blacksmith may 
have to be called in to bend the three-eighths inch iron rod into shape 
for use. The ends are bent to fit into screw eyes or other sockets 
fastened to the wall, upon which this improvised crane can be swung. 
The portiere is suspended from the iron rod by rings. 

Denim is one of the best of all fabrics for a portiere in rooms con- 
stantly used. It may be washed out and will look quite as well as 
new. If you want a variety put one entire width in right side out, 
and split another and join to the first section, putting the side pieces 
wrong side out. Sew the seams, then fell them and featherstitch the 
outside of the seams in colored linen. Then with a teacup or saucer 
draw some circles, intersecting or lapping at one edge. Work these 
with linen in short stitches and make eccentric lines or spider-web 
lines from the central design. The edges may be hemmed or feather- 
stitched or done in button-hole and cut out in scallops. It is better 
to have the edge of the facing instead of making a turned-in hem. 

Then denim, as a floor covering, wears far better than low-cost 
matting and never becomes disagreeably faded ; for, being made for 
hard usage, it but takes a quieter tone when other blues would surely 
fade into unpleasant, soiled-looking hues. 

Some Useful Bits of Furniture. 

A settee table of oak has an adjustable top, which can be turned 
over by the removal of two pegs, making a high back to the bench, 
whose deep seat is utilized as a household linen closet. These tables 
are in great demand where the saving of space is an object and come 
in various sizes. They can be purchased without the top and used as 
a window seat. One in a pretty studio of a woman artist in New 
York was most artistically treated. It was painted a dull green. The 
back and the lid of the seat were upholstered in an effective gold 
colored tapestry drawn over a padding of hair and held down by gimp 
and gilt nails, making a most artistic seat or table, as its use for either 




A PAINTING FOR HOME) DECORATION. 



ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 477 

was required. Another one was stained green, and on the back and 
lid of the seat was used natural toned burlap, with stenciled griffins in 
dark brown as a decoration. 

These tables may be treated in various ways to suit their surround- 
ings. It is suggested in The Decorator and Furnisher that one stained 
the natural oak and upholstered in green rep, turcoman, corduroy, 
burlap or denim would be most attractive, or for green, substitute brown 
in the same materials and put on with dull brass nails, making an 
effective seat for a hall. 

Another, painted white and enameled, would be charming in a blue 
and white dining-room. Upholster in dark blue denim with white 
nails, and fill with a number of pretty pillows in various designs of 
blue and white, and one of vivid scarlet to give a warm touch, which 
is needed in these coldly decorated rooms. 

The lovely liberty chintzes in dark blue and white, and sometimes 
yellow, red and white on blue, are good to use on these settees, which 
are first painted black. 

A Hanging Desk. 

The economy of space necessary in apartment living has brought 
about the evolution of some remarkable pieces of furniture that may 
be useful in small houses anywhere. 

The writing desk may be included in the list of household wonders 
directly attributable to the necessity of fitting that most useful house- 
hold article in a six by ten apartment. When closed, it really occu- 
pies the very smallest amount of room imaginable, and for the young 
students' use, or in flat bedrooms, where space is at a premium, it is 
unique and valuable. 

The material may be oak or such wood as one fancies. Pine 
enameled in white or black is as good, so long as it matches the 
woodwork or furniture of the room. Two strips of the wood, each 
two inches by three feet, are attached to the wall by long screws. 
Across the top of these are placed three shelves about five inches 
wide, supported by brackets of brass. Between the two upper ones 
partitions are glued in to form pigeonholes, 



478 ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 

From four to six inches from the lower end of each of the strips 
of wood is firmly placed a strip about two inches wide, to which is 
hinged the shelf that forms the desk. This is upheld when open by 
brass chains, and is thus made firm. When it is desired to close it, it 
is merely shut to the wall, the chains falling into place. The ledge 
upon which the lid is hinged forms a firm place for the inkstand and 
other necessary fitments of a desk. 

Against the wall, between the supporting strips, may be fixed a 
Japanese panel or some tapestry or silk, as taste may dictate. A 
picture can be so fastened to the panel as to form a good letter or 
cardholder. 

The whole affair is simple and easily managed. Any good car- 
penter will make the necessary woodwork for a very small sum. 

A Window Desk. 

One of the most convenient and altogether satisfactory contrivances 
quite in the power of a woman to manipulate is a window desk. 

Take a board about fifteen inches wide and saw it the length of the 
window sill. Put small iron hinges on it and screw it to the sill, so 
that it can hang down against the under wall when desirable. 

Tack a narrow strip of wood under the board, near the front edge. 
Resting on the floor and wedged under this cleat there is a prop of 
planed wood, slender and neat looking. You can put a beading 
around the board, with small brads and stain it cherry or some other 
color. 

The sill holds pens, pencils and inkstands, and a large blotter laid 
on the board, is a most desirable writing pad. This idea comes from 
an art student in Paris, who dotes on her window desk. 

It will be found useful in the nursery as a place for pasting pictures, 
drawings, etc., and when done can be swung down and out of the way. 

A Hall Chest. 

A pretty hall chest is one of the things that may be successfully 
produced at home. In a seaport town, the chest of some ancient 



ARTISTIC HOME. DECORATIONS. 479 

mariner is easily procured ; otherwise, one of similar style and make 
must be fashioned for you by a carpenter. As it need only be made 
of soft wood the cost is not great. After it has left the carpenter's 
hands it may be decorated with the applied ornamentation in scroll 
design, which is now obtainable ready to put on, and afterward treated 
to a coat of stain. 

Old oak is the most satisfactory, or it maybe ebonized, if preferred. 
Polished brass corners and hinges may be added, and a row of brass 
nails set around the edge with good effect. The convenience of these 
chests for hall use has been accepted. They beautifully conceal rub- 
bers, mackintoshes, a storm shawl and various unsightly but useful 
impedimenta of the hall rack, and if, in addition, a seat is desired, a 
strip of dark leather with a light pad beneath it may be set on with 
brass nails across the middle of the lid. 

Cozy Corners. 

They are so easy to arrange. Have your carpenter make a double 
right-angle bench, with a high, straight back. The seat must be two 
and a half feet wide, and the top of the back five feet from the floor. 
This now looks like an ungainly three-sided square, or rather oblong, 
for it is better to have one side somewhat longer than the others. 
The wood should be stained cherry or oak, to match the other furni- 
ture in the room, and oiled and polished so as to be smooth and of 
rich appearance ; or, use hard wood, black walnut, ebony, mahogany. 

The seat and inside back may be thickly and prettily upholstered, 
and then piled high with pillows, or, the wood having been nicely 
finished, the upholstery may cover the seat only. Be sure and have 
the seat made low, otherwise the Cozy Corner will be uncomfortable, 
its name will be belied, and no one will hie to what might have been 
the favorite seat in the room. 

Now, where shall we place the corner ? Put it in the space next to 
the grate fire, and since you have had this place in view, the side to fit 
in there should be made the requisite number of feet and inches so as 
to actually fit. 



480 ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 

Placed in this part of the room, two sides of the corner are against 
the wall, but the third side presents a bare and uninviting appearance. 
This may be avoided by suspending a silk or gauze hanging close to 
its side, in the same way that the back of an upright piano is often 
screened. The seats should be piled with sofa pillows, and in the 
inclosure a few hassocks would not be found amiss. 

The word cozy suggests warmth and pleasantry, as well as comfort. 
Therefore, this corner is always by the fire, and those occupying it are 
presumably cheery and happy. 

It is just the place to rest in, just the place to read in, just the place 
for you and your dearest friend to chat in, just the place to play a 
game in, as bags, balls, etc., could easily be tossed from one seat to 
the other; just the place to lay plans in, for you are in no hurry to 
move, and so your plans, not being hurriedly completed, would be 
more apt to prove satisfactory; just the place to nap in, just the place 
to frolic in. Indeed, just the place to add to our already comfortable 
homes if we would have them one remove nearer the ideal home than 
they now are. 

Plenty of Pillows. 

All cosy corners and all couches are incomplete without numberless 
pillows of all sorts, shapes and sizes. 

A serviceable pillow, and one that can be laundered, is of blue 
denim, with a band of Irish point embroidery running around the four 
sides of the square with the edge toward the center. A ruffle of 
denim with a narrow embroidered insertion to match the edge, com- 
pletes this sensible head-rest. 

An Indian silk pillow is always pretty, and is pleasant next to the 
face when one is lying down. 

An open-work scrim with rows of ribbon placed upon the plain 
stripes, made over a contrasting color of silk, with ruffle of sheer lace 
over the color of the pillow, is effective and bright looking. 

Any one who is fond of an Oriental effect can have it in the pillow 
by sewing silks and satins hit and miss, as in making an old-time rag 
carpet, then having it woven with black linen chain. 



ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 481 

One who is expert with crochet needle can have a creation worthy 
of handing down for ages to come. Crochet a number of artistic 
wheels or medalions of knitting silk in a golden yellow shade ; join 
together, making a square the size of the pillow desired. Place this 
lace cover over a contrasting shade of yellow, finishing the edges with 
yellow silk pompons placed close together. 

Yellow cheese cloth perfectly plain on both sides, with two ruffles 
of the same and a fullness of lace between, makes a dainty and inex- 
pensive pillow ; the under ruffle being six inches, lace ruffle five inches, 
and the top ruffle of cheese cloth three inches in width. 

For the woman whose tastes run to the elegant, a pillow of silk- 
faced velvet and satin ribbon is grateful. A novel pillow is the clover 
pillow, but to carry out the idea as originally designed one must await 
the coming of the season when clover is at its fullest and sweetest 
blossom. Then gather the large red clover heads. Take as many as 
would fill a large washtub, sprinkle a pound of fine salt over them, 
and stir them well, about once a day, until they are thoroughly dried, 
without falling to pieces. This is the filling for a pillow made of white 
linen duck, embroidered with a straggling design of clover. 

The convenient and ornamental floor pillow is especially adapted 
for the summer home, the piazza, the lawn or the lounging-room. 
The frame, which is made of good springs enclosed in a strong linen 
covering, is on casters, and can be readily moved from place to place. 
Covered with Bagdad stripes, tapestry, or any artistic material, it 
makes a Christmas present that would please the most fastidious taste. 

A Corner Closet. 

Lack of closet room in a house is a fruitful theme for complaint in 
these days of contracted space. Architects there are who are willing 
to sacrifice every consideration, not excepting internal utility, for 
picturesque outside effects. 

In such cases recourse must be had to wardrobes, but as these are 
expensive, the busy fingers of the housewife must be depended upon 
to improvise substitutes. If there is a corner in the room with suffj- 
31 



482 



ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 



cient space (sometimes the architect denies us this small boon) it may 
be utilized in the manner herewith described. 

Two strips of wood as long as you desire and four inches wide by 
one inch thick are screwed in the angle of the wall about six feet 
from the floor ; boards are cut off to fit in the corner and resting on 
these strips ; this will form the roof. A brass or wooden rod is then 

run across the front of this board 
from wall to wall and from which 
the curtain is suspended by rings. 
Cretonne, chintz or printed cot- 
ton, will make a good list to 
choose from, and are inexpen- 
sive. One may screw upon the 
underside of the roof and on the 
cleats as many hooks as are re- 
quired, and, if desired, a shelf 
may be introduced about fifteen 
inches below the roof, and on 
that attach the hooks. Such an 
emergency closet will often be 
found a great convenience, and 
the cost will be trifling. It will 
be well to stretch a piece of mus- 
lin or paper across the upper side 
of the roof to keep out the dust. 
A home-made Japanese cabi- 
net may be readily made of the 
common materials found about 
the house, such as boxes of hard or soft wood. The smoother the 
boxes, the better ; but they can be planed, if they are not. 

The shelves are so arranged as to accommodate the different sizes 
of Japanese bric-a-brac. The small cabinet in the upper left-hand 
corner is simply a smooth bit of the board, finished with two orna- 
mental hinges, either brass or bronze. The escutcheon is of the same. 




REPLICA OF A GRECIAN VASE. 



ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 483 

The circular panel can be either of Lincrusta, bronzed, or to make it 
a little more unique, a circular hole can be cut in the door, and a 
pretty blue Japanese plate inserted, held in place at the back, and the 
door lined. The supports are easily obtained by a visit to a factory 
where they have a turning lathe. The ornamental finish at the bot- 
tom is of lightly carved wood, if one can do these things, or a strip 
can be purchased at a carpenter shop or wall paper store. Still 
another way out of the difficulty is to get just the length of Lincrusta 
and tack it on neatly. 

Before the hinges and escutcheon are put on, the staining should be 
done, and the simplest way out of the difficulty is to purchase Pik- 
Ron, stain whatever color or wood you require, then afterward give it 
a coat of varnish, coach varnish giving a durable finish that is heavy 
and beautiful, or the whole cabinet may be covered with the stamped 
Japanese cotton goods in gilt and colors, each shelf being covered 
before being put in place, and the uprights gilded or stained. Still 
again, if the work is of pine, it may be stained a rich bronze, and left 
with dead finish, which is a very fair imitation of Japanese woodwork. 

Piano Decoration. 

An upright piano should be placed with its back to the room. This 
position is not only good from a decorative standpoint, but a per- 
former likes to be shielded by the instrument. Here are enumerated 
various graceful ways to cover the polished bareness of this musical 
instrument. 

To hang a square of tapestry over the back from a brass rod is 
exceedingly striking. If possible, let the painted subject relate to 
music or sentiment, and have it sufficiently large to cover the surface 
of the piano. 

If the tapestry is very fine work its surface should be unspoiled by 
additions. Across the top of the piano lay a scarf of Liberty silk, or 
another painted panel. The only bric-a-brac that combines with this 
drapery is a pair of candelabra, the quainter in style the better. 

Algerian stripes, Bagdad tapestry or Persian prints make good back- 



484 ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 

grounds. Their cost is 31.25 a yard, and width fifty inches. With 
this as a foundation many schemes may be carried out. Bas-relief 
heads in plaster can be swung on it without injuring the wood of the 
piano. Medallions of Beethoven, Mozart or Wagner can be pur- 
chased for $1 each. A long panel of cherubs goes well, or a line of 
Delft or Japanese plates. 

A low settle has a comfortable resting place underneath this. 
Either a box seat upholstered in dark, contrasting stuff", or one of the 
$4.50 green wooden settles, sold to artists, would serve. A number 
of cushions placed on the seat against the piano add to the coziness 
and grace of the decoration. 

Lighting. 

Rooms should be lighted from the sides, if possible. The great 

central chandeliers, casting their downward shadows, age every face 

in the room by emphasizing every line, and bringing out every defect 

sh.irply. 

Decorating. 

In decorating a room a harmony of the shades of one color should 
be used. Beware of spotty effects. It should really, according to 
Edmond Russell, " be conceived, as a piece of music is, in a certain 
key. There should be sympathy and harmony. Even the pictures 
should be chosen with as much regard to their surroundings as to 
their individual merits." 

Another important item in the decoration of the home is considering 
the choice of ground tones with reference to the complexion of its 
hostess. Guests appear there but casually. She is always there, and 
no one should elect to occupy a room, whose color tones either totally 
efface what little color one may possess, or else, by an exaggeration 
of natural ruddiness, be made a rival of the setting sun. 

The effect of color upon the appearance is so important that every 
change of color, changes not only the color of the skin, but that of 
the hair and eyes as well. 

Edmond Russell once studied a room with reference to complexions, 



ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 485 

mixing his paints to a relative hue with the general tone of complex- 
ions, making it duller and grayer, so that standing near it the skin 
looked clear and fresh beside it. 

" I made the tone," he said, " a little greener and colder than flesh, 
so that one looked lighter and warmer and was enriched by the con- 
trast. Any who stood in front of that wall looked five or ten years 
younger than they were." 

In using a flower, or other design, for a frieze or dado, they should 
be conventionalized. This term is used to signify the modification of 
a real object with its surroundings. The more formal they are the 
better ; no attempt at shading or perspective is necessary, and the 
square and compass should be used as much as possible in their 
designing. 

In decorating a room, a dark floor is the beginning, and the walls 
grow lighter as the ceiling is approached. The richest effects should 
be congregated at the mantel, with the fire as its central object. 

"The ability to combine is a rare one." Ruskin w r rites truly that, 
" one rarely meets even an educated person who can select a good 
carpet, a wall paper, and a ceiling, and have them in harmony." 
There is too much of a temptation to adopt beautiful things simply 
because they are beautiful, without pausing to consider the weightier 
matter of their eternal fitness, or remembering that a thing intrinsi- 
cally beautiful in itself may become hideous by inharmonious proximity 
or combination with another beautiful object. 

Home of the Soul. 

A mystic German writer calls a house, properly ordered, the "home 
of the soul," carrying out the idea that the house in which an orderly 
soul lives, is only an expansion of the body built and adorned out of 
her passing experiences. " All sorts of delicate affinities establish 
themselves between her and the lights and shadows of her abode ; the 
particular picture on the wall ; the scent of flowers at a particular 
window until she seems incorporated into it." 

In other words, one's environments, as one's dress, must be in har- 



im ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 

mony with their individual type, or a permanent discord will result; 
for instance, Emma Moffett Tyng speaks of a "pond-lily type of 
woman, soft color, gray blue eyes, pale brown eyes," appealing to her 
as to the "effect" of the gorgeous, redecorated interior of her home, 
with flames of color in hangings and rugs, and "her Egyptian gown 
with its glow and glint of purple and gold. All these things were 
artistic and beautiful, and perfect in their relations to each other," but 
in their relation to her nothing could have been worse. The woman, 
herself, was eclipsed, obliterated. "A Cleopatra, dark and flashing, 
would make the picture complete. But such a colorless woman needs 
repose in her surroundings ; the low tones of blue and gray, the palest 
flush of the sunset heavens." 

Some Lovely Rooms. 

Edmond Russell has treated two rooms exquisitely. A gold and 
ivory parlor, tinted, walls and ceiling in a grayish white with a green- 
ish tinge, and this is mottled with gold flecked lightly over the sur- 
face. The broad frieze is adorned in free, simple style with leaves 
and blossoms of magnolia. Everything in this room should be light 
and delicate in color. The soft gold and ivory would be nullified by 
heavy walnut window casings ; red and green carpet, red or blue 
plush furnishings, or vivid hangings would ruin the effect. Pictures in 
such a room should be preferably water-colors with pale gray mats, and 
gold or white frames. Oil paintings are only permissible when dreamy 
and vaporous in tint. Light, delicate colors in upholstery, creamy 
madras for curtains. The carpet may be a little darker, verging on 
some of the delicate, woody browns. Any bric-a-brac should be in 
pale shades of yellow or rose. 

The tender lights of this room seem to clear and soften the com- 
plexion of the occupants. 

Another is a dining-room of copper, bronze and terra cotta shades. 
A pale tint of copper to the background overlaid with dashes of bronze 
and strong copper color. The frieze is a succession of pine boughs, 
lightly fringed with their needles. Above the sideboard is a panel 



ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 



487 



representing magnolia blossoms, and their heavy polished leaves, with 
brown in stem and shadows. The effect of this color scheme is to 
give a suggestion of warmth and cheer. The gold and copper used in 
flecking the wall are merely the two shades of the common bronze 
powder. 

Still another nest of a sleeping-room comes to mind, a creation of 
Moscheles. Floor covered with white bearskin rugs, furnished with 




RICH PIECES OF FURNITURE. 

a delicate tint of robin's-egg blue. Toilet table strewn with every 
imaginable luxury in old ivory and silver. Panels in the wardrobe 
and doors filled with paintings by Burne-Jones, classic figures given 
the preference. 

These rooms are given as examples of harmony of coloring. Great 
expense is not always necessary to secure this artistic harmony. 
Money goes a long way, but good taste and ingenuity will go just as 
far, with a minimum of expenditure. 

There is a little room, a symphony in green and gold, created by 



488 ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 

one girl's taste, a pale seafoam green that is delightful to the eye. 
The woodwork, banded with a narrow strip of gilt, is of this color 
and the enterprising young woman painted it all with her own hands. 
The curtains at the three windows are of the freshest and purest white 
muslin, prettily ruffled. They are the kind that always look as if they 
had just been laundered and they are tied back with pale green ribbons 
that make them look the more exquisitely neat. The floor is covered 
with plain matting, which particularly recommended itself, by the way, 
because it was inexpensive. 

As to Furniture. 

Every article of furniture in the room is of the prevailing green and 
there are no off shades, for they were all painted from the same can 
of paint. The bedstead was nothing but common pine, made to order 
at the factory, and it is of a quaint design that originated in the same 
fertile brain that is responsible for all the rest of the perfect appoint- 
ments. The headboard is in the shape of a shield and there is painted 
thereon a spray of wild roses to bring to the sleeper over whom they 
bend sweet dreams of perpetual summer time. And the white coun- 
terpane and snowy pillows in the setting of green and gold make it a 
most inviting place of repose. 

The chairs were resurrected from the debris in the family attic. 
There are two heavy old-fashioned ones of curly maple, and they are 
cushioned with a brocaded green and gold material that exactly match 
the srreen of the furniture. Then there is a comfortable little rocking 
chair cushioned with the same material and painted in green with 
many stripes of gold. 

But it is the dressing table that is the most charming of all the 
unique devices that make the room attractive. It was a battered old 
washstand at first, but now it is a work of art. It is painted, of course, 
in green and gilt, and there is a spray of wild roses on the front. 
Above it is a green and gilt framed mirror with a spray of the favorite 
wild roses again overhanging the top part. Over mirror and wash- 
stand and all is draped a canopy of white muslin. Among the other 



ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 489 

articles that find place on the table is a little fairy lamp with a shade 
of green tissue paper that gives the softest light imaginable. 

A comfortable green window seat in the corner is well supplied with 
pillows covered in green and gold brocade, and up and around the 
window there clambers an old English ivy. 

There is an oddly fashioned bookcase in another corner. You would 
never guess it, of course, but it was constructed out of two dry goods 
boxes. It is painted green inside and out and fitted up with four 
shelves. A green silk curtain hangs from a brass rod, and about the 
edge of the bookcase is a gilt cornice. The top is covered with 
bric-a-brac. 

For pictures there is an etching or two on the wall in green and 
gold frames, and you have a room the very sight of which is cool and 
refreshing, and which cost its owner some time and some planning, 
but very little money. 

Pictures. 

Be careful of the pictures and their relations to the walls. Rooms 
should rather be a setting for a. beautiful moving picture of the shifting 
groups of people in it. 

Too much gilding, too many gaudy oil paintings attract the eye 
and distract the mind. 

There is a simple picture in my room, red curtains, a white-robed 
child kneeling, that is all, but everything in it harmonizes, and it 
harmonizes with the furnishings of the room, and my eye is often 
drawn toward it. 

One authority objects to portraits as a decoration. ''Their presence, 
if at all impressive, is too stimulating." 

Picture frames should never be so gorgeous as to distract the mind 
from the picture. " Frames are to protect the picture and relate it to 
the walls." 

Group etchings together and put engra\ings in the portfolio. Over 
low bookcases pictures should be large, and in this form they give a 
style to the room. Water colors look admirable if treated in this 
manner, and if two bookcases are put together so as to form one, 



490 



ARTISTIC home DECORATIONS. 



divide the pictures by a bracket, on which place a jar of some unique 
pattern. 




/ 



SELECTING PAINTINGS FOR HOME DECORATION. 

Small rooms require medium-size pictures, which can be hung one 
above the other, and three may even be placed on line with good 
effect. For an ideal head in oil the frame should be of broad gilt. 



ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 491 

Hang it in a good light, and on one side group two small water-color 
pieces in the fashionable white band frame. For an oblong picture a 
small sketch under it looks well equipped. 

A very large and beautiful picture sometimes sets the keynote of 
color for the apartment. Otherwise, subordinate them as decorations 
to the colorings of the room, as in the ivory and gold room. 

In a room where there are to be many pictures, give rather a 
neutral color to the walls, merely as a picture background. Where 
there are finely decorated walls pictures are rather out of place, since 
one decoration spoils the effect of the other. 

Mottoes. 

The motto, whose revival is noted in the above title, is the 
expression in architecture of some sentiment suitable to the place to 
which it is applied. It is more frequently and more noticeably in 
domestic architecture than elsewhere that the motto is found. Scarcely 
a country house of sufficient size to boast a hall and fireplace but 
announces in script or text a welcome to all guests or some apprecia- 
tion of the comforts of its four walls. The favorite place for this 
motto is over the fireplace, either above or below the mantel shelf, and 
of all the old ones, "East or west, home is best," with its variety of 
expressions, is the favorite. "A man's house is his castle." 

"Home is the resort 
Of love, of joy, of peace." 

" A man's best things are nearest him ;" "Our house is ever at your 
service;" "You are very welcome;" "Take the goods the gods pro- 
vide thee" — any one of these will as appropriately welcome the 
stranger as the friend. 

Over the mantel of one's private room the restful motto, " Duty 
done is the soul's fireside," may find appropriate place. 




ow to be Beautiful. 



begin at the beginning : to insure a good 
complexion strict attention must be paid to 
the diet. Wholesome, well-cooked food must 
be eaten ; regular exercise in the open air is 
another point, and the body must be bathed 
three hundred and sixty-five times a year. 
may be considered almost supererogatory to 
remark that not any amount of cerates, washes 
or powders will cover or obliterate blotches, pimples and blackheads 
caused by unwholesome food or uncleanly habits. We may not be 
able to afford elegantly-appointed bath-rooms, but we all can indulge 
in a daily bath. 

A quick and simple method for the busy housekeeper, which need 
only occupy a few moments, is as follows : buy ;i yard of coarse 
Turkish toweling, and make of it two mittens. Have a bowl of 
warm water, in which dissolve some borax. This is soothing to tired 
nerves, besides rendering the skin soft and white. When ready, slip on 
one of the mittens, wet it thoroughly, rub well with soap, and quickly 
wash the body all over. All the impurities of the body are now on 
this mitten. Lay it to one side. Put on the other mitten, and wash 
the body again. The mittens may be washed and hung to dry, ready 
for the next bath. Rub the skin briskly with a rough towel until it 
glows. 

If this treatment is followed daily, with a tub-bath weekly, you 

will not complain of those tired, nervous headaches, your face will 

lose its sallowness, and your walk will gain in sprightliness. Here let 

us say, for the benefit of those who are obliged to live in rented 

492 



HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL. 493 

houses, or who have no facilities for a bath-room, that a folding bath- 
tub is now offered. It folds up somewhat after the manner of a fold- 
ing bed. When closed it looks like a cabinet, and is nicely finished 
in oak. In connection with it is a tank and heating apparatus. The 
water may be heated with gas, kerosene or gasoline. 

Lemon juice, diluted, is a famous whitener for the skin, as are all 
vegetable acids, such as tomato, cucumber and watermelon. Often- 
times something is needed to heal as well as whiten. For this, take 
two tablespoonfuls of oatmeal and cook it with enough water to form 
a thin gruel, strain, and when cool add to two tablespoonfuls of the 
gruel one tablespoonful of lemon juice. Wash the face with this at 
night, allowing it to dry on the skin. This is excellent for a shiny 
face. 

Another very soothing preparation to use at night is made of one 
ounce of glycerine, half an ounce of rosemary (fluid), and twenty 
drops of carbolic acid. This is excellent for any irritation of the skin, 
and also for prickly heat. The face must always be well washed with 
water and pure soap before applying any of these preparations. If 
the skin is oily, bathe with diluted camphor (a teaspoonful to a pint 
of water), but it is injurious to a naturally dry skin. 

Treatment for a Rough Skin. 

A wash for a rough face is two ounces of water, one ounce of gly- 
cerine, one ounce of alcohol, and half an ounce of gum of benzoin, to 
be dissolved in the alcohol first. Apply at night. For wrinkles — 
do we see some of you looking interested ? — take some clippings 
of sheep's wool and steep in hot alcohol. It is said that the grease 
thus obtained is identical with an element found in the human bile. I 
know that if rubbed on the skin it not only removes but prevents 
wrinkles, making the skin soft and pliable. These remedies all have 
the merit of being harmless, which cannot be said of all cosmetics. 

Let us give one more recipe, and that is for brightening the eyes. 
When you are tired and warm, and your eyes are dull, take a cloth 
and wring it out of very hot water, as hot as you can bear it. Lie 



494 HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL. 

down for ten minutes with this cloth spread over your burning face 
and tired eyes. You will be surprised to see how the tired lines will 
fade out and how the eyes will shine, and when your "dearest" comes 
home he will pay you a compliment which will more than reward you. 

Reducing Flesh. 

The real mode of life and diet should be changed if the fat would 
be reduced. If necessary, procure a pair of scales and weigh the dif- 
ferent foods that are taken into the system. Reduce the diet then to 
about four ounces of starch or sugar material per day, one and a half 
ounces of fat, taken chiefly in the form of butter, and about six or 
seven ounces of albuminous food, such as lean meat or fish. This 
is the minimum that should be resorted to, and the patient can 
take more of each at first and reduce the diet gradually to this 
point. The proportion of the different food compounds, however, 
with the exception of figs, dates, grapes and nuts, should also be 
eaten daily, and one-third of a pound of some of the following vege- 
tables: asparagus, turnips, cucumbers, parsley, watercress, celery, kale 
or cabbage. Fluids have a fattening tendency, and they must be taken 
in small quantities. 

The drinking should be confined to tea, coffee or water, and never 
should be taken at mealtime, nor within one hour of a meal. This is 
peremptory, for food will produce fat much quicker and surer when 
watered by some good beverage. 

Refreshing Sleep. 

What is the correct method to pursue in preparing for a trip into 
dreamland, for there is a right as well as a wrong way ? The busi- 
ness of disrobing should be so systematized that attending to all the 
little niceties included in the process will become, after a while, second 
nature. There is something more to be done, let us assure you, in 
addition to putting your hair up in curl-papers and dabbing a bit of 
cold cream on your face, if you would wake up in the morning look- 
ing as fresh as a rose. In the first place, do not put off these impor- 



HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL. 495 

tant preparations until you are so heavy-lidded that you are ready to 
give everything belonging to the toilet the go by. And now for the 
first step. Early in the evening your sleeping apartments should be 
thoroughly aired by dropping the window from the top and raising it 
at the bottom. 

The current of fresh air is especially important when the room has 
been, as so many sleeping apartments are, in constant use all day. 
Ten minutes will be quite sufficient for toning up the atmosphere. 
Now close the window and allow the room to become thoroughly 
warmed, that you may not experience a chill while taking a rub down. 
Prepare a big bowl of tepid water, into which you sprinkle a small 
quantity of ammonia or borax. Take a Turkish towel, which is much 
better than a sponge, wring it out as dry as possible, and, grasping a 
corner in each hand, give the spine a vigorous rubbing. Have at hand 
another Turkish towel, and as you bathe the body in sections, dry as 
quickly as possible. 

From the points of your rosy toes to the curve of your soft throat 
you are a blushing model of the charming effects of the bath. When 
finished, slip over your head a soft little shirt, high neck and short 
sleeves (a white silk or lisle thread is the best), the rosy skin beneath 
giving it the appearance of being lined with pink silk. Then comes 
the nightrobe, and next the pajama or lounging robe, which may be 
of anything, from flannel to eider down. 

Tuck your feet into a pair of bedroom slippers, and your are ready 
to attend to minor details. Never think of retiring in any article of 
clothing which you have worn during the day. Such a barbarous 
custom has nothing whatever in common with health and refinement. 
Neither is it well to discard everything but your nightgown, for it is 
exceedingly dangerous to chill the system by night draughts. 

How to Take Care of the Eyes. 

Avoid sudden changes from darkness to brilliant light. 
Avoid the use of stimulants and drugs which affect the nervous 
system. 



496 HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL. 

Avoid reading when lying down or when mentally and physically 
exhausted. 

When the eyes feel tired rest them by looking at objects at a long 
distance. 

Pay special attention to the hygiene of the body, for that which 
tends to promote the general health acts beneficially upon the eye. 

Do not depend on your own judgment in selecting spectacles. 

Old persons should avoid reading much by artificial light, be guarded 
as to diet and avoid sitting up late at night. 

After fifty, bathe the eyes morning and evening with water so hot 
that you wonder how you stand it ; follow this with cold water that 
will make them glow with warmth. 

Do not give up in despair when you are informed that a cataract is 
developing ; remember that in these days of advanced surgery it can 
be removed with little or no danger to vision. 

Never read in bed or when lying upon the sofa. Sit with your 
back to the light as much as possible. Attend to your digestion. 
Do not work longer than two hours without closing your eyes and 
resting them for five minutes. If your eyes are weak, bathe them in 
water to which a little salt and a little brandy have been added. 

The Hair and How to Take Care of It. 

If the hair has that soft, glossy look that tells of regular care, and 
if it is well kept, with every pin in its place, you may rely upon it 
that its owner possesses the instinct of ladyhood. 

Each hair has tiny prongs or tentacles, something like those on the 
cockle bur, which catch the dust; hence the especial need of brush- 
ing. At a lady's school in England, some twenty years ago, the girls 
were required to brush their hair for fifteen minutes daily in the long 
dressing-room, and they were timed at this exactly as if it were any 
other exercise. 

Occasionally the hair and the scalp need washing, as the face, 
though less often if the brushing be carefully attended to. When, 
however, it begins to seem dirty, give it a good shampooing. Wash 



HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL. 497 

both hair and scalp thoroughly in a washbowl of warm water in 
which has been dissolved a tablespoonful of powdered borax ; then 
rinse it well in clear warm water ; you will be surprised sometimes at 
the complexion of the water. 

Many women dread the shampooing because of their liability to 
take cold in the process. Let such a person choose a room where 
the air is warm and dry. After wiping the hair thoroughly dry with 
towels, and pinning a fresh one around the neck and shoulders, let her 
get some one to come and make a breeze with a large palm-leaf fan 
upon her hair while she is engaged in carefully disentangling it with a 
brush and comb, occasionally giving the scalp a little vigorous rubbing 
if it begins to feel chilly. The fanning greatly hastens the drying pro- 
cess. Another plan is to lie down with the hair spread out on cushions 
in the sunshine. Be sure to get it thoroughly dry before putting it up. 

An Excellent Head Covering. 

A very pleasant step, though not a necessary one, next to take is to 
have a little thin silk mob-cap (of some pretty shade of silk, so that it 
is becoming rather than disfiguring, if needful, to wear about the 
home), lined, and thickly wadded with cotton-batting, well powdered 
with heliotrope or some other delicate sachet powder (these come in 
ten or fifteen-cent packages), and wear this from one to three hours. 
Here, again, those thousands of minute tentacles come into play ; 
they catch and retain (one Avould almost think they close over them) 
the atoms of the perfume when they are thus freed from dust, and 
when the hair is soft and light in its new cleanness — and it is atonish- 
ing for how long a time the hair will retain that faint, delicate aroma 
which is so truly lovely in a woman's hair ; and all to be obtained in so 
simple and innocent a way as with this little mob-cap, put on at the 
right time. 

A good rule for ensuring the regular brushing of the hair, which 
may be taught to children (and perhaps good for busy women also), 
is to brush the hair with fifty long strokes both at morning and at 
night. 
32 



498 HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL. 

Much also depends upon the brush. Let it not be stiff enough to 
hurt the scalp. Choose a brush of medium stiffness, with bristles 
long and close together, and nowhere will it pay better, " in the long 
run, " to give a good price for a good article than in a woman's 
hairbrush which she proposes to use as described above. 

Do not use a fine-tooth comb. Frequent washing will remove the 
dandruff in all cases, and without the injury caused to the scalp by the 
fine comb. 

It is also well to clip the ends of the hair regularly once a month, 
keeping it smooth and even, besides, as is thought by some stimu- 
lating the growth and keeping it in a more healthy condition. 

Perseverance in this treatment will give the hair a fine natural gloss, 
and a healthy tone. It will tend to prevent its falling out, and will 
also help to preserve its natural color much longer than if it were 
neglected. 

"Show me a woman," said a wise matron the other day, " though 
she be in the busiest farmer's kitchen in America, who may always be 
found with her hair neatly and carefully arranged and with a fresh linen 
collar, and I will show you a lady in mind and manners. Those two 
points always settle the rest in my opinion ! " 

Recipe for the Complexion. 

A mixture for preserving the complexion, easily made at home, is 
as follows : take a wineglassful of the best French orange flower 
water. Add a tiny pinch of carbonate of soda and two teaspoonfuls of 
glycerine. Melt a piece of camphor the size of a pea and three tea- 
spoonfuls of cologne water and add to the orange flower water. 
Shake the whole for five minutes. Apply to the face every night. 

Care of the Lips. 

The Cupid's bow in dainty curves has always been symbolical of a 
perfect mouth, and lips most kissable have never been represented as 
other than pink and perfect. 

No other portion of the face, however, so quickly responds to 



HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL. 499 

symptoms of ill-health in the body as do the lips. Fever blisters are 
the disfiguring reminders of a cold ; dry, broken or bloodless lips show 
that one is out of sorts, even more certainly than heavy eye or dejected 
mien, and it is a woman's duty to endeavor to restore them to their 
soft, rich redness, which is the outward and visible sign of good 
health. 

To do this the general system must be toned up, diet regulated, 
and a regular house-cleaning gone into ; but there are certain defects 
of the lips that can be overcome without all this trouble, because they 
arise from a woman's own fault. Many of us, from nervousness or 
habit, have a way of biting our lips which will surely result in swell- 
ing, bruise or dryness that is both uncomfortable and unpleasant to 
look at. 

Therefore, the first step is to break off so pernicious a practice by 
watching one's self very carefully. Next, anoint the poor, bruised 
members with some healing salve of a pure make. 

Do not, however, think to cure chapped lips by anointing them 
after being out in the air. The time for treatment is before the mis- 
chief is done, putting on a little cold cream every time you start out 
for a walk, which you will find highly beneficial and will keep your 
lips in winter just as sweet and rosy as when the milder zephyrs of 
summer rule the air. 

Remedies for the Lips. 

A writer whose knowledge of such subjects is beyond question 
says that glycerine and rose water should never be used to soften the 
lips, as this remedy has one great drawback, namely, that it induces 
the growth of superfluous hair, a warning which all women will gladly 
heed, for no one desires to pose as a bearded lady. When cold sores 
appear rub them with cold cream, being careful not to break them, 
and they will soon disappear. 

The reason that they usually cling so long is, that they are tam- 
pered with by rubbing or biting, and therefore cannot have a chance 
to heal properly, as they would if left alone. The same writer 



500 • HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL. 

who warns us against glycerine and rose water is a strong advo- 
cate of hot water, and affirms that there is scarcely any ailment that 
will not succumb to its healing virtues. Therefore, with cold cream 
and hot water one should be able to present to the world a pair of 
rosy lips free from any unsightly blemishes. 

Smoothing Out the Wrinkles. 

Wrinkles are, of course, the special detestation of every woman, and 
when they begin to make their appearance, one of the most perplexing 
questions is as to how they can be removed, or at least the evil hour 
of their coming be put off for a time. There has recently been a good 
deal of nonsense printed in various channels as to this subject, and 
one of the most cherished fads is that the steaming of the face will 
remove them. This is one of those half-truths which are simply deceit 
and disappointment. 

Wrinkles appear because the fine muscles of the face lose their 
tone, the tissue shrinks, and the skin fits itself to the depressions 
which are thus left. It is a mistake to suppose that wrinkles can be 
wholly eradicated, especially those which are due to advancing years. 
Let us "grow old gracefully " and accept the inevitable with the best 
grace possible. A cheerful disposition will do wonders toward light- 
ing up the face and making one's friends forget or overlook entirely 
the signs of advancing years. But wrinkles frequently come on pre- 
maturely, and prove extremely vexations. It is unquestionably true 
that a proper, thorough and careful course of face massage will do a 
good deal to help things, where the skin has become dull and lifeless, 
as will especially happen in cases of general decline or ill health. 

From two to four times during each twenty-four hours the face 
should be gently but systematically rubbed, the best method being 
to employ a fine towel or a bit of red flannel. The finger ends answer 
very well, but it is quite difficult to use them without weariness. 
It will be noticed after a few days that the skin is gaining in tone and 
vigor, when the degree of vigor employed may properly be increased. 

Bad air is one of the most potent causes of wrinkles and the remedy, 



HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL. 501 

of course, as the getting of good air. Excellence of the highest 
degree may not be attainable ; if not, let us get the best we can. 
With good air should come good living and plenty of nutritious food, 
especially that which has fat-producing qualities. 

Massage of the face is well recommended, using a light, gentle, cir- 
ular motion of the fingers, while much may be done by cultivating 
flexibility and voluntary motions of the muscles of the face, especially 
those affecting the wrinkled portions. And it may not be amiss, 
though it be a delicate matter, to suggest that an overworked, 
thankless, hopeless life will inevitably wrinkle the fairest face with fur- 
rows that no agency this side of the grave can remove, till the cause 
shall have been lifted. 

The Feminine Waist. 

We have already had occasion to discuss the question of small 
waists and the abuse of proportions that tight-lacing frequently entails. 
We have only to consider now the caprices of fashion with regard to 
length. Sometimes this fickle goddess sends our waists up under our 
arms, and then a reaction sets in, and they lengthen gradually till the 
points and basques of our bodices reach very nearly to our knees. Of 
the two extremes, the more sanitary, as well as the more artistic, is 
the former, but these considerations have little effect on the arrange- 
ments of fashion. 

The weight of clothing should hang as little as possible from the 
waist. Many women believe that it is better that it should come from 
the hips than from the shoulders, but the testimony of all medical men 
is clear and indisputable on this subject. Nor is it upon hygienic 
grounds alone that this is objectionable. This weight from the hips 
destroys all freedom of movement, just as the tight corset deprives the 
body of all the suppleness and flexibility given it by nature. 

The belt is, on a perfect figure, an interruption to harmonious lines 
that could well be dispensed with. On an imperfect figure it is 
excusable, when associated with a form of bodice that seems to 
require to be confined, such as the loosely plaited or gathered bodice 



602 HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL. 

sometimes worn. Over a tight bodice the belt has no reason for 
being, and is absurdly out of place. For this and also sanitary 
reasons we feel inclined to condemn it. 

Beautiful Arms. 

Beautiful arms are a powerful weapon in the armory of beaut} 7 ; but 
though most women appreciate to the full the charm of this possession, 
the fact remains that in America undeveloped arms are the rule, and 
rounded, dimpled symmetry the exception. Lately, however, the 
gymnasium is producing charming arms. 

Exercise is essential to the development of the arms : exercise, that 
is, of the arms themselves. Gymnastic exercises that bring the mus- 
cles of these into play should be, as far as possible, encouraged in 
girls, as tending not only to their improvement in this particular, but 
as being beneficial to the general health. 

Arms disproportionately large as compared to the rest of the frame 
are, on the other hand, at least equally disagreeable with those we 
have been discussing. Very large arms carry with then; a suggestion 
of coarseness that is unpleasant as associated with a woman. It is, as 
we have said before, impossible to give the exact proportions which 
one portion of the human frame should bear to the rest. The ideal 
arm, however, should gradually decrease in size from the shoulder to 
the wrist, the outlines being marked by those inward curves which are 
also noticeable in well-formed shoulders. The wrist should be slender 
without being thin, the bone at the outer side being well covered and 
indicated rather by dimples than otherwise. 

There is an old rule for measurement that approaches accuracy in 
some degree. We give it for what it may be worth, advising our 
readers not to pin their faith to it too implicitly. Twice round the 
thumb, once round the wrist ; twice round the wrist, once round the 
neck ; twice round the neck, once round the waist. 

The roundest arms in the world fail to be beautiful if they are red. 
There are beautiful white arms, brown arms, copper-colored arms, 
and even black arms, but beautiful red arms are not. This fault is 



HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL. 503 

seldom to be found with the arms of ladies, which are so constantly 
kept covered as to be protected from the influences of weather. It is 
characteristic of a cook, a dairymaid, a housemaid, a field-hand, to 
have red arms, and it is probably from this association that they have 
fallen into such extreme disrepute. 

The use of violet-powder may be condoned when it modifies the 
contrast between red arms and white evening dresses. The applica- 
tion being only temporary, it can only very slightly affect the well- 
being of the pores, but it should be very carefully used, or it will come 
off on the coat sleeves of the partners of the red-armed one. 

When the arms are very thin the sleeves should not be too tight, 
though, as a rule, thin arms do not look at all badly in tight sleeves. 
When the arms are too long, their apparent length may be dimin- 
ished by crossway trimmings on the sleeve. When, on the contrary, 
the arms are disproportionately short, a lengthwise trimming will 
remedy the defect. The sleeve of to-day is a blessing in disguise for 
ladies with thin arms. 

The leg-of-mutton (gigof) sleeve was invented to conceal defects in 
the arm, and to make the waist appear small by contrast with the size 
of the sleeves. Puffs at the shoulder give grace and delicacy to the 
neck and head. The pagoda sleeves, copied from the Chinese, being 
wide and open, cause the hands to appear smaller by contrast with the 
aperture from which they emerge ; but when the sleeve is exagger- 
atedly large and wide, the effect of the contrast is lost, the sleeve 
losing itself in, and mingling with, the rest of the draperies. The 
epaulette worn some years ago is useful as giving width to narrow 
shoulders. The Louis XV., or sabot sleeve, tight to the elbow, and 
ending in a frill of lace, is perhaps the most becoming of all sleeves to 
a really pretty arm, while the sleeve open to the shoulder is the most 
trying to a defective outline. 

Treatment for the Hands. 

The hands of growing girls are often red and clumsy, and girls who 
are beginning to take thought of their appearance are sometimes in 



504 HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL. 

despair about them, not being aware that they will grow whiter and 
whiter with every year. The ideal hand is white, certainly, but not 
dead white. It should have a dash of healthy flesh-tints. The tips 
of the fingers and the portions that surround the palm should be 
tinged with pink. The fingers should taper towards the nails, the 
most approved shape for which is the " filbert," so called from its 
resemblance to the oval form of the nut of that name, and the simi- 
larity of the direction of the lines of the nail to those on the wood of 
the nut. 

Scissors and Nail-brush. 

The appearance of white spots on the nails is caused by knocks or 
blows. To obviate the appearance of such spots the hands must be 
taken care of and the nails disturbed as little as possible. When the 
nails become stained or discolored, a little lemon juice is the best 
agent to employ as a corrective. It is equally valuable in discolora- 
tion of the skin. 

The care of the nails, should be strictly limited to the use of the 
knife or scissors to their free border, and of the ivory presser to then- 
base, to prevent the adhesion of the free margin of the scarf-skin to the 
surface of the nail and its forward growth upon it. The edge of scarf- 
skin should never be pared, nor surface of the nail ever scraped, nor 
should the nails be cleaned with any instrument whatever except the 
nail-brush. 

There is no rule for the management of the nail of greater importance 
than that which prescribes the pressing back of the edge of the scarf- 
skin which forms the boundary of the base of the nail. This margin 
is naturally adherent to the surface of the nail, and has a tendency to 
grow forward with it and become ragged and attenuated. When 
allowed to do so, the ragged edge is apt to split up into shreds, and these 
projecting from the surface, are pulled and torn, and often occasion a 
laceration of the skin and a painful wound. The occurrence of these 
little shreds, denominated agnails, may be effectually prevented by the 
regular use of the presser once or twice a week. It must be used 
with gentleness. 



HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL. 505 

The following is said to be an excellent preparation for making the 
hands white ; and as it cannot possibly injure them, we give it a place 
here. Take as much scraped horseradish as will fill a tablespoon ; pour 
on it half-a-pint of hot milk. Use it before washing, allowing it to- dry 
on the hands before applying the water. Redness and chapping are 
sometimes caused by the hands being imperfectly dried. The greatest 
care should be taken in drying them, more especially in cold weather, 
and when the hands are exposed to cold winds. 

If the hands become rough from any cause, the following may be 
applied with good effect : Half fill a basin with fine sand and soap- 
suds, as hot as can be borne. Brush and rub the hands thoroughly 
with hot sand. The best is flint sand, or the powered quartz sold 
for filters. It may be used repeatedly by pouring the water away 
and adding fresh. Rinse the hands in a warm lather of fine soap, 
then clean cold water. While they are still wet, put into the palm 
of each hand a very small piece of almond cream and rub it all 
over them. This, again, forms a strong lather. After drying the 
hands, rub them in dry bran or powdered starch till every atom 
of moisture is absorbed, and finish by dusting off the bran or starch. 
This will make the hands very soft and smooth. 

To Cure Burning of the Skin. 

Occasionally the hands and face become red and flushed while 
the feet are cold. This very uncomfortable state of things may be 
effectually remedied by bathing the feet in hot water with a table- 
spoonful of Kretol in it. This will frequently be found an immediate 
cure for headache, but must not be attempted just before going 
out in cold or damp weather. A simple remedy is to wash the 
face and hands in very warm water, as hot as can be borne. This 
will frequently dispel the burning sensation and induce a cooler 
condition of the skin. 

A slice of raw potato rubbed well into them will remove stains 
from the fingers and hands. Lemon juice is also effective in this 
way, and, if not used immoderately, may be applied without fear of evil 



50o HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL. 

consequences. For chapped hands and lips the following will be 
found efficacious : Equal quantities of white wax (wax candle) and 
sweet oil ; dissolve in these a small piece of camphor ; put it in a 
jam crock, and place it upon the hob till melted. It must be kept 
closely covered. It should be applied to the hands after washing, 
and previous to drying them. 

A few drops of glycerine poured into the palms of the hands 
after washing, and rubbed all over them before drying with a towel, 
is perhaps the best and simplest remedy for chapping ; but if good 
soap is always used, and the hands well dried and protected by 
warm gloves against the cold, the chapping will be prevented, which 
is preferable to the very best cures. 

Remedy for Chilblains. 

Chilblains may be cured very speedily by rubbing into them morn- 
ing and evening as much spirits of turpentine as they will absorb. 
This must not be applied to broken chilblains, but if taken in time 
it will prevent their breaking. The water in which potatoes have 
been boiled is an excellent remedy for chilblains on feet or hands. 
These members should be put into the water while it is as hot as 
can be borne. The same specific applies equally to what are called 
"whitlows," or "felons" a gathering in the region of the finger- 
nail that is extremely painful, and to which some are constitution- 
ally liable. 

When the feet are large, the owners should never be tempted into 
wearing any but the very plainest boots and shoes. Ornamentation of 
any kind makes the foot look larger. Even a pretty foot looks its best 
ia a perfectly plain satin slipper, with only a small rosette w T ith buckle on 
the toe. This rosette must not, however, be permitted to the large 
foot. It may, certainly, be worn on the place intended for the instep, 
when that ornamental rise in the outline of the foot is totally absent. 
Lines of white stitching on the boot make it look larger than it really 
is. The best boot for a large foot is one in which the toe-cap comes 
well up on the foot ? Its lines are thus broken up, and the apparent 



HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL. 507 

length diminished. A pretty foot, on the contrary, looks better in a 
boot that has no toe-cap, the "upper" of which is made all in one. 
This displays to advantage the beautiful outline of the foot, and the 
gentle but decided curve of the instep. 

The possessors of large feet should be particularly careful to have their 
boots perfectly cleaned and very glossy. The feet look much smaller 
when this is the case than when the boot has a rim of mud around 
the sole and a shadow of dust upon the uppers. Where the instep is 
defective or totally absent, a pretence at one may be made by black- 
ing that portion of the sole of the foot that is immediately adjacent to 
the heel. This causes a kind of optical illusion which is favorable to 
the flat-footed. 

Patent leather is a most objectionable material for wearing upon the 
feet. Through it ventilation is absolutely impossible. So much for 
the sanitary part of the subject ; and as to convenience, this is as much 
in the shade as sanitation, for patent leather " draws " the feet much 
more than any other kind. Of late, ladies and children have begun 
to borrow this material from gentlemen, but as much smaller shoes 
can be worn with comfort in any other kind of leather, it is not likely to 
become universally popular. Large feet should never be clad in satin. 

Foot-Wear. 

The fit of the stocking is almost as essential to the perfection of the 
foot as that of the boot or the shoe itself. It should be large enough 
Id allow freedom to the toes, and not so large as to wrinkle on the 
foot. In a well-fitting stocking the foot can be more accurately meas- 
ured than otherwise, and the comfort of the foot is sadly impeded by 
an ill-fitting one. 

The feet should be bathed every morning, and for those who walk 
much, a daily change of stockings is advisable. This daily change is 
more than advisable, it is necessary, for persons who suffer from 
perspiring feet. Regular washing of the feet preserves their strength 
and elasticity, and helps to keep them in shape. At least once a week 
they should be washed in hot water, with plenty of soap, rubbing 



508 HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL. 

them with a ball of sandstone, which will be found a very useful article 
for toilet purposes, also a tablespoonful of Kretol in the water. The 
nails should then be carefully pared, and, in drying the feet, much 
friction should be used in order to stimulate the skin to healthy action. 

When corns appear, they may be accepted with resignation as life- 
long acquaintances. Seldom, indeed, do they quit the victim, who 
has invited them by ill-advised pinchings and squeezings. All that 
one can do is to keep them under control by constant care. The 
treatment recommended is the same as that used for warts — viz., to 
pare the hard and dry skin from the tops, and then touch them with 
the smallest drop of acetic acid, taking care that the acid does not run 
off the wart upon the neighboring skin, which would occasion inflam- 
mation and much pain. This should be done once or twice a day 
with regularity. 

We should, no doubt, easily get rid of all our corns if we could 
make up our minds to do without shoes, or even' to wear them of 
such a large size as would prevent all pressure upon the corn. This 
disagreeable effect results quite as often from badly made boots as 
from injudiciously tight ones. 

There is a particular knack to be observed in paring a corn. It 
should be cut in such a manner as to excavate the center, while the 
hardened sides are left to protect the more sensitive portion against 
the pressure of the boot. When the corn is small and yet young, the 
best application is a piece of soft buff-leather spread with adhesive 
plaster and pierced in the center with a hole of exactly the size of the 
summit of the corn. There are two varieties of corn, the hard and 
the soft. The latter occurs between the toes, and is quite as painful 
as, and less easily guarded against, than the hard variety. 



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